Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler
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Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Welcome to our podcast! My name is Richard H. Ostler and I am a native of Salt Lake City, small business owner, married father of six with several grandchildren. I believe in and am deeply committed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and want it to work for a wider group. I am the author of three books: “Listen Learn and Love: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints” published in 2020 available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/5248297.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462135773) “Listen Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture” published in 2022. The book explores who we can do better to help all Latter-day Saints feel more welcome, needed and a feeling of belonging in our congregations. Available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/6003149.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462139566) “Listen Learn and Love: Building the Good Ship Zion” released in Sept 2023. The book explores additional topics to help all Latter-day Saint feel welcome and needed on the Good Ship Zion. Available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/6026921.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462145280) The purpose of all three books is to help us better create Zion by helping more feel welcome, a sense of belonging, and needed in our congregations. Proceed from the books go the Stockton Power Memorial Scholarship (www.standingforstockton.com) in honor of Stockton Powers a gay Latter-day Saint teenager who died of suicide in 2016. Everything I do is a self-funded labor of love ❤️ I am the author of two Ensign articles: ‘How the Savior’s Healing Power Applies to Repenting from Sexual Sin’ (August 2020/YSA Digital Only) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin ‘7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography Use’ (October, page 72) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use. This podcast is designed to discuss some more complicated issues in our church to help all of us better “listen, learn and love” so we can minister in a more effective way to all of our Heavenly Parents’ children. Podcasts are indexed by category at listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Thank you for joining us. You can't donate to this podcast. There are no sponsors. But you can leave a review/rate the podcast on the platform you are listening and/or leave a review at Deseret Book/Amazon on my books. With love, Richard 'Papa' Ostler ❤ Twitter: twitter.com/Papa_Ostler IG: www.instagram.com/papa_ostler Facebook: facebook.com/richard.ostler.5 E-mail: richard@ostlergroup.com

  1. 3D AGO

    Episode 819: McKay Mayes, Gay Latter-day Saint, Giving Hope to Others

    My friend McKay Mayes (from Wyoming, London South RM, Age 29, Lives/Works in Utah County) joins us to share his story including: Always believing/hoping he would be fixed and be straight Great mission experience—but still gay Not fitting the typical gay stereotype Dating and trying to make it work with a woman—wanted to follow God’s plan—super painful not finding a way to make that possible Feeling “left behind” as straight friends got married For six years, committed to being single in line with the Church’s celibate guidance—leading to the darkest/most painful moments of McKay’s life New prayers (instead of “fix me”) Finding hope, acceptance of being gay, and purpose in his new path Relationship with the Church and hopes for changes First coming out experience (super helpful) I continue to be amazed by the brave/mature/thoughtful people who share their stories on the podcast—with McKay joining that group—and his desire to give hope to others walking a similar road. Thank you, McKay, for all you have done to bless/help the lives of others (mission, EFY counselor, etc) and continue to do so with your courage to be out/honest and be on the podcast to give hope to others. You are a good man with a great life ahead of you! Links: McKay on Instagram: @mckay_mayes McKay on Facebook: www.facebook.com/mckay.mayes.7 Obsolete vs current teachings: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/mxcr5fo9rxl29by4wvc9q/Obsolete-and-Current-Teachings-LGBTQ.docx?rlkey=e1dbc3iffua4nwwscpg911uzw&dl=0

    1h 21m

  2. MAR 23

    Episode 818: Barbara Higinbotham, LDS Mother of Three LGBTQ Children

    My friend Barbara Higinbotham (married mother of 5 living children including a non-binary child, transgender daughter, and gay son; early 60s; recently returned in early 2025 from serving a senior mission with her husband Dan). Barbara shares: Assumptions should be challenged, being uncomfortable leads to growth Being LGBTQ doesn’t make someone a predator Why she chooses to honor the new names (Ben and Heather) and her non-binary child and transgender daughter including updated Christmas stockings Focus on the temple (current temple workers) and our Savior to find revelation, hope, and peace—and anchoring in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trusting/believing her children We are not better church members by distancing ourselves from the LGBTQ people in our lives Processing unkind comments in Church and on social media Managing grief with changing expectations Thank you, Barbara, for being on the podcast. I wish I could have listened to you 10-20 years ago—your insights would have helped to be a better disciple of Christ. I encourage everyone to listen/share this episode, as we work to “hasting the work” by “gathering Isreal”—which includes our LGBTQ friend, family and church members. Links: Barbara on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/barbara.morrellhiginbotham

    1h 4m

  3. MAR 17

    Episode 817: Cort Watson, Gay BYU-I Student, Focus on Christ/Temple/Being Authentic

