The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch Network
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The Virtual Couch

The Virtual Couch is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist, and motivational speaker who works with many individuals and couples in various areas, including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to provide listeners with tools and strategies to help break negative patterns and embrace new and exciting challenges in their lives.

  1. 12/12/2024

    I Feel Like... No, Wait, Actually I Think That… The Hidden Language of Emotions

    Tony exposes something that will forever change how you hear conversations - including your own. That moment when someone says, 'I feel like you don't care' might not actually be about fee...

    43 min

  2. 06/12/2024

    The Balancing Act: Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion

    Are you tired of the endless pursuit of perfection? Do you question why your self-esteem seems more tied to others' opinions than your own self-worth? In this transformative episode, Tony explores the crucial difference between self-esteem and self-compassion, drawing from Dr. Kristin Neff's groundbreaking research. Through personal experiences and scientific insights, Tony challenges our cultural obsession with self-esteem, revealing why the constant pressure to be "above average" creates an impossible and unhealthy standard for well-being.Learn how self-compassion offers a more sustainable path to genuine self-acceptance through its three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Tony delves into the fascinating neuroscience behind mindfulness practices, explaining how they physically rewire our brains for greater emotional regulation and self-awareness. Drawing from Viktor Frankl's profound insights as a Holocaust survivor and author of "Man's Search for Meaning," Tony illustrates how finding meaning in our struggles can transform our relationship with ourselves and others.This episode provides both the scientific framework and practical tools needed to develop self-compassion in daily life. Whether you struggle with perfectionism, find yourself caught in comparison traps, or simply want to develop a more stable sense of self-worth, you'll discover why self-compassion offers all the benefits of high self-esteem without its potential downsides. Join Tony as he shares actionable strategies for transforming your relationship with yourself and finding peace in the simple truth that you're not broken - you're human.00:00 Introduction and Personal Story01:46 The Therapist's Dilemma: Hope vs. Reality04:33 Exploring Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion07:01 The Impact of Comparison and External Validation11:02 Value-Based Goal Setting and Radical Acceptance13:08 Parental Support and Secure Attachment15:25 Listener Insights on Self-Esteem16:32 Embracing Self-Compassion23:22 Seeking Validation and Self-Compassion24:16 Confessions of an Ultramarathoner26:18 Accepting Mediocrity in Running29:19 The Power of Self-Compassion33:25 Mindfulness and Self-Kindness35:19 A Personal Podcasting Challenge39:21 Viktor Frankl's Wisdom on Meaning45:23 The Journey of Self-Compassion

    47 min

  3. 28/11/2024

    Smiling But Sad: Decoding Persistent Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, “Eeyore Syndrome” w/BONUS Medication Analogy and Thanksgiving Talk Topics

    Tony delves into smiling depression, medication, and natural ways to improve brain chemistry, Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD), formerly known as dysthymia- and much more! NOTE - Tony ...

    54 min

  4. 14/11/2024

    From Self-Judgment to Self-Compassion: A Guide to Emotional Resilience w/Nate and Marla Christensen

    Tony welcomes guests Nate and Marla Christensen to discuss the concept of self-compassion. Nate is an ALPC, and Marla is an ALPC and AMFT. They delve into the groundbreaking research of Kristen Neff, who has spent 20 years studying the benefits of self-compassion, including its effects on PTSD, anxiety, depression, and overall mental health. The episode explores the three main components of self-compassion—mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity—and addresses common misconceptions such as self-compassion being viewed as weakness, self-indulgence, or selfishness. They share personal insights and clinical experiences, making a compelling case for incorporating self-compassion into daily life and therapy. Nate and Marla are both currently working under Tony's license, and both currently have openings in their schedule. To reach Nate, email him at natechristensencounseling@gmail.com (mailto:natechristensencounseling@gmail.com), and for Marla, email marlachristensencounseling@gmail.com (mailto:marlachristensencounseling@gmail.com), or you can contact them through Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com (mailto:contact@tonyoverbay.com). You can view Nate and Marla's episode on LeadingSaints.org here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=0f9P-Xk5ZaE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=0f9P-Xk5ZaE)00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview02:46 Guest Introduction: Nate and Marla Christensen02:53 Discussing Self-Compassion03:45 Nate and Marla's Professional Background08:16 The Importance of Self-Compassion14:25 Common Misconceptions About Self-Compassion17:04 Scientific Insights on Self-Compassion25:25 Historical Context and Recent Research27:27 Exploring Self-Compassion28:32 Understanding Mindfulness30:59 Practicing Self-Kindness32:52 Embracing Common Humanity34:58 Motivation Through Self-Compassion35:53 Challenges in Self-Compassion39:14 Cultural Perspectives on Compassion41:11 Reparenting and Emotional Maturity45:52 Final Thoughts and Reflections

