The Crux

Ryan Ginn
  • 5.0 (4)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY
The Crux

I'm Ryan Ginn and on The Crux I'll be tackling the most important questions around men's experiences in relationships, with the goal of giving men real, concrete steps to help them move out of frustrating places and towards feeling more confident in their relationships.

  1. 1 DAY AGO

    Navigating Political Discussions in Relationships: Ground Rules for Couples

    In this episode, Luke and I explore how political differences can create tension in romantic relationships—and how to navigate them with empathy. We discuss the challenges of fixed perspectives, power dynamics, and emotional reactions, sharing practical strategies for fostering understanding instead of conflict. From setting ground rules to practicing "political empathy," we break down how to engage in tough conversations without sacrificing connection. Whether in your relationship, friendships, or family, these insights can help you build stronger, more respectful dialogues. For more tools on deepening communication, check out our upcoming 6-week online course, The Intimacy Blueprint. 00:00:00 - Navigating Political Discussions in Relationships 00:02:00 - The Volatility of Political Conversations 00:05:20 - Power Dynamics in Relationships 00:07:10 - The Importance of Connection and Collaboration 00:09:00 - Real-Life Example: A Morning Conversation 00:12:00 - Establishing Intent in Discussions 00:13:30 - Suspending Beliefs for Understanding 00:14:15 - The Super Skill of Communication 00:18:00 - Choosing Connection Over Self-Righteousness 00:20:00 - The Challenge of Meeting Distress 00:22:00 - The Intimacy Blueprint: A Path to Relational Growth 00:25:00 - Moving Beyond Survival Reflexes 00:28:00 - The Effort of Empathy in Relationships 00:30:00 - Encouragement for Practicing New Skills 00:31:00 - Closing Remarks and Resources

    31 min

  2. JAN 25

    Preparing for Couples Therapy: A Guide for Men

    In this episode, we delve into the often daunting world of couples therapy, particularly from the perspective of men who may feel apprehensive. We focus on how men can prepare for and benefit from the process and emphasize that effective therapy goes beyond communication; it requires thinking deeper about relationship dynamics and emotional safety. If you're new to understanding our perspective on long-term, committed relationships, we recommend reading "Wired for Love" or "In Each Other's Care" to build foundational knowledge. We discuss the misconception that therapy is about identifying one partner as "the problem." Instead, we encourage viewing therapy as a chance to understand each other better, recognizing that both partners contribute to the relationship's challenges. We also address the societal pressures that may make men hesitant to seek help, stressing the importance of finding a skilled therapist who fosters balanced dialogue. Men need to identify and express their personal needs in therapy, moving beyond surface complaints to deeper emotional requirements. We highlight the importance of effective repair after conflicts, noting that men often struggle with over-explaining rather than simply acknowledging their partner's hurt. Emotional presence and empathy are crucial for building intimacy. Educating yourself, approaching couple's therapy as a learning opportunity, and engaging in the emotional work necessary for healing are the key steps for getting the most from your couple's therapy work and building more intimacy in your partnership. Thank you for listening, and please share this episode with anyone who might benefit! Good luck out there! 00:00:00 - Introduction to Couples Therapy Preparation 00:01:00 - Understanding the Need for Communication 00:02:00 - Reading Recommendations for Better Understanding 00:03:00 - Reframing Couples Therapy as a Learning Opportunity 00:04:00 - The Role of the Therapist: Not a Judge 00:05:00 - Men's Resistance to Therapy and Power Dynamics 00:06:00 - The Importance of Shared Responsibility in Relationships 00:07:00 - Expectations from Couples Therapy 00:08:00 - Identifying Personal Needs in the Relationship 00:09:00 - The Dangers of Not Expressing Needs 00:10:00 - The Importance of Effective Repair in Relationships 00:11:00 - Understanding Emotional Dynamics in Repair 00:12:00 - The Anatomy of Hurt and Its Impact 00:13:00 - The Process of Healing and Trust Restoration 00:14:00 - The Role of Empathy in Repairing Relationships 00:15:00 - Recap of Key Points for Couples Therapy Preparation 00:16:00 - Upcoming Programs and Resources for Men 00:17:00 - Conclusion and Call to Action

