IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Lana Manikowski
  • 5.0 (72)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

I am an infertility survivor—the kind you never hope to become: childless. After enduring multiple rounds of IUI and IVF at some of the leading fertility centers, I was advised to discontinue treatment. When my fertility journey ended, I was offered no resources to help me navigate the reality of an unexpected childless life. I was left asking: So now what? In the years that followed, I tried to convince myself I'd be OK, but I wasn't. I felt shattered, alone, and failed—not just by the process but by my own body. I longed for someone who truly understood the pain I felt, a guide to help me navigate a life without children. But I couldn't find it. So, I decided to create it. Today, I am still childless, but I've redefined what that means. I've learned that a meaningful and purposeful life is possible, even without motherhood. I've learned to love myself and embrace the body I once felt had let me down. Through my certification in life coaching and my own transformation, I've discovered tools and insights that helped me thrive—and I'm here to share them with you on The "So Now What?" Podcast. If you've been on this journey, join me as we build what we were never offered: a sisterhood for the bravest women I know. Together, we'll rewrite the narrative, shedding labels like failed, unexplained, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, not-viable, or advanced maternal age. Follow me on Instagram: @lana.manikowski for resources, inspiration, and opportunities to live a fulfilling life without the children you dreamed of.

  1. 4D AGO

    How to Enjoy Being You When You're Childless After IVF Failed

    When you're childless after IVF failed, life can look steady on the outside. You go to work. You answer emails. You show up to events. You keep functioning. But inside, something feels different. You might find yourself thinking, "I don't know how to enjoy being me anymore." When fertility treatments end without a baby, people assume the hardest part is over. The injections stop. The appointments end. The constant waiting slows down. But when you're childless after IVF failed, this is often when the identity questions begin. Who am I now? What does my future look like? How do I build a meaningful life when motherhood didn't happen? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, we talk about: Why life can feel directionless after IVF failed What disenfranchised grief really means when you never had a positive pregnancy test Why comparison feels louder when you are childless after infertility How grief quietly takes up space in everyday moments Why performing strength keeps you disconnected from yourself Small, practical ways to rebuild trust and enjoyment When you're childless after IVF failed, your grief is valid. Even if there was never a pregnancy. Even if there was never a baby to hold. Even if no one around you recognizes it as a loss. Enjoying being you again does not mean you are leaving the dream of motherhood behind. It means you are learning how to live alongside what you lost. You are allowed to feel steadiness. You are allowed to feel relief. You are allowed to build something meaningful in this life. Join Me in Chicago: The Other's Day® Brunch If you're ready to connect with other women who are also childless after infertility, The Other's Day® Brunch was created for you. Happening May 8–9 in Chicago, this two-day experience is designed specifically for women without children. It's about connection, meaning, and walking into a room where no one asks how many kids you have. Learn more here: 👉 https://lanamanikowski.com/othersday Free Guide: What to Say When You're Childless If you are tired of awkward comments and unsolicited advice about becoming a mom, download your free copy of: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) Get it here: 👉 https://lana-manikowski.myflodesk.com/thingspeoplesay When you're childless after IVF failed, your story is not over. You are still becoming. You are still building. And you are still allowed to enjoy being you.

