The Crux

Ryan Ginn and Slade Machamer
  • 5.0 (3)
  • RELATIONSHIPS
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The Crux

We are Ryan Ginn and Slade Machamer, and on The Crux we will be tackling the most important questions around men's experiences in relationships, with the goal of giving men real, concrete steps to help them move out of frustrating places and towards feeling more confident in their relationships.

  1. SEP 13

    27. Why Men’s Work Actually Works, and Exploring the Masculine-Feminine Relationship Dynamic

    In this episode, my guest Luke Adler and I explore the transformative journey of men's work, delving into the unconscious parts of ourselves that influence our behavior and relationships. Our focus is on fostering deep personal growth, emotional intelligence, and healthier relationships for men. We often get asked: Why do a men’s retreat? Isn’t one-on-one therapy more effective? Surprisingly, no! The power of a men’s group is that it provides crucial support, fosters vulnerability, and promotes personal development. We identify common barriers to intimacy and offer insights into overcoming these challenges to achieve deeper connections. In this podcast episode, we compare the benefits of group work in men's circles with traditional one-on-one therapy. Group work offers a sense of community and shared experiences that can be more impactful than individual therapy sessions. Join us this summer for a transformational Men’s Work Retreat - where you will receive: Practical Tools to help you become a more compassionate, curious and courageous partner Presence and mindfulness practices to deepen and stabilize your relationship Methods to remain in your integrity even when things in life get difficult Impactful new ways to develop resilience to life’s inevitable ups and downs Relational leadership and communication skills

    47 min

  2. 12/02/2023

    Riding Emotional Waves: Unveiling the World of Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

    The Crux

    15 min

  3. 05/19/2023

    Domains of Self

    On taking care of all parts of yourself so you can show up fully in your relationship. Almost every man we encounter in our work has been conditioned to be somewhat dissociative in relationships. They are not fully engaged with themselves; in fact, there are entire aspects of their beings that they are not in touch with, that they were never taught how to be in touch with. This ends up being a major touch point for communication breakdown in relationships, because these men aren’t able to embody the balance of self-care and care of others that their family unit requires. In this episode of The Crux, Ryan and Slade dive into the polarization of the self that occurs for many men as they enter into long-term relationships, and discuss tactics for how to gain greater understanding around the domains of self that have been closed off or somehow inaccessible for so long. Listen to the full episode to learn more! SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – Embodying the balance of self care and the care of others 02:14 – Men haven’t been taught how to access and develop all parts of their beings 03:50 – The polarization of the self into different domains 07:20 – Engaging with the physical domain of self-care 11:16 – Your own physical dysregulation trickles down to your relationship and family 12:27 – Practices for tending to your nervous system 14:44 – Developing diverse relationships and emotional outlets 17:43 – Being intentional about your self-cultivation

    20 min

  4. 05/01/2023

    Finding the True Masculine

    On the heels of facilitating a men’s intensive weekend in Ashland, Oregon, Ryan and Slade wanted to delve deeper into the benefits of this kind of concentrated, immersive men’s work. As adults, most men don’t realize the degree to which wounded younger parts of them (think the inner child) are impacting their ability to sustain intimate relationships. This inner boy whose needs were not properly met in childhood is getting triggered in both small and great ways every day, setting off a whole array of behaviors that negatively impact his relationships. These behaviors, like aggression, defensiveness, mansplaining, tuning out, ‘fixing their partners’—the list goes on and on—are all forms of protection for the boy underneath who is hurting, alone, and generally feeling like he is ‘not enough’. So as long as this boy is neglected and buried underneath other protective parts, the man will never step into his vulnerable masculine self and find the intimacy that he longs for. Men’s work is a safe and powerful container within which to unpack the past traumas held inside our inner boys, deconstruct them, and discover what we must heal in order to grow into our true masculinity. When you can open yourself up to this inner emotional work, you open the door to improving the dynamics at home. When your partner no longer has to take on the parenting role for your inner child, you can connect much more deeply. Listen to the full episode to learn more. SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – Ryan and Slade share about a men’s intensive program they recently facilitated, and the experiences they witnessed there 04:23 – The beauty and sacredness of the courage to be vulnerable 05:51 – Each man has a unique, core piece of work they must accomplish 07:22 – Creating new reference points: The impact of men’s work on our relationships 10:33 – Misconceptions around what it means to be “truly masculine” 13:20 – Using men’s work to deconstruct our masculine facades 16:20 – Good men’s work containers are compassionate and flexible, but strong 18:06 – The importance of seeing your inner work and your experiences reflected around you in society

    22 min

  5. 04/27/2023

    Silver Bullet Experiences

    On maintaining a growthful state of consciousness in your daily life. Men often cease to emphasize the day-in and day-out practices that will actually make a difference, because they’re waiting for a big experience or breakthrough of some kind that will ignite them and motivate them.  We want to bring a more critical eye and a constructive approach to how to integrate those moments,  prepare for them, and do the work on a day-to-day basis.  There’s a sobriety in realizing that no matter how far these experiences and journeys take you, they’ll always drop you back off where you were. You have to come back into your own life and continue doing that work, showing up day after day in the hard moments, to practice something different.  Listen to hear more from Ryan and Slade on how you can stop waiting for silver bullet experiences and instead start integrating practices for emotional growth into your daily life. SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – Why just waiting for a “silver bullet experience” to show up isn’t good enough long-term 02:40 – The benefits of men’s groups for continuous support and accountability 06:19 – Taking leadership to create intentionality in your relationship 08:08 – On seeking professional support when needed to improve integration & awareness 08:54 – You can develop a lot of source material through self-guided individual work 11:55 – Becoming aware of your own resistance to growth

