Able to Care

Andy Baker (Able Training)
  • 0.0 (0)
  • Self-Improvement

Able to Care with Andy Baker helps caregivers, teachers, parents and people who care, better understand behaviour, care and connection. Hosted by Behaviour Specialist, author and trainer Andy Baker, the podcast explores dementia, neurodiversity, mental health, education, parenting, safeguarding, communication and the human stories behind support.

  1. 5d ago

    Personal Care Refusal in Dementia Care: How to Reduce Distress and Build Trust

    In this solo episode, Andy Baker explores one of the most common and emotionally loaded challenges in adult care, dementia support, residential services and home care: refusal. Too often, refusal is framed as non-compliance, defiance or “being difficult”. But what if refusal is actually communication? What if the behaviour is not about aggression, but about fear, vulnerability, pain, sensory overload, loss of control or a threat to dignity? This episode is especially relevant for paid and unpaid caregivers, support workers, care staff, parents and educators who want to better understand the people they support rather than simply control behaviour. Andy breaks down how personal care can feel threatening, why task-focused approaches can make things worse, and how a calmer, more relational response can reduce distress, protect trust and improve cooperation over time. He also introduces a practical framework - the 6 Cs - to help carers think more clearly in the moment and respond with more empathy, consistency and skill. Why listen to this episode? If you support someone who resists help, becomes distressed during care, or reacts strongly to tasks like washing, dressing, medication or personal support, this episode will help you: understand why refusal is often communication, not simple defiance reduce distress without power struggles or force protect dignity, trust and emotional safety during care tasks reflect more effectively on what is really driving resistance use the 6 Cs to improve care planning, consistency and outcomes Three key messages Refusal is communication, not just non-compliance. When someone resists care, there is usually a reason underneath it - fear, pain, shame, confusion, sensory discomfort, trauma, autonomy or distress. If you force the task, you may lose trust. You might get the immediate outcome, but at the cost of dignity, safety and future cooperation. Better care starts with curiosity, not control. The 6 Cs - comfort, consistency, connection, choice, competency and challenge - offer a practical way to understand what is driving the refusal and respond more effectively. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Refusal is communication, not just non-compliance Why forcing a task may win the moment but damage trust, dignity and future cooperation. 00:30 - The scenario: when personal care turns into an incident A support worker tries to help, the person reacts strongly, and the story quickly becomes “they were being difficult”. 01:15 - Why personal care can feel like a threat How washing, changing, medication and support can trigger fear, vulnerability, sensory discomfort, embarrassment, trauma, pride or a loss of autonomy. 02:58 - The 6 Cs: a practical framework for understanding refusal Andy introduces comfort, consistency, connection, choice, competency and challenge as a real-time care tool. 03:10 - Comfort Is the person in pain, overloaded, disoriented, tired or physically uncomfortable? 03:32 - Consistency Why different staff doing the same task in different ways can increase distress - and why teams need better shared data, not just opinions. 05:55 - Connection before solution Why going in just to do the task often fails - and why relationship, rapport and human connection matter first. 07:02 - Choice, competency and challenge How offering real choices, preserving independence and recognising fluctuating ability can reduce resistance and protect dignity. 09:19 - A better practical approach to refusal Softening the approach, offering acceptable options, protecting dignity and pacing support more carefully. 11:04 - If they escalate, do not double down Why pausing, stepping back and lowering the demand is often safer and more effective than pushing harder. 12:52 - Refusal is data Whether in adult care, dementia support, parenting or education, refusal should be treated as information - not automatically as defiance. Resources mentioned Able Training - behaviour management, care training and practical support for professionals and services able-training.co.uk/podcast Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker Andy refers to principles from his book throughout the episode. The Adaptive Caregiver Model: Walking With, Not Ahead: A Practical Guide to Dementia Care That Adapts to the Person, Not the Diagnosis https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adaptive-Caregiver-Model-Practical-Diagnosis/dp/1918283060 Able links Website: able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Final reflection If someone refuses personal care, medication or support, it is easy to focus on the task and miss the message. But behaviour is often the clearest communication a distressed person has. When we slow down, get curious and ask what has made this feel threatening, we give ourselves a better chance of responding with dignity, compassion and skill. If this episode helped, please like, follow, share or comment so more caregivers, parents, teachers and support staff can access the conversation.

