Works Every Time

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COMEDY
UPDATED WEEKLY

The WET Podcast: Monday's with Justin Essenmacher, Markus Olind, & Phillip Garcia (prod. JJ)

2 DAYS AGO

Rachel Wolfson on Quitting We*d, ADHD, & Jackass Harassment Training

RACHEL WOLFSON https://rachelwolfsoncomedy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/rachelwolfson This is episode 50 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This week on WET... 00:01:41 - "UAP" is the "they/them" of alien stuff 00:03:19 - The WET Commandments 00:05:29 - When you love w*ed but it doesn't love you back 00:09:55 - If you haven't been booed off stage you're doing it wrong 00:12:03 - Rachel hosts an improv open mic 00:16:19 - Sh*tty people can be funny 00:18:00 - It's a learning DIFFERENCE not disability 00:20:05 - Rachel was the best player on the guys basketball team 00:21:20 - College Hack: how to go from the dumbest to the smartest person in school 00:23:16 - Jamaican w*ed isn't good 00:24:51 - Drinking all the Moscato in Ireland 00:27:24 - F*ck Austin utilities 00:28:59 - McDonalds play place was disgusting 00:32:12 - Rachel's horrible Chick-Fil-A 00:35:15 - Landsharks 00:37:23 - Giving children meth was maybe a bad idea 00:40:10 - Taking antidepressants for ADHD 00:43:23 - How to get w*ed in Ireland 00:44:54 - Smoking in England 00:46:29 - Not smoking in Italy 00:48:33 - Germany Corner: kiffen 00:51:00 - Markus is a German spy sent to infiltrate black culture 00:53:40 - Rachel's dad put Tupac's killer in prison recently 00:56:50 - Netflix docs are just trauma p*rn 00:58:26 - The Menudo thing 01:00:12 - Justin Explains: The Government 01:02:10 - Jackass's DEI hire 01:03:27 - Jackass sexual harassment training 01:05:07 - P*nises are funny! 01:07:24 - Rachel was a professional memer 01:09:41 - Rachel was on the cover of Hustler's "Bush Month" 01:11:27 - A lot of women actually work on Jackass _______________________ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Tejas Tonic - https://www.tejastonic.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 16m
NOV 11

America Reelected Trumpy Trout

This is episode 49 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This Week on WET... 00:01:27 - The best part about Texas... 00:02:47 - ...is Tejas Tonic! (*not a paid ad*) 00:08:56 - The WET Commandments 00:11:28 - Fidget Spinner Helicopter 00:13:30 - Forgetting why you walked in a room 00:14:38 - Wolfgang Blitzer breaks down the election results 00:22:49 - Phillip's Dino of the Week (Markus forgot) 00:26:01 - Trumpy Trout is a real product 00:27:47 - Justin's Meltdown of the Week 00:30:38 - Mr. Beast but he's Mr. Bean 00:37:33 - Children should not be allowed near things with wheels 00:41:15 - 8th grade relationship troubles 00:44:43 - Hot Girl Breath 00:47:18 - Breaking up with someone after their dad dies 00:49:11 - Being an alcoholic in LA is expensive 00:51:09 - Justin's Journal 10: G-Easy and scaring trick-or-treaters 00:57:10 - Sub to Justin's new YouTube!! 00:57:59 - McDonald's may now legally fix its broken ice cream machines 00:59:11 - Sitting down at restaurants 30min before close 01:05:52 - Bearded baby Markus 01:08:31 - Justin's mom roasted him with Christmas ornaments 01:10:44 - Shouting out our biggest fans 01:13:57 - We're past our prime 01:16:14 - NFL Blitz was a wild game 01:20:27 - We may have ruined our first collab content 01:22:07 - We're almost at the 1yr anniversary of the pod! _______________________ Tejas Tonic - https://www.tejastonic.com/ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 27m
NOV 4

You Could Gamble On The Election?!

This is episode 48 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This Week on WET... 00:01:40 - Gaslighting Justin Foodmaker 00:06:04 - Everyone loses their mustache with a story 00:11:40 - Markus' Beard Bounty 00:13:10 - Justin's Journal 9: The Halloween Party 00:20:49 - Cheating at Monopoly (& learning about thimbles) 00:24:29 - Markus' (Republican) Dino of the Week 00:31:22 - Betting on the election results 00:49:59 - 'Whale orgy' off southern Australia a promising sign for southern right species 00:53:59 - The Vatican unveils official anime girl mascot 00:56:09 - Snoop Dogg Confirms He Has A Staffer Who Makes Sure People He’s Smoking With Don’t Get Too High 00:59:26 - Adults playing Pokémon, are they ped*philes? 01:01:21 - Phill met Jesus Christ on 6th St 01:06:01 - Phill and Justin's scary homeless encounter on shrooms 01:18:01 - DMT laser experiment proves we're in a simulation 01:20:50 - Everyone should cry themselves to sleep every once in awhile 01:22:06 - Getting the belt (and other childhood punishments) 01:25:20 - Eating with the Garcia family 01:27:50 - NEVER touch that! _______________________ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 31m
OCT 28

