51 episodes

For over FIFTEEN YEARS, Nobody Likes Onions has been making audiences laugh at the absurd, the obvious, and the wrong. Comedian Patrick Melton, along with other entertainers from around the world, gather around microphones three times a week to present their unique observations and opinions about current events, pop culture, and real-world experiences in their personal lives.

NOBODY LIKES ONIONS Patrick Melton

    • Comedy
    • 4.6 • 282 Ratings

For over FIFTEEN YEARS, Nobody Likes Onions has been making audiences laugh at the absurd, the obvious, and the wrong. Comedian Patrick Melton, along with other entertainers from around the world, gather around microphones three times a week to present their unique observations and opinions about current events, pop culture, and real-world experiences in their personal lives.

    NLO 1386: Discount Doodle

    NLO 1386: Discount Doodle

    Patrick is fully vaccinated and can now eat dog, and he got a new Goldendoodle puppy just to test the theory. Listen to the harrowing tale of how Patrick hunted and finally got a great deal on a potentially illegal or mentally defective dog. Caitlyn Jenner is trying to be the mayor of California, and Patrick doesn’t understand why she’s even worthy of consideration. As bonus evidence of our obsession with worshipping people regardless of merit, we find a video of Caitlyn singing on The Masked Singer, and it’s AWFUL. Elon Muskrat is going to host Saturday Night Live and people are super upset about it. Bowen Yang doesn’t like it, but most people don’t like Bowen Yang. Patrick gives away a sofa to a psycho who can’t stop talking about Brooklyn. Apple is going to get everyone killed with their new stalker-friendly Airtags gimmicks. Patrick’s summer is on hold due to complications with the swamp spa manufacturer, but that’s OK because our store has new RED HOT merch! Patrick has second thoughts about Elon after learning about the new Tesla “butthole” command.

    NLO 1385: Comedy Kings & Curry Queens

    NLO 1385: Comedy Kings & Curry Queens

    Alex “KOOL-AID” Ansel joins Patrick in the studio for the first time since the pandemic rained down it’s prolonged hiatus on fun and social interaction. Both of them are scheduled to get their second vaccine this week, and they figured they would forego safety and hunker down together for a few hours. Patrick makes some predictions for the future when Bitcoin rules us all. Alex recently splurged for a PlayStation 5, or a PS5 as the kids are calling it. He feels guilty about the expenditure, so he’s making large fiscal cuts in his life, including severing ties with the pay-for-risqué enthusiast site, OnlyFans. Patrick probes Kool-Aid about how OnlyFans works and why it’s so attractive. Spoiler alert: it’s mostly buttholes. Patrick is concerned his TV and smart devices are spying on everything. The guys tease upcoming aftershow with several new salacious Thai Rivera rumors, so be sure to subscribe to the Overdose if you want to get the gossip.

    NLO 1384: Trippin’ With Thai

    NLO 1384: Trippin’ With Thai

    Patrick is joined by comedians George White and Adam Dominguez as they recount the tale of going on the road with Thai about a year ago. Was he a nice man? Was he fair and super sweet? Find out on this scandalous behind-the-scenes expose, with never-before-seen footage, photos, screenshots and more. You’ll feel like you were there as Patrick asks the questions you’d ask if your mom hadn’t taught you manners. Was Thai funny on stage? Is he always super low energy? Is his face always this puffy? The answers to these gems are in this episode, and other horror stories from the road with Vegas comedians sprinkled in for good measure. We finish the show with startling evidence that Thai may be psychologically grooming comedians for abuse later on. We read over some of Thai’s most manic and insane social media posts and try to make sense of everything we have learned tonight.

    NLO 1383: Umm, Bothered

    NLO 1383: Umm, Bothered

    Thai Rivera is back at it again, trying to explain away the same altercations for the third show in a row. This one is a LOLlercoaster of emotion, as Thai can't decide whether or not he wants to make up with people from one minute to the next. He waffles from indifferent to incensed with the manic energy of a teen girl. He also cannot stop texting Patrick throughout the show, which becomes annoying by the end. Patrick reveals how he trapped Thai into all-but proving his vanity by getting him to buy YouTube views. Thai starts new fights with comics Spiro and Jozalyn Sharp, while doubling down on old beefs with Matt Markman, Gooch, Bobby and Krystle, Big Irish Jay, Trixx, and so many more. It's uncomfortable, edited to shit, and lack focus and a cohesive point.

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    NLO 1382: Getting Gooky

    NLO 1382: Getting Gooky

    Patrick is joined in the studio by comedian Matt Markman, who has the honor of being the first guest in our new studio. Matt is vaccinated, and Patrick recently had his first shot of the Pfizer shot. The guys discuss vaccination and conspiracies, along with what might be in it for Bill Gates if he is, in fact, microchipping all of us. Patrick wants to get a puppy, and is overwhelmed by the number of “doodle” breeds available. Rick’s Wings N’ Rings has some new dishes they’d like to promote during the show. Matt prefers comic book movies to things like Godzilla vs. Kong, but Patrick appreciates the latter for it’s authenticity. A Tampa Bay Buccaneer us under fire for using a racial slur in a tweet. Patrick is suspicious of YouTube relaxing it’s rules for monetizing videos. The guys really try to wrap their heads around an external catheter-pump thing for ladies. Patrick performs a cursory wellness check on our old friend Daddy Derek Savage and Cool Cat, and we find out why rage rooms might just be the latest scam by big box stores to sell more televisions.

    NLO 1381: THAI RIVERA vs. TRIXX Full Breakdown

    NLO 1381: THAI RIVERA vs. TRIXX Full Breakdown

    Joke thievery is no laughing matter! The Las Vegas comedy scene is spicy, and most of the bickering centers around everybody’s favorite drama donut, Thai Rivera, accusing Canadian comedian Trixx of joke theft – the most unforgivable of comedy crimes. Who’s lying? Who did what? Is there more to the story? Let’s listen to what Thai has to say, and hold his attempted joke theft exposure up to what we know about his past behavior. Let’s see what proof and substance Thai provides to try to ruin the reputation of a Canadian comedian he used to call “friend.” Is time running out for Thai in Las Vegas? Can Thai produce anything that remotely proves he had a joke stolen, much less prove he ever wrote one to begin with? The chat gets really UNBOTHERED with this one!

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5
282 Ratings

282 Ratings

acelazerrazor ,

GREAT SHOW!!!

Patrick and the whole crew over at the pantswise studio are absolutely killing it! The guests are super funny lately(lol) jk the pool IS going to look nice though.
Have a nice FLOAT,
Shim Shapiro

simon@33 ,

His voice

Sounds fat. Like 100 chicken wings a day fat. Like a gigantic slob fat voice. I can hear the chicken grease stains on his shirt.

Houston5588 ,

Best EVER

P Melt knows how to make casual conversation entertaining listen every day besides during football season I listen to fantasy football podcasts first then NLO

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