Tell Me Who You Really Are Jo Emerson

In this final episode of Season Two, I work with Sarah as she explores the impact motherhood has had on her self-esteem and her career. Trained, as many women are, to put others first she now finds herself with an increasingly empty nest, time to spend on creative projects but a part of her that seems to sabotage this time. She has a novel to write but a mind full of limiting beliefs that stop her from being able to sit down and write. 



With themes of co-dependency, empty nest adjustments and conflicting priorities this coaching conversation challenges the validity of the “shoulds” we live by and shows what happens when we start to see ourselves and our time in a new light.  





If you are struggling to give yourself time for creative projects here’s what I suggest:



1. Put creative time in your diary, tell your family what you’re doing and guard that time like you would a small baby



2. Do business with the part of your brain telling you that you’re wasting time - you’re a human being, not a human doing



3. Be accountable to someone for your creative progress - get a mentor, join a creative group etc.



4. Enjoy the process and remember this is far more about enjoying the experience of being creative than it is about the output.5. If you need to, take a class to improve your skills and confidence 

I defy you not to fall in love with Ruth when you meet her. Her ability to be honest, vulnerable and authentic inspires me and in this episode, we hear about her struggles with food, weight and body image. Her goal for our session was to learn to love and accept herself as she is now whilst still striving for weight loss and increased health & fitness. It’s a complex topic, one that millions of us can relate to. What Ruth discovers about herself during our conversation is life-changing and, if you listen carefully, can change your life too!



 Listen out for themes of self-hate, body image, binge eating disorder and grief. This episode is dedicated to Ruth’s mum, who sadly died at the very end of 2023.





If you are struggling with binge eating disorder I would highly recommend the 12-Step programme found in Overeaters Anonymous. 



To learn to manage your inner critic please check out my book, Flying for Beginners, available on Amazon or take a look at the courses on my website. 

Jonny is a young entrepreneur who started our session by saying he wanted to look at money blocks because he felt he wasn’t reaching his potential. Some digging revealed that his issue was that he didn’t know what he wanted to focus on in his career for fear that he’d give something his all and that thing would be a disappointment. He was looking for certainty in an uncertain world. This episode is for you if you or someone you know is lost in the wilderness of early adulthood, still trying to figure out your purpose in life.



Listen out for themes of risk-taking, passion and career frustrations in your twenties and thirties.





If you can relate to Jonny’s struggles here’s what I’d suggest:



1. Take the pressure off yourself! In my experience, we don’t find our passions in life but they find us.



2. Nothing is wasted. Everything I did career-wise before I became a coach feeds into the work I do today. So, go and explore what’s out there career-wise and build up your skills.



3. Accept that life is uncertain. Seeking certainty is a recipe for a boring life in which you feel frustrated.



4. Write down everything that excites you and do more of those things. The higher and more positive your energy is, the more positivity you have to give to the world.



5. Trust in the process. Life is not a race or a competition but a process of growth so give yourself a chance to grow.

Anthony seeks to raise his self-esteem and stop being so hard on himself. Last season we only heard from women so I’m delighted that two men have agreed to take part this time and Anthony’s story is so relatable. We’ve coached in the past and he’s one of the loveliest people you’ll ever meet. So, how does he start believing this about himself? Listen to the full episode as he bravely faces the death of his father when he was a seven-year-old and the complicated feelings he’s had about himself ever since.





If you’d like to build your self-esteem, here’s what I suggest:




Write down the messages you picked up about yourself when you were young. What old stories are you still dragging around with you?



Ask yourself, “Are these messages really true about me today?” 



Now ask yourself, “What else could be true?” 



Now, give yourself a day in which you only believe the new version of events about yourself and notice how differently you feel about yourself.

Meet Alice - a successful writer who came to me wanting to react less personally to feedback and criticism so that she could do better at her job and find life a little easier in the feedback culture at work. What she reveals in this episode will echo with you if you’ve become convinced that life is a competition. We explore Alice’s draining habit of comparing herself to other people and discover that this is rooted in an upbringing in which she always felt like the silly baby of the family.  



This episode is for you if you want to break out of a negative self-image and stop competing with everyone you meet.





If you are struggling with receiving feedback and defensiveness consider this:




If you believed that feedback was simply someone else’s opinion that you could choose to accept or not, how much easier would it be to hear it?



What are you allowing from the past to poison your life today? What negative self-image do you need to drop?



What are the things you don’t like about yourself? Carl Rogers told us that we can only change things in ourselves that we can accept first so maybe it's time to practice some self-acceptance.



Know this - you don’t have to be perfect to be loved. It’s okay to get things wrong

In this final episode of Season One, we hear Jo as she explores the impact three significant episodes of bullying have had on her and her confidence. We also explore magical thinking and how expecting other people to just be nice and behave in certain ways can seriously affect our self-esteem. If you’ve been mistreated by someone in the past and their words and actions still affect you please listen to this episode as it’s time for you to reclaim your power, as Jo decides to do during our coaching hour.



With themes of trauma, bullying, gaslighting and acceptance this coaching conversation also challenges the validity of the moral rules we expect others to follow. 





If you are struggling to assert yourself against a bully here’s what to do:




Know that their need to dominate you come from their own fear and deep insecurities.



Know also that their mistreatment of you is about their stuff and is no reflection on you.



Notice the part of you lost in the fairness fantasy and do business with that voice. It’s not up to you how other people behave so stop expecting them to be nice!



Listen to what they say and don’t interrupt.



When they have finished state your case calmly and keep repeating your case using similar language. Repetition builds a wall of protection around you.



Walk away if you need to and, if this is a professional environment, report the bullying immediately to your HR department.