McDonald J. Trump

This is episode 47 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This Week on WET... 00:00:56 - Austin Powers, a dinosaur, and a priest walk into a bar 00:07:23 - Slander and libel 00:10:02 - The (lack of) WET Commandments 00:14:21 - Austin Powers doesn't wanna go to work 00:17:46 - McDonalds J Trump 00:19:35 - Justin hates "I voted" stickers 00:26:10 - Halloweenocaust 00:29:39 - The power of a $20 in Tyler Texas 00:34:37 - Markus' din-o-saur of the week 00:40:32 - Getting arrested in front of the bail bonds 00:43:36 - Come to The Green Room 11/29 00:44:10 - Justin's (Audio) Journal - tarot card reading 00:49:48 - Phill rejoins the podcast 00:51:47 - Justin's breakdown of the week 00:54:24 - We're basically The Beatles 00:59:45 - Phill is gonna neuter soup himself 01:02:11 - Getting terrifyingly high and freebasing Fox News 01:06:52 - Paying 15 cents in taxes 01:13:24 - Who's gonna win the presidency? 01:19:16 - Phill technically started a cult in the pandemic 01:23:14 - McDonalds E.coli outbreak _______________________ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 26m
OCT 21

Tesla Event Shows Us The Future

This is episode 46 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This Week on WET... 00:01:14 - Last 3 brains cells reporting for duty 00:03:48 - Why we hate hunting 00:07:47 - Shout to all our listeners in Alaska 00:11:08 - The WET Commandments 00:13:17 - What are Anunnaki 00:17:34 - Justin's Journal 8: The Garcia Cut 00:21:44 - Fence v*gina that births Mexicans 00:23:54 - Mark's Dino of the Week 00:29:14 - Art Corner: Picasso and Vinny Van Gogh 00:34:50 -Al Pacino says 'it's fun' to be a new dad at 84 00:37:20 - Dog day afternoon 00:40:00 - Jimmy Carter (100) leaves hospice to vote early 00:42:05 - Jimmy Carter's brother's beer 00:44:44 - 'Cookie Monster' caught speeding by German police as traffic camera snaps pic of Sesame Street staple 00:51:18 - Phill's dog is racist 00:56:22 - Eatin homeless puss 00:59:33 - Everyone's college dorm was like this 01:04:55 - Markus smoked with Jabrill Peppers in college 01:08:12 - SpaceX catches giant Starship booster with 'Chopsticks' on historic Flight 5 rocket launch and landing 01:11:08 - Elon Musk unveils Tesla's Robovan, Robotaxi, humanoid robots 01:15:30 - The Optimus robots at Tesla’s Cybercab event were humans in disguise 01:20:24 - Say my name... _______________________ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 24m
OCT 14

How To Not Get A DUI

This is episode 45 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This Week on WET... 00:01:49 - What Markus does with his dinosaurs in private 00:03:41 - Justin's Regulars 00:05:19 - Phill drank 6 THC beers (Tejas Tonic please sponsor us) 00:08:56 - Celsius drinkers be like 00:11:16 - Why we don't get invited to do c*caine 00:14:02 - Underware corner (Justin wears socks inside out) 00:16:06 - Women take everything 00:18:29 - Justin's Journal 7: So much big caulk 00:26:42 - Goodwill find of the century 00:33:05 - Context: Markus has a Honda Fit 00:35:34 - Markus' Dino of the Week 00:43:15 - Explaining the Doomsday Clock to Justin 00:48:29 - Watching atom bomb test footage 00:54:08 - Marjorie Taylor Greene Appears to Say Democrats Can 'Control the Weather 00:59:36 - Austrian man amputated his p*nis with an axe after eating psilocybin psychedelic mushrooms 01:05:10 - Court Says Man Can't Be Charged with Drunk Driving Because He Chugged Entire Bottle After Getting Pulled Over 01:08:18 - Boot out reporters, say NFL players caught naked in locker room _______________________ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 14m
OCT 7

