Better Sex

Jessa Zimmerman

Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice. jessazimmerman.substack.com

  1. 6h ago

    Ep. 403: Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy for Intimacy and Sex

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist Hannah Buzzo about psychedelic-assisted therapy for intimacy and sex, for individuals and couples. Buzzo describes her background in addiction and trauma work (including EMDR), her training in trauma treatment with psychedelics, and how psychedelic work can make it easier to address taboo topics like sexuality and soften defenses in a safe, compassionate way. She contrasts this with limits of talk therapy, citing biological effects such as decreased default mode network activation and the nervous-system sense of safety that can enable corrective experiences for trauma and attachment wounds. Buzzo explains safety practices including extensive preparation and integration sessions, emphasizes it’s not for everyone (noting bipolar/psychosis risks and lack of support systems), and outlines common formats and medicines used in Colorado (primarily ketamine and sometimes psilocybin), including retreat-based intensives with medical screening and onsite medical support. 00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:47 Meet Hannah Buzzo02:22 Why Psychedelics for Intimacy07:44 Beyond Talk Therapy10:33 Safety Preparation Integration15:06 Who It’s For16:35 Medicines and Process19:11 Inside a Couples Session23:37 Retreat Format Explained26:29 Medical Oversight and Risks28:29 Legality and Future32:09 Contact and Wrap UpInterested in psychedelics as it pertains to couples work? Learn more at https://www.heartweaveforcouples.com Guest Bio:Hannah Buzzo is the Founder and Clinical Director of Alchemy Therapy & Wellness and the first therapist to bring psychedelic-assisted therapy to Summit County, CO. A pioneer in the field, she challenges traditional talk therapy with bottom-up, experiential approaches that target the subconscious and nervous system. Her work supports individuals and couples heal trauma, deepen intimacy, and restore connection through the integration of mind, body, and spirit. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourseThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    35 min

  2. 4d ago

    Ep. 402: [Soapbox] Good Faith Communication vs Gaslighting

    In this soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains why effective communication requires holding our “reality” loosely, since perception is filtered and interpreted by the brain, and partners often experience the same event differently. She describes a process of sharing each person’s story to feel seen, take accountability, and problem-solve—while emphasizing it only works when both partners communicate in good faith and “cop to” harmful intent when it exists. Zimmerman outlines signs of good-faith engagement: openness to feedback, curiosity about your perspective, empathy, accountability and apologies, and willingness to change behavior. She contrasts this with gaslighting and bad-faith conflict behaviors like insisting they’re right, dismissing or belittling your experience, blaming you, and refusing self-questioning or change. She also applies these ideas to microaggressions, noting the need for openness and behavior change even when bias is unintentional.00:00 Show Intro00:44 Soapbox Topic Setup01:26 Why Perception Misleads02:44 Holding Reality Loosely03:45 Good Faith Requirement04:53 Signs of Good Faith06:25 Gaslighting Red Flags08:25 Microaggressions Nuance09:48 Wrap Up and Outro Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourseThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Listen on Apple Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    11 min

  3. Jun 29

    Ep. 401: Signs You May Be Headed For Divorce

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist and divorce support group leader Oona Metz about how emotional and sexual disconnection often contributes to divorce, drawing on Metz’s 15 years of work with hundreds of women and her book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. They discuss common drivers of divorce (abuse, affairs, addiction), plus inequality in parenting/household labor, partner passivity, and later-life coming out, and highlight early warning signs like intimacy fading after children, conversations becoming logistics-only, relationships turning “too hot” with constant conflict or “too cold” with shutdown, mounting resentment, and a partner devoting all free time to a hobby. They cover why women initiate most divorces, the shame and practical barriers around leaving, and post-divorce growth through self-reflection, avoiding rebound relationships, clarifying needs, and examining family-of-origin patterns, emphasizing that staying in toxic marriages can harm children’s view of love.00:00 Show Intro00:48 Meet Oona Metz02:41 Why Marriages End05:12 Kids and Connection Drift07:22 Hot vs Cold Marriages09:50 Disengagement Warning Signs11:10 Hobbies as Escape Hatch14:24 Midroll and Ways to Work14:52 Why Women Initiate Divorce17:00 Stigma Kids and Culture18:03 Healing After Divorce20:56 Dating Yourself First23:43 What Could Save It26:58 For the Kids and Closing28:47 Where to Find Oona29:53 Podcast OutroInterested in working with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Oona Metz is a nationally recognized psychotherapist and the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women (Gallery Books / Simon & Schuster), which debuted to remarkable acclaim. Her work—spanning more than 30 years—focuses on the tender, complicated realities of heartbreak, self-abandonment, and starting over. Unhitched was praised on CBS Mornings by Gayle King, featured in Maria Shriver’s newsletter, excerpted exclusively in TIME, and spotlighted on CBS News and NPR’s Morning Edition. The book quickly became a top divorce title on Amazon. Oona is known for her wise, grounded, deeply human approach that blends clinical expertise with relatable storytelling, making her a powerful voice on modern relationships, emotional recovery, boundaries, and the psychology of change. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    31 min

