Becoming Xuan Xuan

Even though I'm living in series of polyamorous relationships I still feel shame and guilt for my deep desire for romance. Only until recently I finally got an idea why I'm so addicted to the feeling of being in love. It's intoxicating and there are moments of intimacy where I wished that they would never stop. Thank to my last romantic break up another door to my past has been opened. And one of the most important person in my life emerged from my subconscious mind. My father. The separation from him in my young age has caused deep trauma. And his absence has defined more about my romantic relationships than anything else.

Have you ever thought that your preference for shower or bath can be impacted by your past? In this episode I’m sharing you stories from my childhood and how the odd circumstances decades ago has shaped my weird relationship with shower and bath. But also how these memories brought me more empathy for my mother. Check out the mentioned video of my fashion journey 1JUMP! where I used the bathtub for fabric treatment here https://youtu.be/W-qM_6Sw9g4

In the first pilot episode of my podcast I’d like to share you the story of “Paper Heart” which happened in my early teenage years. I got pranked and humiliated by my secret crush in front of the class. The impact of this incident goes beyond my childhood and puberty. It has affected and shaped my ability of trust. Even until today. But it is worth it to give it a closer look and emancipate from this trauma.