86 episodes

Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week.

Topic Lords Jim Stormdancer

    • Comedy
    • 4.8 • 11 Ratings

Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week.

    86. Dad Boy Prime And The Shadow of Grung

    86. Dad Boy Prime And The Shadow of Grung

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    Bogwater convention coming to your town soon!


    Spirit Halloween's Youtube Channel


    A drug you never want to try
    This list of people's favorite mugs, and how to generalize it


    Devo - Theme from Doctor Detroit

    Unedited (syncable) commentary: https://youtu.be/QIK-ngWWhhs

    Mechanics or features of a game that the game doesn't tell you about
    Which undead would you most like to become? Lich? Ghoul? Skeleton? Ghost? Zombie? Wight? Revenant?


    What a .tv TLD indicates.
    Brayton's Bubbly Bog Water.
    Airdropping incredibly earthy mineral water directly to your house.
    Using the wrong musical sting.
    The gas station that functions both before and after noon.
    Drinking water out of a beer bong.
    The algorithm providing a solid recommendation for once.
    Going into Spirit Halloween and asking for something in an underfed Michael Myers.
    Giving out vaseline for Halloween.
    The truth according to vaseline.com.
    Whether vaseline meets FDA requirements for human consumption and whether that qualifies it as a foodstuff.
    Blooming your own onions at home so you can stop going to Outback every weekend.
    All the other things you could bloom with your new onion bloomer.
    A good way to go into a fugue state and have something on in the background while you're doing something else.
    A redditor who went missing after acquiring some Datura seeds.
    A recreational drug for which the lethal dose varies significantly from person to person.
    Deciding whether to join a cult based on whether you hallucinated the cult leader high fiving Aquaman or selling celebrity maps under a bridge.
    The serial rooster on the box of corn flakes who's roosting every time you see him.
    The rooster jumping off of the Corn Flakes box, grabbing the butcher knife, and giving you career advice.
    Explaining that cocaine isn't addictive and you would know because you do it every day.
    Scrolling through a Twitter thread about people's favorite mugs to see all the great mugs.
    Perusing the multivarious ways a person can like a mug.
    The East Berlin traffic light man.
    A trivet in your grandpa's kitchen that says Joint-S.T.A.R.S. and depicts a star firing a lightning bolt at a tank, and whether your grandpa is secretly an anime villain.
    A dragon clutching the world in its hands with an American flag pattern on its spread wings.
    The patriotism dragon.
    Our favorite mugs.
    Going on Twitter to relax.
    Whether a big enough knife counts as a sword.
    Devo Vevo.
    Dan Aykroyd speed walking while people make fun of him for the entire duration of the film.
    Mark Mothersbaugh jogging in a sealed garbage bag so he can quickly lose enough weight to qualify for his intended Devo weight class.
    The belt from the 1920s that jiggles you.
    Recording a commentary on a Dan Aykroyd movie as part of your podcast about Binding of Isaac collectibles.
    Replacing every transition wipe in Star Wars with Mark Mothersbaugh floating across the screen.
    The illusion of intentionality.
    A beat poet playing a bass constructed out of a bass drum
    Our favorite fake lap steel guitar solos and what synthesizers they were played on.
    The geniuses at genius.com having absolutely nothing to say about Devo's Theme to Doctor Detroit.
    The Charmin Bear's mom's opinions on ass wiping.
    A Transmissible Toilet Paper Disease That Affects Only Bears.
    Rubber Krulwich.
    Jogging and Pimps: the Doctor Detroit Story.
    One of those Doctor Detroit marriages you always hear about.

    • 1 hr 1 min
    85. Corsets For Snakes

    85. Corsets For Snakes

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    Alex is on the Topic Lords Discord.
    Shannon is offering vaccines.


    Human-led gaming over the internet (like escape rooms). How the DM is walking a line of controlling everything vs being completely controlled by the players. How to design games to be played like this over the internet.
    Best and worst parts of camping.
    Shutting off the PC speaker as a service.
    Call Me By Your Name.

    Unedited (syncable) commentary: https://youtu.be/a1u_79xLemA

    Is "The Birds" the first genre zombie film?


