Friendship Futurism Bill Mei

Marcela and I expose the most common mistakes people make on a date, when to decide to lower your standards, whether a matchmaker’s job is more like a data scientist or a therapist, what people get wrong about online dating, and how to use AI to find a partner.

Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email

Follow Bill Mei on Instagram: https://instagram.com/billmeidotnet

Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Check out Tawkify at https://tawkify.com/?rf=partn15lma

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The tables are turned as Lisa (from Ep. 7) interviews Bill on her podcast, Creative in Process. I talk about how to attract people with strong opinions, why creativity is a skill and not based on luck, the future (nonexistent) people I’m most inspired by, and my #1 tip to avoid getting replaced by AI.

Lisa's LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/xialisa/

Subscribe to Creative in Process at https://bit.ly/creativeinprocesswbill

Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email

Or on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/billmeidotnet

Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Kat and I talk about the power dynamics between young and old people, the latest longevity and anti-aging research you can apply to your life, how to stand out in a group discussion, and how to get hundreds of people interested in deep technical topics. Kat is the founder of DNA Deviants, a synthetic biology community with a weekly journal club and tons of interesting events.

Follow DNA Deviants on Twitter: https://twitter.com/dnadeviants
Follow Kat on Twitter: https://twitter.com/KKajderowicz or Substack https://katkaj.substack.com/

Join the DNA Deviants Slack group:
https://dnadeviants.slack.com/join/shared_invite/zt-19i1uoa1t-vbki_ZZi_ztlg~SQ00l7AA#/shared-invite/email

Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email

Follow Bill Mei on Instagram: https://instagram.com/billmeidotnet

Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Neville and I chat about how to 100x your engagement in online communities, specific tactics you can implement to make other people want to talk to you at conferences and parties, strategic risk taking when sneaking into events, and how to resist propaganda.

I credit a lot of my writing talent to Neville's mentorship; he is the one of the most talented writers and communicators I know. Neville runs Copywriting Course, a paid community with over 1,000 members learning how to write well and sell like hell.

1:00
Jumping out of a plane into an active volcano
https://copywritingcourse.com/test-death/

2:40
How do you manage a paid community?
Kopywriting Kourse:
https://copywritingcourse.com/

Facebook vs. custom forums

4:30
90-9-1 rule
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1%25_rule

How do you get lurkers to be more active in a community?

8:00
How do you get regular contributors to become super enthusiastic posters?

9:10
90-9-1 rule as applied to friendships
Why do some friends end up being 1 and others end up being 90?

10:45
Getting to know your neighbour

12:15
How do you make friends if you are homeless?

14:00
Coworking as a way to get to know strangers from the internet

The internet as a way to better connect with people, compared to a random person at a bar

16:30
Finding people who intersect in both geographic and intellectual space.

18:00
Going to parties where it's all new people

18:35
What have you learned about sneaking into parties?

Social engineering and tactics to meet new strangers at parties

How specifically to introduce yourself at a party

How to bootstrap yourself into a party where you don't know anyone

Having a goal for what you want out of a gathering, when you are an attendee

23:45
How do you apply social engineering to your life?

Specific tactics to talk to new people, inviting them to events, matching someone's energy level

25:10
How do you come up with creative ideas and opportunities? How can more people develop that skill?

How to think about risk

Calculating the prior probability—what are the baseline statistics around how likely you will fail?

27:00
How to be okay with risk?

29:45
How do you resist other peoples' good persuasion skills?

33:10
How to make maximum money in minimum time

Exaggerated advertising and copywriting

36:00
Debunking scams

37:00
Calling something a "scam" as classism, as someone without advantages has an opportunity to relate to someone who can speak to their struggles as a doorway into learning more about business

The closest people you can relate with when you didn’t grow up in a privileged background

39:00
Neville's tips for awesome in person events?

40:45
Surprisingly easier than you think to speak at a conference
PaperCall https://www.papercall.io

42:00
Going to conferences to watch the talks versus hanging out in the lobby to meet people

43:15
Dividing your personal time between meeting new people and spending time deepening your existing friendships

45:00
Set goals: say hello to 5 people, and don’t go back to your hotel room until you do.

How to get out of a conversation you don’t want to be in?

46:10
Neville’s secret thoughts about friendship

Always have a plan on what to do, so you can invite them to it afterwards

Always getting someone’s contact information

Planning events pretty often, so you always have an open invite for new friends

49:00
Order $200 of appetizers at a hotel bar/restaurant, buy your own drink, and get a relationship with the hotel on a Tuesday

51:30
Why not to hire a personal chef?

