Scott LaPierre Ministries Scott LaPierre

What do we think typically ruins relationships? Gossip? Anger? Lies? Unfortunately, we don’t often think of covetousness. But we should! God blames covetousness for our conflicts: "You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel" (James 4:2). We take it out on others when we don’t get what we want. “Desire and do not have” is synonymous with “covet and cannot obtain,” and “murder” is synonymous with “quarrels and…fights.” God repeats Himself to drive the point home: covetousness causes conflicts.











https://youtu.be/GDyrgF_iQDM

Covetousness causes conflict: "You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel" (James 4:2).









Table of contents* We “Fight and Quarrel” Because We "Covet and Cannot Obtain"* A Covetous Older Brother* Covetous Vineyard Workers* A Covetous King* First, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Covet* Second, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Be Discontent* Third, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Be Bitter Toward God* Fourth, We Shouldn’t Let God’s Grace Cause Us to Be Bitter Toward Others* Two Final Points About Covetousness* First, Covetousness Is Fruitless* Second, Covetousness Is a Spiritual Versus Physical Problem* Footnotes







We had neighbors with four daughters. When we had our first child, Rhea, the two youngest daughters liked coming to see her. Katie became very close to them and watched them each morning, walked them to school, and then they returned to our house in the afternoon.







Over time, it became apparent that one of their older sisters, whom we will call Jennifer, disliked Katie. She was rude to Katie, and when she came to our house to get her younger sisters, she would pound on the door. Katie put a note next to the door asking people to knock quietly and not ring the doorbell because the baby could be sleeping. Although the note was not addressed to anyone, it was intended for Jennifer. The day Katie put up the note, Jennifer came over to get her two younger sisters, pounded on the door even louder than usual, and repeatedly rang the doorbell.







Instead of criticizing Jennifer for her behavior, Katie kindly asked her why she seemed to hate Katie so much. Jennifer broke down and shared that she coveted her little sisters’ relationships with Katie.







We “Fight and Quarrel” Because We "Covet and Cannot Obtain"







What do we think typically ruins relationships? Gossip? Anger? Lies? Unfortunately, we don’t often think of covetousness, but we should. Covetousness ruined Jennifer’s relationship with Katie, and God blames covetousness for our conflicts:









What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this,

Exodus 20:17 says, “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.” What does covet mean?” The Old Testament Hebrew word for “covet” is ḥāmaḏ, meaning “to lust after or long for with great desire.” The New Testament Greek word for “covetousness” is pleonexia, which comes from the two Greek words pleiōn, meaning “more,” and echō, meaning “to have.” Covetousness is a strong desire to have more.









https://youtu.be/mcXanxrQJVM

Exodus 20:17 says, “You shall not covet your neighbor's house, wife, male servant, female servant, ox, or donkey.” What does covet mean?”







Table of contents* Jesus’s Warning About Covetousness* The Danger of Covetousness* Covetousness Is A New Testament Command in the Old Testament* Covetousness Is a Sin Even Paul Committed* Covetousness Is a Heart Issue* When Covetousness Takes Root* The Unhealthy Relationship Is the Problem* Covetousness Is Desiring Too Strongly* A Sobering Example of Covetousness Choking out Christ







Sometimes, when people are at sea without fresh water, they become so thirsty that they drink the saltwater. The one thing they desire more than anything else—water—surrounds them. They must look at it until the craving becomes uncontrollable. They are dehydrated when they give in and drink it, making them thirstier. They drink more, and the cycle continues. They are getting what they want while it is killing them.







This illustrates what covetousness does. We desire something, and the craving seems uncontrollable. We give in and pursue what we covet, but satisfying covetousness only increases it. Coveters don’t need their covetousness satisfied any more than drug addicts need drugs or alcoholics need alcohol.







Picture a family trying to have a nice dinner together. Their dog starts begging at the table. To get the dog to go away, they give it some food. But all they have done is increase the likelihood that the dog will return. This is covetousness. Giving into it only increases the likelihood it will keep coming back.







Jesus’s Warning About Covetousness







When Jesus was teaching, He encountered a covetous man. We can learn much from how Jesus responded to him. Hint: He didn’t give him what he wanted! But first, the account’s background.







Luke 12:1 says, “In the meantime, when so many thousands of the people had gathered together that they were trampling one another, [Jesus] began to say to his disciples first, ‘Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.’” Jesus was teaching “many thousands.”  The crowd was so large people “were trampling one another” to hear Him. He taught about hypocrisy (verses 2-3), fearing God versus man (verses 4-7), and the danger of denying Him (verses 8-12).

