How to best support my child in sport and school with performance psychologist - Jonah Oliver
Jonah Oliver is a world-leading performance psychologist he combines sports psychology and neuroscience to facilitate peak performance. He has nearly 20 years of working in high performance from Olympians, executives, and professional codes (Brisbane Roar, Gold Coast Suns, Essendon), to car racing teams (Porsche – Le Mans World Champion, V8s), indigenous performing artists and surgeons. Executive coach, author, speaker, and consultant on talent identification, leadership, and organisational performance around the world. Husband, father, entrepreneur. 2.30 - How do you navigate the car trip home after a sports game when your kid has strong emotions? "Emotions tell us something, it's not ambivalence. They're not just sitting there. If there are emotions, it means they care. So they care about something like the performance, their teammates, your approval, their own standards, feeling competent or feeling incompetent, whatever it is, there's something there to listen to." 4.50 What is our role? Our role is to provide a cushioned landing so that they can feel and experience whatever's showing up and you're a safe pair of hands to allow them to just sit with that. Let them dictate what the car ride home looks likeSelf-reflection is importantSometimes kids need an object to discharge/vent to (often the parents) 08.44 - Our fears as a parent. I don't want them to … "Sport can be the greatest vehicle for learning about life in a safe way. Life is hard and how do you survive in the jungle if you're raised in the zoo? It's like sport needs to allow you to be exposed to failure to set back to I'm not as good as other people at some things that I need to solve this puzzle myself. " 11.15 - How do you get your kids to see your intentions for what they are? You need to be clear on what your intentions truly areTypically when we want to step in and help it kicks us into command and control style of parentingWhen you teach a child something, you deprive them of the opportunity to discover it for themselves (Piaget quote)The consequence is our kids learn there's always something about me they need to fix, I'm not good enough. 15.40 - "What does success look like? And what is the intention behind it? If it's trying to protect them from failure because of your fears of them and what their life might be, if they don't succeed in that domain, then that's you. And you got to get the heck out of the way. It is a fun first mentality, just let them have fun." Your job is to, to remove all the weeds and maybe throw some manure and some lattice and a few things, but then let the plant grow in the direction it wants to go.When you take the plant and you wire it to the lattice and tell it which way to grow you don't have an independent, self-governed, self-determined human being. 20.00 - How do you help children identify and navigate self-doubt as a roadblock to them reaching their potential? We need to stop seeing self-doubt as a problemSelf-doubt is just the price of entry into lifeTake the time to listen to what is happening to the kid, what are the themes? Listen and learn what your kid is actually worried aboutThe most powerful thing you can say when they are feeling nervous is just to sit there and say "Yeh that makes sense". Meet them and see them Identify self-doubt as a gift and reframe it 27.00 - How to motivate kids to do something they may not love but may be important? Stop trying to make them love everything If our kids only do the things they enjoy and are motivated by then they learn a relationship that they only want to do tasks they are competent at/enjoy they will avoid the things they don't like. It sets up bad patterns.Boredom tolerance is critical for successMotivation comes and goes for everyone, be aware of the ebbs and flows of that"I don't enjoy doing X but I do it because of Y" 36.00 - How do you deal with the "I want to give up"? How do you unpack and deal with
