FINE is a 4-Letter Word Lori Saitz

When you hear the word “perfectionist”, what comes to mind? Maybe you think of yourself?
Typically, it’s someone who holds themselves to impossibly and unachievably high standards, driven by fear of real or imagined consequences if they don’t get it (whatever “it” is) exactly right.
Because perfect is rarely possible, they never “measure up,” and they get discouraged and burn out. They’ve given away all their f**ks and feel like they never got any results or recognition for all their work, so they stop caring altogether.
To say the least, that makes them unproductive – which is exactly what Kathryn Mayer is here to change.
Kathryn was raised by a father who was a neurologist and a professor who taught her that your identity comes from the work you do and a homemaker mother who passed on perfectionism – that you have to work hard and if you’re going to do something, you must do it well or not at all.
As a child, Kathryn tried ballet and wasn’t good at it, then gymnastics which didn’t work out because she was too tall. Then she discovered tennis, which she enjoyed and showed real aptitude for. So, her mother put Kathryn in private lessons and then, because they were spending money on the lessons, she had to compete in tournaments.
Until she was 14, she did well in singles tournaments due to her height advantage over opponents her age, but then the other girls caught up in height. So, she switched to doubles, which she was also good at, but she lost her joy for tennis and quit.
When Kathryn went to college, she was Dean’s List level, but she graduated with no idea what to do as a career! So she hired a career coach, which began a three-year process of discovery that included mapping out a forty (yes, four-oh) year plan. Meanwhile, she went through five careers by the time she was 26 before landing what she thought would be her dream job in New York City.
The following years would see her try more careers, plus take a biking vacation with her husband to Cambodia. It was that trip where it struck her that it was actually okay if she rode in the van instead of fighting to ride her bike over the bad roads. It was okay to not do the thing she thought she was “supposed” to do.
Back home, she was “shoulding” all over herself, her career, and her life – which reminds me of the conversation back in episode 2 with Dara Goldberg where we talked about “shedding the shoulds.”
Finally, she had a boss who told her to lighten up because she was constantly frustrated. When his message didn’t get through, he pulled her aside and asked her a curious question: “Why don’t you try going to clown school?”
In a moment, when you meet Kathryn, you’ll see how all these threads came together and inspired her to mesh productivity with perfectionism. If you feel like you’re just not hacking it, this show is for you.
Kathryn’s hype song is “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross.
Resources:
Kathyrn Mayer’s website: https://www.kcmayer.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathryncmayer/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KCMConsulting/ X (formerly Twitter): https://x.com/GrandSlamCoach Claim your copy of “The Productive Perfectionist: a href="https://www.kcmayer.com/kc-mayer-books"...

Building your family and your life is like planting, nurturing, and harvesting crops on a farm. You put a lot of effort, a lot of heart, and a lot of energy into it, hoping your knowledge, wisdom, and patience deliver a bumper crop that fills your pantry and allows you a life of comfort, security, and happiness.
You may have heard the expression “Man plans, God laughs.” My version of that, of course, is Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
That’s how things went for Luvyna Mantle, who saw the crops she had patiently planted and nurtured ripped out by the roots just when she thought the harvest was about to come in.
Luvyna was raised with the values of hard work, sacrifice, and frugality by parents who owned a ranch in Kansas. Her father gave up his corporate job and her mother gave up becoming a global journalist to go all-in with the ranch.
In college, Luvyna met a man who, unlike the folksy cowboys and farm boys she was used to dating, showed up driving a sleek sports car and listening to rap music. In contrast to her stable upbringing, his parents were divorced and he received little accountability as he was shuffled between his parents and relatives. On their first date, they barely said 3 words to each other.
Funny, though - they got married at ages 19 and 18 and due in part to Luvyna’s values around money management and avoiding debt, they had a house and a lot more spending money than typical teenagers. Her husband went into the military to become a careerist. This meant following him to his assignment in Germany and giving up her studies – which she was fine doing.
Fine… yes… Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Right before they shipped out, her husband suffered an injury and was unable to get proper treatment due to his responsibilities. Before long, it became apparent that his dreams of a military career would come to naught, and the family, which now included their infant son, would be coming back to Kansas.
But then COVID kept them stuck in Germany. Eventually, Luvyna was able to return to the States, but because of his condition, her husband had to stay longer. So for nearly a year after she returned to Kansas, Luvyna and her husband were separated except for one three-week furlough.
Once he was home for good, her husband seemed an entirely different man. While he got along fine with their second child, he constantly berated and flipped out on their toddler who was acting out with aggressive behaviors. Luvyna was afraid to leave her kids alone with their dad and scared that if she went out and came home, she’d find her husband dead. Something had to give.
The spoiler alert? Luvyna and her husband are still together and are actually happier than they’ve ever been. How does THAT work? What changed? And how has her experience inspired her to help other military families?
Luvyna’s hype songs are "The Man" by Taylor Swift and "Kings & Queens" by Ava Max.
Resources:
Luvyna Mantle’s website: https://mantleandco.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/luvyna-mantle Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mantleandco Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mantleandco/ Get Luvyna Mantle’s interactive cost-comparison that helps you save money marketing and selling...