    16 min

  2. JAN 28

    The Grief Plateau After IVF Failed

    When IVF ends without a baby, life does not always fall apart. Sometimes it goes quiet. You may still be showing up to work, keeping plans, and getting through your days, yet something feels off. You are functioning, but not fully connected to your life. In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, you are introduced to the concept of a grief plateau and why it is so common for women who are childless not by choice after infertility and IVF failed. A grief plateau explains why life can feel paused after fertility treatments end. Not dramatic grief. Not constant sadness. But a flat, stuck feeling that is hard to name and even harder to explain to others. This episode helps you understand what may be happening beneath the surface and why it makes sense, given everything you have been through. In this episode, you will learn: What a grief plateau is and how it shows up after IVF failed. Why many women feel "off" after infertility even when life looks fine on the outside. How years of fertility treatments affect your body, brain, and sense of safety. Why staying busy, feeling numb, or avoiding big dreams can be a form of protection. How losing the dream of motherhood can leave your future feeling unclear. Why understanding where you are matters before trying to move forward. This episode is for you if: You left fertility treatments without a baby and feel disconnected from yourself. Life feels stuck or paused after IVF failed. You are tired of being told to move on or look on the bright side. You want language that makes sense of life after infertility. This is not an episode about fixing yourself or rushing into a new version of life. It is about naming an experience many women have but rarely hear explained. Resource mentioned in this episode: Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond A free guide to help you navigate uncomfortable comments and advice after infertility. Get the free guide here. If life feels quiet after IVF failed and you do not know why, this episode will help you understand what you may be standing in right now.

    15 min

  3. JAN 22

    Childfree or Childless? You Get to Decide What That Means

    Childfree or Childless? You Get to Decide What That Means If you don't have kids, you've probably noticed the words childfree and childless everywhere. They show up on social media, in podcasts, in articles, in movies, and in conversations about women's lives after infertility. And even if no one has ever asked you directly how you identify, you've likely felt something when you hear those terms used. Maybe you pause. Maybe you feel tension. Maybe you think, I don't know how I feel about that. In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, you slow that moment down and look at what's really happening underneath the words. This conversation is not about choosing the "right" label. It is about understanding the meaning you are giving to the terms childfree and childless, and deciding whether that meaning actually supports the woman you are becoming after infertility or IVF did not result in a child. You explore why identity feels so tender after fertility treatments end, why language can feel so loaded, and how a single word can start to feel like it is being asked to explain your grief, your growth, your peace, and your future all at once. In this episode, you will hear: Why the term childfree can feel empowering for some women and completely misaligned for others. Why the word childless can feel truthful while still carrying old stories of disappointment or being perceived as less than. How some women reclaim their lives without kids by changing the word they use. How other women reclaim their lives without kids by keeping the same word and changing what it means to them. Why you are not reacting to the word itself, but to the meaning you believe the word gives you. How you get to decide how much power any label has over you. You will also hear Lana share why she personally identifies as childless, and how that word honors the truth of wanting motherhood while still reflecting a full, meaningful life without children. Most importantly, this episode reminds you that whether you identify as childfree or childless, you have permission to feel proud of the woman you are. Proud of how you kept going. Proud of how you learned to hold complexity. Proud of the life you are building, even if it looks different than you once imagined. You are not your terminology. You are not unfinished. You are not behind. You are not less than. You are whole. Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode The Other's Day® Brunch A beautiful, connective event for women without children, happening May 9, with a special Friday night experience added this year. Check for updates or join the waitlist here: 👉 https://lanamanikowski.com/othersday Free Resource: Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond If you have ever found yourself navigating unsolicited advice, intrusive questions, or "helpful" suggestions about becoming a mom, this guide is for you. Download it for free here: 👉 https://lanamanikowski.com/thingspeoplesay If this episode resonated with you, make sure you are subscribed to The "So Now What?" Podcast so you do not miss future conversations about navigating life after infertility and building a meaningful, grounded future without the children you dreamed of. I hope you have a beautiful week. I love you, and remember that it is never too late to discover your meaning.

