DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better ABCG Studios

“Don’t slate broccoli”
The panel of peril stub out their cigarette, cigar, and pipe under the heel of their cowboy boot and head into a convenience store that is showing this week’s film, Loaded Weapon 1 (Gene Quintano, 1993), for some reason.
Detectives Colt (Emilio Estevez) and Luger (Samuel L Jackson) are the prototypical chalk + cheese = dynamite buddy cop team. Colt is a tortured soul who dines on microwave burritos and laments the loss of his precious dog Claire. Luger is the family man who dines on take out pizza ‘round the table with his ‘loving’ family. Can they unravel the mystery of the Wilderness Girls cookies, and discover General Mortars (William Shatner) and Mr. Jigsaw (Tim Curry)’s wicked plan?
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ET5XJqPAW0
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
The dastardly duo is seeking a microfilm that contains the recipe to disguise delicious cocaine as delicious cookies. As schemes go, it’s a bit of a doozy, and Mortars has no compunction about sending helicopters and bazookas and men dressed as girl scouts after his enemies (and eating piranhas).
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the Mortars’ cookie-laundering plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
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“De Palma knows, the old saying goes”
Our name is Possible, Mission: Impossible, license to watch the film Mission: Impossible directed by cinematic genius Brian De Palma (1996). And that my friends is our impossible mission (impossible). And we did it.
An elite IMF team led by Jim Phelps (Jon Voight) has come a serious cropper trying to secure a non-official cover (NOC) list, which could potentially reveal the entire Impossible Mission Force’s workforce, locations, and names. The team are double-crossed in Prague eliminating Sarah (Kristin Scott Thomas), Jack (Emilio Estevez) et al leaving just Ethan (Tom Cruise) and Claire (Emmanuelle Beart) standing. Disavowed and on the run, can they swipe the real NOC list and discover the mole?
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohws8y572KE
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
It’s Phelps and his femme fatale wife Claire, darn it all! A cat and mouse game ensues, spanning from the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, to the Channel Tunnel rail line that runs beneath the English Channel. Time is not on Ethan’s side as the IMF, led by Kittridge (Henry Czerny), hunt Hunt down as he engages in a potentially deadly game of brinkmanship in attempting to forge the sale of the NOC list to arms dealer Max (Vanessa Redgrave) in order to draw out the Lando of the team. Yes, it is quite complicated to keep track of it all!
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon Phelps’s evil plot? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
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“If you’ve got a better way to do it, I’d like to hear it”
The panel of peril are dancing down the street stark naked, with only conveniently placed every-day items covering their ghoulies and that. They got the idea, and carefully choreographed it, from this week’s film Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (Jay Roach, 1997). This week, they are joined by Craig from Whit’s The Script podcast!
Arch enemies Austin Powers (Mike Myers) and Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) are inexorably linked, as so many arch enemies are. So when Dr. Evil has himself frozen in swinging 1967, Austin is obliged to follow suit, both thawing out 30 years hence in the responsible 90s. Both have adjustments to make, Austin with the help of Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley) and Basil Exposition (Michale York), and the good (evil) Doctor with Number Two (Robert Wagner) and Frau Farbissina (Mindy Sterling).
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vsANcS4Ml8
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Conspiring to steal an arsenal of nuclear weapons and hold the world to ransom – for one million dollars – Austin and Vanessa are in a race against time to stop the world going kablooey! But will the horny, randy, sexy superspy be able to resist the charms of a beautiful, and deadly, army of Fembots? Not likely if I know Powers, hahahahahahaha… He might though.
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Dr. Evil’s high-stakes plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
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“Like an alien Kinder Egg”
The panel of peril are playing chess in the park with their father and losing badly, very sad. They are interrupted by an enormous screen descending from the heavens covering the city that they are currently in in its entirety. Fortunately, the giant screen is showing this week’s film Independence Day (Roland Emmerich, 1996). Huzzah!
Steven Hiller (Will Smith), David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum) and Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) are the original odd triple. One’s a hot shot, top gun fighter pilot, one’s a nerd, and t’other is President of the United States!!! But when aliens arrive on Earth without ringing ahead to check it’s okay first, our triptych of colossal talent will need to come together to expel those inconvenient visitors.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1E7h3SeMDk
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Yes, rather like an uninvited visitor who rinses you of your secret stash of foie gras and cognac, these off world interlopers plan to strip the plant – our god damn planet – of all its resources leaving us humans either bereft or dead. Not on the USA’s watch, buckos. Galvanising the entire planet against this deadly incursion, will endure or will those awful, awful martians have their tentacles raised in victory?
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the aliens’ planet-knackering plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
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“Ya been cream pied”
The panel of peril are out shooting some hoops, only stopping to berate their teammates for their lack of reflexes and general playing skill. Giving up they retire to the indoor communal area to watch this week’s film One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (Milos Forman, 1975).
McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) is a ne’er-do-well with a cunning scheme to serve out the remainder of his prison sentence in a mental health institution. Once safely ensconced in his new abode, McMurphy becomes chummy with his fellow patients: Billy (Brad Dourif), Cheswick (Sydney Lassick), Chief (Will Sampson) and aaaaalll the rest. But his plan for the easy life and swift release soon hits a roadblock in the form of Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher).
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXrcDonY-B8
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Ratched is a bit of an ol’ passive aggressive, control freak sort, you see. The majority of her patients are voluntary, yet she rules over them with an iron fist – controlling every aspect of their daily routines, and by extension their lives. Can McMurphy escape the confines of his prison by a different name, or does the good nurse have his number?
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon the evil scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
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“Tia Carrera’s career was ruined by Tia Maria”
Sweaty-browed and cramped of hand, the Panel of Peril draw furiously in real-time each and every frame of this week’s film Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (Bruce Timm and Eric Radomski, 1993). Soon they shall break for a feast of marshmallows; they have earned it.
Bruce Wayne (Kevin Conroy) has lived with the trauma of his parents’ death since he was a young boy. Andrea Beaumont (Dana Delany) has lived with the trauma of her father’s death since she and Bruce had a whirlwind romance and brief engagement. When a mysterious figure known only as the Phantasm (Stacy Keach) begins to haunt both Batman and the men associated with Andrea’s father it will lead them down a path that they may never recover from.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PK5CYZlHMA
********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********
Beaumont Sr. made a deal with the mob and it eventually cost him his life. Conveniently enough a member of Gotham’s mob at the time was arch Bat-nemesis The Joker (Mark Hamill), so get him in there! Can Batman unmask the Phantasm before they exact terrible revenge, and what will be the cost on his fragile psyche?
Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How the heckins can they improve upon this week’s scheme? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?
WWE’s Bray Wyatt reveals The Fiend here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kza7j4aae4
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