Better Sex

Jessa Zimmerman

Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice. jessazimmerman.substack.com

  1. [Soapbox] Choose to Focus on the Anti-Fear

    2D AGO

    [Soapbox] Choose to Focus on the Anti-Fear

    In this soapbox episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a client-inspired lesson on how fear-based conversations can spiral into a reactive cycle that fuels negativity and creates the outcomes partners most dread. Drawing on the idea that events lead to thoughts, interpretations, emotions, and then actions, she introduces the concept of the “anti-fear”—the opposite of a feared outcome—and encourages listeners to imagine and reinforce a more empowering story instead of worst-case scenarios. She walks through how one partner relaxed quickly when focusing on feeling supported and loved, while the other found it edgy because it conflicted with a long-held belief that his needs won’t be met. By choosing a positive vision and looking for evidence that supports it, couples can respond more collaboratively and stay connected when bumps arise.00:00 Better Sex Intro00:46 Soapbox Episode Setup01:11 Fear Spiral In Couples02:04 Anti Fear Reframe03:35 Partner A Finds Evidence04:18 Partner B And Life Story05:20 Reinforce A New Narrative06:16 Try This Yourself06:47 Outro And Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.I'm on Substack! This is where I am focusing my energy to connect with the people who I seek to serve. Come visit: More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min

  2. 5D AGO

    383: Yoni Mapping with Freya Graf

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Freya Graf about yoni mapping therapy and how she combines it with internal pelvic release work. Freya shares how her own history of shame, body image struggles, and fear around intimacy led her into this work, explains what “yoni” means and why she’s moving toward more clinical language, and walks through a typical 3–4 hour session (extended intake/sex education, home practices, full-body massage, external vulva mapping, and optional internal vaginal/pelvic floor massage). They discuss who seeks the work (prenatal/postnatal support, vaginismus, painful sex, pelvic tension, PMS, education, trauma and consent violations), why pace and client-led consent matter, how trauma can surface, and the importance of thorough training. Freya also offers guidance on vetting practitioners and shares her online course, coaching, podcast, and website for those without local access.00:00 Show Introduction00:45 Meet the Guest02:01 Why This Work Matters05:08 What Yoni Means07:51 How Sessions Work13:07 How Many Sessions14:24 Quick Quiz Break14:51 Who It Helps17:58 Consent and Empowerment20:19 Common Reasons Clients Come21:11 Partner Involvement Question21:27 Partner In Sessions23:24 Trauma Screening Approach27:03 Training And Safety29:26 Finding A Practitioner33:10 Consent And Boundaries34:31 Online Course And Resources38:28 Closing And CreditsTake Jessa's quizzes at https://www.desirediscrepancy.comFreya's Bio:Freya Graf is a Holistic Sex Educator & Coach and Yoni Mapping Therapist with a passion for holistic health and personal development. She keeps it real, raw and relatable when it comes to talking about sex, relating and bodies, and is on a mission to dismantle the shame, taboo and stigma shrouding these important topics by having open and vulnerable conversations about them through her work with women and on her hilarious podcast The Labia Lounge.With a background of study in Kahuna massage, internal pelvic release work, facilitation, early learning, yoga teaching, tantric bodywork and sacred sexuality, Freya works to inspire, educate and empower, supporting you to cultivate a fulfilling and life changing relationship with your body and sexuality!Freya offers one-on-one Yoni Mapping Therapy (YMT) and Internal Pelvic Release Work (IPRW) sessions for vulva-owners, as well as online sex coaching and education programs for the whole gender spectrum. She has launched an epic 3 month online course called Queen Out and pours her heart, soul and lots of laughter into her podcast The Labia Lounge where she interviews incredible guests about all things womanhood, sex, vaginas, relationships, holistic health and self development!- A podcast episode about yoni mapping: https://youtu.be/eO8Plj6-Coc?si=ss8qabcwtC_NqB8t- How to choose a yoni mapping practitioner:Blog: https://www.freyagraf.com/vagina-chronicles-blog/how-to-choose-a-yoni-massage-practitionerYouTube video: https://youtu.be/IVCsP6AmpmA?si=7AQc_QKwFw7-Ac3Y - Online course: https://www.freyagraf.com/online-course- Free mini course on female pleasure - a great place to get started if people are curious: https://www.freyagraf.com/freebieswww.freyagraf.comthe Labia Lounge Podcast Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    40 min
  3. 382: [Soapbox] Activities for connection

