#78 Boundaries vs. Abandonment: How to Prioritize Yourself Without Guilt

This week I talk to Steve, who is trying to balance his care for a friendship that has become emotionally draining, with his care for himself, and we explore questions many of us grapple with: 

• How do we distinguish between setting boundaries and abandoning someone we care about? 
• How do we honor our own well-being while remaining compassionate toward others?

You’ll hear Steve’s initial conversation about his struggle to let go of a friendship that isn’t meeting his emotional needs, followed by a powerful follow-up discussion two weeks later as he reflects on his journey.

Episode Highlights:

• 3:12 Steve’s Initial Question: Detaching from a friendship that has become emotionally unbalanced.
• 10:00 A script for disengaging from a friendship 
• 12:00 Part 2 Intro
• 16:40 What is making it difficult to disengage?
• 21:10 The Role of Validation: How seeking external affirmation can lead to unhealthy dynamics.
• 29:03 Caring for the impact of our actions is not the same as feeling responsible for them.  
• 30:31 Closing thoughts:  Tools for Boundaries and Clarity: Strategies for balancing care for others with self-compassion.
• 37:20 Questions to ask yourself when wanting to disengage.

Key Takeaways:

1. Setting boundaries is not about rejecting others; it’s about preserving your own emotional well-being.
2. Guilt often arises from taking too much responsibility for others’ emotions—self-compassion is key.
3. Fulfilling relationships are rooted in reciprocity and mutual respect; it’s okay to let go when that’s missing.

Resources Mentioned:

Blog: Boundaries vs. Abandonment: How to Prioritize Yourself Without Guilt

Boundaries Masterclass: A step-by-step guide to setting boundaries that both connect and protect.

Free Resources: Explore tools for self-compassion and emotional clarity at yvetteerasmus.com.

Please share with your family and friends!

Use PODCAST50 to get $50 off tuition for my Spring Deep Dive, The Art of Repair Work: From Regret to Resilience. Group starts on March 31st for 8 weeks, so register early to save your space.

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Join my Spring Deep Dive: The Art of Repair Work
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus