Works Every Time

Works Every Time
  • 5.0 (3)
  • COMEDY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY
Works Every Time

The WET Podcast: Monday's with Justin Essenmacher, Markus Olind, & Phillip Garcia (prod. JJ)

  1. Are Tariffs Just Sports Gambling?

    11H AGO

    Are Tariffs Just Sports Gambling?

    This is episode 70 of the WET Podcast. WET LIVE TICKETS Friday, May 30, 7:30 PM https://www.sunsetstripatx.com/?event-id=109542 TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - New studio / New Golf Clubs 00:01:43 - Bureaucracy 00:03:00 - Justin wants to go to Vegas 00:03:45 - Phillip almost forgets our sponsor 00:04:23 - Phillip is sports gambling 00:05:53 - Markus hates Colt Keith 00:08:07 - How much it costs to be a pro golfer 00:08:27 - Justin could have been a pro bowler 00:11:51 - We still call X “Twitter” 00:12:45 - Luka Doncic returns to Dallas 00:13:17 - IT’S PHILLIP’S BIRTHDAY! 00:14:07 - Are we a sports podcast? 00:15:03 - Tariff Talk 00:17:16 - Why is lunch meat so expensive? 00:20:17 - What’s the best cheese? 00:23:25 - Florida is pro child-labor 00:28:22 - This episode is not what Justin thought 00:30:30 - Markus ACTUALLY explains tariffs 00:32:55 - Children are spoiled now 00:33:51 - Piss bottles showing up everywhere (epidemic?) 00:36:54 - Articles about how many articles there are 00:37:26 - OnlyFans getting sued for catphishing 00:39:03 - AI chicks are never mean 00:40:11 - Markus and his prison diet 00:43:11 - Markus is having crazy dreams 00:47:26 - Taking naps with baseball in the background 00:48:28 - It’s Masters weekend 00:49:35 - Lessons from sobriety 00:50:20 - Markus got blacked out drunk at a German soccer game 00:52:37 - Justin getting drunk on Captain and Root Beer 00:55:05 - Get drunk and listen to our podcast! 00:55:24 - Autistic people are telepathic 00:58:15 - Coast to Coast AM confirms telepathy theories 01:00:17 - Aliens: are they real? 01:01:03 - Murder mystery podcasts in a haunted attic 01:01:34 - Haunted stories from the Sunset Strip 01:05:20 - Markus explains the brothel experience to Justin and Phillip 01:06:54 - Amsterdam has the best red light district 01:08:28 - Why there’s a push to make weed illegal again 01:11:24 - Politicians should live like monks 01:12:25 - Phillip breaks down why University of Texas won’t fix the highway 01:14:30 - The NCAA is fake and NIL is b.s. 01:16:03 - The Government is still screwing Joe the Plumber _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    1h 17m
  2. 9th Time On Kill Tony

    APR 7

    9th Time On Kill Tony

    This is episode 69 of the WET Podcast. TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ KILL TONY #713 - SAM TALLENT + IAN EDWARDS https://youtu.be/2aB2fB1Ylao?si=uKWeLLL4ofAv5w1h&t=1748 THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - Bureaucracy 00:02:11 - The Ford family runs Michigan 00:05:52 - Phil did Kill Tony again 00:09:41 - Public bathrooms are dirtier than d*cks 00:11:56 - Little Mexican lady in your colon 00:13:52 - Sunset Strip's toilets are haunted 00:16:10 - Raw doggin the prison lifestyle 00:18:29 - Back to Kill Tony reaction 00:24:02 - Ignorance is bliss (except for Justin) 00:27:32 - You gotta not want it (how to not give a phuck) 00:29:43 - Phil's Phinancial Advice 00:31:14 - The opposite of serenity 00:34:54 - Justin's tortured artist arc 00:36:36 - If I'm wiping my a*s with it, I'm not paying for it 00:42:28 - Woodstock to Columbine was such a vibe 00:50:30 - There is justice in this world (or is there?) _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    59 min
  3. Cheering for Sam Houston at the UT Game

