Pursuer-Distancer Pattern, Kind Bluntness & Power Issues-Lorna Hecker-Author of: Different Planets: Understanding Your Neurodiverse Relationship

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Lorna Hecker is a therapist, coach and Professor Emerita at Purdue University Northwestern.  While at Purdue she directed the Couple and Family Center for 25 years.  She is also the author of the newly released book: Different Planets: Understanding Your Neurodiverse Relationship.

During this episode, we talk about the "couple patterns" that can occur in neurodiverse relationships.  We specifically discuss the "pursuer-distancer" pattern that can create challenges when partners don't understand that complaining and criticism can lead to shutdown and/or a sense of failure.  Lorna also addresses the importance and value of "kind bluntness", rather than "assuming".  She also shares a little about some of the communication differences she has experienced in her neurodiverse family. 

In addition, some of the other topics addressed during this episode are:

• The importance of appreciation and admiration and why your partner needs it.
• The challenges that can occur in a high needs household
• Don't blame or scapegoat your relationship.
• The impact of a sensitive nervous system
• How a "wall of awful" gets built.
• Don't assume your partner knows something that comes naturally to you!
• Fill your own bucket to get some of your needs met.
• Being attracted to reliability.
• How burnout may look different for each partner.
• Increase understanding of why masking may be happening.
• We all have different brain styles.
• Small talk as a stepping stone to get to know someone.
• Learn how to not take things personally.
• Power issues in a ND relationship.
• What is alexythymia and how it may be impacting your relationship.

Lorna is available for therapy, coaching and psychoeducation.  You can reach her at: www.neurodiversewellness.com

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If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom

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