Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Nina Badzin
  • 5.0 (209)
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Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

As seen in The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Time Magazine, The Guardian, and elsewhere, DEAR NINA helps you with the ups and downs of friendship. Why didn't your friend text you back? Why weren't you included in her birthday dinner? What if your friend's kid is picking on your kid? These questions come up no matter your age and background. Friendship is tricky, even for grownups. I'm your host, Nina Badzin. Since 2014 I've been fostering discussions about the nitty gritty of adult friendships with sensitivity and practicality in my friendship advice column. Friendship is an endless, timeless, fascinating topic, and the more anonymous letters I receive and consider, the more I personally learn about being a better friend and having better friends. I always love hearing from readers and listeners. My work on friendship is meant to be a conversation between us and between you and your friends. I hope you will share your thoughts with me and with each other. Instagram and Tiktok: @dearninafriendship Newsletter: dearnina.substack.com Website: dearninafriendship.com All links: linktr.ee/ninabadzin

  1. #125 - The negativity bias in friendships and moving towards curiosity instead

    3 DAYS AGO

    #125 - The negativity bias in friendships and moving towards curiosity instead

    Why does the inner judge in our brains automatically default to negativity? We assume the worst and let our insecurities lead the way. How does this inner judge interfere with our friendships? And what can we do to create curiosity instead of negativity? Ann Imig, creator and author of LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER, and life coach at Listen Life Coaching, is here with practical tools that will help keep the judge at bay. Ann encourages "curiosity, celebrating, and savoring" in our friendships, "showing up when you show up," and utilizing the words and mindset of "tell me more." We also discussed the role Ann (indirectly) played in my decision to start writing about friendship in 2014! Meet Ann Imig: Ann is an award-winning founder and speaker with numerous national media and stage appearances. As a certified coach at Listen Life Coaching she guides young adults (and their parents) to crush their goals, fuel their joy, and boost their confidence in a bright future. In 2010 she created the storytelling series and book titled LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. Almost 15 years later, LTYM continues Giving Motherhood A Microphone on stages across North America (70 cities and counting). Ann's motherhood story stars 2 sons, ages 17 & 20 with her husband Ben. Ann works a lot with concepts from positiveintelligence.com. Special offer for Fans of Dear Nina: Experience the life-changing experience of coaching with Ann for free (no strings attached!). Dear Nina listeners receive a full 50-min discovery session rather than the typical half-hour consult. ListenLifeCoaching.com LET'S CONNECT ON ALL THINGS FRIENDSHIP: My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Instagram , TikTok,  Twitter, Youtube, Threads, Bluesky JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    36 min
  2. #124 - Friends who criticize you; Friends who ignore the group chat then change the plans; Feeling excluded when friends hit it off

    DEC 12

    #124 - Friends who criticize you; Friends who ignore the group chat then change the plans; Feeling excluded when friends hit it off

    I love answering listeners' anonymous friendship dilemmas. It's a letter spotlight episode with three short anonymous letters from listeners with various friendship issues. I did my best to give practical, helpful advice. The subjects are: A listener whose friend makes little digs at her friend whenever they shop together.A listener whose friend always chimes in late to the plan-making in the group text thread then wants to make changes.A listener who wants to introduce her friends to each other, but is worried about getting excluded eventually. The full text of the letters can be found here on my site. (dearninafriendship.com episode 124) Links mentioned in the episode: Episode #121: "Rules for Making Plans With Your Friends"Newsletter with a bit more about making plans Ask an anonymous question LET'S CONNECT ON ALL THINGS FRIENDSHIP: My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Instagram , TikTok,  Twitter, Youtube, Threads, Bluesky JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    17 min
  3. #123 - Male-Female Friendships & Liking Your Friends' Social Media Posts

