Legs & Eggs Legs & Eggs

Yenshee Baby, baby! It’s been a while. Time to squeeze this baby out.
We are so back. Backer than ever. Fox and Julio from Conspiracy Soldiers are here! Yes they are! We f*****g around and finding out.
Heather has baking stories. Klem eats cheese. Everyone has intimate relations with John Popper of Blues Traveler. 
Doctor Penis. Medicine Penis.
ABC’s Head Of The Class stars Dan Schneider and Howard Hesseman.
Subscribe to our Substack! We put giant teddies in those. Teddies like the lingerie, which was a thing. Look it up! (I meant to say "tiddies" but "teddies" works).
Feel like buying stuff? Buy this stuff!Legs & Eggs merch! Want Heather to watch you poop? Well now she can, kinda! Get your own Heather shower curtain and those private eyes could be watching YOU!
Do you enjoy singing? Maybe you like listening to terrible singing? Join Klem (and sometimes Fupa) for some karaoke in The Loading Zone.
All your other problems can be solved by putting a dick in your mouth. The End.

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This weeks Legs & Eggs is WKNY FM 201.2! Tune in, turn off, and have yourself a good scratch.
It seems like only a few short years ago when Eric Clapton was birthed out of a series of transistor tubes and shot out on the radio waves, but that was 47 short years and one dead toddler ago. Time sure does fly when you’re eating seafood specials and having prostate cancer treatments. Why, I can remember being birthed out myself. My mother, bursting at her seams, thrusting me out into the loving arms of Dr. Phil who took one look at me and said “I didn’t know it was turtleneck season.”
But times change with the weather. Turtleneck Season turns to Crew Neck Season and Backstreet’s back all right. And if those crew necks aren’t working out for you then it’s time to go to the Dick Store and buy a bunch of dicks with Spaceman Dan. (Spaceman Dan, who also assisted my mother during my birth.) It’s a bowl of Christ for breakfast and the Witnesses don’t want you to know that.
Hello World. We here at Legs & Eggs know that it’s a cold, lonely existence out here as we all take that slow march towards dementia and death. But it’s gonna be okay because we are here to hold your hand through all the pain! We’ll get you feeling good-slash-better because we’re not doctors, we only play prostate cancer survivors on TV.
In fact, to show you just how not alone you are, you can ask us questions anonymously on NGL! Ask us there, and we’ll answer on twitter! Our favorite responses will go on instagram. A few might even become a substack. You can’t win if you don’t play! Just follow us @legsandeggspod on Instagram and Twitter, then ask away! We’ll answer. We may not give you the answer you want, but you’ll get the answer you deserve. Because you’re special. Not like that awful Netflix show Special where the dude freaks out about poop on his dick, but also not-not like that either.
You know what else we do on Twitter? Send out links to our online karaoke room. That’s right. You can come sing with us. Theres’s no set schedule but we do it a lot. We do it a whole lot when Klem is menstruating which happens either all the time or not at all because peri-menopause AMIRITE! So, lots of karaoke and we’ll show you how. Bring the big pads.

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New year. New podcast. New activewear! Find out just how active that wear is with your friends at Legs and Eggs! Why does Jimmy Smits looks like that? Why does Nick Turturro look like a flushed turd but his brother is cool AF? Why do we kill everyone Sipowicz loves?
These questions, and more, will be addressed like Lincoln addressed Gettysburg.Which reminds me! Legs and Eggs is proud to introduce — wait for it — DOCTOR PENIS, MEDICINE PENIS! Who dat? You’ll find out!
All that AND: We’ll make scenes at an Italian restaurant with David Brooks! The difference between Riverdance and Deliverance! Mayor Eric Adams for President! Leggo this Eggo!
Are you worried you missed an episode? Having trouble finding us on social media? Well, have no fear! We know your struggle and have wrapped everything up nice and neat and even put a fucking bow on it. Just visit our website shows.acast.com/legsandeggs where you will find everything your little heart desires. We even have a link for StarMaker where you can sing karaoke LIVE with Klem!
Our Patreon is where all the action really is. Early access, bonus content, Legs and Eggs swag, and if you dare to go Inside the Actor’s Butthole, Fupa Jones, the actor, will send you a signed pic of his butt. That’s right! Fupa’s ass can be framed and hung in your home! What are you waiting for?
Have questions for any of the hosts? Want some advice about dry jacking or whether it is ethical to refuse a load? You can email us at legsandeggspodcast@gmail.com or leave a message on our Google phone number 929-263-4165. Drunk messages encouraged because those have been funny af.
Click here to get your very own JOPants!

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Leggers and Eggers, my dear friends, we are gathered here today to acknowledge ONE YEAR OF LEGS AND EGGS PODCAST! 
Year One is Done. Year Two is New! But we’re not there yet. Gotta celebrate that YEAR ONE with something special. Something authentic. Something like a butt but better. Like two butts. A third butt. 
Which is why we here today welcome you to the LEGS AND EGGS FIRST-YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECTACULAR! It is the Third Butt of episodes, bringing you highlights from all throughout the year. We can watch each other change. Like the seasons. Or like when we were little kids and went to the pool together.
It has been a year my dears and with that I bid you ENJOY THE SPECTACULAR! And do keep your eyes out, at it is that time of year again. Fupa Claus may just be one-cheek-sneaking something under your tree skirt this holiday season.
Speaking of the holidays, one of those holidays is Christmas. And Christmas fucking rules for giving and getting shit. You best be doin’ it or you’re a bad commie bastard who might as well be Stalin you sack of gulag ass. Fortunately for you — and FREEDOM! — you can buy a whole of ton of Legs & Eggs merchandise that will satisfy ALL of your giving and receiving needs. Even that one where you pretend to talk to Michael Keaton. You thought I didn’t know about that. But I do. And I have. For a long time now. We have hoodies. You would look great in them. You know who else would look great in them? I bet you do. That’s kinda the point.
Most evenings you can find Sara the Ruthless singing her heart out on the StarMaker karaoke app. Klem, Fupa, Heather, and even Captain Karl make appearances! Look for the No Loads Refused Cum Dump and follow SaratheRuthless. *We reserve the right to refuse any load. This is an 18+ room. Kids…you WILL get thrown out.
To hear this episode and all past episodes, check out our website, shows.acast.com/legsandeggs. You can also find all our social media, our Patreon and anything else you would ever need to know about us!