"Anatomically Correct" Naked Trump Statue Erected in Las Vegas

This is episode 44 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This Week on WET... 00:01:45 - Justin looks like a "Shark Tale" 00:07:24 - Philler Bean 00:08:02 - Edging The WET Commandments 00:10:01 - Justin's still not over the "Shark Tale" thing 00:10:33 - "Killer Bean" deep dive 00:16:08 - Justin's Journal Entry 6 - Finna Vote 00:17:10 - Can Puerto Rico vote? 00:18:13 - Justin's Journal (cont.) 00:23:29 - What are we gonna be for Halloween? 00:29:50 - Phill found grey hairs 00:31:51 - Out of the Loop with Phillip Garcia 00:35:38 - Markus' Dinosaur of the Week 00:43:23 - This family is falling apart! 00:45:20 - Kinetic sand corner 00:48:15 - Mar*juana Enhances Enjoyment Of Music, New Study Finds 00:50:48 - Favorite high music 00:54:37 - Harry Potter is coming to Austin (Harry Potter Forbidden Forest Experience) 00:56:55 - Crowd working children 01:02:06 - ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin Admits Not Believing in CTE 01:06:35 - Diddy’s lawyer gives bizarre reason why 1000 bottles of baby oil were found in the rapper’s house 01:10:07 - Justin got kicked out of a Hollywood party 01:12:12 - Nevada Republicans dismiss 43ft nude Trump effigy as ‘deplorable’ (HOT) 01:16:27 - predicting the election 01:24:55 - Epilogue (Greg's Song) _______________________ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 28m
SEP 30

Oreo Has Run Out of Ideas (Oreo Coke Taste Test)

This is episode 43 of the WET Podcast. THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt (or other c words) 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _______________________ 00:00:00 - This Week on WET... 00:00:58 - The WET Commandments 00:03:45 - Oreo Coke taste test 00:08:56 - Sour Patch Kids Oreo taste test 00:13:18 - Markus got married at Waffle House 00:17:22 - Justin's gotta get married at IHOP now 00:20:55 - A bathroom I can play baseball in 00:22:53 - Everything that went wrong on wedding day 00:28:03 - Justin's wedding will be a 5 day festival 00:30:12 - Justin's Journal: Monday night football 00:34:11 - Gas station hats 00:36:20 - Shout out the commenters 00:37:24 - Haunted Sunset mask 00:41:37 - Boy abducted from California at age 6 found alive more than 70 years later 00:49:46 - Phillip's murder dreams 00:52:47 - Family told to change son's 'Skywalker' name or seek Disney's permission 00:54:18 - Markus' get out the vote initiative 01:00:02 - Vladimir Putin urges citizens to 'have s*x during work breaks' to address Russia's dire birthrate 01:05:42 - Octopuses seen hunting together with fish in rare video — and punching fish that don't cooperate 01:08:19 - The Passion of the Christ "sci-fi" Sequel to Begin Filming in 2025 _______________________ Merch - https://www.killerclownsmerch.co/ Sunset Tickets - https://sunsetstripatx.com/ Justin - https://www.instagram.com/openmicjustin/ Markus - https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip - https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ PRODUCTION - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/

1h 14m

See All (51)

out of 5

2 Ratings

Well well well.

May 20

trilldaddy0189

For almost 2 decades now the podcast industry has been what some may considered to be a stagnant and an uncreative market, but thank God these three boys have thrown a figurative M80 into the pond to disrupt the stillness that was the podcast industry.
Goofy and genuine

Mar 25

Drobro710

Love this podcast so much, it’s a lot of fun! Always good for a laugh and look forward to seeing what these knuckle heads get into every week!

The WET Podcast: Monday's with Justin Essenmacher, Markus Olind, & Phillip Garcia (prod. JJ)

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Works Every Time
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51
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Works Every Time

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Works Every Time

Rachel Wolfson on Quitting We*d, ADHD, & Jackass Harassment Training

America Reelected Trumpy Trout

You Could Gamble On The Election?!

McDonald J. Trump

Tesla Event Shows Us The Future

How To Not Get A DUI

"Anatomically Correct" Naked Trump Statue Erected in Las Vegas

Oreo Has Run Out of Ideas (Oreo Coke Taste Test)

Well well well.

Goofy and genuine

About

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You Might Also Like

Works Every Time

Episodes

Rachel Wolfson on Quitting We*d, ADHD, & Jackass Harassment Training

America Reelected Trumpy Trout

You Could Gamble On The Election?!

McDonald J. Trump

Tesla Event Shows Us The Future

How To Not Get A DUI

"Anatomically Correct" Naked Trump Statue Erected in Las Vegas

Oreo Has Run Out of Ideas (Oreo Coke Taste Test)

Ratings & Reviews

Well well well.

Goofy and genuine

About

Information

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