    Safe and effective vaccines.
    The difference between spring rolls and egg rolls.
    Teleconferencing an escape room.
    All of the items that came out of this drawer.
    A room escape game set in outer space where the players on separate ships communicate via semaphore flags.
    Running a massively multiplayer tabletop campaign and inventing the middle manager dungeon master.
    How Room Escape games have adapted to the pandemic.
    Going camping and wondering "Why are we in the woods? Why are we not in our cozy warm house?"
    The novelty of not having your luxuries.
    Being imprisoned on a cruise ship and only then deigning to be entertained by cruise ship entertainments.
    Enjoying a bonfire because the woods doesn't have Netflix.
    The novelty of sitting outside in the dark.
    Camping as a simulacrum of being an ancient human.
    The sound of wind through the branches.
    Symphonies being largely unlistenable unless you're held captive in a nearly entirely quiet room.
    The relative ease of paying attention when you're not surrounded by distractions.
    The relentless temptation of pulling to refresh.
    How bad the flame wars get on the fake Twitter set up just for the attendees of JoCo Cruise.
    Waiting to find out whether your cruise ship will be permitted to land.
    The dynamics of having a Twitter just for your dorm.
    Bringing all 29 volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica because you won't have the Internet on the cruise ship.
    Going to a sake bar in Japan to learn how to like booze.
    The legality of throwing your drink in a kid's face if they give you sass.
    Knowing it's illegal to dance on the street in Japan and deliberately adopting an exaggerated swagger whenever the police are around.
    Japanese police's different standards for when white people are dancing.
    Whether Japanese police have truncheons or just those flashlights with traffic cones on them.
    Getting a job and trying to figure out how to be useful at it.
    The PC speaker beeping long after your program has crashed.
    Writing a program in the machine language debugger because Windows 98 still comes with programming tools.
    A kid swinging over pits.
    Commander Keen in: Invasion of the Vorticons.
    Back when it was a big deal for the PC to run a game that looked like a NES game.
    Eventually realizing that the game you're playing where the cat chases the mouse is actually just a screen saver.
    Not being able to convince your dad to buy a CD-ROM drive for the family PC but luckily the N64 uses cartridge technology.
    Visiting your friends who own an N64 and playing Mario Kart and Goldeneye and then going home and saying "this is the real shit, check out Pac Man 2."
    Being informed that you are in for a treat.
    Clouds giving the sun a big hug.
    The influence of Spongebob Squarepants on the music video for "Call Me By Your Name" by Lil Nas X.
    A snake turning into a cone head.
    A very slow jog.
    Your under-eye makeup really bringing out your scales.
    Corsets for snakes.
    Mini-Marge with a smaller version of the same hair.
    The denim police taking you to denim jail for fashion crimes.
    Wearing clothing with your name on it.
    Sequence breaking the endless staircase in Mario 64 by giving the stairs a lapdance.
    Nearly having descended the entire stripper pole.
    The core strength required to give Satan an extremely sl

    • 1 hr 9 min
    84. Whirling Away Into The Unhearable

    84. Whirling Away Into The Unhearable

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    @YerrikTRB on Twitter
    Erica plugs Kitchen! The Musical, and also Micah’s books: https://tinyurl.com/46k5zfnm


    @micahwrites on Twitter
    Micah plugs Bermudez Triangle, “Chilling Tales for Dark Nights” https://www.youtube.com/user/chillingtaleswi


    In praise of bad hidden object games

    HOPAs, or Hidden Object Puzzle Adventures, made by studios in Hong Kong and Eastern Europe:
    HOPA Let’s Plays: https://www.youtube.com/c/YourGibs/playlists

    Better designs for the human body

    Modularity: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modularity_(biology)
    CRISPR: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CRISPR

    When you say "excuse me" you're asking forgiveness for doing something rude, such as burping. When you say "excuse me" as a demand that someone move out of the way because you're impatient to get past, the demand is itself the rude thing, so you should have to say it twice.

    Brood X: https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/22362042/cicada-brood-x-map-2021
    Palo Verde beetles
    Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madagascar_hissing_cockroach

    Beastie Boys - Sabotage

    Deodar Cedars: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cedrus_deodara

    Ryan Reynolds and the Deadpool Cinematic Universe
    Watching Shakespeare

    The Hollow Crown: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hollow_Crown_(TV_series)
    Henry V: https://globeplayer.tv/videos/henry-v
    Falstaff, who is actually more in Henry IV than Henry V: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Falstaff
    Hamlet in the original Klingon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RF0k4qV1I1Y
    Richard II (the one that precedes Henry IV) https://tinyurl.com/344kjjp4