Today’s solo episode is about ENERGY!
When you look it up, Energy is defined as the capacity or ability to do work.
I’d expand it to include the capacity or ability to have fun too.
If you have no energy, you’re not going to be getting any work done or having any fun.
“Fine” is not fun – it’s a 4-Letter Word!
Tune in now as we cover three key areas:
1) Figuring out your values and why they matter
2) Finding your energetic home and what’s important about that
3) Why it’s essential to honor what’s not a F*CK YES for you!
Thank you for being part of what we do.
I love you, our listeners, and I appreciate that you’ve said F*ck Yes to listening to Fine is a 4-Letter Word!
Resources:
My Website: https://ZenRabbit.com/The F*ck Being Fine Experience: https://zenrabbit.com/f-being-fine-program/ LinkedIn: https://zenrabbit.com/linkedin/ Facebook: https://zenrabbit.com/facebook/ Instagram: https://zenrabbit.com/instagram/
Invitation from Lori:
If, like me, you find yourself ready to get energized and enjoy what life has to offer that, up until now, you may not have known existed, the 5 Easy Ways to Start Living The Sabbatical Life guide is your roadmap.
Once you read it, you’ll
✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to making intentional changes in mindset and lifestyle.
✅ Learn how to own your feelings and your struggles so you can address them.
✅ Find out how to face fears, step out of your comfort zone, and rewire your beliefs.
It’s only 7 pages, so it won’t take you long to get through. If you find yourself feeling stuck or stagnant, this could be the energetic catalyst you need to find what you truly need make this an amazing life.
When you’re ready to say F*ck Being Fine, this guide is the place to start. It’s time to look beyond where you are now so you can get to where you are destined to go.
Go to https://zenrabbit.com right now to download it for free.
Now let’s get pumped up with energy and create a new F*ck Yes for ourselves!

From the very first episode of Fine is a 4-Letter Word, where my guest revealed that she did not even know what emotions were until she was in middle age because she was punished as a child for having them, I’ve been sharing stories of what happens from the inside out.
My mission and drive for this podcast is to give you hope, help you find your passion and purpose, and dare you to see the life that’s waiting for you, so you’ll never hear - or say - the word “fine” in the same way again.
Brad Chandler, who was my client/boss when I was the marketing director for his real estate company, brings a level of clarity and understanding to this work that could change your life in just the next few minutes.
See, Brad was created – not raised – with the belief that something was wrong with him and he was never good enough. Note how I phrased this.
His parents didn’t mean for this to happen. It was simply a consequence of how they processed – or failed to process – their own traumas that were handed to them through generational patterns. They handed them down to Brad.
Fast-forward to when Brad was in his mid-40s. He had a successful company and a boat, but he also had two failed marriages, two kids who lived with severe anxiety, a feeling that even though he was wealthy and owned a successful company he had not succeeded, a lack of joy, and a propensity to smoke a lot of weed.
Lots of people get divorced, have anxious kids, question their self-worth, lack joy, smoke a little weed now and then, and they seem fine on the day-to-day.
But you know… you guessed it… Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Looking at all these situations, Brad noticed a common denominator in all these situations – Brad Chandler.
Why didn’t Brad Chandler ever seem to be good enough?
Why wasn’t all that hard work paying off for him emotionally?
He was scared. He was hurt. He realized he was protecting himself from something. What did a wealthy guy who from the outside had an incredibly blessed life need protection from?
In a moment, when you meet Brad, you’re not only going to join him on his journey of self-discovery - that has changed him and made him possibly the happiest guy on earth - you’re also going to get a step-by-step prescription on how to understand and sort your own emotions so you finally come to understand that yes, you are good enough.
If you can’t see that for yourself right now, gift yourself this episode now.
Brad’s hype song is “Roar” by Katy Perry.
Resources:
Brad Chandler’s website: https://www.bradchandler.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lbradchandler/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brad.chandler1 Instagram: https://instagram.com/bradchandlercoaching X (formerly Twitter): https://twitter.com/lbchandler1 Take the Self-Love Quiz: https://www.bradchandler.com/quiz/ Claim the Joy Regenerator: https://unlocklimitlessyou.com/joy-regenerator/
Invitation from Lori:
Now if, like Brad, you just don’t feel like you’re good enough, you’re always...