Check out the Copywriting Course at https://copywritingcourse.com

Follow Neville on Twitter: https://twitter.com/nevmed

Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email

Follow Bill Mei on Instagram: https://instagram.com/billmeidotnet

Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Lisa and I talk about the dark side of extraversion, how to manage the energy and conversation dynamic of a group, what non-religious people can learn about church communities, tips for storytelling and authentic relating, and the magic of diversity and bridging divides. Lisa is a human-centered creative who vlogs, innovates on meditation, and teaches at her church.

0:30
What's the dark side of Lisa Xia?

2:30
Spying on your friends

5:30
Extravert's paradise

6:30
Energy and conversation dynamics of groups

9:10
How do you maintain extravert energy online when there's no social cues?

14:40
Hogging the microphone

15:50
Do you want to be an influencer? What do you want to be known for?

17:00
Building bridges and intersectionality

20:00
Seeing people as having more similarities than differences

21:18
What can a non-religious person learn about small groups at church?

22:45
What are the biggest things that non-religious people don't understand about church communities?

24:30
What's an example of a "bad question" that doesn't sound good?

26:30
Disturbing the peace

27:45
Is prayer just a form of meditation?

31:25
Did prayer get you interested in meditation?

34:10
Meditation and cloudwatching

35:50
What is a unique or interesting activity to do for a birthday party? Birthdays as an orchestral choreography of your friends.

40:40
Do you have any storytelling tips?
Is it possible to authentically relate to a corporation?

43:10
Dangers of parasocial relationships

Lisa’s LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/xialisa/

The Mindful Soul YouTube channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCszh0xUIQ1jWQzRVdmCHd4g

Lisa’s YouTube channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7gUvEcfjYWEUW_kvc1YkPQ

Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email

Follow Bill Mei on Instagram: https://instagram.com/billmeidotnet

Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts

Nick and I talk about the secret tactics that novice and experienced hosts use to put together incredible parties, how to keep the momentum going in a party, how to reject someone you don't want to hang out with, and the world's best icebreaker question.

Nick is the bestselling author of The 2-Hour Cocktail Party, a step-by-step guide to easy-to-host parties to help you build relationships with regular gatherings. I also wrote a full, in-depth review of Nick's book at my book website: https://billmei.net/books/2-hour-cocktail-party/

1:20 Would you have name tags at your wedding?

2:10 Feedback on Nick's party

2:30 Bill's special icebreaker: Gives and Asks

3:30 How to give people notice for the icebreaker, to avoid breaking the flow while maintaining the velocity and energy of the room. How do you know when to interrupt the group and break the flow?

5:00 Nick's feedback with give and asks about calibrating and preparation

8:00 Hosting new gatherings when you already have a reputation as a great host

8:40 Learning Nights: Bill's monthly speaker series https://billmei.net/blog/learning-night

9:00 Diversity of the audience to lead to more interesting conversations

10:00 How to give people an excuse to mingle

10:50 The phrase "cocktail party", how should you host a party with people who don't drink?

12:00 How do you attract people who don't know you to come to a party you host?

15:00 Why it's important always to take a group photo of your event


Why extraverts forget what the world is like for most people who don't normally go to a lot of social events
The pros and cons of simple vs. grandiose parties.

17:00 How to make hosting a habit

18:50 How do you reject someone you don't want to hang out with?


Tactics to meet new friends in a new city

22:10 Have you ever needed to kick someone out of a party?

As a facilitator, how do you cut people off in a conversation? How do you make sure loud people don't take over the conversation from others?

24:40 Is money an obstacle to having good events? How to use money to create good events without making people envious of how much money you make?


Hiring a bartender
Hiring a photographer
Hiring musicians or entertainment

28:15 How to spend money without it coming across as trying too hard to impress people.

29:40 Who is someone you've met that has most changed your life?

32:30 What have you learned from our conversation?


Tradeoff between frequent vs. infrequent events

32:00 Question for Bill: When to take a group photo in a party?


Different acts of a movie vs. acts of a party.
Using act breaks to break the party up, and also as natural excuses for people to come and go.

36:30 How to physically implement an act break?


Change in environment and emotional tone.

38:20 How to encourage (or discourage) people from asking questions

40:30 How to encourage people to be more curious?


Hosting a book club
Idea Club https://billmei.net/blog/idea-club

42:15 Most people want to talk about their ideas, they don't like learning about new ideas

44:50 The advantage of co-hosting an event

47:30 Are there any bucket list parties you've always wanted to throw?

Check out The 2-Hour Cocktail Party at https://party.pro

Learn more about Nick Gray at https://nickgray.net

Follow Bill Mei via email: https://billmei.net/email

Follow Bill Mei via Instagram: https://instagram.com/billmeidotnet

Visit friendshipfuturism.com for show notes, events, and bonus blog posts