    Kitchen! The Musical.
    Inviting the general public to write the musical that exists only in your head.
    Introducing the guest who is bad at introducing himself.
    Running a white-hat ARG on company servers to research and understand the employees you fired for running an ARG on company servers.
    In praise of terrible games.
    Procedurally-generated hidden object games.
    Organizing your life in a video game when you can't organize shit in real life.
    Where the Hidden Object Puzzle Adventure fan communities are congregating online.
    Using the block button on the pile of dishes in the sink.
    Asking the manliest gamers to play feminine-coded video games and discovering if they become less manly.
    Ladies who want to wear big dresses to be fancy ballroom ladies.
    Gamers who don't congregate online but instead enjoy video games by themselves.
    Where the Russian developers who make games for American women congregate online.
    Clicking on something to make it go away.
    Improving humans by adding components vs. by replacing components.
    The legality of inventing a new organism by adding or deleting genes.
    The Modular Human.
    Plants undergoing full genome duplication.
    The Diploid Human.
    Using your hundred tongues to speak a hundred languages at once.
    The one line you remember from "Kitchen! The Musical"
    Saying "excuse me" in a higher and higher pitched voice until you're only saying "excuse me" to dogs and bats.
    Running an errand in Tucson and incidentally removing horrifying beetles from multiple strangers’ hair.
    True bugs and untrue bugs.
    True bugs, with piercing and sucking mouthparts.
    A reimagining of the insect phylum that includes small dogs and especially annoying children.
    Hissing cockroaches that repeat what they hear like a parrot, so when you walk through the forest all you h

    • 1 hr 6 min
    83. The Wide World Of Pores

    83. The Wide World Of Pores

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    Avery might be on Spotify.


    BREAKING NON MAMMALIAN MILK NEWS: the Arapaima, the largest freshwater fish, feeds its young with a milky white substance that has a hormone found in mammal milk.


    Angle Grinder Man


    The Safety Dance, by Men Without Hats

    Unedited (syncable) commentary segment: https://youtu.be/NxucdoBgtSc

    Music generated by food


    Ron Gallagher, who toured small clubs doing his famous brother's act, eventually resulting in a lawsuit and the estrangement of Leo Gallaher (the famous Gallagher) from his family


    The miracle of life on this very special episode of Topic Lords.
    Fish milk.
    The pigeon milk t-shirt.
    Fish lactating out of their heads so the baby fish can swim through the milk cloud to improve their complexion.
    Photos of proud fishermen holding fish bigger than they are and drinking milk off of their heads.
    The top ten pores.
    The defensive pores millipedes use to shoot itchy silk at you like silly string.
    How if arachnids couldn't eat they'd die and how that's awesome actually.
    Solid state arachnids.
    The velvet worm.
    Painting so many enormous millipedes that your boyfriend goes to the pet shop to get you an enormous millipede to draw from life and he comes back with no millipedes but he does smell like almonds for a week.
    Creating a listener survey to see how many listeners made it past the topic about fish milk.
    Not naming the RRS Sir David Attenborough but throwing a bone to the internet by naming its little buddy boat that pops out Boaty McBoatface.
    Whether they're actually called pilots.
    Losing a whole boatload of rubber duckies so to this day rubber duckies are washing ashore along with disarticulated left feet.
    A Twitter bot that just says hello and goodbye to boats entering and leaving the San Francisco Bay.
    Tweeting at a boat to say "you're killin' it out there, boat" and being immediately suspended by moderation bots.
    Thousands of boat watchers in dinghies all over the ocean watching boat movement through binoculars and sending updates to vesselfinder.com via carrier pigeon.
    Birds that are constantly changing their names.
    How slough and slough are actually two different words.
    The rest of the boat.
    How snowplows get their names in Scotland.
    The top eight snowplow names in Minnesota.
    All the plow names that didn't make the cut.
    Plugging a hair dryer into the cigarette lighter and attaching it to your front bumper to melt the ice as you drive.
    A cop writing you a fix it ticket because your hair dryer cables are too tangled.
    Superheroes who make house calls.
    The police being completely unable to apprehend Angle Grinder man when his phone number and web site are totally public.
    Construction Luigi.
    Angle Grinder man and Wheel Clamp man both having the same publicity shot of doing a split and grinding the concrete.
    A mob of masked superheroes descending on you and beating you up while you try to drink a smoothie.
    Extreme Elvis.
    A superhero named Bear Man whose superpower is that he only eats salmon.
    Pouring one out for the Petoskey Batman.
    Trying to think of how The Safety Dance goes but all you can think of is the Humpty Dance.
    Getting a taste of Youtube's time-stretching algorithm and spitting it right back out.
    Really enjoying the tall grass.
    How to tell if somebody is running, frolicking or fleeing.
    An excellent prop stone wall with a bunch of old looking rocks.
    Extreme expressions of joy bursting with love as you walk through town screaming at everyone.

