Why Does My Partner Rebecca Wong, Juliane Taylor Shore, Vickey Easa

We love it when our listeners come to us with their YOU-turn already built into the question, not just because it means that what we do is helping someone, but because it means the door is already open for curiosity, vulnerability, and discovery. Today’s question does just that. Join us for a discussion of the vulnerability of taking in advice from another person, feeling really deeply known by your partner, psychological boundaries, and how to come out of defensiveness and into repair.
Plus, we’ve got a really great episode of Modern Family to recommend you.
Quotes:
“Does your partner know about your desire to be known more deeply?”
“We all carry different learnings in our psychological floor, in the way we learn to be in the world.”
Jules’ book is out now! Get Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered wherever books are sold.
Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact
Dive in deeper with us at our upcoming workshops.
Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

Humans have a deep need for closeness, to feel known and that those around us care and want to know us deeply. And that can feel really, really vulnerable. In this episode we answer a question all about tangling with different ways of showing and asking for deeper knowing in a relationship. In turn, we offer some questions you may want to ask yourself, and then a few more for you and your partner to open up together. .
In today’s episode we mention Gina Senarighi’s fantastic book, One Question a Day To Stay Close and Curious, a Couple’s Journal for a Lifetime of Love . To hear more from Gina, check out this interview with Rebecca from back in 2021 on the Connectfulness Podcast.
Quotes:
"It could be that what questions are meaning to your partner is different than what they mean to you.”
“Does your partner know about your desire to be known more deeply?”
Jules’ book is out now! Get Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered wherever books are sold.
Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact
Dive in deeper with us at our upcoming workshops.
Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

The internet (and books, magazines, and a whole lot of couples’ therapy offices) are full of scripts to follow to help partners navigate conflict. But what if your partner wants to use a script that’s just not working for you? Here at WDMP what we try to provide is a lot more like a map than a script. A map doesn’t tell you exactly how to go, it shows you some of the possibilities you have in front of you. It offers opportunities, invites curiosity. It helps you ask “where am I now, where am I heading, and what might be there for me along the way?” Check out today’s episode for more, including a sneak peek at the map we’ll be providing folks at our next Integrating Mind + Heart workshop!
Quotes:
“even if you follow a script, it doesn’t mean it’s going to go well every time”
“In order to communicate well, we need to be tracking our brain state.”
Jules’ book is out now! Get Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered wherever books are sold.
Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact
Dive in deeper with us at our upcoming workshops.
Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

When we start beating ourselves up in front of our partners when they have an issue with our behavior, what is it that we’re actually doing? Can we talk about that for a minute? Actually, we already did, and it’s this week’s of the podcast! Hear us chat about shame pits and grandiosity, listening and remorse, self protection and vulnerability, and…throwing babies? All this and more on the Why Does My Partner Podcast!
Quotes:
We can't talk about hard things when we're not in integrated brain states.
There’s difficulty moving into remorse.
You can pick up your own baby.
Jules’ book is out now! Get Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered wherever books are sold.
Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact
Dive in deeper with us at our
upcoming workshops.
Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

As couples’ therapists, the most common questions we get are about communication. But what does it take to make that work in a relationship? That’s such a big question, that we’re dedicating this entire season to talking about communication!
First off, how do you listen when your partner brings up something sensitive? Y’all, listening is really vulnerable. It means putting yourself aside for a moment to be there for the other person and acknowledge that you may have caused them pain. When you’re in that space it’s so easy to get defensive or go into shame and then, you guessed it… you’re not listening anymore!
Never fear, in this episode we’re sharing some key skills for you to try out right away, whether you’re the listener or the talker. So have a listen, subscribe, and as always, take care of each other the best you can.
Quotes:       
“As a culture, we do a pretty decent job at saying ‘here’s how to speak up for yourself’…and a pretty icky job at saying ‘here’s how to listen.’”
“Listen with the possibility of believing your partner.”
"We struggle to listen to when we struggle to sit with grief"
"Remorse can come very naturally if you let it.”
Jules’ book is out now! Get Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered wherever books are sold.
Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact
Dive in deeper with us at our upcoming workshops.
Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

Stay tuned for Season 7, all about...communication!