    APR 16

    382: [Soapbox] Activities for connection

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman continues last week’s discussion about the potential of MDMA-assisted couples work, emphasizing she is not encouraging MDMA use because it remains a Schedule I illegal substance outside of research. Drawing from a recent 30-hour MDMA-assisted therapy training, she shares several couple “games” that can be helpful with or without an altered state: an appreciation game where partners slowly exchange gratitudes to deepen connection and nervous system regulation; a curiosity game focused on asking authentic, non-adversarial questions and answering truthfully (or passing); a simple difficult-conversation protocol that names fears, desired outcomes, and invites gentle response; and a win-win brainstorming question to generate solutions that meet both partners’ needs. She invites listeners to try the exercises and share feedback, and closes with podcast housekeeping and credits. 00:00 Welcome to Better Sex 00:46 MDMA and Couples Therapy 01:41 Legal Status and Disclaimer 02:51 Appreciation Game 03:51 Curiosity Game 05:04 Difficult Conversation Protocol 06:10 Win Win Brainstorming 07:30 Wrap Up and Listener Call 07:45 Outro and Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    9 min
  4. 381: The Sure Thing - A strategy to prioritize intimacy with Elana Auerbach

    APR 13

    381: The Sure Thing - A strategy to prioritize intimacy with Elana Auerbach

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Elana Auerbach about her book, “The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark,” and how a consistent weekly intimacy ritual can rebuild connection in long-term relationships. Elana shares her background as a “good girl” who followed an expected life path, her divorce after realizing a lack of chemistry, and later meeting her husband Bill through a San Francisco pleasure community. After years of desire mismatch, resentment, and trying typical sex advice without success, they created a weekly “sure thing” practice focused on intention, closeness, and taking 100% responsibility for one’s own pleasure rather than performance goals. They discuss responsive desire, preparation cues, the guiding question “what would be most pleasurable right now?”, working with partner resistance, addressing shame, and Elana’s “love ripples” actions to spread connection beyond the bedroom. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Meet Elana Auerbach 01:43 Good Girl Conveyor Belt 02:45 Marriage Without Chemistry 04:06 Choosing Divorce Truthfully 05:27 Pleasure Community Awakening 07:22 Parenthood Desire Gap 09:30 Shabbat Sure Thing Idea 11:08 Starting Weekly Practice 12:34 Why It Works Fast 13:34 Embodied Sexy Music 14:07 Midshow Coaching Break 14:35 Intentions Not Sex Goals 16:32 Creative Pleasure Mindset 17:22 Know What You Want 18:19 Sure Thing Ritual Ideas 19:30 Most Pleasurable Now 20:29 When Partners Resist 22:48 Shame On Who 24:14 Love Ripples Practice 25:27 Can Pleasure Change World 26:33 Where To Find Book 28:09 Final Thanks And Outro How to work with Jessa: https://www.intimacywithease.com Bio: Elana Auerbach is a lover, mother, mentor, activist, and priestess. She spent her childhood and young adulthood on what she calls “the conveyor belt of life,” being the good girl and doing what others expected of her. This looked like graduating Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA, working on Wall Street for a Japanese investment bank, and marrying someone with whom she felt no chemistry. It all fell apart in 2001 when Elana realized she’d been living a lie and found the courage to leave her marriage. She entered a world of sensuality and sex in a San Francisco pleasure-centered community. This is where she met Bill, who would become her loverman for life. While Elana has a wealth of professional experience guiding people deeper into their bodies and their pleasure, The Sure Thing comes directly from her personal life. After years of frustration and failed gimmicks to try to respark the passion in her 20-year marriage, Elana created The Sure Thing. She wrote this book because she wants everyone to have access to this life altering practice. www. surethingexperiment.com Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    30 min
  5. 380: [Soapbox] The potential for MDMA in coupes work

