67 episodes

Welcome to Financially Ever After, where award-winning, and nationally recognized financial expert, Stacy Francis, will bring you savvy tips and words of wisdom on how to secure your financial future before, during and after divorce. For 30 minutes, every other week, you'll hear personal stories from women who have either faced or are currently facing this transition. In addition, you will soak up knowledge and inspiration from the industry’s top legal, financial, residential and mental health professionals.

Financially Ever After Stacy Francis

    • Kids & Family

Welcome to Financially Ever After, where award-winning, and nationally recognized financial expert, Stacy Francis, will bring you savvy tips and words of wisdom on how to secure your financial future before, during and after divorce. For 30 minutes, every other week, you'll hear personal stories from women who have either faced or are currently facing this transition. In addition, you will soak up knowledge and inspiration from the industry’s top legal, financial, residential and mental health professionals.

    Transforming Your Relationship with Money

    Transforming Your Relationship with Money

    In this episode of Financially Every After, Stacy Francis speaks with Bari Tessler, the author of The Art of Money. They talk about how your relationship with money can impact all aspects of your life, the unfortunate fact that many of us had inconsistent, or totally absent financial educations, and the surprising ways our bodies can physically react when it comes to making decisions around money. This is a fascinating episode, filled with practical tips and actions you can take to transform your relationship with money.

    Find out more about the Second Opinion program 
    FrancisFinancial.com
    Stacy Francis: Stacy@Stacyfrancis.com
    Phone: 212-374-9008

    Learn more about Bari Tessler:
    BariTessler.com
    The Art of Money

    • 46 min
    The Four Options Offered When Divorcing

    The Four Options Offered When Divorcing

    Host Stacy Francis welcomes attorney and social worker, Kristen Lyndaker to this week’s show. Kristen holds a Master’s degree in Social Work and has worked in the foster care and adoption field. She is also a practicing matrimonial attorney who specializes in Collaborative Family Law and Mediation. This area, she says, is a niche in law where she could combine her social work skills and family and child knowledge with the legal system to help people.


    Stacy asks Kristen how her experience with social work as well as mediation changes the way she looks at the divorce process. She responds that she looks at what’s best for the family as a whole instead of advocating for one client. She empowers her clients by showing them all the options at their disposal. An adversarial approach is rarely necessary, she says, as it does not serve most couples’ and families’ needs. [4:24]

    Kristen explains the difference between mediation and collaboration and why collaboration is being used more and more these days. [6:19]

    Mediation and collaboration is voluntary, Kristen says. Even if you do litigate, most likely your case will end up in settlement, usually 18 months and thousands of dollars later. You can have the same result, plus save time and money, by choosing alternative dispute resolution. You also walk away feeling empowered, knowing that you made meaningful decisions for your children and your future. [10:13]

    Kristen shares some practical tips she uses to keep couples from falling into litigation, including looping and taking notes. [13:32]

    You can take five routes to divorce, and for each route, you give up a certain amount of control:

    Litigation - you give up total control because the court decides your future.

    Collaboration - you work through an attorney who looks to you for guidance about what’s best for you.

    Mediation - you have more control but less legal guidance and structure.

    Do It Yourself - all the control but no guidance. [17:42]

    Kristen advises you to align yourself with a professional who has your best interest at heart, and who you feel comfortable working with. [19:35]

    Going to court might be the best option if there is distrust and a lack of transparency. It’s also the right choice in cases of abuse and domestic violence. [20:37]

    Stacy asks how children can be protected through the divorce process. Kristen says parents should remember that their children love them both. She urges listeners to follow the Children’s Bill of Rights as well as the Parents’ Bill of Rights, to protect children during and beyond this scary period. When children are older and they start asking questions, answer them in an age-appropriate manner without disparaging the other parent. Always let them know that they are safe, loved and protected. She recommends speaking with a mental health professional and praises the work of the Ackerman Institute. [22:27]

    Children love routine and consistency, so try to maintain the status quo as much as possible. However, things might have to change and it may not be ideal, but do the best you can in your situation and move forward. [29:32]

    If your relationship is looking like it will end in divorce, don’t let fear and anger take over. This is just a temporary situation and you’re going to move past it, Krista reminds listeners. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. [32:33]

