We can not think our way out of grief, trauma or emotional pain. they say it is not an intellectual healing, so what then? The fact is, we can't often change the fact of why we hurt, we can only change the way we feel. Grief, Trauma and emotional pain can be overwhelming, because they often contain many emotions. And because these emotions are often negatively charged, we could have much difficulty finding a cognitive solution. With the death of my husband, I struggled. Even with all the tools and years of helping others overcome their pain. I found a body, mind and soul solution to heal myself and now I help others heal from their loss too. So if life feels dark and you are struggling to find happiness, this podcast is meant to light a path to relief, ease and healing. Tune into my personal journey of loss and recovery, real meditations and visualization and tip, tools and processes to allow you to take a deep breath. The hardest climbs often offer us the most beautiful views. The journey begins with one step. Pick from a combination of Neuroscience and spirituality offers mind body and soul freedom and can be an ultimate guide to a new you. Explore a variety of programs, retreats and gatherings to further assist your feeling whole again.
The death of a spouce, parent or child is considered a catestrophic life event
There is an old Irish proverb that says, joy and sorrow are linked like day and night. You can not experience one without the other.
And I know now that so often, things are not always what they seem, that there is more to our experience and more to this life that what appears at first glance.
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Mornings have long become a time for reflection, deep learning and meditation, along with strong coffee :)
Today's book opened with Dr. David R Hawking talking about 50 years of clinical practice, and grief. Go figure
Hawking said there are very few catastrophic events in life that can be more overwhelming than losing a spouse, a parent or a child. The massive and intense overwhelm erupts along with shock, disbelief, abandonment, rage, guilt, self blame, anger, hopelessness, powerlessness, and the utter finality of loss.
A little segway: I would like you to imagine that you planned all year for a trip to Hawaii, and when you arrived, it rained the entire time. Is it the fact that it rained, or the fact that you are upset about rain that made your experience?
Or you went skiing and the snow was crappy. We could say oh well and carry on, or do we have emotions around the quality of the snow that affects your experience?
Or the fact that we have an exam, and we are worried about the exam. So I ask you, is it the fact of the exam or the fact of the worry?
Often the fact, or the event itself can not be changed. Rather it is the emotions that we have about the fact that cause us distress.
We may not be able to change the fact, but we have control over the way we feel, and that changes HOW LONG and HOW HORRIBLE we feel.
David says grief is so crushing because all the TOP OF LIFE stresses are COMBINED and therefore, it can feel catastrophic.
And he cautions that we may try to “think” our way out of the grief, but because overwhelm and all the attached emotions are negative in nature, the solution will not come through the intellect.
And the next thing he said, thus the segway, I had to really step back, because even though I understand the facts on a philosophical level, I found it harsh to think about it this way, for grief.
But I repeat it again softly and gently and with a hand over my heart, because I can’t change the fact, so what do I do now? He says we can greatly shorten the time and relieve the catastrophic pain we feel, if we bi-pass the fact and heal the emotion.
The lessons repeatedly turn to, the solutions to our pain will not be found, within the mind. He leads us deeper into the process.
When we move our attention inward, we can locate the area where our body typically holds emotion. Where we feel it physically in our body. But then if we look beyond the label, we can begin to understand that it is simply trapped energy.
Emotions like all things are energetic. And energy itself, can neither be created or destroyed, it simply changes form. And so we change the energy, which, without a label becomes generic, nameless. Without a label we can no longer embody it for long..
My experience was that I could not think, rationalize or will, my way out of grief.
So, I used David's process, finding the location of the feelings, or the energy of the feeling of grief and all those combined emotions and just sat with the energy. And I agreed with myself to explore this energy in every aspect.
We can do this by moving our attention inward.
Note, this is not the emotion, this is the dissociative representation of the emotion and this is less painful.
Find the shape, size, color, dimension, movement, temperature, texture, weight etc. and then I supersized it. Sounds odd, but this is a universal law of similar simalimbus, that I learned 30+ years ago.
What is this law? Like Cures Like, or as it was first discovered centuries ago, similar simalimbus. This law as with all
The power of meditation to transform deep emotional pain into spiritual healing
I think I will hurt a little longer. I may need to cry that ocean of tears before I am fully healed.