    12 min

  4. JAN 14

    Post-Traumatic Growth After Infertility

    What Happens When the Future You Planned Doesn't Happen When fertility treatments end without a baby, you don't just grieve the child you hoped for. You grieve the future you were building your life around. In this episode of The So Now What? Podcast, you explore post-traumatic growth after infertility and why it matters for women who are childless not by choice. Not in a toxic-positivity way. Not as a lesson you were supposed to learn. But as a way to understand what happens after years of trying, waiting, and living in a fertility holding pattern. If you've ever thought, I'm not the same person I was before IVF, this episode helps you understand why—and what becomes possible next. In this episode, you'll hear: Why infertility and fertility treatments do count as trauma, even if no one ever named it that way How years of IVF, IUI, medical procedures, and waiting shaped your nervous system and identity Why the end of fertility treatments feels so disorienting, not just sad What post-traumatic growth actually means and what it does not mean The seismic "rebuild" moment that happens when the life you planned no longer exists The five areas where post-traumatic growth often shows up after infertility Why growth is optional, not required, and only happens when you feel safe enough How to move forward without erasing your dream of motherhood or minimizing what you endured What it looks like to find a starting point again after the fertility holding pattern ends Why post-traumatic growth matters after infertility You didn't go through infertility to grow. You didn't suffer for a reason. And you don't need to reframe your loss to justify moving forward. Post-traumatic growth simply explains what happens when your assumptions about the future break and you're left asking, So now what? This episode helps you see that wanting forward movement does not mean you're forgetting what mattered. It means you're ready to stop living in permanent disappointment and start building a life that feels connected, grounded, and meaningful—on your terms. Thrive After Infertility This episode reflects the core work you do inside Thrive After Infertility, the coaching program created for women who have completed fertility treatments and are ready to stop feeling incomplete because fertility treatments failed. Inside Thrive, you learn how to: Move out of the fertility holding pattern Reconnect with your body and nervous system Navigate relationships in a world full of parents Create meaning and direction for the decades ahead Growth doesn't come from time passing. It comes from learning how to intentionally rebuild after loss. Free resource mentioned in this episode If you've ever been told, "You can always adopt," or "Everything happens for a reason," and didn't know how to respond, download the free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) 👉 Get the free guide here: lana-manikowski.com/thingspeoplesay

    20 min

  5. 12/24/2025

    Childless After Infertility and Growing Older: Moving From Fear to Intention

    If you're childless after infertility and growing older feels unsettling, this episode invites you to move from fear to intention and imagine a future that feels grounded and meaningful. Childlessness after infertility and growing older can bring up fears you never expected to carry. When motherhood didn't happen, aging is often framed as something to brace for rather than something you get to shape. In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, you're invited to move from fear to intention as you explore what it means to grow older without children, reconnect with your body after IVF failed, and begin imagining a future that feels meaningful, grounded, and entirely your own. This episode was inspired by a simple question I overheard while out to dinner: Has getting old been like you expected it would be? For women who are childless after infertility, that question can land deeply. Not because aging itself is the problem, but because the future no longer comes with a default storyline. Together, we talk honestly about the physical fears of aging, the existential questions that surface when IVF fails, and how reaction mode can quietly shrink your sense of possibility. Most importantly, you'll be invited to consider what it might look like to participate in your future, rather than brace for it. This conversation isn't about having all the answers. It's about giving yourself permission to imagine again. In this episode, you'll explore: Why growing older without children is often framed through fear The physical aging fears many women carry after infertility and why they make sense How fertility treatments can leave you feeling disconnected from your body What existential fear really means when motherhood didn't happen The difference between bracing for the future and imagining it Why reaction mode helped you survive infertility but doesn't have to be permanent How childless women often have more agency than they realize when it comes to aging Questions to help you begin envisioning a future that feels intentional and grounded If growing older feels scary right now If thinking about aging without children brings up tightness, fear, or a sense of "I don't even know where to begin," you're not doing anything wrong. You've already had to let go of a future you worked hard for. It makes sense that imagining what comes next feels complicated. That's exactly why I offer Thrive Calls. 🌿 Book a free 45-minute Thrive Call A Thrive Call is a free, 45-minute conversation where we slow everything down and talk honestly about what you want your life to feel like now and as you get older. You don't need a full plan. You don't need clarity before you book. You just need a place to start imagining instead of bracing. 👉 Book your Thrive Call here! 📘 Free resource for navigating difficult conversations If you're also navigating intrusive or exhausting conversations about motherhood, infertility, or "what's next," I created a free guide many women find grounding. The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) This guide helps you respond without overexplaining, spiraling, or losing your cool. 👉 Get the free guide here: https://lana-manikowski.myflodesk.com/thingspeoplesay Final reflection Aging without kids doesn't automatically mean loneliness or decline. It means you get to be intentional in ways most people never have to consider. You get to decide what matters. You get to decide where your energy goes. You get to decide who you're becoming. Not someday. Now. I hope you have a beautiful week. I love you, and remember that it's never too late to discover your meaning. I'll talk to you next week.