    35 min
  3. Beyond Survival: Cultivating Nourishment for Presence & Connection in Relationships

    JAN 10

    Beyond Survival: Cultivating Nourishment for Presence & Connection in Relationships

    In this episode, I sit down with my co-host Luke to delve into a crucial topic that affects many men today: the struggle to feel competent and fulfilled in their primary relationships. We explore the foundational issues that often hinder men from engaging fully in their relationships, particularly the balance between work, self-care, and emotional presence. We begin by discussing the common dynamic we observe—well-meaning men who work tirelessly to provide for their families, often at the expense of their own emotional and physical well-being. Luke articulates the internal conflict many men face: the fear that prioritizing their well-being will lead to a decrease in their ability to provide financially. This fear is deeply rooted in societal programming that equates a man's worth with his ability to provide. As we navigate this conversation, we highlight the importance of shifting from a fight-or-flight response to a more relaxed, connected state. Luke shares his personal journey of confronting the fear that had gripped him for years, likening it to a frozen state that numbed his ability to feel exhaustion and ultimately led to burnout. He recounts how, through consistent work with other men and a supportive community, he began to thaw out emotionally, allowing him to reconnect with his true self and experience joy in a more embodied way. We emphasize that many men may not even realize they are operating in a state of numbness, as it has become a normalized part of their identity. The conversation touches on the necessity of external support and brotherhood in helping men recognize and confront these layers of numbness and exhaustion. Towards the end of the episode, we discuss practical steps men can take to improve their relationships, starting with self-care. Luke suggests simple yet effective actions, such as booking regular massages or seeking other forms of bodywork, to help men reconnect with their bodies and emotions. We stress that investing in self-care is not just a luxury but a necessity for fostering healthier relationships with partners and children. Ultimately, this episode serves as an invitation for men to reflect on their own experiences and consider how they can begin to prioritize their well-being. By doing so, they can cultivate a deeper emotional presence that enriches their relationships and allows them to show up as more engaged partners and fathers. Join us as we unpack these vital themes and encourage a shift towards a more nourished and fulfilled life. 00:00:00 - Introduction to Men's Well-Being 00:01:30 - The Conflict Between Well-Being and Providing 00:03:30 - The Nervous System Dynamics 00:05:00 - Personal Journey of Awakening 00:06:30 - Fear as a Driving Force 00:08:00 - The Impact of Numbness on Life 00:10:00 - The Importance of Brotherhood and Support 00:12:00 - Emotional Availability in Relationships 00:14:00 - The Foundation of Relational Competence 00:16:00 - Resourcing Yourself for Connection 00:18:00 - The Male Nourishment Crisis 00:20:00 - Practical Steps for Self-Care 00:24:00 - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

    27 min

  4. 12/16/2024

    Navigating the Shadow of Competence in Relationships

    In this episode, my guest, Luke Adler, and I, Ryan Ginn, challenge you to reflect on how the shadow of competence affects your relationships, especially as a man. We share personal stories—like a vulnerable moment I experienced with my partner, Eden, over household chores—and explore how fears of inadequacy can trigger defensiveness and hurt communication. Luke adds humor and insight with his own experiences navigating his wife Emily’s high standards for home management. Together, we unpack the cultural pressures of masculinity that fuel these fears and push you to consider how they might show up in your own life. We offer practical strategies for improving communication, recognizing emotional triggers, and embracing vulnerability as a way to foster deeper connections. We also highlight the power of men’s groups as supportive spaces where you can let go of societal expectations and grow in self-awareness. By facing your imperfections head-on, you can create stronger, more compassionate relationships with your loved ones and yourself.

