The Offensive

4.9 (104)
COMEDY FICTION
WEEKLY SERIES

An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC. 'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian 'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

EPISODE 1

Episode 153 - 2022/2023 SEASON: The Nolan Era

Premier League football returns as Ashwood City host Fulham at Dartley Park. Chairman Patrick Nolan M.B.E is eager to kick off the new era with a bang, whilst newly appointed C.E.O Chris 'Woody' Woodall concentrates on cleaning the mess left by Head Coach Eric Van Smit's antics at the end of last season. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena Doughty as Jess Tate John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Allon Sylvain as Eric Van Smit Additional Voices: Joel Emery Kate Mason Luke Moore Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

29 min
EPISODE 2

Episode 154 - Apportunity Knocks

Ashwood staff are impressed with the delivery of a summer project by the new Ashwood City Chief Executive Officer. An envious Patrick Nolan sets out to undermine all the hard work done by Chris 'Woody' Woodall and the rest of the club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

21 min
EPISODE 3

Episode 155 - A New Leaf

Ashwood City Chairman Patrick Nolan and CEO Chris 'Woody' Woodall enjoy the facilities of Broadley Country Club. All is not as it seems, however, as Patrick confides in his Chief Executive. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

21 min
EPISODE 4

Episode 156 - Deadline Day

League form has never been worse, their Head Coach has finally been charged by the police and a multitude of other crises emerge... Ashwood City are feeling the heat as Deadline Day approaches. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Allon Sylvain as Eric Van Smit Additional Voices: Nalan Burgess Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

21 min
EPISODE 5

Episode 157 - Toon Can Play At That Game

Ashwood City are the visitors at St James' Park in a must-win game for the Super Whites. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall & Kieran Broom John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

29 min
EPISODE 6

Episode 158 - Lever Pitch: Part One

It's a momentous day in Ashwood City's history as they travel to the Nou Camp to take on Barcelona in the UEFA Champions League... The historic occasion is somewhat spoiled by a deepening financial crisis at the club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr Rachel Webber Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Additional Voices: Joel Emery Darcey Ferguson Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

23 min
EPISODE 7

Episode 159 - Lever Pitch: Part Two

It's the day of the funeral for Queen Elizabeth II. In a momentous occasion for both the club and country, an opportunistic Patrick Nolan decides to showcase Dartley Park to a potential buyer. The Offensive will return after the International Break. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Thomas Mitchells as Simon Napier-Fox Adam Jarrell as Kieran Broom Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

26 min
EPISODE 8

Episode 160 - Name and Shame

For the first time in its history, the Ashwood City Stadium has changed its name courtesy of a new revenue stream secured by Chairman Patrick Nolan MBE. The fallout from this momentous chapter in the club's history is hostile, to say the least. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable. This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. Listener discretion is advised. The Offensive is property of Primley Limited. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

23 min

See All Season 5 (37)

4.9

out of 5

104 Ratings

Where Has This (or Have I) Been?

Jun 28

BrokenServe

I’m only on the second episode, but this show is great! No idea how I hadn’t seen it on some “Top Podcasts” lists, but it certainly deserves a place on all of them.
I wish I had found it sooner!

06/17/2023

1Z2F79V00342208413

Heard and advertisement during P1 with Matt & Tommy and figured I’d give it a shot; the more I listened the more I loved it! The characters, the storylines it straddles the line between completely plausible and utterly ludicrous, it’s a perfect blend of hilarity. The voice cast does an amazing job, the jokes range from smart and punchy to raunchy and childish and everything in between. I wish I had know about it earlier to follow it weekly, but at least now I have a huge catalog to catch up on! #Nolanout #ashwoodcity #superwhites
Spot on

02/10/2022

podmentor

Listening again for the second time through. Will keep in my library until we’ll past it inevitably ends. It’s the book or the movie or tv show or album you always go back to.
Best Show Ever

08/23/2021

CTXYZ2015

Perfectly done. Massive talent. A must listen.

An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC. 'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian 'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.