    13 min

  6. 04/27/2023

    Finding Your Partner’s Antidote

    On mitigating each other’s trauma responses in conflict. Periodically, in coupledom, you’re going to do something—or not do something—that elicits a threat response or inflammatory reaction of some kind in your partner. The problem is, most people don't know how to effectively handle that response. At that moment, it can seem like a gross overreaction. But you may start to realize that this same response comes up over and over again, and it is actually due to a mixture of unique experiences, traumas, and needs that your partner has faced at various points in their life. In working with hundreds of couples over the years, we’ve seen that most people have individual “antidotes”, certain approaches to conflict that can help soothe their frustrations and emotional responses better than others. In this episode of The Crux, Ryan and Slade dive into the different types of antidotes people can have, and how to effectively implement them to ensure greater empathic communication between both parties. Listen to learn more! SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – Ryan and Slade introduce what a partner’s “antidote” means 02:26 – Why our emotional responses are disproportionate to our partner’s feedback 05:06 – Do you want to be right or do you want to be connected? 05:41 – Conceptualizing your partner’s trauma wounds 09:00 – You have to know your partner’s history to understand where they’re coming from 11:30 – Methods of delivering the antidote 15:45 – The importance of slowing down to ensure authenticity 20:08 – Conscious empathic communication requires trial and error 21:30 – Steps to implement this in your own relationship

    27 min

  7. 03/20/2023

    The Pitfalls of Yin and Yang

    On consciously challenging your relationship perspective to avoid reinforcing blind spots. – In our work, we’ve realized that most men tend to fall into one of two general camps: they are either doing-oriented or being-oriented. Those who are more doing-oriented tend to be hyper-focused, solution-oriented, and constantly moving forward. They get things done, and are good at juggling multiple problems while working towards a solution for each. In contrast, being-oriented men tend to need more alone time for introspection, meditation, and thoughtfulness in order to connect with what is being asked of them, and to recognize when things need to be done. In reality, we all have a bit of each type in us, but most of us do tend to fall more to one side than the other. And one of the common problems that we hear men talking about is, they find it hard to connect with their partners about their relationship needs and expectations when their current orientation feels misaligned with that of their partner. In this episode of The Crux, Ryan and Slade dive into the ways of being and orienting in the world that can either help you connect in relationships the way you want or that take you out of balance, and offer solutions to those struggling with achieving a more doing-focused orientation. Listen to learn more! SHOW NOTES: 00:00 – On the difference between doing-oriented and being-oriented men 03:54 – Determining which camp you typically occupy, and how it impacts your relationship 05:50 – Ryan shares a personal story about learning to be more conscious of the different orientations experienced in his relationship 10:14 – On letting go of learned stories and expectations 11:21 – Slade shares about his experience learning to de-prioritize his own fixations in relationship 15:22 – The importance of consciously challenging our “versions” of our relationships 18:07 – What men can do at home to start challenging their habits 21:30 – Specific advice for being-oriented men 24:24 – Using boundary-specific work to honor your needs while addressing the root cause of your avoidance

    28 min

  8. 03/17/2023

    Deeper Listening & Presence

    A discussion on the process of building trust with our partners after a commitment to change. – Most men have been given behavioral feedback from their partners at some point. And when we are able to recognize this feedback as something that necessitates a change on our part, no matter how much we also believe in the need for that change, the implementation can be an incredibly vulnerable process. Another problem arises when men try to make a change in their behavior, but they don’t get the result they want instantly from their partner.They think that they failed, or they weren’t good enough, or they didn’t try hard enough, and their instinctive reaction is to give up. But it’s important to understand that when our partners provide us feedback that has to do with them feeling neglected, or feeling that we haven’t been pulling our weight, their hurt isn’t going to be easily repaired. Your partner won’t turn on a dime just because you try once; they’ve organized their defenses and they need time to see you show up again and again before they can begin to relax and believe in the consistency of your presence. It requires a lot of stamina and fortitude on your part to bear your partner’s feelings, hear them, and let them be healed. It’s hard, yes, but if every man gave up at this point, it would cause a lot of viable relationships to fail unnecessarily. So what do you as a man do to ensure you are able to show up consistently for them? Listen to learn more! SHOW NOTES: 00:25 – Losing traction: The patterns of defensiveness men regress into when their attempts aren’t successful 03:22 – Slade discusses the healing sequence that partners must follow in response to negative feedback 06:15 – Understanding and mitigating the emotions that arise when you don’t get the response you think you deserve 08:40 – How to set up the conversation in a thoughtful, distraction-free way 10:35 – Sticking with your commitment to new behaviors during the trust-building period 13:44 – Practice self-compassion: Emotionally preparing yourself for the long-haul 14:54 – Work together to break the conversation into manageable pieces 17:33 – Your new behaviors aren’t just about you: Both partners are learning and growing

    21 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

We are Ryan Ginn and Slade Machamer, and on The Crux we will be tackling the most important questions around men's experiences in relationships, with the goal of giving men real, concrete steps to help them move out of frustrating places and towards feeling more confident in their relationships.

Information

  • Creator
    Ryan Ginn and Slade Machamer
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2024
  • Episodes
    22
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2024 The Crux Ryan Ginn and Slade Machamer
  • Show Website
    The Crux

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