    • 1 hr 1 min
    82. Breadless French Toast a la Dig Dug

    82. Breadless French Toast a la Dig Dug

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    Chris will find you.


    The Pokemon Sylveon is supposed to be cute but it freaks me out and let me tell you why
    Savory french toast.
    Remember briefcases? People would just bring paperwork home with them. To work more, at home, for free. F****d up, if you think about it.
    Everytime we touch Detective Pikachu


    The ethics of making a robot daughter



    Whether it's possible to do Soupertasters remotely.
    What show this even is.
    Never watching the best episode of a show because if you do the rest will be worse than that.
    A game where you explore a tavern and then the game ends.
    History littered with the corpses of couch-co-op-only games.
    A hypothetical podcast about the dark history of cribbage.
    The best vertically scrolling shooter set on British colonial Mars.
    Adding faeries to rebalance the meta which has been overrun by dragons.
    A little quadruped with features.
    Ribbon-like feelers that make you drop your guard.
    OG European fairies who steal children and leave rusty nails in their place.
    A cute fairy dog that will f**k your shit up when you're not looking vibe.
    The mortifying ordeal of realizing that all the Pokemon who look like they're wearing clothes? That's actually their skin.
    A Syveon swinging around Viridian City like Spider-Man, eating birds and avoiding cold iron.
    Turkey-flavored bread.
    Making a Monte Cristo with savory French toast.
    A sweet omelette with a lot more bread than egg.
    Breadless French toast.
    Omelette a la Dig Dug.
    Filling crepes.
    Using eggs as glue for putting a bunch of yummies together.
    Lobster burritos.
    What briefcases are for.
    A game where you've got a corgi and you've gotta get her somewhere to do stuff.
    Bringing a knife to a briefcase fight.
    Using briefcases to store underwear.
    Whether you want to sit in the briefcase or boxercase section.
    Asking president Clinton "boxers or briefs?" on a live Q&A.
    An adorable chonky Pikachu.
    Detective Pikachu turning out way better than it had any right to be.
    Two and a half hours of Pikachu jazzercising.
    Whether Pikachu is made of shiny plastic like in Pokemon Go or is furry like a mouse like in Detective Pikachu.
    Hiring internet meme people to do concept art for your movie.
    Pokemon MC Hammer's extremely baggy purple leg skin.
    Realistic Homer Simpson and realistic Mario.
    Diving straight into your uncanny valley reflex and poking it with a stick.
    Doing an image search for "realistic Mr. Mime" and regretting it immediately.
    Psychic stigmata.
    Star Trek: The Next Generation and Frankenstein's conflicting takes on whether it's a good idea to construct an artificial person.
    Trying to make a robot daughter but accidently making a murder bot.
    Committing your kid to Git so you can roll back when they find out about the time you spent on 4chan.
    Best practices for doing AI research without committing murder all the time.
    The "bunch of delicious stuff in a pan plus eggs" approach to AI research vs. the "frittata" approach to AI research.
    Observing and understanding the outcome of training a neural network and writing an ordinary program to do the same thing.
    The alternate ending of Frankenstein where Dr. Frankenstein accidentally installs a baker's hand on the monster and it goes on a baking rampage using up all the flour in town.
    To what degree parents can be held responsible for what their children do.
    How it's okay to disown your parents but not your children.
    A chatbot with servomotors in it.
    A Fu

    • 59 min
    81. The Pianist-Oboist War

    81. The Pianist-Oboist War

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    The disappointment of sci-fi stories that are just reskins of stuff that happens on Earth.
    My bitcoin.


    I can't decide whether I'm more annoyed that Wienerschnitzel doesn't serve schnitzel, or that they did for three months in 2017 as a gag.
    Jesse asks "First encountering a song through parody."
    Bad habits that adventure games teach you.