    DEC 5

    #123 - Male-Female Friendships & Liking Your Friends' Social Media Posts

    I'm thrilled to welcome friendship experts and comedians Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo of Man of the Year podcast! In honor of these male "chief friendship officers," (their term, which I love!) I'm finally tackling the often-requested topic of platonic relationships. Matt is married and Karo is single so that provided a slightly different point of view, which was helpful. We also discussed how often you "should be" liking your friends' social media posts, a topic younger people on TikTok yell at me about sometimes. I think it's a terrible way to measure a friendship and occasionally get on TikTok to say so, but many out there think it's an important behavior to note. Matt and Karo ended up agreeing with me for the most part, but they were easier on those with that opinion than I was. These are completely unrelated friendship topics, but I didn't want to squander my time with this hilarious and insightful duo. We fit in a few other friendship dilemmas, too, like viewing your friends in the most favorable light, remembering your friends aren't mind readers, when hobbies with friends take too much time from your spouse, and more. More about Matt and Aaron: As seen in the New York Times, on NPR, and the TODAY Show, Man of the Year will help you make new friends, reconnect with old ones, and build lifelong social fitness. Each November Matt and Aaron award a gigantic Man of the Year trophy to one of their childhood friends – a tradition that has kept their crew going strong since the '80s. But the country is currently facing a friendship recession – 15% of men report having zero close friends – and they’re on a mission to change that with tips, hacks, and decades of hilarious stories. Find Man of the Year on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. Links mentioned in the episode: "Where Have All My Guy Friends Gone?" Sarah Wheeler in The Cut The TikTok post where people yell at me for saying NOT to drop your friends who don't actively like your social media posts. Let's connect over all things friendship!  My Substack newsletter about friendship & more A guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok,  Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group  Ask an anonymous question Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    30 min
  4. #122 - Grieving the End of a Friendship (encore)

    NOV 27

    #122 - Grieving the End of a Friendship (encore)

    Friendship breakups are an ageless, universal issue. In my 10 years of writing about friendship and receiving many anonymous letters, I've seen that it makes little difference in the grief process if there was a direct conversation with the friend, a fade out, or an abrupt ghosting. No matter the circumstances, we must take time to heal when a friend is no longer in our lives. Today's episode is a revisit of my conversation with Diamonde Williamson, who found a way to make art from a painful friendship breakup and help others face their feelings of grief, loss, rejection, and loneliness. Learn more about Diamonde's documentary, Best Friends Not Forever. And you must see her visual art on Instagram at @therealdiamonde. Links mentioned in the episode: The episode with one of my best friends about the years we stopped being friends and how we reconnected: "Reconnecting with an ex-friend." Recent anonymous question in my newsletter, "The Friends Who Rejected Us: Thank you" Meet Diamonde Williamson Diamonde Williamson is the Founder and CEO of Third and Wonder Production House, the go-to media and production company for Black women and Black culture, specializing in branded, documentary, and unscripted formats. She’s created hundreds of videos for notable clientele like: The Oprah Winfrey Network, Google, Warner Bros., Essence, and more. Learn more about her original documentary, Best Friends Not Forever, and her highly praised podcast Meet Me in the Deep. Her continued goal is to build community and produce entertaining, empowering and relatable art for Black women. You can also find Diamonde on Instagram @therealdiamonde.   Let's connect over all things friendship!  My Substack newsletter about friendship & moreA guide to pitching yourself as a guestInstagram , TikTok,  Twitter, Youtube, ThreadsJOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    26 min
  5. #121 - Rules For Making Plans With Friends (Letter Spotlight)

    NOV 20

    #121 - Rules For Making Plans With Friends (Letter Spotlight)

    Are there rules for making plans with friends? Who should be the one to suggest the day, time, and place? If you reach out for plans, should you also throw out some dates that might work? OR, do you wait for the other person to "prove" their interest by offering some dates on the calendar? The short answer: there are no rules. The longer answer (only 16 minutes), is this week's episode-- "Rules for Making Plans With Friends." It's the newest letter spotlight episode, which gave me the chance to answer two anonymous friendship dilemmas and talk about a long-held pet peeve of mine when making plans. I hope this episode helps you schedule time with friends!  Resources and links mentioned in the episode: Previous letter spotlight episode: "Friendships Between Sisters-in-Law"Previous letter spotlight episode: "Friends Who Never Ask About You"Episode 120 with Emma Nadler: "6 Ways to Be a More Generous Friend"The Joy of Connections by Ruth Westheimer and Allison GilbertEpisode 116 with Allison Gilbert: "Lose Track of Who Makes the Plans and 7 Other Friendship Tips From Dr. Ruth" Let's connect over all things friendship!  My Substack newsletter about friendship & moreA guide to pitching yourself as a guestInstagram , TikTok,  Twitter, Youtube, ThreadsJOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    17 min
  6. #120 - Six Ways to be More Generous in Your Friendships (and why it’s worth trying)