Even if a wife has good intentions, such as trying to be helpful, if her husband feels disrespected, it's a problem. Read or listen to this material from Your Marriage God’s Way or watch the message from the Your Marriage God's Way Conference to learn the four most common ways wives disrespect their husbands.













https://youtu.be/wAsCrQgBVAI

Wives Respect Your Husband is the fourth message at Your Marriage God's Way Conferences.







Table of contents* The Two Common Causes of Marriage Conflicts* The Four Most Common Ways Wives Are Disrespectful* First, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Being Discontent* Second, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Using Disparaging Speech and Body Language* Third, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Frequently Second-Guessing* Fourth, Wives Disrespect Their Husbands By Badmouthing to the Kids* A Husband Lives Up or Down to His Wife's Treatment* Michal Loved and Disrespected David* A Wife Can Change Her Husband’s Feelings Toward Her







During a counseling session, as I was helping a couple who struggled with lots of conflict, the wife had an epiphany. Most couples enjoy working together, but these two always fight each other. The husband explained that nothing he did was good enough for his wife. She always countered him with a better way to do things and picked apart all his decisions. She was genuinely confused about her husband’s frustration because she thought she was being helpful. It wasn’t until this session that she realized her husband found her “helpful” suggestions disrespectful.







Even if a wife has good intentions, if her husband feels disrespected by her, it is a problem. A good perspective for a wife to remember is that as painful as it is for her to feel unloved, it is equally painful for her husband to feel disrespected.







The Two Common Causes of Marriage Conflicts







Modern research supports the biblical instruction on this topic. Marriage expert Dr. Emerson Eggerichs shares essential statistics about husbands and wives in his famous book Love and Respect. In one survey, 400 men were asked, “If you were forced to choose, would you prefer to feel alone and unloved or disrespected and inadequate?” Seventy-four percent responded that they would rather feel alone and unloved than disrespected and inadequate.







When Dr. Eggerichs conducted the same survey with women, a similar percentage of women responded that they would rather feel disrespected and inadequate than alone and unloved. Dr. Eggerichs sums up his findings:









[A wife] needs love just as she needs air to breathe, [and a husband] needs respect just as he needs air to breathe.”

Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 36.







Another survey asked 7,000 people:









“When you are in a conflict with your spouse,

Genesis 2:24 says, "A man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife." Read or listen to this material from Your Marriage God’s Way to learn what it means to leave and cleave in marriage.











Table of contents* "Leave and Cleave" Means Keeping the Marriage in the Marriage* Seeking Godly Counsel Is the Exception When Talking Badly About Your Spouse* Let Not Man Separate What God Has Joined Together* The Greatest Way to "Leave and Cleave" in Marriage







A newly married young woman argued with her husband. Because she had a good relationship with her father, amid her hurt and anger, she went to see him. She knew her father would affirm how wonderful she was and how wrong her husband had been.







When she arrived, the father opened the door, looked at his daughter, knew she was upset, invited her in immediately, and asked her what was wrong. After a few pleasantries, the daughter divulged details about her argument with her husband. The father gently rebuked her and suggested she return home. He explained, “Your husband is now the most important man in your life. You two will have problems, and you can’t return to me when that happens. It would be best if you learned to work things out together. I love you, and I’m all for the best in your marriage, so I’m giving you this counsel.”







Scripture agrees with the father’s response. Genesis 2:24 says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The term leave and cleave comes from this verse. We know it portrays God’s divine plan for marriage because it was instituted at creation and brought forward into the New Testament by Jesus and Paul (Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7; Ephesians 5:31).







"Leave and Cleave" Means Keeping the Marriage in the Marriage







When Paul commanded “a man [to] leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife” (Ephesians 5:31), he was, in effect, encouraging couples to keep the marriage between the husband and wife. Married individuals should cling to their spouses instead of anyone else, including their parents. When couples experience conflict, as all couples will, they should work things out together instead of running to others. The father in the story above understood an essential truth about marriage: under most circumstances, problems should remain between the husband and wife.







In-laws can end up contributing to marriage problems, especially with newlyweds who aren’t used to being separated from their parents. But this scenario isn’t limited to parents. When couples experience conflict, frequently, they are tempted to go to friends or coworkers to criticize their spouse and talk about how badly they have been treated. They want to do this because they expect those close to them to take their side in the dispute. Some wives turn to their girlfriends. Some husbands talk to their guy friends. While parents are the only ones mentioned in Ephesians 5:31, we can extend this principle to say that if we shouldn’t complain to our parents about our spouse, we shouldn’t complain to anyone else.