    53 min

  5. 28/10/2024

    Anxiety, Aging, and Emotional Autonomy: I Was "This Many Years Old" When I Learned My Parents Were Regular People

    Have you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you’ve never experienced? In today’s episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward).From there, he dives into something most all of us are impacted by, either directly or through someone that we care about - anxiety. But not just any anxiety - we're talking about why our caveman's brains are still trying to protect us from tigers in the parking lot and how this shows up differently as we age. Tony breaks down the fundamental differences between normal aging, dementia, and Alzheimer's in a way that finally makes sense.Tony then breaks down a listener's email about their father’s increasingly anxious behaviors. Tony unpacks powerful tools for handling these delicate family situations. Tony introduces the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principle of psychological flexibility (think yoga for your emotions) and shares David Schnarch's “4 Points of Balance” to becoming more differentiated, which helps you maintain your sanity while staying connected to those you love.Tony explains Schnarch’s 'crucible' as the transformative space where relationships grow or crack under pressure. Whether you're dealing with an aging parent, a challenging relationship, or just trying to understand why people do what they do, this episode offers the “why” behind our anxious and controlling behaviors and practical ways to navigate life's complicated relationships without losing yourself.00:00 The Incredible Story of Phineas Gage04:04 Introduction to the Virtual Couch05:38 Listener's Email: Concerns About Aging Parent07:40 Understanding Anxiety and Its Evolution14:57 Distinguishing Dementia and Alzheimer's17:33 Coping with Aging and Anxiety24:50 Practical Advice for Managing Anxiety24:59 Reframing Perspectives25:09 Empathy and Understanding25:25 Intentional Conversations25:55 Meeting Halfway26:12 Choosing Your Battles26:54 Boundaries vs Ultimatums27:12 Psychological Reactance30:22 Differentiation and Emotional Autonomy32:57 Four Points of Balance38:30 Constructing Your Crucible44:43 Final Thoughts and TakeawaysTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.

    49 min

  6. 23/10/2024

    Navigating Societal Expectations, Faith Crisis and Personal Growth - the Allegory “Off the Beaten Path”

    Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites the audience to share their stories and questions about their own faith and family journeys for future episodes.00:00 Welcome and Introduction01:17 “Not My Job” song by: Riley Hope02:48 The Power of Writing and Poetry05:26 Exploring Allegories06:44 Off the Beaten Path: Ansul's Journey Begins12:14 Ansul's Struggles and Self-Discovery16:17 Meeting Maris: A New Connection17:52 Seeking Guidance: Ansul's Dilemma18:31 Ansul's Realization and Self-Acceptance19:00 Building a Relationship with Maris20:42 Themes of the Allegory: Individuality vs. Conformity22:32 Exploring Faith and Doubt22:53 Coming of Age and Self-Discovery23:30 Truth, Knowledge, and Intergenerational Expectations25:34 Curiosity, Love, and Acceptance26:38 Personal Growth Through Discomfort27:19 Diversity of Thought and Self-Acceptance29:24 Navigating Difficult Journeys of Faith and Family31:00 Encouragement for Personal Growth and Authenticity33:02 Conclusion and Call to ActionTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-coursePlease follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

    35 min

  7. 23/09/2024

    Navigating Life's Curveballs: Mackie Overbay on Hashimoto's, Health Challenges, and Embracing Uncertainty

