If you've ever felt misunderstood, struggled with trauma, or wanted a real, unfiltered look at living with CPTSD, DID, and BPD, this episode is for you. More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/victor-janzen In this episode of Even Tacos Fall Apart, I had the honor of sitting down with Victor Janzen, a mental health and addictions community reforms advocate, to talk about his experiences living with Complex PTSD (CPTSD), Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Victor’s story isn’t just about diagnoses—it’s about survival, resilience, and the raw reality of navigating life with mental illness. We kicked things off with a bit of humor, as Victor shared about his life in Ontario, Canada, his career as a project manager, and his love for reading. He talked about his shift from fiction to non-fiction, particularly his obsession with understanding the mental health industry—not just as a patient, but as someone who’s seen firsthand how it's structured more as a business model than a system designed to help people. Victor opened up about living with DID, explaining that he has 17 distinct personalities, each with its own role and characteristics. Some identities protect him, while others—like Harris and The Beast—can be destructive. He described how his early childhood trauma, starting at just four years old, caused his brain to fragment, creating these identities as a means of survival. He also touched on the eerie experience of reading poetry written by one of his alters, The Poet, often seeing words and ideas that he doesn’t consciously remember writing. One of the most intense parts of the conversation was Victor’s explanation of his nightly experiences—two-hour episodes where his brain essentially “rewires” itself, forcing him to relive past trauma in vivid, painful detail. He described it as the complete “atomization of self,” where he loses all sense of reality and has to re-teach himself basic motor functions like walking and balancing once it’s over. Despite the overwhelming nature of these experiences, he has learned to approach them with a sense of dark humor, knowing that fear only fuels the fire. We also talked about the mental health system, both in Canada and the U.S., and Victor didn’t hold back. He described the system as flawed, dismissive, and, at times, outright abusive. His personal battles within the system—from being institutionalized to fighting for his own medical records—highlight the lack of true patient advocacy and care. Victor also shared his experiences with different therapeutic approaches, including Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Prolonged Exposure Therapy, and Equine-Assisted Therapy. He praised DBT for being developed by someone with lived experience, but warned that prolonged exposure therapy is not for the faint of heart. His work with horses, however, has been a game-changer, helping him regulate his nervous system and develop a deeper understanding of emotional energy. Through it all, Victor remains brutally honest about his struggles, his lack of trust in the system, and his belief that there’s no “fix” for mental illness—only the ability to understand and manage it. His goal? To keep fighting, keep learning, and help others in the process. This conversation was real, raw, and one you don’t want to miss.