    NOV 13

    #120 - Six Ways to be More Generous in Your Friendships (and why it’s worth trying)

    Being generous in our friendships makes us better friends and keeps solid friends in our lives. We're not talking about money here! To quote this week's guest, relationship-based therapist and author, Emma Nadler, "When we act more generously we feel better. So there's a lot in it for you, too." We discussed Emma's top five ways to be a more generous friend, and I added one of mine to the list. So yes, in 29 minutes you're getting SIX ways to be more generous in your friendships, which research links to a happier, more fulfilling life.  Emma Nadler is a psychotherapist, author, and speaker. Her memoir, The Unlikely Village of Eden, is about learning to adapt when life doesn’t go to plan, redefining community, and creating your own imperfect path. She has also written for The Washington Post, Salon, Huffington Post, and Newsweek, among others. In her private practice, she helps people build deeper relationships—including friendships—and cultivate more of what they want, even with life's inevitable challenges. Find Emma's newsletter on Substack: "Hope is the New Hot" and she's on Instagram @emmanadlerwrites. Resources and links mentioned in the episode:Emma's article in Next Avenue, "5 Ways to be a More Generous Friend"Emma's memoir, The Unlikely Village of EdenEmma's first episode on Dear Nina, "How to Support a Friend Facing an Ambiguous Loss""Most generous interpretation" -- a concept discussed often by Dr. Becky KennedyAnna Goldfarb's second episode on Dear Nina, "The 14-Day Friendship Cleanse"Anna Goldfarb's book, Modern FriendshipOlga Khazan's articles: "The Friendship Paradox" and "Stop Firing Your Friends"Our friend Debra's instagram: @fortheloveofcookbooksPrevious episode with Jill Smokler and battling cancer and how friends can show up in support PLEASE NOTE: Listening to this podcast in no way creates a client/therapist relationship with Emma Nadler. This is educational in nature. No legal, counseling, or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. If you are having a mental health emergency, please contact 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also text or call 988 for the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & moreA guide to pitching yourself as a guestInstagram , TikTok,  Twitter, Youtube, ThreadsJOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    30 min
  7. #119 - Reviving Friendships That Drifted Apart (even decades later)

    NOV 5

    #119 - Reviving Friendships That Drifted Apart (even decades later)

    What if your next good friend is an old friend who drifted away from your life for reasons of circumstance and not personality or hurt feelings? If you're in a stage of life where you're lonely, you've moved, or you simply want to shake up your social life, your next solid friendship might be waiting for you in "the past." Yes, reviving old friendships could be the missing piece in your current friendships. Maybe you went to college with this friend, worked together, sat on the bleachers when the kids were young, or met from any number of ways we connect with others. Not all past friendships merit a revival, but some do! My guest is author Kay Paschal, who shares her story of having a really tight group of friends in her 20s who welcomed her back in after decades of little time together. Now retired, Kay is reflective on friendships in a way that inspired me. I think you'll enjoy what she has to say. Some other points discussed in the episode: This very natural fade is somewhat related to episode #109 with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer about "quiet quitting." Kay and I are discussing reviving those friendships when it might fill out your social world in a different stage of life.Friendships fade when "the third place" disappears. (Example: You're no longer on the bleachers together watching the kids play baseball.)The often quoted study about replacing friends every seven years. (Comes up in many episodes!)Avoid burning a bridge in relationships.Developing an "open-door policy" in your mindset about past friendshipsLook for a friend, not a group.Thank that friend who does so much of the planning and inviting! (Shout out to Kay's friend, Linda.)The natural feelings of wondering why you weren't invited when certain members of a group get together without you.Kay: "You can't invite 10 people to everything you do." Meet Kay Paschal: After founding and owning 2 private preschools for 25 years in Atlanta, Kay started a new career by writing a book and speaking to moms and women's organizations and participating in parenting conferences around the country. Kay's book, Insert Giggle Giggle: Laughing Your Way through Raising Kids and Running a Business was recognized by Zibby Owens Media as a Finalist, Best Book for the Parent. Kay also hosts a podcast on Spotify, Kay's Gigglecast, with short, 10-minute grabs on women issues that are easy to consume while multi-tasking through your day. Find Kay on her website and on Instagram.   Let's connect over all things friendship!  My Substack newsletter about friendship & moreA guide to pitching yourself as a guestInstagram , TikTok,  Twitter, Youtube, ThreadsJOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    27 min
  8. #118 - Navigating Post-30s Friendship Struggles Through Social Prescribing