    We’re all trying to do the best we can. As we get older and have more experience, we grow and learn more about ourselves. [36:53]


    Resources
    Kglmediation.com
    The Children’s Bill of Rights
    The Parents’ Bill of Rights
    The Ackerman Institute 
    New York Association of Collaborative Professionals
    Find out more about the Second Opinion program 
    FrancisFinancial.com
    Stacy Francis: Stacy@Stacyfrancis.com
    Phone: 212-374-9008

    • 42 min
    Leveraging Your Capital Into Freedom

    Leveraging Your Capital Into Freedom

    Mia Poppe had a successful 22-year career as a senior-level banker. Her own disastrous first divorce was the catalyst that led her to go to law school at the age of 42 and retrain as a matrimonial attorney. She now runs her own successful private practice. Mia joins Stacy Francis this week to chat about why it’s important to manage your money, knowing your value, and leveraging your capital into freedom.


    Mia got married the month after her college graduation, at age 22. Her marriage failed after 12 years, however. A few weeks later she realized that her ex-husband had cleaned out the bank account. There she was, she says, a senior level banker with 3 children in private school and other expensive family overheads, and no money. She had to seek public assistance to get grocery money. [7:20]

    Mia shares her story to reiterate that life can be unpredictable. Not having money puts you in an unduly vulnerable situation. It’s very important to manage your money and be financially responsible. She says that we owe it to our families and our communities to be givers into the public trust and not takers. [11:19]

    Mia encourages listeners to have their own business because no one will value you like you value you. Stacy adds that having your own business gives you more options and financial freedom. The only limits you have are those you place on yourself, she says. Business ownership teaches you to love, value and care for yourself the same way you care for your loved ones. [17:51]

    Stacy and Mia discuss the challenges of starting a business as a woman. Mia’s advice to women thinking of starting a business is to find a partner with like desire, hunger and integrity because collaboration gives you more ideas and synergies. You should treat your business like a Fortune 500 business, she says. [20:58]

    Personal and business finances should be separate. When they are commingled, and you enter a divorce, you are going to lose out. It also makes the divorce more expensive. [27:19]

    Women going through divorce, no matter their economic situations, have a fear of survival. Mia admits to having the same fear in her second divorce. [31:30]

    Mia counsels her clients to finance themselves, even if they need to retool to do so. She quotes Hernando deSoto’s book, The Mystery of Capital, to emphasize that we all have resources at our disposal that we can convert into capital. We can leverage that capital into freedom, to create the life we want. Having accountability partners are an important part of creating that life because they help you stay true to your goals. [34:40]

    Stacy says that money is a tool you need to build your life. It gives you options and opportunities, and even acts as a safety net, making you more comfortable with taking risks. [39:47]

    When people are going through a divorce they often lose their minds, Mia says. She calls it divorce psychosis. As such, she insists on handling custody issues first, to ensure that the children are taken care of in the best way possible. Only after a fully executed parenting plan is in place does she tackle money issues. [41:54]


    Resources
    The Law Firm of Poppe & Associates  
    The Mystery of Capital by Hernando de Soto

    Find out more about the Second Opinion program 
    FrancisFinancial.com
    Stacy Francis: Stacy@Stacyfrancis.com
    Phone: 212-374-9008

    • 49 min
    Hiring an Attorney to Advocate For Your Child

    Hiring an Attorney to Advocate For Your Child

    Ten years ago, matrimonial attorney Lauren Friend started her own law firm because she wanted to help people through the worst times of their lives. Her clients see her as their support lifeline, which helps them get through the divorce process as healthily as possible. Apart from working with adults however, Lauren also works with children as an attorney for the child. She chats with Stacy Francis about when an attorney for the child might be needed, the things divorcing parents need to know, including tips about how child support can be modified.