    17 min

  6. 12/17/2025

    When IVF Failed and Time Didn't Fix It: Healing the Loss of Motherhood

    When IVF Failed and Time Didn't Fix It: Healing the Loss of Motherhood You were told time would heal this. That if you just waited long enough, the pain of leaving IVF without a baby would soften. That eventually the anger, loneliness, and grief around the dream of motherhood would fade on their own. But if you're childless after infertility, you already know the truth. The calendar didn't fix it. In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, you explore why time alone doesn't heal the loss of motherhood when IVF failed and why that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. You'll hear why these feelings resurface again and again during emotionally charged moments like Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, and year-end milestones and why waiting quietly can start to cost you more than you realize. This episode is for you if you're childless not by choice, navigating life after IVF failed, and wondering why time hasn't brought the peace everyone promised. In this episode, you'll explore: Why time doesn't heal the loss of motherhood after IVF failed Why infertility grief is cyclical, not seasonal How holidays, birthdays, and Mother's Day can reopen the wound Why "just moving on" can disconnect you from yourself What actually helps you heal and move forward after infertility Ready to stop waiting and start feeling better now? ✨ Glow Up Sessions If you want focused, one-on-one support around one specific issue like navigating the holidays, preparing for family gatherings, handling intrusive comments, or getting grounded before the new year, a Glow Up session is a powerful place to start. 👉 Book a Glow Up session NOW! ow is the perfect time to think about how you want to enter the new year and how you want to feel in your life moving forward. ✨ Book a Thrive Call HERE! A one-on-one conversation to map out what healing and meaning can look like for you after IVF failed. ✨ Free Resource: What to Say When People Don't Get It Download Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond HERE, so you're not caught off guard by intrusive or unhelpful comments.

    16 min

  7. 12/04/2025

    Trusting Your Decision to Remain Childless After Infertility

    When you are childless after infertility, the holiday season can feel like a spotlight you never asked for. Everyone has an opinion about your fertility decisions. Everyone has a suggestion about what you should have done. And somehow every gathering becomes an open invitation for people to ask about baby news, adoption, donor eggs, or why you stopped trying. In this week's episode, you learn how to stay grounded, confident, and steady when holiday opinions collide with the decisions you made after IVF Failed. You discover how to trust your intuition again and how to walk into December without feeling like you owe anyone an explanation. This episode is for you if • you are childless after infertility • you ended fertility treatments and people still question why • you feel pressure during family gatherings • you struggle with unsolicited advice about adoption, donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy, or "trying again" • you want to feel connected to the holidays without feeling triggered • you want to walk into gatherings feeling prepared instead of anxious Inside the episode, you will learn • why holiday comments land so hard for women who are childless not by choice • how lifelong conditioning leads you to second guess your decisions • why your inner knowing is wiser than outside opinions • what to tell yourself when someone questions your fertility choices • how to feel empowered about the decisions you made when your fertility journey ended without a baby • how to walk into December feeling solid and sure of yourself If you are already bracing for the questions and opinions, I have two things that will support you through this season. Glow Up Sessions: Personalized Holiday Support These private sessions help you • practice what you want to say • stay grounded during conversations • feel confident about your decisions • handle family dynamics with clarity and calm These are one on one coaching sessions at a discounted rate for December. Book your Glow Up Session here! Register NOW! Free Masterclass on December 16 Handling the Holidays: Managing Your Family, Traditions, and Celebrations Without Kids Tuesday, December 16 11:30 AM Central In this class you learn how to • handle family gatherings when you are childless after infertility • navigate traditions that feel painful because you do not have kids to pass them onto • stay centered when everything around you feels kid focused • make space for your own joy this holiday season Register for the free class: https://meet.google.com/occ-gnzy-sdt (If you want a registration page link instead of a direct meet link, tell me and I will swap it.) Mentioned in this Episode Download the Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless and How to Respond https://lana-manikowski.com/thingspeoplesay Connect With Me Website https://www.lanamanikowski.com Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lana.manikowski TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@lana.manikowski YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@lana.manikowski If you loved this episode Please subscribe, rate, and review the podcast. It helps other women who are childless after infertility discover this space and find the support they never received from their clinic once treatment ended.