    APR 9

    380: [Soapbox] The potential for MDMA in coupes work

    Sex therapist Jess Zimmerman shares what she’s learning from a 30-hour training on guiding people who choose to use MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly), emphasizing she is not endorsing illegal substance use and is focused on the research and potential pending FDA approval. She describes MAPS’s Phase 3 clinical trials using an MDMA-assisted protocol for severe, treatment-resistant PTSD, noting results where about two-thirds of participants no longer meet PTSD diagnostic criteria, though the FDA has requested more long-term safety data and has not approved it yet. Jessa explains proposed mechanisms such as increased serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin and reduced fear/defensiveness, and discusses why this could be promising for couples therapy by enabling deeper, less reactive conversations and breakthroughs, supported by integration sessions. She invites listeners to follow her work via www.heartweaveforcouples.com. 00:00 Show Intro 00:47 Soapbox Topic MDMA 01:09 Training And Disclaimer 01:46 MAPS Research Update 02:24 PTSD Protocol Results 03:01 FDA Status And Concerns 03:43 Why Couples Could Benefit 04:47 Therapy Breakthrough Potential 06:03 Heart Weave And Next Steps 06:50 Outro And Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min
  6. 379: Mindfulness Based Porn Addiction Recovery with Jeremy Lipkowitz

    APR 6

    379: Mindfulness Based Porn Addiction Recovery with Jeremy Lipkowitz

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Jeremy Lipkowitz about porn addiction (or compulsive/problematic porn use) through a Buddhist-informed lens that frames addiction as using rewarding behaviors to escape or numb unpleasant emotions. Jeremy shares his own history of escalating porn use from childhood into college and describes subtle harms including impacts on intimacy, bedroom functioning, productivity, secrecy and lying, and increasingly unrealistic expectations of partners, alongside neuroplasticity and addiction to novelty. They discuss the Rat Park experiment to emphasize how addiction takes hold more easily in an unfulfilled life, and outline Buddhist concepts such as craving vs. attraction, the “realm of hungry ghosts,” aversion, and equanimity. Jeremy explains toxic shame versus healthy “pro-social” shame (moral shame and moral dread) and highlights recovery pillars: self-awareness, clarifying future direction, training equanimity via meditation, and connection/community with accountability. He mentions his remote men’s group, Unhooked Academy. 00:00 Show Intro 00:54 Porn Addiction Framing 02:18 Jeremy Origin Story 03:38 Buddhist View Addiction 06:33 When Use Becomes Harm 09:57 Rat Park Explained 12:14 Age Exposure Matters 16:02 Crossing Into Problem 19:18 Unrealistic Expectations 21:30 Hungry Ghosts Craving 24:05 Aversion And Suffering 25:06 Toxic Shame Spiral 27:08 Healthy Shame Explained 29:11 Moral Dread And Compass 30:26 Mindfulness For Recovery 35:28 Equanimity Not Escaping 38:57 Community And Accountability 42:58 Unhooked Academy And Wrap Take the quizzes at https://www.desirediscreapancy.com Bio: Jeremy Lipkowitz is a former Buddhist monk, meditation teacher, and ICF-certified executive coach who helps high-achieving men break free from compulsive behaviors—especially porn addiction—and build lives of integrity, discipline, and deep fulfillment. With over 13 years of meditation experience and hundreds of days spent in silent retreat, Jeremy blends ancient wisdom with cutting-edge science to guide individuals toward emotional resilience and personal freedom. A former genetic researcher who earned Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Genetics & Genomics and pursued a PhD at Duke University, Jeremy left academia after confronting his own struggles with addiction, shame, and self-judgment. A brief period of monastic training in Myanmar deepened his mindfulness practice and marked the start of a lifelong commitment to personal growth and service. As the founder of Unhooked Academy and host of the Unhooked Podcast, Jeremy is a leading voice in destigmatizing porn addiction and educating the public on effective, science-based recovery strategies. His work helps men overcome shame, understand the neuroscience of addiction, and create lasting transformation through mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and habit change. For over a decade, Jeremy has taught at universities, recovery centers, and global companies across the U.S. and Asia. His calm, grounded presence and ability to bridge analytical thinking with inner work make him a sought-after guide for professionals and executives looking to reclaim their lives from digital distractions and self-sabotaging patterns. unhookedacademy.com Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    46 min
  7. 378: [Soapbox] When neither person wants sex