    My friend my friend Cort Watson (construction management major/BYI-Idaho, from Tremonton, Arcadia CA RM, former FSY counselor) joins us to bravely share his story including: Navigating feeling different, not sure believed in Church, deciding to serve a mission Coming out first to his junior companion and then his Mission President (both good experiences) Processing pain (and subsequent anger to God) about being gay Deep spiritual experiences (and role of the temple) to “thank God for making me this way” Being gay is part of the God’s plan for me and not a punishment Come out on social media in 2024 to help others Being laser focus on Christ to provide hope, help and healing Role of the temple to feel God’s love and direction Life at BYI-Idaho as a gay student (positive experience) Thank you, Cort, for your courage to share your story with others. Your courage/vulnerability helps others that they too are loved by God and needed in our church community. Thanks for helping us build Zion. You are a good man. Links: Cort on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cortland.watson.96 Cort on Instagram: @wat.cort_ Cort’s e-mail: cort.watson27@gmail.com

    1h 5m

  4. MAR 11

    Episode 816: Eric Hales, LCSW, Therapist for Queer Folks

    My friend Eric Hales (a highly recommended therapist, gay, mid-30s, former Latter-day Saint, licensed in Utah, Idaho, Nevada, and Virginia) joins us to talk about his work supporting the queer and Latter-day Saint community. Eric starts by sharing some of his story and then talks about key concepts that promote healing, including: Creating safety Healing from wounds Self-compassion Addressing shame-based trauma and C-PTSD What to look for in a therapist Understanding and addressing numbing behaviors This is one of the finest and most insightful podcasts we’ve done with a therapist. I learned so much from Eric. If you want to better understand how a therapist can help you (or others), want better tools to support others, or are queer and looking for more hope, self-love, and healing, please listen to Eric’s podcast and share it with others. This is the kind of episode I wish I had heard before becoming a parent and a local church leader. When we know better, we do better. Thank you, Eric, for being on the podcast and for your work to help others find hope, healing, and peace. Your work is so needed in our community. Links: Eric’s e-mail: ericjhales@gmail.com Eric’s practice: https://meetmonarch.com/therapist/eric-jeffrey-hales-lcsw-murray-ut More about Eric: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/eric-hales-murray-ut/936761 Facebook Group to support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143

    1h 21m

  5. MAR 6

    Episode 815: Kelsey Wells, Mid-20’s, Child of God, Gay Latter-day Saint

    My friend Kelsey Wells (RM, from Idaho, lives in Utah County, former EFY counselor and seminary teacher, active in her ward) joins us to bravely share her story. Kelsey starts with coming out to her mother (senior year of high school) and the good/difficult experiences—including how not talking about it brings shame. Kelsey talks about wanting to service a mission but putting that on pause because she realized she was not doing that for the right reasons. Kelsey shares what changed and how she ended up serving. Kelsey bravely talks about getting engaged to a man and how that engagement ended a few weeks before the wedding. Kelsey talks about ignoring red flags because of her desire to get married and have a family. Kelsey talks about being in the Temple and a sealer sharing some thoughts that gave her clarity and courage to end the engagement. Kelsey talks about not wanting to be alive—but finding hope in Christ, therapy and the Questions From the Closet podcast. Kelsey also talks about “fear is where Satan thrives”. Kelsey talks about why she stays a member of the Church, joy in being a EFY councilor and teaching seminary, and helping others find hope. Thank you Kelsey for being on the podcast. You are so emotionally and spiritually mature. You are also so brave. You being open helps others walking this road and helps us better create Zion. Links: Instagram: Instagram: @kelswayan Email: behappi208@gmail.com Current Teaching versus Obsolete Teachings: www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/mxcr5fo9rxl29by4wvc9q/Obsolete-and-Current-Teachings-LGBTQ.docx?rlkey=e1dbc3iffua4nwwscpg911uzw&dl=0

    1h 12m

  6. FEB 27

    Episode 814: Marley Orton, LDS Mother of Non-Binary Child

    My friend Marley Orton (married mother of three, mid-50s, Utah County, real estate broker/hair stylist, RM) joins us to share her story of love and acceptance of her non-binary child CC. Marley starts with the pregnancy of this child knowing it was twins and having that confirmed via ultrasound. However, that changed with “Vanishing Twin Syndrome” where she ended up with one child. Marley talks about CC being sensitive, focused on those left out, sweet and a great sibling to their younger brother Zac. Marley talks about CC coming out as pansexual at age 16 and the body dysphoria they felt and feeling ostracized—especially at church. Marley talks about—with the help of a great therapist—CC understanding the identity that resonated with them: non-binary—and how CC's mental health and hope for the future improved with the process of transitioning. Marley talks about discovering “Chimera Twin Syndrome” and how this could bring a more scientific understanding to CC being non-binary. Marley talks about being the mother of three wonderful children—all whom have stepped away from the church—and what they are doing in their family to stay close together and love each other. Marley talks about how we can improve church culture—including being open to new perspectives so that more feel loved, welcomed, and needed. I learned so much from Marley. If you are open to learning more to support queer Latter-day Saints and improve church culture, I encourage you to listen to Marley’s podcast and share it with others. Thank you, Marley, for being on the podcast! And thank you CC for the great person you are and allowing your story to be shared. Links: E-mail: marleysellshomes@gmail.com. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marley.orton Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marley.orton/