Children who are told to be “seen, but not heard” learn early on that their thoughts, feelings, and words don’t matter.
Then as adults, they continue to silence themselves even when they do speak by hiding and suppressing their true thoughts and feelings.
Growing up in a small Welsh village, P.J. Roscoe learned early on to know her place, don’t have an opinion, don’t question or challenge anything, and generally stay completely out of the way.
It was such a small village that as P.J. says, you could fart on one end of the village, and by the time you got home, everyone would know about it. The adults talked with each other about the children constantly, but the children were supposed to stay silent and contribute nothing.
Ironically, when P.J. and her family moved to another town where she felt more free to express herself, she felt out of place and wanted to go back.
Going away to college didn’t change much. She ended up in an abusive relationship that gave her no freedom, and in college she was told that she could not have certain jobs or career choices because she was a woman. She was studying to be a beauty health and sports therapist and dance instructor, but she really wanted to be an author. No, she was told, her grades weren’t good enough.
When she was eight months pregnant, P.J. went for her usual scan where they discovered the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. This tragedy became the catalyst for her to write her first novel, called “Echoes”.
So maybe things were going to be fine after all – but Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
P.J.’s next step was training to become a therapist. Her instructor gave her an assignment – for the next three years, instead of saying the word “fine” (or “okay”) when asked how she was doing or how her day was, she was to say “fuck off”.
Her instructor explained that when you say “fine” as the answer to questions like “how are you” or “how was dinner,” it disrespects the person asking because it shows them you reject their interest or concern for you. Similarly, P.J. should never accept “fine” or “okay” as the response when asking after someone else.
What should she do instead? How does changing the conversation lead to better communication as well as empower and honor both you and the other person? In what ways does this help us be both seen and heard?
In a moment, when you meet P.J., you’ll discover a new take on how Fine is a 4-Letter Word which could open new doors for you.
P.J.’s hype song is "Rain” by The Cult.
Resources:
P.J. Roscoe’s website: https://pjroscoe.co.uk/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pjroscoeauthorgriefguru111/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PaulaGriefGuru/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pjroscoeauthor/ X (formerly Twitter): https://twitter.com/PJRoscoeauthor
P.J. is offering you a 10% discount on her 5-month program when you contact her and say “I heard you on Lori’s show, Fine is a 4-Letter Word”.
Invitation from Lori:
Now if, like P.J., you feel seen but not heard – like you’re existing in a reality dictated by somebody else and you’ve no say in the matter, the 5 Easy Ways to Start Living The Sabbatical Life guide can help you find your own voice.
Once you...

Family trauma and drama flow through generations and can take on a form of fiction around “family unity,” “handed down traditions,” and “that’s the way it is” that sweep the suffering under the rug. But two things can happen.
Either you’ll find yourself in pain from stepping on the lumps of dirt under the rug, or the rug will slip and slide due to the dirt making it less sticky to the floor – either way, you could fall when you least expect it.
This need to create narratives could be part of why Lana McAra became a published fiction author, a coach and mentor to fiction writers, and host of an acclaimed podcast that delves deep into the ins and outs of fiction novel writing.
Lana was raised in a conservative environment as the oldest of five children of a hospital handyman and a housewife. They lived in Amish country and belonged to a Mennonite community. Rustic, yes – however everything looked fine.
But Fine is a 4-Letter Word – and the contradictions were just beginning.
Her father seemed to be a pillar of integrity who upheld traditional values, while her mother was a rebel who didn’t wear her bonnet or stockings and therefore “scandalized” the entire family. Eventually, her mother filed for divorce, her father moved to the opposite side of the country, and not even two weeks after the divorce, her mother married a volatile and abusive man.
As de facto parent to her four younger siblings, Lana created the narrative that their father, who had become a successful tradesman in his new life, was the example they should follow – even though he had completely abandoned them.
So much for moral rectitude from both parents, huh?
Lana went to college with the intention of breaking free and blazing her own trail… only to almost immediately meet, and soon marry, a man who had the same hypocritical character and controlling manner her father did.
Lana and her husband became missionaries, traveling to different countries like Grenada where her husband’s efforts to control her didn’t fly with the culture. It was a culture shock to come back to the United States and learn it all again.
In the meantime, just as she had been the sole caretaker as a teenager for her four siblings, she now became this for her seven children, all while pursuing her lifelong passion for fiction novel writing.
After 30 years, Lana and her husband divorced. Her family relationships unraveled as she formed short-term reunion bonds with her parents before they died. Then she became estranged from her siblings. All of this led to a nervous breakdown.
The fiction stories she had written all fell apart – but then she met someone at a conference who led her toward literally tapping the depths of her trauma.
You’re about to meet Lana and discover the very real new story she is penning!
Lana’s hype song is "You Don't Mess Around with Jim” by Jim Croce.
Resources:
Lana McAra’s website: http://LanaMcAra.com LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/lanamcara Facebook: https://facebook.com/lana.mcara2 Instagram: https://instagram.com/lanamcara2 X (formerly Twitter): https://www.twitter.com/lanamcara
Invitation from Lori:
Now if, like Lana, you find yourself discovering that the life you think is real has turned out to be a...