  2. Jul 6 ·  Bonus

    What Children’s Homes Really Need: Rhiannon Hughes on Staffing, Trust and Therapeutic Care

    In Part 2 of this two-part conversation, Andy Baker continues his discussion with Rhiannon Hughes, exploring how her lived experience in care now shapes the way she recruits staff for children’s homes - and why that matters so much. Rhiannon shares what she looks for beyond a CV, the difference between an adult who simply works in a children’s home and one who genuinely changes a child’s life, and why consistency, emotional steadiness and therapeutic care matter more than ever. This episode will be especially valuable for residential childcare staff, managers, foster carers, social care leaders, and anyone interested in trauma-informed practice, workforce development and improving outcomes for children in care. In this episode, we explore: What good staffing really looks like in children’s homes Why connection matters more than simply covering shifts The traits Rhiannon looks for when recruiting staff Why some adults build trust and others lose it quickly How lived experience can shape better leadership in children’s care Rhiannon’s vision for opening her own children’s homes Three key messages from this episode: Children’s homes need adults who do not take behaviour personally and who can stay emotionally steady when children are pushing them away. Recruitment in residential childcare should not just be about filling vacancies - it should be about finding adults who can build trust, safety and consistency. Real care means helping children build independence, confidence and practical life skills - not just supervising them through the day. Timestamps / Chapters: 24:20 - Part 2 begins: from lived experience to purposeful recruitment 24:20 - What Rhiannon looks for beyond a CV 25:39 - The difference between an adult who works in care and one who changes lives 26:49 - Why children who reject love often need it most 27:16 - Being the eldest sibling and carrying responsibility early 28:00 - Supporting her sister through homelessness and addiction 36:47 - Why Rhiannon wants to open her own children’s homes 42:52 - What she would do differently in children’s residential care 47:18 - Why care leavers should be encouraged back into the sector 47:51 - The one non-negotiable value she would build into her home 48:54 - Her message for young people who feel unwanted or unsafe Why listen to this episode: This episode is a powerful reminder that staffing is never just a numbers issue. In children’s homes, the right adult can change everything. Rhiannon brings a perspective that combines lived experience, care sector insight and a clear vision for doing things better. If you care about therapeutic care, stable teams, trauma-informed practice and building homes where children feel safe, seen and supported, this episode will give you plenty to reflect on. Resources mentioned / useful links: Rhiannon Hughes LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhiannon-hughes-a85469217?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app Residential Recruitment: http://www.residentialrecruitment.co.uk Contact Rhiannon: Rhiannon@residentialrecruitment.co.uk Follow Able / Able to Care: Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining

  3. Jun 29

    Growing Up in Care: Rhiannon Hughes on Trauma, Survival and Sibling Separation

    In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Rhiannon Hughes about her lived experience of growing up in care in both the UK and Spain, being separated from siblings, surviving instability, and carrying adult responsibilities from a very young age. Rhiannon shares what care felt like from the inside, what she needed most from the adults around her, and how trauma, inconsistency and loss shaped her journey. This episode will resonate with paid and unpaid caregivers, teachers, foster carers, parents and anyone supporting children with trauma, attachment needs or care experience. It is an honest, moving conversation about grief, survival, resilience and why the right adult relationships matter so much. In this episode, we explore: What it felt like to enter care as a child The impact of separation from siblings and repeated disruption Differences between care experiences in the UK and Spain What children in care really need from adults around them How trauma, survival mode and responsibility shape identity Rhiannon’s powerful story of helping her sister out of homelessness and addiction Three key messages from this episode: Children in care do not just need placements - they need consistency, patience and adults who keep showing up. Trauma can make children highly alert to people, threat and instability, so relationships must feel safe before they can feel meaningful. Lived experience can become a source of strength, empathy and purpose - but it often comes at a significant emotional cost. Timestamps / Chapters: 00:00 - Introduction and why this conversation matters 00:32 - Entering care at six years old due to abuse and neglect 02:15 - Foster care, children’s homes and sibling separation 04:01 - Moving to Spain and re-entering care overseas 05:19 - The grief of losing parents, home, siblings and safety 06:24 - What Rhiannon needed most from adults: consistency and patience 09:30 - The difference between care in Spain and the UK 12:13 - What resilience really cost her 15:49 - Leaving care, homelessness and falling through the gaps 19:16 - Finding purpose in lived experience and moving into care recruitment 23:42 - Why connection and consistency matter more than just filling staff gaps Why listen to this episode: If you work with children in care, support care-experienced young people, or want to better understand trauma from the inside out, this episode is essential listening. Rhiannon’s story is raw, honest and deeply human. It offers a powerful reminder that behind every behaviour is a history, behind every coping strategy is a survival story, and behind every “difficult” young person is often a child who has had to grow up far too soon. Resources mentioned / useful links: Rhiannon Hughes LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhiannon-hughes-a85469217?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app Residential Recruitment: http://www.residentialrecruitment.co.uk Contact Rhiannon: Rhiannon@residentialrecruitment.co.uk Follow Able / Able to Care: Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining Coming next: Part 2 is released next Tuesday, where the conversation shifts into staffing, recruitment, children’s homes, therapeutic care, and what truly makes an adult change a child’s life.