    MAR 31

    Cheering for Sam Houston at the UT Game

    This is episode 68 of the WET Podcast. TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - Bureaucracy 00:03:52 - Screaming in your car is always an option 00:05:40 - Michigan loses in Sweet 16 00:07:04 - The Alamo: Never forget or whatever 00:09:07 - Poop of the dawg 00:12:08 - Markus is sober and it's all our problem 00:15:15 - The prison workout routine 00:17:11 - Huntsville Prison Museum 00:18:55 - How to Commit Murder: Crime of Passion 00:21:27 - Justin's Journal: TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME 00:25:45 - We had sad hotdogs at the UT baseball game 00:29:54 - They changed the food pyramid?? 00:35:47 - Lady Bird Lake Killer strikes again? 00:37:24 - All taxation is theft 00:40:14 - Transmorphers better than Transformers 00:42:16 - Phil slanders Vin Diesel 00:44:19 - Markus's Dino of the Week 00:48:52 - Noah was racist to dinosaurs 00:52:00 - British Airways pilot back in the skies after snorting drugs off woman's breasts before flight 00:55:36 - Michigan governor kidnapping plot 00:56:58 - Visdeurbel (fish doorbell) _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    1h 3m
  4. Poisoning Our British Friend With Red 40 (feat. Jake Steers)

    MAR 24

    Poisoning Our British Friend With Red 40 (feat. Jake Steers)

    This is episode 67 of the WET Podcast. FOLLOW JAKE STEERS https://www.instagram.com/jakesteerscomedy/ TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - Bureaucracy 00:02:28 - The British got low T (literally) 00:04:49 - Illegal Snack Time: trying US foods banned in UK 00:11:08 - British vs American Costco 00:12:42 - British vs American cereal 00:15:14 - Getting a healthy dose of red 40 00:18:51 - This candy should be illegal 00:20:43 - Jake brought gifts 00:23:54 - Jake's hometown voted the worst place in England 00:27:50 - Someone done a murder there last week 00:29:38 - Jake got held hostage in an Uber 00:31:29 - Why isn't Jake British Mr. Beast? 00:34:20 - 2 World Wars, 1 World Cup 00:38:50 - 'This is England' is the best British film 00:41:07 - British people celebrated Margaret Thatcher's death in the streets 00:43:30 - Jake got dumped by ex after “British pigs” comment on last WET appearance 00:48:29 - Laws are just threats from the government 00:51:44 - Jake is the only British guy calling women señorita 00:54:17 - The Irish have ZERO bathroom etiquette 00:56:21 - Jake America Great Again (our Americanize Jake project) 00:59:05 - You can't watch sports sober 01:04:39 - The Gyropean Football Championship 01:09:18 - Jake got CTE from 6 Flags 01:13:26 - Jake could make the WNBA 01:17:53 - Justin's Journal: South By is finally over! _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    1h 23m
  5. The Dark Side of South By Southwest (feat. David Jolly)

    MAR 17

    The Dark Side of South By Southwest (feat. David Jolly)

    This is episode 66 of the WET Podcast. FOLLOW DAVID JOLLY https://www.instagram.com/mrdjolly/ https://www.instagram.com/youlyingpod/ TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - How many Tejas's can you drink? 00:01:53 - We hate South By 00:03:36 - Where do they stash the homeless during SXSW? 00:05:24 - Don't learn what's in your food 00:07:41 - Always ignore your mail 00:08:46 - Never pay tolls either 00:10:27 - When does something become a scam? 00:13:01 - Traffic is a nightmare 00:15:19 - Making Markus uncomfortable with compliments 00:16:49 - Phil got held hostage by a parade 00:18:14 - Justin's Journal: SXSW 00:24:16 - David Jolly: The college years 00:25:38 - Women with mustaches 00:26:59 - Jolly forgot what he studied in college 00:28:42 - These fools don't know how to play minesweeper 00:31:38 - Did you have recess? - Justin Essenmacher 00:35:04 - The Arkham Asylum of Florida 00:37:40 - Jack Nicholson is living his best life 00:40:32 - Inspiration p*rn 00:45:06 - Jolly's dream super power is r*tard strength 00:47:33 - Caffeine is a serious drug 00:49:11 - Sober people are just better 00:52:58 - Drunk driving our first cars 00:57:25 - Shopping for our dream cars _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    1h 9m
  6. Casey Anthony is White OJ (feat. LeMaire Lee)

    MAR 10

    Casey Anthony is White OJ (feat. LeMaire Lee)

