Ask A Sex Therapist with Heather Shannon Heather Shannon

This week's guest is Kimmy Seltzer. She is a confidence therapist, authentic dating strategist and image expert. With vast knowledge and experience as a therapist, certified style coach, dating coach and matchmaker, Kimmy has helped people find lasting love and connection, attract success, and build valuable relationships using her unique competence makeover process. Listen to the full episode to learn more about the importance of combining emotional work into the body and what is the biggest thing that stops people from putting themselves out there.
In this episode, you'll learn:
The three pillars of flirtingThe importance of body language for men and womenHow your wardrobe choices can help you feel confident from the outside in!Dressing for your body and personality type.
LINKS & RESOURCES:
Book a no pressure $1 discovery call with Heather (to learn about potentially working with her as a coach!)
LET’S CONNECT! FIND HEATHER HERE ⤵️:
Heather’s Website
Heather’s Instagram
Join Heather’s free “Ask A Sex Therapist” Facebook Group
Heather’s YouTube - Check out the video version of this podcast & more!


FIND OUT MORE ABOUT OUR GUEST,  KIMMY SELTZER: 
WEBSITE
Chat with Kimmy
Instagram: @kimmyseltzer
Twitter: @kimmyseltzer
Join her FREE Facebook Group Love Makeover Insiders


SIMILARLY AWESOME EPISODES:
Liked the episode? Here’s a few more episodes of Ask A Sex Therapist that you'll enjoy:
How to Feel Sexy
The Libido Issue
The Sexual Placebo


RATE & REVIEW US!
Loved this episode? Leave us a review and rating here. 
You want to leave a review, but you’re tech challenged? Here’s a YouTube video of how to rate & review on Apple (iPhone/Mac) and here’s one for Spotify/Android.
All Apple written reviews are eligible to win a 3-book bundle of books (or audiobooks) from Heather’s Amazon Storefront. Listen to the podcast to win and if you hear your review read, email us at AskASexTherapistPodcast@gmail.com to claim your prize!

Healthy boundaries are all the rage . . . and with good reason. Having them helps us feel empowered, reduces resentment and encourages self-respect. But what about when it comes to sex? How can you practice saying no and communicating your needs without pushing the other person away?
Do healthy sexual boundaries mean you’re never going to have casual sex (answer - no!)? How can sexual boundaries help you feel safer with your partner? 
Embodiment practices can help. By being in your body and not just your head (the brain head, not the other one), you’ll learn what a YES truly feels like and what a NO feels like. 
In this episode, you’ll learn: 
How Heather set boundaries in a dating situation & how it worked out.Having sex more than you truly want to: Using sex for validation. Having sex early on so it’s not an issue. Getting sex out of the way.Sexual boundary issues often stem from a disconnect in your body. Your mind could be bulldozing your body specifically. The ability to tune into your body is important to all this. Ways you can practice: Do a body scan guided meditation. Do a sensual massage with your partner and notice where you feel relaxed, if you feel self-conscious or squeamish anywhere. Practice feeling your emotions in your body. Not being vulnerable enough. Working through fear and aversion. If it’s a safe space and you’re committed to showing up for yourself, it’s ok to push the envelope a bit.
Resources Mentioned:
GRAB YOUR HEALTHY SEXUAL BOUNDARIES CHECKLIST HERE!
CURIOUS ABOUT WORKING WITH HEATHER AS A COACH?
Book a No-Pressure $1 Discovery Call 

LET’S CONNECT! FIND ME HERE ⤵️:
Heather’s Website
Heather’s Instagram
Join Heather’s free “Ask A Sex Therapist” Facebook Group
Heather’s YouTube - Check out the video version of this podcast & more!

REVIEWER PRIZES!!!
Was it your review that was read on today’s episode? You get a free book bundle! Choose any 3 books from Heather’s Amazon Storefront and we will mail them to you. Reach out via email at AskASexTherapistPodcast@gmail.com to claim your prize. If you prefer audiobooks instead, we can gift you a 3-month Audible membership as your prize.

Join Heather and her first ever guest, THE Black Burlesque Queen - Perle Noire, for a high vibe discussion on purpose, healing, sexiness, therapy, embodiment and intuition. Perle’s path to her current success and alignment is NOT a boring one and you’ll definitely want to listen in to learn from her Wild Wisdom and Passionate Purpose. The ladies discuss how to relate to your emotions in a healthy way, falling in love with yourself and not holding yourself back anymore.
We’ll cover: 
Becoming Perle Noire (and not a crackhead) thanks to Intuition & The MoonTricked into prostitution, an understanding pimp & going to work at a castleFinding purpose & Perle realizing she’s the embodiment of Josephine BakerTouring the world with legendary burlesque performer Dita Von Teese for a decadeHealing Through Seduction & seducing yourself—including your trauma!Therapy, healthy boundaries & GOING FOR IT!!!Sensual self-care rituals
The best place to learn more about Perle is through her Instagram. You’ll be able to see her workshops in action, hear from her and her students and get a sense for how she can help and inspire you! And Heather will even be making a guest appearance on Perle’s IG live soon! Visit her profile at instagram.com/theperlenoire.
CURIOUS ABOUT WORKING WITH HEATHER AS A COACH?
Book a no pressure $1 consultation call 


LET’S CONNECT! FIND ME HERE ⤵️:
Heather’s Website
Heather’s Instagram
Join Heather’s free “Ask A Sex Therapist” Facebook Group
Heather’s YouTube - Check out the video version of this podcast & more!