    Shrinking your pony until it's really small.
    Pulling down the console and typing +mlook.
    Skyrim modding as a more convincing representation of magic than the spell system in the game itself.
    A very cryptic twitter account that just posts numbers.
    What @math_ebooks did to be suspended.
    Wanting to land on a planet and look for Bob but a different planet gets in your way first.
    Sci-fi as a safe lens for exploring our culture without getting people's defenses up.
    Reverse mystery stories.
    Starfish people who communicate through music.
    Watching Solaris because you're really into boring sci-fi.
    An alien invasion movie without the invasion.
    Final Jeopardy asking you to identify the Close Encounters of the Third Kind melody from the interval names.
    The fires of Musical Jeopardy.
    The correlation between how tightly strung your instrument is vs. how tightly strung you are.
    The Star Trek episode where the Enterprise discovers a musician planet where there's a war between the pianists and the oboists.
    Edmonton, the early Bitcoin hub.
    SETI@home never finding anything interesting.
    Losing your Bitcoin wallet.
    Buying a $40,000 coffee with Bitcoin in 2013.
    Giving your college hard drive to a friend to ask them to try to find your Bitcoin wallet without first scouring it for incriminating evidence.
    Deciding you no longer need a memes folder on your hard drive because you can easily find as many memes as you need on the Internet.
    Dressing up as the Murder She Wrote theme song for Meme Day.
    Whether the Murder She Wrote theme song is a meme.
    The barbecue joint that accepts Dogecoin.
    Going to Remedy Chai in Edmonton and getting a butter chicken wrap and a $40,000 chai.
    Liking both hot dogs and schnitzel but hating Wienerschnitzel.
    A joke that most people won't get or notice, and the people who do will be annoyed by it.
    My First Book of Space.
    Hating potatoes until you discover that they are delicious and then hating them even more.
    Your refusal to admit that actually you like potatoes as foreshadowing to every argument you ever have on the Internet.
    The Wienerschnitzel chili cheese dog burrito skipping right from marketing's brain to consumer's mouths without ever being taste-tested by anyone.
    The Brain to Mouth social movement.
    The culinary dimensional space of meat product folded into bread product.
    A hybrid chef/engineer who has an understanding of both fast food pipelines and how to prepare a tasty meal.
    Hearing every Weird Al version of a song before you hear the originals.
    Bible versions of pop culture songs so you can sing along to the radio without being full of sin.
    The guy at Bible Camp who rewrote the lyrics of pop music to be about God, who retired back when Christianity was groovy, so the most recent pop music you're allowed to sing is from the 1970s.
    It's getting cold in here, so put on all your coats.
    Sherlock Hemlock.
    Vincent Twice Vincent Twice.
    Monty Python's popularity among Americans who are completely oblivious to what it's satirizing, so a whole generation of American nerds grew up thinking inscrutable nonsense is the pinnacle of comedy. (Which it is.)
    A combination of things you usually don't see tickling your neurons in a novel way.
    The scene in the Hitchhiker's Guide radio show where Douglas Adams is making fun of disco.
    The missing album that the Backstreet Boys only released in Canada so they could pr

    • 50 min

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
11 Ratings

11 Ratings

Livevil999 ,

Good podcast

This is a show where 3 people from alternate realities (multiverse theory) debate topics from each of their own realities. Nobody knows the topics ahead of time and points are awarded with the loser being banished from their own reality and joining a new reality chosen at random. Its a lot and sometimes you feel really bad for the people who are banished, like the one guy who was banished to the universe where all veggies taste like blue cheese or the woman who was banished to a 2nd dimensional reality but she was still 3d so she couldn’t interact with anyone really. Rough stuff.

The topics are good and it’s basically a conversation among friends but you do end up learning things from their life experience and such. Would recommend it!

scumbly ,

Wonderful show, one problem

As a longtime fan of Jim (and always a newly-minted fan of each guest/lord he invites on), this show is so close to being five stars for me.

Problem is, so many episodes bring in guests that are on microphone setups that are just unlistenable for me. I may be more sensitive to this than others, but it seems like on every other episode at least one guest sounds like they’re shouting down an echoing hallway the whole time. It’s a frustrating listen when you’re trying to concentrate on what people are saying, because otherwise the material and rapport are so fun and good.

Would love to revisit this rating, and start recommending the show to friends, if they can just establish a good baseline for guest audio quality. Until then, I’m mostly enjoying it through clenched teeth.

Zelrain ,

great lords, sufficiently topical

i grew eager to listen to this podcast when i saw that someone named the second episode “Conjure a False Godot” because i thought maybe these lords might offer some engaging Beckett discussion.

only upon reaching the end of the aforementioned episode featuring, rather than Beckett, an explanation of False Gobots did i realize my mistake:

by reversing the title’s b and reading it as a d, i conjured a false Godot to wait for while enjoying “Conjure a False Gobot”

five stars - very good podcast

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