  4. Jun 22

    Social Media & Phone Ban: Why Taking Phones Away Can Make Behaviour Worse

    Phones, screens, devices and social media are now part of everyday life for children and young people - but the arguments, sleep disruption, emotional fallouts and power struggles that come with them are leaving many parents, carers and professionals unsure what to do next. In this solo episode, Andy Baker explores why simply taking a phone away might bring short-term compliance but can also create long-term resentment, covert behaviour and bigger escalations. Instead of asking only how to stop screen use, Andy unpacks what the phone may actually be doing for a young person - whether that is offering connection, comfort, control, competence, distraction or dopamine regulation - and why that matters if we want to create real change. This episode will be especially useful for paid and unpaid caregivers, teachers, support staff and parents who want a more thoughtful, practical and trauma-informed way of managing screen-related behaviour. In this episode, Andy covers: Why the idea that “control equals safety” often backfires The difference between a design problem and a parenting problem Why blanket bans and fear-based responses rarely teach real regulation What phones may be doing for a child or young person emotionally How to replace power struggles with collaborative boundaries Why support, planning and alternatives work better than punishment alone Three key messages 1. The phone is often not the real problem A device may be meeting needs around connection, control, comfort, boredom relief, competence or anxiety management. If we only remove the phone without understanding its function, we usually create a bigger battle rather than a better outcome. 2. Punishment may stop the behaviour briefly, but it rarely teaches regulation Taking a phone away can produce short-term compliance, but it can also increase resentment, secrecy, escalation and rebellion if nothing healthier is put in its place. 3. Better boundaries are built through calm planning, collaboration and repair Andy shares a more effective route: agree boundaries when calm, offer choices, make expectations measurable, and plan for slip-ups so that responsibility grows instead of conflict. Why listen to this episode? If you support a child or young person who becomes dysregulated around phones, social media, gaming or screen time, this episode will help you think more clearly and respond more effectively. Rather than relying on threats, bans or constant arguments, Andy offers a more nuanced way of understanding behaviour that fits real family life, care settings and educational environments. It is a practical listen for anyone trying to balance healthy boundaries with empathy, emotional safety and long-term skill building. Timestamps / Chapter markers 00:00 Why taking a phone away can create more problems than it solves 00:21 Phones, screens, social media and the power struggles around them 00:58 Why this is not just a parenting issue, but also a design issue 01:35 The need for nuance - not every screen is harmful in the same way 02:29 Why blanket bans often increase desire rather than teach regulation 03:30 Andy’s free family commitment tool for safer screen use at home 04:32 How devices have become the modern threat, bribe and power lever 05:05 A real-life scenario: phone use, poor sleep and escalating conflict 06:05 Why the reaction does not always justify the trigger 06:23 What function the phone may be serving for a young person 07:29 Dopamine, distraction and why devices can feel hard to regulate 08:22 Why removing the strategy without replacing the need does not work 09:00 The key needs to explore: connection, control, comfort, competence and challenge 10:11 Practical strategies: reduce the need, offer alternatives and teach better regulation 12:11 A better approach: agree boundaries when calm 13:00 Give structured choices rather than forcing compliance 14:11 Make expectations clear and measurable 14:39 Plan for slip-ups and return to repair, not punishment 15:57 Free resource: Home Electronics Plan and Family Commitment Tool 16:33 Final reflections and takeaway message Resources mentioned Free resource from Andy Baker Home Electronics Plan and Family Commitment Tool Able Training website able-training.co.uk/podcast Andy’s book Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge (Referenced as part of Andy’s wider behaviour framework and approach.) Follow Able Website: able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast If you’ve ever found yourself in a stand-off over a phone, this episode will help you step back, understand what is really going on, and build a more thoughtful plan that supports regulation, safety and healthier long-term habits.