    This is episode 65 of the WET Podcast. TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ FOLLOW LEMAIREhttps://www.instagram.com/lemairelee/ THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - Mouse jigglers in covid 00:00:42 - Weebs in 00:02:43 - Most iconic anime t*tties of all time 00:06:24 - Sunset greenroom is a pigsty 00:08:24 - The WET Commandments 00:10:54 - Chinese robot seems to attack human 00:15:26 - Everything is advertising (even us??) 00:18:03 - Casey Anthony's back (no) baby! 00:23:45 - Uber with guns (Protector private security app) 00:31:35 - Billionaires think they're helping us 00:35:10 - How we'd fix the car industry 00:39:26 - You can't laugh at the fascist dictator 00:41:35 - Anti-Neuralink ads in Austin 00:42:45 - Two souls: appropriation or just cringe? 00:44:23 - Texas Republican wants to change 'NY strip steak' to 'Texas strip' 00:46:03 - LeMaire launches his presidential bid 00:48:56 - WWE drama 00:51:25 - John Cena sells us McDonald's 00:55:28 - Shout out all the people working sh*tty jobs 00:57:39 - Protector app but its crackheads 01:00:10 - Best things about being fat 01:03:37 - Does everyone just know the international banana code? 01:05:29 - Markus's Dino of the Week 01:07:59 - Keep your King Kong out of my Godzilla _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    1h 15m
  7. Peeing Your Pants on Shrooms

    MAR 3

    Peeing Your Pants on Shrooms

    This is episode 64 of the WET Podcast. TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - Our best Ben Bankas impressions 00:01:05 - Ranking the types of white people 00:02:33 - Use code WETPOD on tejastonic.com 00:03:05 - Liam Neeson pees his pants all the time 00:04:08 - Does Apple Care cover piss damage? 00:10:09 - Crying on shrooms and farting on acid 00:12:53 - Will they ever stop talking about piss? 00:13:40 - Music to poop to 00:16:38 - X-Files is scawwy 00:21:58 - Jackalopes are real goddamnit! 00:23:54 - Tripping in the woods 00:28:11 - Bel Air Motel: Even the roaches are dead! 00:33:24 - Our sons are going to be little menaces 00:36:14 - Dollar General hates poor people 00:38:50 - Markus's Dino of the Week 00:44:04 - Guys being dudes 00:45:42 - Buying 'Fcuking Fab' from Thirteen down at the vape van 00:48:12 - Justin has (mostly) quit Zyns for 2 months 00:51:26 - What word would you be? 00:54:18 - Charlemagne asks the craziest question ever 00:55:52 - Shout out Matty Stu for forgetting Justin's name 00:57:28 - Do we miss the old Justin? 01:00:07 - The last time Markus thought about maybe crying 01:01:31 - Golf needs guns 01:04:55 - Top 10 scams in America 01:06:28 - Every job is a pyramid scheme if you think about it 01:14:25 - What causes grey hair? _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    1h 19m
  8. Buying a Car in America is a Nightmare

    FEB 24

    Buying a Car in America is a Nightmare

    This is episode 63 of the WET Podcast. TEJAS TONIC Support us by using code 'WETPOD' for 15% off your order! https://www.tejastonic.com/ SUNSET TICKETS https://sunsetstripatx.com/ THE WET COMMANDMENTS 1) No Austin comedy 2) We don't hate women 2c) Don't say c*nt 3) If you get too negative you have to say something positive 4) Be funny 5) Have fun (respectfully) _________________________ 00:00:00 - Justin's diagnosis 00:04:38 - SOOO much bowling puss 00:09:34 - Phil hates arena golf 00:12:52 - Women's flag football super bowl ad 00:14:54 - Markus's Dino of the Week (with a twist) 00:22:31 - Justin's journal: RIP the Ford Escape 00:27:51 - Don't buy a new car in America right now 00:33:48 - How Markus drives 00:38:59 - Phil's Phinancial Philanderings: Tariffs 00:42:58 - Justin and Markus have big "I know you are but what am I" energy 00:45:26 - Now is the time to fly 00:48:47 - Have you seen my dog? 00:52:22 - L riding with lane assist 00:55:18 - DO NOT order a Shirley Temple from Justin 01:01:42 - Phil actually liked joker 2 01:03:55 - Podcasting is basically hard labor for us 01:08:08 - Never let us open a business together _________________________ Follow the show: https://www.youtube.com/@wet.podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/works-every-time/id1737857027 https://www.instagram.com/wet.podcast/ https://www.tiktok.com/@wet.podcast Justin: https://www.instagram.com/justinessenmacher/ https://www.tiktok.com/@openmicjustin https://www.youtube.com/@JustinEssenmacher Markus: https://www.instagram.com/beardvonmarkus/ Phillip: https://www.instagram.com/phillipgarciacomedy/ WTF - https://www.youtube.com/@phillipgarciacomedy Production: Contact - https://www.instagram.com/rageqzb/ Portfolio - https://www.youtube.com/@rageqzbass

    1h 22m
See All (71)

5
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

The WET Podcast: Monday's with Justin Essenmacher, Markus Olind, & Phillip Garcia (prod. JJ)

Information

  • Creator
    Works Every Time
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2025
  • Episodes
    71
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Works Every Time
  • Show Website
    Works Every Time

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