As most of us have realized by now, sex education is sorely lacking in the US and most of the rest of the world! What we learn from most religions is a sex negative message—that there are a lot of rules about who you can have sex with, when you can have sex with them and what kind of sex acts are ok. Schools typically try to scare us into abstinence with talks about STIs and unwanted pregnancy. And then add in legislation in the US that targets LGBTQ people and women in a way that makes sex and love more difficult. 
It’s no wonder we’ve got some baggage around this topic, huh? 
If you’re ready to drop your sex-negative suitcases in the trash and relearn intimacy from a sex-positive perspective, listen in!
In this episode you’ll learn:
Ways in which Heather (and maybe you too!) experienced sex-negativity in her upbringingThe beginner’s mind: Wiping the slate clean of sex-negativityBuilding your own sex-positive belief set and putting it into practice. Self-Coaching Model of Life Coach School: How to apply thought work to create change in your sex life

Resources:
FREE DIRTY TALK GUIDE
Self Coaching Model - The Life Coach School

CURIOUS ABOUT WORKING WITH ME?
Book a $1 consultation call 

Resources Mentioned:
Life Coach School - Self Coaching Model (Thought Work)


LET’S CONNECT! FIND ME HERE ⤵️:
Website
Instagram
Join the free “Ask A Sex Therapist” Facebook Group
Twitter
YouTube(Check out the video version of this podcast!)
LinkedIn

Do you really need to love yourself first before loving someone else? Self-love is one of the most talked about topics in the self-help movement and one of the most common things relationship coaches discuss on social media. 
Many of us identify as having self-esteem problems and that is actually be holding us back more! 
The problem is that constantly striving for self love, self esteem and a healthy body image reminds us we aren’t there yet. And thinking we need to keep working on ourselves before we can be in a healthy relationship can actually keep us stuck.
In this episode you’ll learn:
Why “self love” and self-esteem become an obstacle to the relationships we wantThe concepts of “no self,” and non-duality that Buddhism and Eckhart Tolle talk aboutBody appreciation: Changing your perspective on body imageThe ways in which “self love” can actually be helping us: self energy, inner security, self-care, genital love, masturbationHeather’s experience learning self love and self acceptance through accepting and loving others. The outside-in concept of self love
Resources:
FREE DIRTY TALK GUIDE
CURIOUS ABOUT WORKING WITH ME?
Book a discovery call ⤵️
https://HeatherShannon.co/video-page
Eckhart Tolle Video: The Direct Experiencing

LET’S CONNECT! FIND ME HERE ⤵️:
Website
Instagram
Join the free “Ask A Sex Therapist” Facebook Group
Twitter
YouTube(Check out the video version of this podcast!)
LinkedIn

Monogamy? Non-monogamy? Which is the right or wrong choice? 
Monogamy is still the default relationship style for relationships for most cultures in the world. But that doesn’t mean it’s the right one for you. 
Let’s question the default and shed some light on options so you can choose the right path for yourself and your relationships. Because the truth is there isn’t a right or wrong! It’s all about making it a conscious choice instead of an autopilot one. 
What you’ll learn:
What is the default setting of your relationship style? Monogamy or Non-monogamy: What to choose? (A sex therapist’s experience)Exploring the different relationship paths that you can chose fromWhat people or couples should consider when diving into non-monogamous relationships
Shit can get real very quickly in a non-monogamous relationship. But at the same time, it promotes growth, open and honest communication, and positive change.
And we can also bring a lot of conscious thoughts and concepts from non-monogamy into our monogamous relationships. 
 
Resources:
FREE DIRTY TALK GUIDE
CURIOUS ABOUT WORKING WITH ME?
Book a discovery call ⤵️
https://HeatherShannon.co/video-page
EPISODE RESOURCES MENTIONED:
YouTube Episodes About Monogamy & Non-Monogamy with My Friend Peter:
Part 1
Part 2
The Ethical Slut Book


LET’S CONNECT! FIND ME HERE ⤵️:
Website
Instagram
Join the free “Ask A Sex Therapist” Facebook Group
Twitter
YouTube(Check out the video version of this podcast!)
LinkedIn