    McKinley “Mackie” Overbay, host of “The Mind, the Mirror, and Me,” and Tony Overbay, LMFT, return after a significant hiatus to discuss numerous life updates, including their recent move to Arizona and Mackie's health journey with Hashimoto's disease. They delve into the struggles and triumphs of losing 55 pounds, the importance of self-love, and the necessity of balancing mind and body health. The conversation touches on the challenges of diet, exercise, meditation, and maintaining consistency. It's a candid look at personal transformation, resilience, and the importance of understanding and caring for oneself amidst life's unpredictable challenges.00:00 Introduction and Opening Banter00:25 Welcome Back and New Beginnings01:18 Social Media and Personal Updates03:21 Discussing Past Episodes and Themes05:25 Weight Loss Journey and Health Challenges07:25 Understanding Hashimoto's Disease11:21 Reflections on Self-Worth and Body Image14:20 Diet Changes and Lifestyle Adjustments24:18 Thyroid Health and Medical Insights27:56 Understanding Perimenopause and Hormonal Changes28:16 Unexpected Balloon Incident28:54 Recognizing and Addressing Health Issues30:39 The Journey to Diagnosis32:13 Lifestyle Changes and Their Impact34:21 The Importance of Consistency and Motivation35:51 Managing Inflammation and Dietary Adjustments37:21 Exercise and Weight Loss Strategies39:37 The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness48:14 Embracing Self-Worth and Positivity53:02 Concluding Thoughts and ReflectionsTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouchAvailable NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-coursePlease follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop.

    1 h y 6 min

  8. 11/09/2024

    Pathological Kindness: When Caring, Trying, and Empathizing Too Much Can Be Bad For Your Health

    Do you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own? Have you ever wondered if being "too kind" could actually be harmful to your relationships and well-being? In today’s crossover episode - Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explores the complex concept of pathological kindness in relationships. Through a listener's letter from 'Cleo,' Tony delves into the challenges faced by those who prioritize others' needs to their detriment, often rooted in childhood experiences of being the family peacemaker. Cleo's story highlights issues with her emotionally inconsistent partner, Ray, unveiling the struggles of living with someone emotionally immature or narcissistic. Tony discusses recognizing these patterns, including the role of cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding in maintaining unhealthy relationships. He explores how highly sensitive people (HSPs) may be particularly vulnerable to these dynamics. The episode emphasizes the importance of developing a stable core identity, setting boundaries, and balancing kindness with self-care. Tony also touches on the challenges of breaking free from intermittent reinforcement in relationships and recognizing and trusting one's own perceptions. He stresses the role of therapy and self-awareness in breaking free from unhealthy cycles and fostering emotionally mature relationships while also offering hope to those who recognize themselves as the emotionally immature partner and want to change.00:00 Introduction and Podcast Promotion01:19 Introducing Cleo's Story03:16 Cleo's Relationship Struggles10:38 Understanding Pathological Kindness16:28 The Impact of Pathological Kindness21:36 Balancing Kindness and Self-Care25:09 Exploring Self-Reliance and Its Pitfalls25:24 The Dual Nature of Optimism25:40 Understanding Humility and Self-Deprecation26:26 The Complexities of Honesty27:09 Patience vs. Passivity27:24 Competence and Arrogance28:00 Cleo's Relationship with Ray29:04 The Struggle of Highly Sensitive People29:48 The Challenge of Leaving Toxic Relationships33:23 The Cognitive Dissonance and Trauma Bonding45:04 The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries46:03 Encouragement for Personal GrowthTo learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

    49 min
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  • Based on the overwhelming amount of feedback from the "Waking Up to Narcissism" podcast, particularly in the form of questions, Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, answers listener questions specifically related to narcissism, narcissistic traits and tendencies, and emotional immaturity in relationships. A percentage of the proceeds of the podcast will go toward helping people in narcissistic or severe emotionally immature relationships receive help in the form of counseling, legal and moving costs, and providing additional tools to help people rediscover their self-worth, and learn how to successfully find their voice, their sense of purpose and understand that everybody has the right to their own opinion, experience and goals out of life.

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The Virtual Couch is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist, and motivational speaker who works with many individuals and couples in various areas, including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to provide listeners with tools and strategies to help break negative patterns and embrace new and exciting challenges in their lives.

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