    1h 8m

  7. FEB 19

    Episode 812: Matt Higinbotham, Gay Latter-Day Saint, RM, Personal Revelation, Acceptance

    My friend Matt Higinbotham (RM from Tempe Arizona, returned Feb 2024, from Utah County, BYU student) joins us to share his story as a gay Latter-day Saint. Matt talks about his early years figuring out his sexuality and his journey to realize (and then accept) he is gay. Matt talks about the role of prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance to help feel God’s love, acceptance, hope for his future and the desire to serve/help others (a big reason he did the podcast). Matt talks about his desire to serve a mission and how that hope eventually became a reality—all while being open with his church leaders about his sexual orientation. Matt talks about the positive and painful experience of being gay and on a mission. Some the negative ones were around gay jokes (missionaries and members) and some of the positive ones were where being open about being gay allowing him to help others know they too could feel God’s love, and acceptance. Matt talks about how navigating a variety of experience (including Church leader talks that were painful), being an EFY counselor (and teaching the Family Proclamation), seeing the Y lit up in pride colors, unfairness (compared to straight members) of being gay (and not having a path to have a marriage and still fully participate in the Church). I learned so much from Matt—a thoughtful, spiritually mature, deeply insightful, and remarkable man. You are a good man Matt with a wonderful future. Thank you for blessing so many people on your mission and doing this podcast which will give others hope—and help us better love and support each other as we build Zion. Links: Matt on Facebook: www.facebook.com/matthew.higinbotham.5 Matt on IG: @matthiggy134 Matt’s e-mail: matt.higgy234@gmail.com

    1h 14m

  8. FEB 19

    Episode 813: Trevor Schoeny, Gay Latter-day Saint, Recent RM, Must Listen

    My friend Trevor Schoeny (RM from Lubbock Texas, returned Dec 2024, from Virgina/DC, BYU student, Age 23) joins us to share his story as a gay Latter-day Saint. Trevor starts with realizing he is gay and then coming out to his parents after his senior year (positive experience). Trevor talks about stepping away from the Church (which helped him eventually come back to the Church) and his brave (and somewhat surprising) decision to serve a mission (and walk back into a place of trauma)—because he wanted to help others heal from pain and find love. Trevor (who reads scriptures throughout the podcast) talks about all the things he learned and taught on his mission including: * Fear has no place in the Gospel * His crucible moment when he decided to stay on his mission * No one should feel they are not celestial material * Importance of vulnerability * Finding our story in the scriptures I was so moved listening to and learning from Trevor—a great man who was been through the “winepress” representing the difficult road of a queer Latter-day Saint—and his ability to help others find hope, belonging and peace. You are a man of great courage. You are a good man, Trevor. I’m honored to have you on the podcast. Everyone in the Church needs to hear like Trevor as we build Zion. Please listen and share this episode. Links: Trevor on FB: https://www.facebook.com/trevorschoeny Trevor on IG: https://www.instagram.com/trevorschoeny/ Trevor’s e-mail: trevor@schoeny.com

    1h 30m
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    About

    Welcome to our podcast! My name is Richard H. Ostler and I am a native of Salt Lake City, small business owner, married father of six with several grandchildren. I believe in and am deeply committed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and want it to work for a wider group. I am the author of three books: “Listen Learn and Love: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints” published in 2020 available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/5248297.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462135773) “Listen Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture” published in 2022. The book explores who we can do better to help all Latter-day Saints feel more welcome, needed and a feeling of belonging in our congregations. Available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/6003149.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462139566) “Listen Learn and Love: Building the Good Ship Zion” released in Sept 2023. The book explores additional topics to help all Latter-day Saint feel welcome and needed on the Good Ship Zion. Available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/6026921.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462145280) The purpose of all three books is to help us better create Zion by helping more feel welcome, a sense of belonging, and needed in our congregations. Proceed from the books go the Stockton Power Memorial Scholarship (www.standingforstockton.com) in honor of Stockton Powers a gay Latter-day Saint teenager who died of suicide in 2016. Everything I do is a self-funded labor of love ❤️ I am the author of two Ensign articles: ‘How the Savior’s Healing Power Applies to Repenting from Sexual Sin’ (August 2020/YSA Digital Only) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin ‘7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography Use’ (October, page 72) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use. This podcast is designed to discuss some more complicated issues in our church to help all of us better “listen, learn and love” so we can minister in a more effective way to all of our Heavenly Parents’ children. Podcasts are indexed by category at listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Thank you for joining us. You can't donate to this podcast. There are no sponsors. But you can leave a review/rate the podcast on the platform you are listening and/or leave a review at Deseret Book/Amazon on my books. With love, Richard 'Papa' Ostler ❤ Twitter: twitter.com/Papa_Ostler IG: www.instagram.com/papa_ostler Facebook: facebook.com/richard.ostler.5 E-mail: richard@ostlergroup.com

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