Delight Your Marriage Belah Rose | Author, Podcaster, & Marital Intimacy Enthusiast

 "Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others"
...said no one, ever. 
 
That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated.
When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily.
We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves. 
By nature, we don't want to do "hard".
Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose. 
 
As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays, here are a few:
Lie - "Men and women are the same"
The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way.
So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it.
The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and dignity but different in the ways we receive love (among other things).
 
In today's episode here are a few other lies we'll go into:
Lie - Don't do things for others that you don't want to do... ever (otherwise that's oppression)
Lie - Be true to your feelings at all costs (to do otherwise is inauthentic and essentially immoral)
Lie - Stay married only if you consistently feel "in love" with your spouse (regardless of kids)
Lie - Don't push yourself toward intimacy, if you aren't spontaneously feeling it, otherwise it's oppressive and BAD BAD BAD
I'd like to clarify this last point lest you not listen to today's episode.
When I push myself towards the gym because of a doctor's wisdom, am I oppressing myself? Is the doctor oppressing me for suggesting such a gruesome and heinous encouragement that could leave me sore and in discomfort for days...
No--I'm grateful he told me the truth so I can have the results he knows I want: health and well-being. Ultimately, if I do push myself to go to the gym, I feel a LOT better once I'm there and started.
In the same way, if it is true and wise and good to go towards intimacy in marriage -- regardless of how I feel naturally -- I can change my attitude and go towards this gift that God has given. And generally with the right attitude, I'll start to enjoy it in the midst. 
The beautiful part about sex is when you sacrifice your feelings and wants for the good of God's plan for your marriage, you can actually start to enjoy, love, and relish in His good gift of intimacy!
It all starts with a choice to say "Not my will, but Your will be done in my life".
Love, 
Belah
 
PS - If you are wanting to improve your marriage and have deeper intimacy with your spouse, we would love to talk with you. Please feel free to contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call.
PPS - Here is a quote from one of our recent graduates:

"[Before the Delighted Wife Program], My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation.  We were not communicating.  There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior.  We were not even sleeping in the same bed, in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken.  I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us.”
 
After DW: “Through the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am.  Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy.   Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us and that it was me who needed to start… I learned to see my husband through God's eyes and am determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life… All o

When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive? 
How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)? 
I hear you.
It's painful. 
It really is. 
 
In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction.
Blessings, 
Belah
 
PS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity.  We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them.
[After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife's needs better.  Because of past disappointments my wife was not my #1 priority after the Lord. Now she is... There is so much in this program that is good.  I loved Belah's insights for each guy during each week's coaching call. I believe she is relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and it shows with each guy's reactions and progress."

If you're discontent...
If you feel you've been praying against a cement ceiling...
If you've actually felt disappointed in life and at God...
Or maybe it's less severe, you're going through the motions in life but something feels "off"...
 
I want you to know that your discontentment is something to pay attention to.
 
God does come in dreams and visions (sometimes) but often he leads us by our feelings. 
And my wonder for you is are you paying attention? 
Are you considering the feeling of "discontentment" as something
a - outside of you in your world needs to change or
b - something about you in your inner world needs to change
 
God gives us opportunities to change all the time.
Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world. 
 
You don't need to assume this is as good as it gets and that we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.
 
I think God wants us to take Him at His word "we are more than conquerors" and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.
 
Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.
But as followers of Jesus, we get to DO something about it.
We have the opportunity to change things for the better, all the time.
 
Ultimately, I want you to take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.
 
Don't be a “Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!”
It's not what God has for you. I promise.
How about "Determined Debbie" and "Wonderfully Wise Walter"?
And I think it has eternal consequences...
 
Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus. 
 
Blessings,
Belah
 
PS - Would you like to improve your marriage? 
Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship? 
Would you like our help? 
If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
 
To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:
“DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!  
After several years of feeling “stuck” in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.”

A man of God, in ministry, spreading the gospel, and without even realizing it, he had allowed his marriage to slip into a transactional relationship. 
After being married for nearly thirty years, Mark saw in himself that he was starting to become more grouchy, their connection waned, and his wife’s physical desire changed as she began to go through menopause. Their four children were “launching well” but would soon be completely out of the house – changing the home dynamic completely. 
All of this put a strain on their marriage. They were now in uncharted territory and he knew he needed help.
Mark felt he needed to lead as the man, but just didn’t know how. He had been considering the men’s program for about a year and finally decided to move forward.
Through the program, we were able to help shed light to remove the things that were straining his marriage - going from transactional to selfless- and give him the tools to connect with his wife, even in the midst of all their changes.  He finally felt he had the tools to be the man his wife needed him to be, so she could fully trust him and be free around him.
We are so excited to share Mark’s transformation story and hope that it resonates with you. If there is anything to take away, it is that you are not alone. 
If you are a soon-to-be empty nester, if you're navigating your wife’s menopause, if you are finding yourself discontent and you don’t want to be- we would love to help you too. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
God bless you! 
 