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It’s two in the afternoon here. Heather is really fucking drunk and off getting a recreational pap smear. Captain Karl the Sex Doll filled in your mom, and then filled in for Heather in this amazing collaboration we got going on. We have ANTHROPOS! What’s that you ask? We’ll let Alexander Wolf, of Wolf Mountain Workshop explain. 
“Alexander became wickedly jealous that Monte was able to be on the podcast promoting inc: The Podcast, very early in our current seasonal run, and he has harbored this hatred for as long as possible. In an effort to promote the heck-a-roonie out of their season before it ends in December, Alexander begged, pleaded, and finally sent some of his extra fingers through the mail to the Legs and Eggs podcast, at which point they agreed, but only if he provided them with some top-quality horror-ish fiction to read and act out on their stunning show. Knowing he couldn’t produce anything top quality, he sent more fingers (not extra this time), along with a script entitled ANTHROPOS. A deal was struck, and history made.” 
America’s favorite side piece Tommy J Shrimps is back. I think he kind of lives in the basement now. Like part-time. He goes somewhere else but there’s a mattress here and sometimes we find a Cheetos bag. Oh, and like always, we have the technical difficulties you all crave. 
The seasons are changing. The weather is getting cool. Keytar cool. You know what that means. Your sperm count is rising because your testicles are cooler, and cooler balls mean better swimmers during turtleneck season. It also means Legs and Eggs Hoodies! Stay cozy this fall and winter with your customizable hoodie from The Legs & Eggs Store. All your Groping friends will be wearing them. Choose your design, style, and color and have Legs and Eggs keep you warm and toasty. And if you are looking to redesign your bathroom or need something to wear to the Met Gala, we have shower curtains too!
Most evenings you can find Sara the Ruthless singing her heart out on the StarMaker karaoke app. Klem, Fupa, Heather, and even Captain Karl make appearances! Look for the No Loads Refused Cum Dump and follow SaratheRuthless. *We reserve the right to refuse any load. This is an 18+ room. Kids…you WILL get thrown out.
To hear this episode and all past episodes, check out our website, shows.acast.com/legsandeggs. You can also find all our social media, our Patreon and anything else you would ever need to know about us!
Wolf Mountain Work Shop is 
Alexander Wolfe can be contacted at writingwolfe.com, or by searching inc: The Podcast. Alternatively, he can be summoned by prematurely burying a treasured and well-loved childhood plaything. He will find you. And you will sit together. And you will talk. 
Monte Monteleagre can be contacted at montedmonteleagre.com. But let it be known in this moment, that everybody, and I mean everybody, must walk the road they set their feet on. 

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We have three, count them THREE excellent guests this week! First, Lauren from the Well Behaved Women podcast is back! She joins Sara and Klem in a conversation with Uther Naysmith where they talk about UK politics and why he left the Labour Party. They also discuss Oppenheimer, how propaganda is mind control, and Julian Assange. Next, we welcome Bo Dunk, who is a Navy vet from Texas. He talks to Heather, Sara, and Klem about his military experience, how f****d up the VA is, and of course, politics. We give shout outs to some of our Patreon subscribers, Hillary’s Kill List, and a very special bonus song by Cancelled Tom Waits. So get comfy, grab yourself a can of creamed corn, and let’s go.
Uther Naysmith is a socialist activist in the UK. He has a master’s degree in law with special interests in human rights and labor law. He has written articles and pamphlets for left wing organizations on topics ranging from civil liberties to a critique of capitalist contract law. 
Bo Dunk is a Navy veteran who also does freelance sticker design, stand-up hypnosis, a writer, and an advocate for poverty reduction and American rights protection. DM on Instagram if you are looking to discuss any issue, or email bo6697@yahoo.com
Legs and Eggs now has a YouTube channel! We’re taking requests…what do you want to see us do next? (No, we’re not doing that. Get your mind out of the gutter, loser.) Let us know by sending an email, call us at (*67 first to restrict your number) 929-263-4165, or send us a message on any of our social media accounts, which you access by visiting our website.
I am asking nicely. I love you. We love you. Please give us a 5 Star rating and leave a little review. If you do and send us your address via email or Twitter (X) DM, we will mail you a postcard signed by at least half of us! Or just say hi. We’ll still love you. You can always go old school and call and leave us a message. We just put a fresh cassette in the answering machine. 929-263-4165
You can find Sara the Ruthless most evenings singing her heart out on the StarMaker app. Klem, Fupa, Heather, and even Captain Karl (the doll, not the real Karl) make appearances! Look for the No Loads Refused Cum Dump and follow SaratheRuthless. *We reserve the right to refuse any load. This is an 18+ room. Kids…you WILL get thrown out.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.