How To Plan A Successful Threesome

In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on threesomes and discuss couples’ privilege.

Check out the questionnaires below, and be sure to check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any item with FREE shipping + VIP rush processing.

Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire

• Why do you want to have a threesome?
• Where did the idea of a threesome come from?
• How do you feel about this source?
• What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome?
• What are the perceived risks/costs?
• With whom would you like to have a threesome?
• Do you know if they’re open to it?
• How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome?
• What excites you most about a threesome?
• What motivates you?
• What concerns you about a threesome?
• Do you have any hesitations?
• What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered?
• How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise?
• Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries?
• What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication?
• What does your ideal threesome entail?

Consider the setting, relationships, involved parties, sex acts, etc…

Threesomes: Managing Jealousy, Insecurity & Distress

• Am I comfortable admitting to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and distress?
• I tend to feel jealous/insecure/distressed when…
• When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, it shows up in my body as…(emotional presence)
• When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I want to…
• When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I can self-soothe by…
• When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I’d like you to…
• When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I don’t want you to…
• You’ll know when I feel jealous/insecure/distressed when I…

Some other cues to look for include…

Threesomes: Couples’ Questionnaire

• Whose idea was it? Do you feel any pressure?
• Have you (in)directly pressured your partner?
• Why do you/we want to have a threesome?
• What do you/we hope to get out of the experience?
• What are my/our concerns about the experience?
• Have we talked about jealousy, insecurity and other potentially challenging emotions we might encounter?
• What would it look like if it goes well?
• What might it look like if something goes awry?
• How will we communicate and respond?
• What do we value in a third party?
• What type of person do we want to connect with?
• Do we want to involve a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend and/or a sex worker?
• Have we considered our couples’ privilege and how we can ensure that all voices are heard and respected?

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