Love,
 
Belah and team
 
PS - Like Mark, if you’d like to find out if the men’s program would be your right next step, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call. Maybe you’ll be the next success story! 
Here’s another recent graduate’s comments:
Before the Men’s program: “The emotional disconnection led us to a growing sense of distance.  Physical intimacy had always been a regular part of our relationship, but there always seemed to be something missing… There was also difficulty about sharing vulnerable feelings and emotions for both of us.  It was just a pattern of stuck-ness.  Things might improve for a few weeks or months, but we would inevitably feel stuck again… All in all we were headed into a pretty 'lifeless' future together, that neither of us wanted or were excited about.”
After: “I find myself actually wanting to know about my wife.  The listening skills have helped me to express my interest in ways that she can receive and helped me learn how to receive her more fully… I am able to express delight in my wife through compliments more naturally… There has been a bit of fun flirtiness that has never been a part of my relationship with my wife… I am free from most of my sex-related anxiety.  I was constantly worried about when or if we would be physically intimate… I don't think I have ever been more intoxicated by her body, while at the same time I see each opportunity to enjoy her as a fabulous gift.I am so free to express my desire for her in ways that she loves hearing, without pressure or expectation, but with authentic desire for her.”

Tom felt like his marriage was good, but knew it could be better. His wife was his best friend, but he was craving romance and passion in their marriage.
 
After stumbling upon Delight Your Marriage through a Google Search and taking our free Marital Health Assessment, he realized that the marriage he thought was “good” was actually only just “okay” and ended up scoring a 5 out of 10 in the Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health). 
 
He knew it was time for a change, so he signed up, hoping his wife would take the course at some point. Because that’s what needs to happen… right? ;) 
 
Well, Tom found out, like all of our MR Graduates do, that change begins with ourselves. 
 
And as he took the course and began to implement the principles, he in fact, did see a change in his wife! 
 
She became more flirty and playful and the romance and passion that Tom had been wanting finally happened in their marriage after 4 decades! 
 
All because he decided to take the leap, take the Delight Your Marriage course, and truly implement what he learned.
 
We know that God is in the business of transformation and He LOVES transforming marriages because the impact goes much further than just an individual couple. 



Love, 



Belah & team
 
PS - 
If you are like Tom and feel like your marriage is pretty good, but also feel like there could be more, we want to invite you to listen to this episode and to take our free Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health). 



PPS - And just the way Tom started, we would love to chat with you on a free Clarity Call! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
 

Have you ever not done something because of fear?
Have you ever done something that felt right at the time, but you were riddled with fear and anxiety later?  
Have you ever felt you had more potential than you were living into?
Welcome to human nature. 
But is that what he should do? 
Is that living according to our fears or God's will and His way? 
I don't think so. 
Instead, the Bible says it's impossible to please God without faith. (Heb 11:6)
You might wonder: 
Is it required to have faith for your marriage to change?
YES.
Even Jesus could do no mighty miracles in his hometown because of their lack of faith. (Mark 6:6)
Does it mean He will most certainly change your marriage and make you not go through suffering because you have faith? Well, we can look at John the Baptist to see that even if you have faith it's not a guarantee that God will pull you out of the hard situation and cause a miracle.
However, the woman with the issue of blood had suffered terribly for over a decade. 
She could have allowed her heart to grow calloused toward God and assume He doesn't care. 
She could have decided things will never change. 
She could have resigned herself to a life that would never get better. 
But she didn't, she stretched, she pushed through the crowd, she resisted anything that would try to discourage her faith...
and by faith, she touched the hem of His garment, believing He could heal her. 
And He did. 
"Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” (Mtt 9:22) 
I want to ask you, when... 
When will it matter enough? 
When will choosing to notice that God is here wanting to restore, redeem, heal matter enough to you? 
When will you see Jesus walking by and reach out in faith? 
Resist the enemy's...
Fear of being judged. 
 
Fear of loss. 
 
Fear of looking silly. 
 
Fear of being perceived a fool. 
 
Fear of change. 
 
Fear of responsibility. 
 
Fear of taking ownership. 
 
Fear of pain.
 
I invite you to stand up and choose faith. 
Stand up in faith. Reach for His garment. Do not be offended by His response but stay, stay, stay in faith as He might want to do a miracle that you (by your fear) are blocking. 
Choose the faith of freedom, hope, joy, love, connection, unity, healing... 
Live into the potential life He may be inviting you into.
Listen in today: Faith or Fear: When Will It Matter Enough to You?
Love,
 
Belah
PS - Marital Health Assessment is a free tool to discover where you are currently in your marriage and to give you a vision of what areas you may be missing and need to gain insight. It also provides free episodes that are uniquely selected for your situation. delightyourmarriage.com/health
 
PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage through Christ-centered personal growth... we're here for you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc 
We'd love to help. 
 
Quote from a recent graduate heading for divorce:
“Delight Your Marriage saved my marriage. It has changed the course of all four of my kids lives. There is now peace in our home and friendship between me and my husband. Without this program I do not think we would have gotten here. I was too stubborn and too hurt. 
 
Belah’s teaching were humbling and eye opening to the ways I had repeatedly damaged my husband and the areas I had fallen short as a wife. Both of us have now gone through the program now and I know it was the push we needed to mature and build solid ground for the rest of our marriage.”