    APR 2

    378: [Soapbox] When neither person wants sex

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman answers a listener question about what to do when both partners have low desire for sex. She explains that if both people are happy not having sex, there is no problem to solve. If the couple wants sex to be part of their relationship but neither experiences spontaneous desire or initiates, she recommends understanding and working with reactive desire—where interest may arise only after getting started. Zimmerman suggests intentionally creating time for gentle physical connection and finding a slow “on-ramp” that feels good, such as talking, sipping tea, cuddling, caressing, or massage, then seeing where it goes. She emphasizes communicating about what feels good in the moment and allowing that it won’t always lead to arousal or sex, but that even occasional success increases sexual connection. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Today’s Listener Question 01:35 No Sex Is Okay 02:13 Understanding Reactive Desire 03:00 Create Intentional On Ramps 03:45 Communicate and Remove Pressure 04:13 Key Takeaway and Wrap 04:38 Outro and Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    6 min
  8. 377: Menopause BioType - Individualizing Care with Dr. Jennifer Berman

    MAR 30

    377: Menopause BioType - Individualizing Care with Dr. Jennifer Berman

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman hosts Dr. Jennifer Berman to discuss menopause, sexual health, and individualized hormone care. Berman explains how witnessing the medical disparity after Viagra’s rise pushed her to pioneer women’s sexual health, and how her own early perimenopause shaped her work with hormone replacement therapy (HRT). They address common menopause symptoms and argue sexual health is clinically significant and tied to overall wellness. Berman emphasizes that estrogen does not cause breast cancer, critiques the legacy of the WHI study and synthetic oral hormones, and explains current bioidentical approaches and why testosterone for women is often compounded. She introduces her genetic test, the Menopause Biotype, which aims to predict symptom patterns, disease risks, and hormone metabolism to tailor treatment, discusses a subgroup still struggling with mood issues and emerging ketamine therapy, and shares how she evaluates patients using labs, genetics, symptoms, and sometimes pellet timing. 00:00 Show Intro 00:45 Menopause Episode Setup 01:49 Why Dr Berman Cares 02:13 Viagra Era Wake Up Call 04:07 Her Perimenopause Journey 06:16 Why Care Is Changing Now 07:37 Reframing Menopause Aging Well 09:10 Hormones Beyond Symptoms 11:41 Sexual Health Is Health 13:14 Desire Gap And Libido Mismatch 15:25 Midroll Free Resources 15:51 HRT Myths And WHI Fallout 18:02 Bioidentical Vs Synthetic Hormones 19:12 Testosterone Access Challenges 19:40 Personalized Hormone Dosing 20:50 Menopause Biotype Genetic Test 21:19 Predicting Symptoms and Risks 22:13 Genes and Mental Health Subtypes 24:54 Ketamine and Neuroplasticity 27:31 Treatment Workflow and Labs 29:19 Pellets and Individual Targets 31:39 Perimenopause Signs and Timing 33:29 Starting HRT Later in Life 35:33 Where to Follow and Peptides 38:24 Podcast Wrap Up All of Jessa's desire discrepancy resources: https://www.desirediscrepancy.com Bio: Modern feminism fought for equal pay, representation, and choice — but the next frontier of equality is biochemical. Despite decades of research proving the benefits of hormone therapy for cognition, vitality, and longevity, women remain under-treated, under-tested, and over-pathologized. Dr. Jennifer Berman argues that access to hormone therapy, especially testosterone, isn’t a luxury — it’s a fundamental right tied to a woman’s ability to live, work, and age with autonomy and strength. Denying women evidence-based HRT isn’t just a medical gap; it’s a civil rights issue rooted in gender bias. This conversation goes far beyond hot flashes. It’s about productivity, mental health, neuroprotection, and the freedom to perform at full biological capacity — without stigma, fear, or institutional barriers. A pioneer who founded UCLA’s Female Sexual Medicine Center, Dr. Berman now leads what she calls the next revolution in medicine: biochemical equality. Through her Menopause Biotype™ — a DNA and AI-powered tool that ends hormone guesswork — she’s redefining how women age, reclaiming their capacity, power, and edge in every arena of life. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    40 min
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4.8
out of 5
138 Ratings

About

Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice. jessazimmerman.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Jessa Zimmerman
  • Years Active
    2017 - 2026
  • Episodes
    385
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Jessa Zimmerman
  • Show Website
    Better Sex

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