  5. Jun 15

    Therapeutic Kindness in Children’s Homes: Building Strong Teams for Better Care

    In this episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker speaks with Carmel Saulbrey, Managing Director of Niche Care Homes and founder of The Kindness Code, about what it really takes to build strong, resilient teams in children’s residential care. This conversation explores the emotional demands placed on staff, why therapeutic care is about far more than specialist interventions, and how kindness, consistency and workforce development can change outcomes for both children and the adults supporting them. If you are a caregiver, teacher, parent, foster carer or support professional interested in trauma-informed practice, therapeutic care, staff wellbeing, and children’s residential homes, this episode offers practical insight and real honesty. What this episode covers Andy and Carmel explore what makes a children’s home truly therapeutic on a day-to-day level, why staff burnout and turnover are such major issues in residential care, and how even good, caring adults can struggle under pressure when supporting children with trauma. Carmel shares why she believes kindness should be treated as a professional standard, not a soft extra, and explains how The Kindness Code was created to help staff practise therapeutic responses, build confidence, and embed training in real-life scenarios. Why listen to this episode? If you work with children who have experienced trauma, this episode will help you think more deeply about: how therapeutic care shows up in ordinary moments why good staff sometimes leave difficult roles how to support teams without losing boundaries what kindness really looks like when behaviour is challenging why workforce development matters just as much as child-centred practice This is a thoughtful episode for anyone who wants to build safer relationships, stronger teams and more consistent care. Three key messages 1. Therapeutic care is lived in the small moments. It is not just about specialist sessions - it is about how adults respond, repair, connect and stay calm in everyday interactions. 2. Kindness is not weakness. True therapeutic kindness includes warmth, boundaries, honesty and consistency, even when a child is distressed or dysregulated. 3. If we care for the team, the team can care for the children. Staff need support, confidence, practice and psychological safety if they are going to offer children the regulation and connection they need. Timestamps 00:00 - Introduction and Carmel’s journey into children’s residential care 00:46 - What makes a children’s home therapeutic in real life 02:02 - Why the emotional demand on staff is so high 06:13 - Why good people leave children’s care roles 11:10 - The difference between managing behaviour and building safety 15:45 - Everyday acts of love, regulation and belonging in children’s homes 20:01 - Why Carmel created The Kindness Code 24:27 - Using AI to help staff practise therapeutic responses 31:00 - The team culture needed to stay calm, kind and consistent 42:59 - Carmel’s hopes for The Kindness Code 46:22 - A closing message for exhausted residential support workers Resources mentioned The Kindness Code Training and practice support designed to help staff embed therapeutic kindness, build confidence, and respond more effectively in children’s residential care. Niche Care Homes Carmel’s children’s residential care homes focused on therapeutic practice, workforce development and creating better outcomes for children. The Kindness Code Podcast Mentioned as part of Carmel’s wider work and message around kindness, care and staff development. About the guest Carmel Saulbrey is the Managing Director of Niche Care Homes and founder of The Kindness Code. She is passionate about improving outcomes in children’s residential care by strengthening workforce development, supporting staff wellbeing, and helping teams embed therapeutic practice consistently. Carmel believes that by investing in compassionate, confident and well-supported teams, we create better environments for children and the adults who care for them. Connect with Able Website: able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining

