The Desi Condition The Desi Condition

The hosts Tanushree and Anu delve into the profound impact of emotional immaturity within South Asian families. Building on their previous discussion, the overarching questions guide the exploration into the depths of emotional immaturity, specifically how it manifests in South Asian parenting. The hosts dissect cultural collectivism, enmeshment, and the intricate dynamics within mother-son relationships versus those with the oldest daughter. They unravel habits ingrained in South Asian parenting, referencing unsupportive social emotion strategies, such as suppressing emotions for the sake of harmony.

They further scrutinize emotional incest, the choosing of favorites, and the lack of privacy between parents and children. They ponder the definition of emotional maturity versus immaturity, and explore the concepts of true self and role self within the context of culture. Key traits of emotionally mature individuals are highlighted, providing actionable items for listeners to identify and foster emotional maturity within themselves and those around them.



The hosts address the challenge of breaking family patterns, emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between relatedness and relationships.

They wrap up with a powerful conclusion, urging listeners to detach from expectations and see their parents for who they truly are, freeing themselves from the chains of emotional immaturity.


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In this thought-provoking podcast episode, we delve into the complex world of emotional immaturity and its profound impact on South Asian families and their children. Drawing inspiration from Lindsay C. Gibson's book, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," we explore the history, cultural context, and real-life stories that illuminate the struggles and triumphs of individuals raised by emotionally immature parents. We delve deep into the intricate world of South Asian parenting and uncover the roots of emotional immaturity within these families. Our leading question takes us on a journey through cultural norms, historical influences, and the impact on the wellness and socialization of South Asian children. Our exploration begins with a critical look at South Asian parenting through the lens of emotional availability and connection. We question the essence of "good parenting" and the extent to which emotional needs are acknowledged in this culture. We examine the significance of emotional intimacy in parent-child relationships and dissect what successful parenting looks like in South Asian households. The legacy of Partition in 1947 casts a long shadow on mental health and emotional expression in South Asia. We explore how the upheaval disrupted healthcare services, and the silence of mental health professionals had lasting consequences. We introduce the ancient Sanskrit text Natyasastra and its "rasa" theory, which forms the basis of the Indian approach to emotions. Shifting our focus to parental emotion socialization, we delve into strategies used by South Asian parents, ranging from problem-focused and emotion-focused reactions to non-supportive methods like punitive reactions, minimization reactions, and distress reactions. We contemplate the profound implications of these emotional dynamics, including the development of internalizers and externalizers in adult children.



Sources to publications referenced in the episode can be found on tdcpodcast.com


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We chat with Mansi Choksi: Dubai and Mumbai-based journalist, author of "The Newlyweds: Rearranging Marriage in Modern India" and one of the brilliant minds behind NPR's new season of Rough Translation, titled "The Love Commandos."



Mansi writes about crime, gender, identity, opportunity and pop-culture and serves as the guest co-host of Love Commandos. Mansi joins us to talk about what happens in the aftermath of when young Indian couples choose to marry for love. Her work on “Love Commandos” draws on years of in-depth reporting in India by NPR correspondent Lauren Frayer and investigations on the enigmatic, controversial figure of Sanjoy Sachdev, founder of non-profit organization The Love Commandos.



Mansi also discusses her preconceived notions on love marriage shaped by Bollywood depictions and media portrayals. While doing so, she highlights the stark contrast between her previously held beliefs and what she learns over time to be realistic consequences that South Asian couples face when questioning the stronghold of arranged marriages in India. In our conversation with Mansi, we discuss her book, “The Newlyweds” and have an open and honest discussion about how India is raising a generation with distorted views on their sense of agency in regards to choosing their partners.



Mansi's work can be found:

mansichoksi.com

Instagram: @mansi_choksi

NPR's Rough Translations: https://www.npr.org/series/1195777940/rough-translations-love-commandos


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We interview Neelu Kaur, a seasoned author and leadership expert with 15 years of experience in adult learning. On January 24, 2023, she unveiled her debut book, "Be Your Own Cheerleader: An Asian and South Asian Woman's Cultural, Psychological, and Spiritual Guide to Self-Promote at Work." This book was born from her personal struggles with self-promotion and advocacy in the professional realm.

Neelu's story is a compelling one, as she shares her journey as an Indian-born, American-raised South Asian woman. Her life involved navigating two distinct cultures, East and West, throughout her education and early career. She illuminates the sharp contrasts between the values and behaviors surrounding advocacy in a collectivist "We" culture, which often prioritizes others' opinions over one's own, and the individualistic "I" culture prevalent in Corporate America. Neelu's experiences led her to seek alignment and integrate purpose-driven living into every facet of her life.

During our conversation with Neelu, we delve into the challenges South Asian women face in learning to advocate for themselves while shedding limiting beliefs and behaviors that may hold them back, offering insights and inspiration for personal growth and empowerment.



Neelu can be found:

neelukaur.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/neelukaur

Be Your Own Cheerleader, Amazon

Instagram: neelu.kaur


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Krishma Tuli Arora: poet, writer, public speaker, and mother. On May 23rd, Krishma debuted her first fiction novel, From Ash to Ashes, inspired by her time of grief following the death of her first-born son. Krishma comes on the show to talk about how she and other members of her family grieved, and how these experiences translated into major themes in her novel (don't worry, there are no spoilers!).

Krishma shares how grief affected her marriage and family dynamics. She shares how societal pressure rushed her into motherhood while stymieing her path to therapy. She implores the audience to accept accountability for tragedies, when appropriate, and to get help when needed.


Krishma can be found:

Instagram/TikTok: @krishmawrites

Website: www.krishmatuliarora.com


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Did you ever dream about finding love like in the movies? What would that actually look like?

In this episode, Tanushree and guest Ragini Jha (mental health counselor and podcaster for Open Minds) ponder how South Asian and Western media affects the way women operate and exist within romantic relationships. We discuss how media portrayal of romance can be often toxic and fantastical. In regards to heterosecual pairings we question how women's representation in media affects feminism, brainstorming ways for women to be equal stakeholders in their romantic relationships with men.

Movies with healthy or nuanced portrayals of relationships:
- Kapoor and Sons
- Queen
- Ajeeb Dastans, specifically the episode "Ankahi"
- Thappad
- Ok Jaanu

Ragini can be found:
Instagram @cardamom.counselling
Website: www.cardamomcounselling.com

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