    An attorney for the child is appointed by the court when there are custody issues in dispute, once it’s determined that the parties cannot come to an agreement. [4:52]

    Stacy asks how Lauren is able to get the child’s opinion, but also a wider view of the situation. Lauren responds that she gets the child’s view and the reasons for his or her position, but she also speaks with all the treating professionals in the child’s life, such as their teacher, doctor and therapist, in order to get as full a picture as possible. [8:45]

    In allegations of abuse or neglect, an attorney for the child would be appointed very early in the process. [14:48]

    Lauren describes how she manages her attorney-client relationship with children. Toward the end of her representation she would have developed a bond with them, she says, and interviews become easier. She makes it clear to them that they will not decide the final custody arrangement, as empowering them to such an extent could cause extremely loyalty or guilt toward one parent. For this reason, she ensures that they understand that there are other factors being considered in addition to their view. [15:17]

    Stacy says that many listeners don’t realize that the amount of time that your child spends with you can impact the amount that you're entitled to for child support. Lauren explains that the court classes the custodial parent as the one with whom the child spends the most nights. This parent would get child support as well as add-ons. The add-ons are pro-rata based on income. [20:05]

    Stacy emphasizes that it’s important to know your child’s expenses to make your case for child support. [22:38]

    In New York state only the first $148,000 of a spouse’s income is considered for child support. Anything over that is discretionary. Lauren advises that it’s always best to work out an agreement with just your attorneys. [24:30]

    You can go back to court for a modification of child support, custody or visitation if there are substantial changes in circumstances. [25:27]

    The best advice she can give to divorcing parents, Lauren says, is to try to sublimate your feelings of anger and hostility for the benefit of your children. They are much happier and healthier in two separate happy households. [29:14]

    The courts take parental alienation very seriously. Judges have been known to switch custody in extreme cases. [29:45]

    Before you enter into a custody agreement, envision if it would work until your child is 18. Your attorney should also build in some loopholes into the agreement so there is room for modification without returning to court. [32:12]

    A question to ask yourself before you do or say anything is, will this help or hurt my child? [36:00]

    Lauren shares advice on how to choose an attorney if you’re thinking about divorce. [37:41]

    When she represents adults, Lauren is able to give her clients real life examples of how their actions may help or hurt children, due to her experience as an attorney for the child. [40:33]


    Resources
    LaurenFriendLaw.com
    Avvo.com
    Martindale.com

    Find out more about the Second Opinion program 
    FrancisFinancial.com
    Stacy Francis: Stacy@Stacyfrancis.com
    Phone: 212-374-9008

    • 44 min
    A Powerful Personal Story: Escaping The Cycle of Abuse

    A Powerful Personal Story: Escaping The Cycle of Abuse

    Claire, this week’s guest on Financially Ever After, has lived through many hardships. She bravely shares her story so that listeners who may be in a similar situation can find some help and hope.


    Claire has been living month to month for the last year and a half. Her ex-husband decided not to pay alimony this month to spite her, so she has not been able to pay her bills. [2:34]

    In the beginning, Claire’s ex-husband treated her like a princess, but soon he started to get angry and blame her whenever he lost money at his job. [4:16]

    Claire was in a cycle of emotional and physical abuse but she had nowhere to go. She reached out to her parents to try to escape, but they said no. [8:43]

    We often associate physical, emotional and financial abuse with lower income. However, Stacy says, there is a secret that it happens in front of our eyes to accomplished women like Claire. [11:40]

    Claire still struggles with self-confidence and thoughts of suicide. Her animals and the 12 step program she attends helps her heal. She also practices staying positive and keeping her body positive. [14:19]

    When you’ve been a victim of abuse you’re a changed person, Stacy says. If you’ve been abused as a child you should seek support because you usually relive those cycles. [19:50]

    It’s important for women to have agency over our money because it gives us options to escape from unsafe situations. [23:15]

    Claire shares that she was abused as a child by a relative. [25:50]

    Stacy urges Claire and listeners to keep a network of support around them so that they can continue to be strong and make good decisions, now that they’re out of the past situation. With the right support around you, you can continue to make good decisions even though it feels like your past is pulling you back. [28:27]

    When Claire can’t find the strength in herself to carry on, she hears the voice of her son Tyler telling her how much she means to him. [32:20]

    Claire continues to be strong so that she can help someone. She has seen how honesty can strengthen one another. Stacy adds that she enjoys helping others in part because it makes her feel good about herself. Helping others builds our self-worth. [34:04]

    Animals love you unconditionally and they don’t judge. They help you heal. Stacy urges you to volunteer at a shelter. [37:52]