  6. Jun 8

    Why People with Dementia Pace: Understanding Walking, Distress and Unmet Need

    In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker explores one of the most misunderstood behaviours in dementia care - pacing, repetitive walking and repeatedly saying “I need to go home”. Instead of dismissing this as “wandering”, Andy invites carers, teachers, parents and support staff to ask a better question: what is this behaviour trying to communicate? This episode looks at how repetitive behaviour can signal anxiety, sensory dysregulation, loneliness, discomfort, purpose, or an unmet need, and why correcting facts too quickly can make distress worse. If you support someone living with dementia, or anyone whose behaviour can become repetitive under stress, this episode offers a more curious, compassionate and practical way to respond. What this episode covers: Andy breaks down why repetitive walking is rarely pointless and is often a strategy to cope with stress, regulate the body, solve a problem or meet a need. He introduces a practical framework - See, Feel, Need, Do - to help supporters slow down, spot patterns, consider the emotional driver, identify possible unmet needs and respond in a more helpful way. He also connects this to the Human Motivation Triangle and the HELP model, showing how behaviour may be linked to human, emotional, location-based or physical needs. Three key messages: Repetitive walking is often communication, not “just wandering” What looks like wandering may actually be walking with purpose - searching, soothing, escaping discomfort, seeking connection or trying to complete something important. Correcting facts can increase distress When someone is anxious, telling them “this is your home now” or trying to stop the movement can land as confrontation rather than reassurance. Curiosity leads to better care Rather than asking “how do I stop this?”, ask “what need is underneath this?” Supportive responses such as walking with the person, offering purpose, reducing stimulation or creating a safer route can make a real difference. Timestamps: 00:00 - Reframing “wandering” as walking with purpose 00:30 - The care home scenario: pacing, checking doors and wanting to go home 01:15 - Why correcting the facts can make things worse 01:55 - Behaviour as strategy: unmet need, stress and regulation 02:45 - The Human Motivation Triangle explained 03:00 - The See, Feel, Need, Do framework 03:35 - What could the person be feeling? 04:00 - Could walking be sensory regulation? 05:15 - Practical responses that reduce distress 06:30 - Building a proactive plan instead of reacting late 07:55 - Using the HELP model to understand behaviour 08:35 - Why safe walking routes can work better than stopping movement 09:00 - Final takeaway: stop asking “how do I stop it?” and ask “what need is there?” Why listen to this episode? This episode is especially useful if you support someone living with dementia and want to respond more effectively to pacing, restlessness or repeated requests to go home. It is also relevant for parents, teachers and support staff, because the wider principle applies beyond dementia care: repetitive behaviour often communicates stress, discomfort or unmet need. If you want a calmer, more person-centred way to understand behaviour, this conversation will give you practical tools you can start using straight away. Resources mentioned: Able Training website: able-training.co.uk/podcast Andy Baker’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge - available via Able’s site and hub. Andy's & Meghan's book: The Adaptive Caregiver Model: Walking With, Not Ahead: A Practical Guide to Dementia Care That Adapts to the Person, Not the Diagnosis - available on amazon Listen and connect Podcast: Able to Care Podcast Able social media: Instagram: @AbleTraining LinkedIn: Able Training TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast YouTube: Able Training YouTube If this episode helped you think differently about behaviour, please follow, share and leave a review so more carers, parents, teachers and support staff can find it.

  7. Jun 1

    Why Belonging Matters: Understanding Behaviour, Trauma & School Exclusion | Dr Lisa Cherry

    What does it really mean to belong - and what happens when someone doesn’t? In this powerful conversation, Andy sits down with Dr Lisa Cherry to unpack one of the most overlooked drivers behind behaviour: the human need for belonging and mattering. Drawing on over 35 years of experience across education, care, and trauma-informed practice, Lisa shares how experiences like school exclusion, care placements, and relational disruption can shape identity, behaviour, and lifelong outcomes. This episode goes beyond theory. It explores what belonging feels like, how children communicate when they don’t have it, and why behaviour often makes more sense when you stop asking “what’s wrong?” and start asking “where do they belong?” Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver, this conversation will challenge assumptions, deepen empathy, and give you practical ways to create environments where people feel seen, safe, and significant. 🔑 Three Key Messages 1. Behaviour is often a search for belonging What we label as “challenging behaviour” is often a person trying to meet a basic human need - to feel accepted, safe, and significant. 2. Fitting in is not the same as belonging Fitting in requires changing who you are. Belonging allows you to be who you are. Confusing the two can lead to long-term emotional cost. 3. Small moments create big impact Micro-messages - remembering a name, noticing someone, showing up consistently - quietly communicate: you matter here. ⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters) 00:00 – Introduction and Lisa’s recent work in the US 01:20 – Why belonging matters and starting with “unbelonging” 04:00 – Care experience, movement, and identity disruption 08:45 – How to recognise when someone truly feels they belong 12:50 – Belonging vs fitting in (and why it matters) 19:00 – The impact of school exclusion on identity and safety 21:30 – Why people will always find belonging - even in harmful places 24:00 – Gangs, exploitation, and what systems get wrong 28:40 – When behaviour pushes people away - what’s really happening 32:30 – Don’t take behaviour personally (and how to practise this) 36:40 – Micro-messages: how schools signal belonging (or not) 43:40 – What a “Web of Belonging” looks like in practice 44:40 – Systems, conformity, and the cost of survival behaviour 51:30 – Supporting burnt-out staff and carers 53:00 – What to say when a child feels they don’t belong 56:00 – Conversations parents can have with schools 59:50 – Final reflections for children and adults 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode If you’ve ever thought: “Why are they behaving like this?” “Why won’t they accept help?” “Why does nothing seem to work?” This episode offers a different lens. It will help you: Understand behaviour through belonging, not compliance Build stronger relationships with children, young people, or those you support Reflect on your own experiences of fitting in vs belonging Shift from judgement to curiosity in everyday interactions 📚 Resources Mentioned Belonging & Mattering Audit Tool (Dr Lisa Cherry): 👉 https://www.lisacherry.co.uk/belonging-mattering-audit-tool Key themes explored: Belonging vs fitting in Mattering and significance Trauma and relational disruption School exclusion and identity Micro-messages in environments 👤 About the Guest Dr Lisa Cherry is an author, researcher, and international trainer specialising in trauma-informed practice and systemic change across education, care, and justice systems. With over 35 years of experience, Lisa has worked globally supporting professionals to better understand and respond to those living with the legacy of trauma. Her research at the University of Oxford explored how care-experienced adults make sense of belonging. She is the author of: Conversations That Make a Difference for Children and Young People The Brightness of Stars Weaving a Web of Belonging Caring for the People Who Care 🔗 Connect with Lisa Website: https://www.lisacherry.co.uk LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisacherryauthor/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlisacherry 🔗 Connect with Able Training 🌐 Website & Podcast: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience  📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/  💬 Final Reflection You’ll hear a lot in this episode about systems, trauma, and behaviour. But underneath it all is a simple question worth sitting with: Who feels like they belong in your world - and who might quietly feel like they don’t?