    OCT 30

    #118 - Navigating Post-30s Friendship Struggles Through Social Prescribing

    "Social" prescriptions from your doctor? Yes! What if for the sake of our mental and physical health doctors wrote prescriptions for cycling groups, fishing clubs, or volunteer positions on a farm? Those are real scenarios in Julia Hotz's THE CONNECTION CURE: The Prescriptive Power of Movement, Nature, Art, Service and Belonging, "the first book exploring the science, stories, and spread of social prescribing." In today's episode, a perfect follow-up to last week's episode on the importance of hobbies for the empty nest and retirement, Julia and I discussed these activity-based and creative "medical" solutions to the post-30s friendship struggles that are so commonplace nowadays as people live far from previous friends and family, work remotely, and spend more time than ever on screens. WHAT IS SOCIAL PRESCRIBING? In Julia's words, "Social, in the public health context, is about everything in a person's environment from where they live, to how they cope with stress, to what their job is like, and whether it fulfills them. All of these things boil down to what are called your social determinants of health. We have data showing that up to 80% of our health is determined by these social factors. What social prescribing then refers to is any non-medical community-based activity or resource that is prescribed to improve your health and well-being." MY FAVORITE QUOTE IN THE BOOK: “This book is guided by real patients' lived experiences, but everyone's lived experience is different. In fact, that's what social prescribing is all about. Instead of what's the matter with you, a fixed list of symptoms, it focuses on what matters to you." MEET JULIA HOTZJulia Hotz is a solutions journalist and author of THE CONNECTION CURE: The Prescriptive Power of Movement, Nature, Art, Service and Belonging (Simon & Schuster). The book has been featured in NBC, BBC, Scientific American, NPR, GOOP, The Good Life Project and more. Find Julia on socialprescribing.co and Instagram. LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODEStudy showing we lose half of our friends every seven years.Skip the Small Talk events are grounded in psychology research that help strangers get to know each other and help with practicing vulnerability in conversation.Dear Nina: The (Facebook) Group where we have been compiling a great list of hobbies have started and groups people have joined. Let's connect over all things friendship! My Substack newsletter about friendship & moreDear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guestInstagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, ThreadsJOIN the Dear Nina Facebook groupAsk an anonymous question Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    32 min
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About

As seen in The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Time Magazine, The Guardian, and elsewhere, DEAR NINA helps you with the ups and downs of friendship. Why didn't your friend text you back? Why weren't you included in her birthday dinner? What if your friend's kid is picking on your kid? These questions come up no matter your age and background. Friendship is tricky, even for grownups. I'm your host, Nina Badzin. Since 2014 I've been fostering discussions about the nitty gritty of adult friendships with sensitivity and practicality in my friendship advice column. Friendship is an endless, timeless, fascinating topic, and the more anonymous letters I receive and consider, the more I personally learn about being a better friend and having better friends. I always love hearing from readers and listeners. My work on friendship is meant to be a conversation between us and between you and your friends. I hope you will share your thoughts with me and with each other. Instagram and Tiktok: @dearninafriendship Newsletter: dearnina.substack.com Website: dearninafriendship.com All links: linktr.ee/ninabadzin

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