The dangers here should be obvious. Pouring out our anger merely stokes it. This will make us feel justified in responding poorly to our spouse, feed our belief that we deserve better treatment than we are receiving,

God told Baruch, Jeremiah's scribe, "If you seek great things for yourself, seek them not" (Jeremiah 45:5). As we consider why God didn't want Baruch to seek great things, we can learn why God might not want us to seek great things.









https://youtu.be/WmIzUoHD0T4

God told Baruch, "If you seek great things for yourself, seek them not" (Jeremiah 45:5). Learn why God might not want us to seek great things.







Table of contents* Discontent Being Jeremiah’s Scribe* Why Didn’t God Want Baruch to Seek Great Things?* God Might not Want Us to Seek Things Because We Seek Them for Ourselves* God Might not Want Us to Seek Things Because They Won’t Last* God Might not Want Us to Seek Things Because They Aren’t Part of His Plan* “Great Things” Often Aren’t That Great* Seeking Great Things in God’s Eyes* Moses Sought Great Things in God’s Eyes* Jonathan Sought Greatness in God’s Eyes* John the Baptist Sought Greatness in God’s Eyes* Content with Despised Roles that Please God







Before doctors administer a shot, they say, “Try to relax as much as possible. This will be worse if you resist.” The doctor tells you to accept what will happen because resisting worsens it. Elizabeth Elliot said something similar: “There is joy in acceptance.” We can’t change certain circumstances, and resisting worsens them; therefore, it is best to trust that God wants to use them for our good and His glory. This is what it means to choose contentment, and it can bring great peace. Conversely, refusing to be content, which is to say choosing discontentment, can bring severe turmoil and suck the joy out of life.







To some extent, all of us would say our lives are not exactly what we want. Maybe we wish we made more money, lived elsewhere, had a different job, or enjoyed a bigger house. If we are single, maybe we wish we were married. If we are married, maybe we wish our marriage was better. We all have something (or some things) we wish were different.







There is a man in scripture, Baruch, who wished his life was different. He was Jeremiah’s faithful scribe, and we can learn much from him.







Discontent Being Jeremiah’s Scribe







Baruch is one of the unsung heroes of the Old Testament. Jeremiah was the most despised man of his day, and throughout much of his ministry, Baruch was his only friend. Jeremiah faced rejection and persecution from his countrymen. Being the closest person to Jeremiah meant that when Jeremiah suffered, Baruch often did too. At one point, Baruch wanted something different for himself. The Lord learned of his discontentment and had the following words for him:









The word that Jeremiah the prophet spoke to Baruch the son of Neriah, when he wrote these words in a book at the dictation of Jere...

In Philippians 4:11, Paul wrote, “I have learned in all things to be content.” Sometimes, we look at people and think, “It must be nice to be them. They are so content. I wish I were like that. Sadly, God made me a miserable, discontent person.” However, contentment is not something fortunate people are born with, while others are not. Instead, content must be learned.









https://youtu.be/0IIL_tpWI4U

Philippians 4:11 reads, “I have learned in all things to be content.” Contentment is not something people are born with. It must be learned.







Table of contents* Philippians 4:13 Is a Wildly Popular and Wildly Misinterpreted Verse* The Background to Paul Writing, "I Have Learned in All Things to Be Content"* Paul's Credibility to Write "I Have Learned in All Things to Be Content"* First, Contentment Is Learned* Second, Contentment Is a Choice Versus a Feeling* Third, Contentment Is not the Absence of Trials* Fourth, Contentment Is not the Same as Happiness* "I Have Learned in All Things to Be Content" Even When Prospering* Don’t Give Me… Riches ?* Christ Strengthens Us to Do “All Things” He Wants Us to Do* A Tale of Two Interviews* A Better Time to Quote Philippians 4:13* The “Secret” to Being Able to Say, "Writing, "I Have Learned in All Things to Be Content"* Roots that Go Down Deep into Christ* How Good is Christ?* Footnotes







On January 12, 2013, the number 4-seeded Baltimore Ravens (10-6) played on the road against the number 1-seeded Denver Broncos (13-3) during the NFL Divisional Playoffs. The Broncos, who had defeated the Ravens earlier in the season, were heavily favored to win this meeting. However, the game went into double overtime before the Ravens upset the Broncos in what came to be known as “The Mile-High Miracle.” After the game, a very emotional Ray Lewis, the Ravens' Hall-of-Fame linebacker, attributed their victory to his faith, saying, “No weapon formed against us shall prosper. No weapon. No weapon. No weapon. God is amazing. And when you believe in Him...Man believes in the possible, but God believes in the impossible.”







Ray loosely quoted Isaiah 54:17: “No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.” This is one of the best-sounding verses in the Bible. Who doesn’t want to believe every weapon and accusation against them will fail?







The context of the verse is God's promise to destroy the nation of Israel’s enemies in the future. Ray Lewis,