  4. Jun 25

    Ep. 400: [Soapbox] Care and Curiosity: The Foundation for Understanding Your Partner

    In a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman argues that a basic foundation of relationships is caring about a partner’s wellbeing and taking their unhappiness seriously, even without agreeing with their interpretation. She explains how the brain filters and assigns meaning to events, so two partners can experience the same situation differently, making “right vs. wrong” arguments unproductive. Instead, she recommends learning to “climb into each other’s movies” to understand one another’s perspective. Zimmerman highlights three essentials for productive communication: awareness that one’s own interpretation isn’t inherently true, genuine care that a partner is struggling, and curiosity about how they arrived at their meaning. She notes this must be mutual, and that it’s a significant problem when a partner shows no care, openness, or curiosity about the other’s experience.00:00 Show Intro00:45 Soapbox Return01:01 Why Caring Matters01:27 Brains Tell Stories02:49 Climb Into Movies03:11 Three Key Skills03:36 Care And Curiosity04:41 When Partners Dismiss05:30 Wrap Up And Outro This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    7 min

  5. Jun 22

    Ep. 399: How Couples Can Rebuild Desire

    Host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Courtney Fay Long about common challenges couples face with desire discrepancy, losing spark, and the pressure–rejection cycle. Long shares how prioritizing sex earlier in the day, expanding sex beyond intercourse into connection, and using “all-day foreplay” (texts, appreciation, support) can help, along with resting to relax the nervous system before intimacy. They discuss sex as a form of stress relief and self-care, and emphasize reducing goal-oriented pressure by collaborating on alternatives and honoring limits. Practical tools include a playful desire-box exercise with written requests, intentional “pleasure dates” focused on themes like joy or receiving, self-soothing for the higher-desire partner, and creating a “treasure map” of turn-ons/turn-offs across stages of connection. They also recommend regular appreciation practices and more non-demand touch to rebuild closeness.00:00 Better Sex Intro01:03 Meet Courtney Fay Long01:22 Why Sex Matters02:55 Redefining Sex and Connection03:20 Make Time and Energy04:20 All Day Foreplay Basics06:40 Sex as Stress Relief08:18 Desire Jar Game12:10 Pleasure Dates Plan14:30 Mid Episode Subscribe15:09 Pressure Kills Desire17:15 Self Soothe and Connect19:55 Treasure Map Talk23:04 Touch Starvation and Hormones26:41 What Helps Couples Reconnect29:01 Where to Find Courtney30:07 Podcast OutroJessa's Substack: https://jessazimmerman.substack.com/Bio:Courtney Fae Long is a Sexuality Educator and TEDx speaker with over 25 years of experience helping individuals and couples build deeper intimacy, confidence, and emotional connection. She holds a Master’s degree in Social Work and specializes in desire discrepancy, helping people understand why “low libido” is often misunderstood.Her TEDx talk on the surprising connection between intimacy, happiness, and success has reached over 800,000 viewers. Courtney is known for her grounded, science-informed approach that makes conversations about intimacy accessible, practical, and free of shame.www.courtneyfaelong.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    32 min