    Claire’s advice to anyone listening that’s struggling is to go deep into your soul and know that you are special. That glimmer of hope will help you get through the tough times. [38:53]

    Stacy urges you to reach out to your support network to hold you when you don’t have the strength. You can also reach out to her. If you feel stuck because you don’t have the money to go elsewhere, let us help you with that, Stacy advises. [41:08]


    Resources
    FrancisFinancial.com
    Stacy Francis: Stacy@Stacyfrancis.com
    Phone: 212-374-9008

    • 42 min
    What Wise Women Do After Divorce

    What Wise Women Do After Divorce

    Tanya-Marie Dubé is a master of transformation. She has lived through some very traumatic experiences: from being born into the foster care system, to being homeless from ages 12 to 18, to leaving her marriage of 18½ years without her home or any finances. Through each adversity, Tanya was able to change her perspective and come out a stronger, happier person. Now she teaches women around the world how to thrive after divorce. She joins Stacy Francis to talk about the five stages of transformation and things women need to know to create the best life possible for themselves and their families.


    Tanya says that her life has presented her with a series of transformational opportunities. She started to study psychology at age 17 and inadvertently started to coach others. She learned that the only way for her to grow was to help others achieve their goals. [4:18]

    By the time Tanya left her marriage 3½ years ago, she had been out of the workforce for more than a decade. Information about how to survive through and after divorce was hard to find. This inspired her to put together her first online summit where she invited 21 experts to speak on every aspect of separation. Over 300,000 women have been impacted to date. [5:22]

    There is a time and place for tears and anger when you’re experiencing a divorce. However, when you're rebuilding your life after divorce you need to remove the emotion out of it some of that time so you can focus on what’s working. [9:12]

    Tanya shares why gratitude and meditation is vital, no matter what you’re going through. [10:51]

    Stacy asks about the five stages of transformation after divorce. Tanya says that the five steps are building blocks and you’re going to be in and out of them, much like the grief cycle. She emphasizes that you need to work with someone because you need a new perspective and a mindset shift. [13:36]

    The five stages of transformation are:


    Visionary: building a new foundation by working on your belief systems. This stage focuses on aligning who you think you are with who you want to become. [13:58]


    Renewal: self-love and reconnection to spirituality. You learn how to overcome your addiction to people-pleasing and putting yourself last. You begin to take charge of your healing and personal development. [17:30]


    Alignment: busting through your comfort zone. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone, you’re going to move forward. The confidence you gain by doing so will propel you into other areas of your life and open doors and opportunities you never dreamed of. [22:24]


    Courage: finding your true purpose. Tanya shares the simple but powerful exercise she used to find her purpose. [26:41]


    Powerful: creating incredible relationships. Now that I found my purpose, how am I going to achieve it? Who do I need to surround myself with? How can I become the best version of myself so that I’m showing up for everybody else the right way, but I'm also attracting people at this high energy level? [31:19]

    Stacy talks about the importance of community when you’re going through a divorce. Tanya has created a membership site where these women can find the support they need through divorce and after, to launch them into the next phase of their lives. She shares how listeners can be part of that community, as well as the summits she produces. [33:30]


    Resources:
    TanyaDube.com 
    TanyaDube.com/membership
    Recommended Books:

    The Mastery of Love - Don Miguel Ruiz

    The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

    Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman

    The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle

    A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle

    I Am - Howard Falco

    Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway - Susan Jeffers

    Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill

    How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

    The Power of Positive Thinking - Norman Vincent Peale

    Mindset - Carol Dweck


    Find out more about the Se

    • 47 min

Customer Reviews

NY Dad Divorcing ,

Very insightful!

This is a great podcast to learn about all things divorce. Very impressed with how knowledgeable the host and guests are!

byeisperfect ,

Insightful & Inspiring

I’m a finance student trying to learn as much about the industry as possible. This podcast has been insightful and inspiring!

Seeking peace, joy, love ,

Incredibly Helpful Information

I'm a CFP -- but I don't specialize in divorce. So whenever a woman asks me for guidance on how to get savvy if she is thinking about divorce on in the midst of one, I always send her to Financially Ever After. Stacy has been incredibly thoughtful in the range of guests she has on and topics she covers making this show useful for women of all ages, incomes, and net worth levels. Brava, Stacy & Team!

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