    33 min

  5. 09/13/2024

    27. Why Men’s Work Actually Works, and Exploring the Masculine-Feminine Relationship Dynamic

    In this episode, my guest Luke Adler and I explore the transformative journey of men's work, delving into the unconscious parts of ourselves that influence our behavior and relationships. Our focus is on fostering deep personal growth, emotional intelligence, and healthier relationships for men. We often get asked: Why do a men’s retreat? Isn’t one-on-one therapy more effective? Surprisingly, no! The power of a men’s group is that it provides crucial support, fosters vulnerability, and promotes personal development. We identify common barriers to intimacy and offer insights into overcoming these challenges to achieve deeper connections. In this podcast episode, we compare the benefits of group work in men's circles with traditional one-on-one therapy. Group work offers a sense of community and shared experiences that can be more impactful than individual therapy sessions. Join us this summer for a transformational Men’s Work Retreat - where you will receive: Practical Tools to help you become a more compassionate, curious and courageous partner Presence and mindfulness practices to deepen and stabilize your relationship Methods to remain in your integrity even when things in life get difficult Impactful new ways to develop resilience to life’s inevitable ups and downs Relational leadership and communication skills

    47 min

  6. 12/02/2023

    Riding Emotional Waves: Unveiling the World of Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

    The Crux

    15 min

  7. 05/19/2023

    Domains of Self

    On taking care of all parts of yourself so you can show up fully in your relationship. Almost every man we encounter in our work has been conditioned to be somewhat dissociative in relationships. They are not fully engaged with themselves; in fact, there are entire aspects of their beings that they are not in touch with, that they were never taught how to be in touch with. This ends up being a major touch point for communication breakdown in relationships, because these men aren’t able to embody the balance of self-care and care of others that their family unit requires. In this episode of The Crux, Ryan and Slade dive into the polarization of the self that occurs for many men as they enter into long-term relationships, and discuss tactics for how to gain greater understanding around the domains of self that have been closed off or somehow inaccessible for so long. Listen to the full episode to learn more! SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – Embodying the balance of self care and the care of others 02:14 – Men haven’t been taught how to access and develop all parts of their beings 03:50 – The polarization of the self into different domains 07:20 – Engaging with the physical domain of self-care 11:16 – Your own physical dysregulation trickles down to your relationship and family 12:27 – Practices for tending to your nervous system 14:44 – Developing diverse relationships and emotional outlets 17:43 – Being intentional about your self-cultivation

    20 min

  8. 05/01/2023

    Finding the True Masculine

    On the heels of facilitating a men’s intensive weekend in Ashland, Oregon, Ryan and Slade wanted to delve deeper into the benefits of this kind of concentrated, immersive men’s work. As adults, most men don’t realize the degree to which wounded younger parts of them (think the inner child) are impacting their ability to sustain intimate relationships. This inner boy whose needs were not properly met in childhood is getting triggered in both small and great ways every day, setting off a whole array of behaviors that negatively impact his relationships. These behaviors, like aggression, defensiveness, mansplaining, tuning out, ‘fixing their partners’—the list goes on and on—are all forms of protection for the boy underneath who is hurting, alone, and generally feeling like he is ‘not enough’. So as long as this boy is neglected and buried underneath other protective parts, the man will never step into his vulnerable masculine self and find the intimacy that he longs for. Men’s work is a safe and powerful container within which to unpack the past traumas held inside our inner boys, deconstruct them, and discover what we must heal in order to grow into our true masculinity. When you can open yourself up to this inner emotional work, you open the door to improving the dynamics at home. When your partner no longer has to take on the parenting role for your inner child, you can connect much more deeply. Listen to the full episode to learn more. SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – Ryan and Slade share about a men’s intensive program they recently facilitated, and the experiences they witnessed there 04:23 – The beauty and sacredness of the courage to be vulnerable 05:51 – Each man has a unique, core piece of work they must accomplish 07:22 – Creating new reference points: The impact of men’s work on our relationships 10:33 – Misconceptions around what it means to be “truly masculine” 13:20 – Using men’s work to deconstruct our masculine facades 16:20 – Good men’s work containers are compassionate and flexible, but strong 18:06 – The importance of seeing your inner work and your experiences reflected around you in society

    22 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

I'm Ryan Ginn and on The Crux I'll be tackling the most important questions around men's experiences in relationships, with the goal of giving men real, concrete steps to help them move out of frustrating places and towards feeling more confident in their relationships.

Information

  • Creator
    Ryan Ginn
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2025
  • Episodes
    26
  • Rating
    Explicit

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