    14 min

  8. 11/25/2025

    How Childless Women Can Navigate the Holidays Ahead

    Episode 192: How Childless Women Can Navigate the Holidays Ahead The holiday season can feel emotionally heavy when you're childless after infertility. In this episode, Lana explains why Thanksgiving and Christmas can stir up overwhelm, anxiety, numbness, and confusion when you always imagined this season with a child of your own. You'll learn how your brain and nervous system respond during this time of year, why nothing about your reaction means you're doing anything wrong, and how to feel more grounded and supported as the holidays approach. The holidays can feel complicated when you're childless after infertility. That knot in your stomach during Thanksgiving or Christmas is not your imagination. Whether you are done with fertility treatments, still navigating IVF or IUI, or childless by circumstance, this season can shine a spotlight on the life you thought you would be living by now. In this episode, you learn why the holidays often stir up so much emotion and why nothing about your experience means you're doing anything wrong. You'll understand how your brain and nervous system interpret this season, why old neural pathways get activated, and why your reactions are very normal for women who are childless after infertility or childless not by choice. Inside the episode, you'll learn: • How neural pathways built during your fertility journey impact your holidays • Why unpredictability around the holidays activates your nervous system • Why numbness is normal when the season feels emotionally loaded • Why family gatherings can trigger isolation even when you're loved • How to stop blaming yourself for how you feel this time of year • How to stay grounded when traditions center around children • Why you don't have to sit out of Christmas just because you don't have kids If you want real tools and support to help you feel more prepared and confident this year, join my free live class on Tuesday, December 16 at 11:30 AM Central: How to Deal with Your Family, Create Traditions, and Manage Celebrations Without Kids Register here! You deserve to feel grounded, steady, and in control of the rooms you walk into this season. And if you want help responding to the comments people make when they don't understand your experience, download my free guide HERE! The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond.

    14 min
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About

I am an infertility survivor—the kind you never hope to become: childless. After enduring multiple rounds of IUI and IVF at some of the leading fertility centers, I was advised to discontinue treatment. When my fertility journey ended, I was offered no resources to help me navigate the reality of an unexpected childless life. I was left asking: So now what? In the years that followed, I tried to convince myself I'd be OK, but I wasn't. I felt shattered, alone, and failed—not just by the process but by my own body. I longed for someone who truly understood the pain I felt, a guide to help me navigate a life without children. But I couldn't find it. So, I decided to create it. Today, I am still childless, but I've redefined what that means. I've learned that a meaningful and purposeful life is possible, even without motherhood. I've learned to love myself and embrace the body I once felt had let me down. Through my certification in life coaching and my own transformation, I've discovered tools and insights that helped me thrive—and I'm here to share them with you on The "So Now What?" Podcast. If you've been on this journey, join me as we build what we were never offered: a sisterhood for the bravest women I know. Together, we'll rewrite the narrative, shedding labels like failed, unexplained, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, not-viable, or advanced maternal age. Follow me on Instagram: @lana.manikowski for resources, inspiration, and opportunities to live a fulfilling life without the children you dreamed of.

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