  8. Apr 2

    Is It Lying or Coping? Understanding Children’s Behaviour for Parents, Teachers and Caregivers

    “He’s lying.” It’s a phrase heard in classrooms, homes and care settings every day - often said with certainty. But what if that certainty is where we get it wrong? In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker challenges one of the most common assumptions in parenting, teaching and caregiving: that lying is always a conscious choice. Instead, he explores a deeper perspective - that behaviour, including lying, is often a strategy to cope with fear, shame, stress or lack of skills. Through a relatable school scenario and practical step-by-step guidance, Andy breaks down how our responses can either build honesty… or unintentionally teach children to hide. If you support children or vulnerable individuals, this episode will help you move from reaction to understanding - without losing boundaries. ⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters) 00:00 – “He’s lying” - the assumption we rarely question 01:00 – Behaviour as a coping strategy 01:40 – The school scenario: caught with the evidence 02:00 – Certainty vs understanding 02:30 – The hidden assumption behind “lying” 03:00 – Confirmation bias and labelling 03:30 – A better question: what was the behaviour doing? 04:00 – Stress, needs and behaviour explained 05:00 – Why punishment can make lying worse 05:30 – The 5-step approach begins 05:40 – Step 1: De-escalate the identity attack 06:30 – Step 2: Separate facts from feelings 06:50 – Step 3: Teach a replacement behaviour 07:30 – Step 4: Focus on repair, not punishment 08:00 – Step 5: Reflect when calm 09:00 – Why children can’t learn in survival mode 09:30 – Applying this beyond children (adults & dementia) 10:30 – When lying is actually confusion or memory 11:00 – The key takeaway: test before you label 11:30 – The arm-folding exercise (habit vs awareness) 12:30 – Final reflections and practical application 🔑 Three Key Messages Behaviour is often a strategy, not a character flaw. What looks like lying may actually be a child trying to cope with fear, shame or overwhelm. Punishment without understanding can reinforce the behaviour. If lying protects a child from distress, punishment teaches them to hide it better - not change it. Connection and curiosity create lasting change. When we understand the “why” behind behaviour, we can teach better skills instead of reinforcing fear. 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? You’re a parent, teacher or caregiver dealing with “lying” behaviours You want practical strategies that go beyond punishment You’re looking to balance boundaries with empathy You want to understand behaviour at a deeper, psychological level You’re supporting children, young people or vulnerable adults under stress 📚 Resources Mentioned Able Target System (ATS) – Practical framework for behaviour support Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker 🌐 Able Training & Podcast Links Podcast: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcast Website: https://www.able-training.co.uk LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-support Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupport Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport 💬 A question to reflect on If a child feels safer lying than telling the truth… what does that say about the environment they’re in?

See All (100)

About

Able to Care with Andy Baker helps caregivers, teachers, parents and people who care, better understand behaviour, care and connection. Hosted by Behaviour Specialist, author and trainer Andy Baker, the podcast explores dementia, neurodiversity, mental health, education, parenting, safeguarding, communication and the human stories behind support.

Information

  • Creator
    Andy Baker (Able Training)
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    100
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2022 Able Training Support Limited.
  • Show Website
    Able to Care

You Might Also Like