  6. Jun 15

    Ep. 398: Intimate Conversations: Co-creating Authentic Sexual Experiences

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Dr. Teresa Johnson about why and how couples can have healthier conversations about sex, including desire changes, boundaries, consent, and emotional intimacy. They discuss cultural taboos and shame that keep people silent, how comparisons to porn, media, or “how it used to be” distort expectations, and common pitfalls like avoidance, defensiveness, and feedback landing as criticism. Dr. Johnson emphasizes creating emotional safety, approaching the topic with warmth, regulation, curiosity, and a “same team” mindset, and considering each person’s contribution to the dynamic. They also cover when individual or couples sex therapy may help, and Johnson shares tools she created—a free guidebook and the Lover’s Compass Conversation card deck—to structure safer, deeper discussions and support authentic sexuality through presence, self-discovery, and consent.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex02:14 Why Sex Talks Matter05:03 Normalizing Through Community07:39 Common Conversation Pitfalls09:56 Fear Vulnerability Avoidance13:23 Starting the Conversation Right14:27 Regulate and Set the Stage16:40 Curiosity Same Team Mindset18:05 When to Get Professional Help20:08 Feeling Like the Patient20:27 Aligning Therapy Goals21:19 Owning Your Contribution22:59 Empowerment Over Blame23:47 Tools for Sex Talks27:02 Safe Container and Consent28:33 Authentic Sexuality Framework31:04 Presence Over Programming34:35 Resources and Wrap Up This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    38 min

  7. Jun 11

    Ep. 397: [Soapbox] Not Tonight and the Seven Dwarves

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses a common dynamic between higher- and lower-desire partners, warning that taking a partner’s “not tonight” personally leads to feeling rejected and eventually showing up as an unsexy “dwarf” (grumpy, needy, whiny, resentful, withdrawn), which creates pressure and consequences that reinforce obligation sex. She explains that this cycle is unsustainable and not fulfilling for the higher-desire partner because it undermines true desire, pleasure, and connection. Zimmerman encourages challenging the meaning assigned to a partner’s no, noting that lower desire often reflects legitimate obstacles that make sex stressful and/or a more reactive desire style where arousal develops after getting started, not from walking around already in the mood. She recommends reframing “they’re not attracted to me” to “their desire works differently.”00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:45 Not Tonight Story01:47 Seven Dwarves Reaction02:33 Obligation Kills Desire04:28 Stop Taking It Personally05:01 Real Obstacles to Sex05:36 Reactive Desire Explained06:30 Mantra and Next Steps06:55 Outro and Credits This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min

  8. Jun 8

    Ep. 396: Using NLP to Improve Intimacy

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Josh Davis about neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as practical, research-supported tools drawn from psychotherapy to improve mindset, communication, and relationship dynamics around intimacy and sex. Davis explains NLP’s origins and introduces “well-formed outcomes,” including focusing on what’s in your control, stating goals positively, specifying context, making goals measurable, and addressing internal “ecological” pushback. They discuss desire discrepancy and how shifting from outcome goals to process goals can reduce resentment and improve connection. Davis shares strategies like assuming every behavior has a positive intention to reduce resistance and find win-wins, and “meeting your partner where they are” to earn the right to influence. He also describes choosing emotional states intentionally via memories and reframing changes as experiments, and shares where to find his book and dad-focused programs.00:00 Show Intro00:45 Meet Josh Davis01:36 What Is NLP02:15 Origins of NLP04:51 Why Josh Teaches Dads05:30 Quick NLP Takeaways06:44 Control What You Can08:18 Desire Discrepancy Example11:56 Letting Go of Outcomes13:45 Well Formed Outcomes14:42 Positive Goals and Context16:47 Measurable and Ecological19:16 Partner Resistance Intentions22:24 Assume Positive Intent23:28 Curious Questions Not Criticism24:05 Meet Them Where They Are26:17 Join Their Energy28:04 Intimacy When Things Go Wrong28:44 Choose Your Emotional State31:34 Love As An Experiment35:33 Memories Versus Thoughts37:17 Programs Book And Resources38:57 Final Takeaway And Wrapwww.joshdavisphd.com/dads This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    42 min
See All (404)

4.8
out of 5
138 Ratings

About

Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice. jessazimmerman.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Jessa Zimmerman
  • Years Active
    2017 - 2026
  • Episodes
    404
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Jessa Zimmerman
  • Show Website
    Better Sex

You Might Also Like