But I wanted to share a beautiful meditation with you this morning.
Meditation has many values: offering us new perspective on stressful situations
It is a life skill for reducing stress. Allows us to focus on the present and this is where we have control.
The focus when we meditate should be positive, so this alone reduces negative feelings. It is said if we can focus our attention for 17 seconds, we begin to affect our physiology, and if we hold that same thought for 68 seconds, then we begin to build a neural pathway that increases our ability to pursue our focus.
But di you know that meditation helps reduce stress, anxiety, and depression triggers? Why is that? Slowing our breath slows the heart and reduces blood pressure. And because we are adjusting our thoughts and training our brain to focus on a single thought of wellbeing.
Meditation increases our ability to focus on a world that is fast paced in mini bites of information, Twitter, TikToc etc. These things train our brain NOT to focus, where the brains natural strength in to learn a subject in depth, to become the sage, the guru…
Harvard Medical says meditation has a positive effect on our brain, we produce learn easier, have greater memory and emotional regulation, because meditation creates more gray matter.
So, who couldn’t use more of all this amazing and natural benefits from children all the way through life? What a great life skill meditation offers us. Concentration, kindling kindness, and increased self esteem. We become more aware of ourselves as individuals.
For our body, mindfulness in meditation raises our pain threshold, and is addiction resistant.
For the creative soul, meditation gives us the opportunity to enter Theda brainwave: We natural pass-through Theda as we drift off to sleep and wake once more, but you may already know that Theda is our download brain wave. Children are in Theda for the first few years of life, and thus we hear those children are geniuses.
Theda is a place of deep creativity, imagination, and accelerated learning.
So, you can tell, I am a fan of meditation and I have concluded that meditation is a type of spiritual first aid. One way I am transforming my feelings of grief is to practice meditation.
I set my timer for 15 minutes and settle into a comfortable position. Palms facing the sky and close my eyes. As I slow my breath and concentrate towards what it feels like to breath from the top of my head to toes externally and then repeat once more internally.
Yesterday’s meditation focus was “I am a Violet flame, and infinite being” And as I held this thought in mind, my experience unfolded.
I first noticed a small light orb several feet in front of my face, and as I help that single thought, it moved in a purposeful yet magical direction towards the area of my third eye. It seems to be drawn by threads of light and I could feel this pulling inward of this energy that I was watching.
The orb settled inside my third eye and looked like an ember being kindled to flame which grew. A beautiful dancing violet flame with wispy feathered light moving upward.
A stream of ethereal light rose out of the flame and wen far beyond where I could see or imagine and as that happened, the “I” in me travelled upward too, cocooned in this soft violet flame.
At some point as I ascended, this wonderful angel like being arrived, I believe this was Willis as he approached me from behind, wrapping his gentle yet powerful and protective wings around me, as he leaned around my head and kissed me on my neck. As we embraced, we ascended together upward and into the light
For those that have been to Nirvana/ heaven or the house of God, you will understand the overwhelming beautiful feeling of unconditional love that permeated all things here. I was then laid on a bed of white feather. (Possibly fallen angel wing feather
Grieving can be like a deep cut, when you pull the bandaid off it weeps and is tender if touched
When someone we love dies, grief is unavoidable, unpredictable, and possibly like having a deep cut that even when you tear the band aide off, it still weeps and is rather raw when touched.
NOTE: this podcast contains a meditation, so never listen this a meditation when you are operating a moving vehicle
So, how can we ease the healing journey, on those days when we are feeling down.
From where I stand, I believe self care is a perfect solution.
So, let’s take a moment to think of self care in a different way.
I would like you to imagine, because you probably already know that putting a “large yellow sticky” over your fuel gage would not be a great plan. It could lead to you to being stranded on a rainy day, out of gas and definitely not where you were intending to go today.
But we, as women as notorious for “running ourselves out of gas”!
So, I ask y’all to check that gage today Someone said to me the other day. We are meant to give the best of ourselves to the world, NOT THE REST OF OURSELVES
And I get it, because when I am a “giver” I love to give, but how much can we give when we feel depleted?
When I was feeling the initial deep sense of loss, I hunkered down. I could hardly breath let alone, think of much of anything.
So I engaged in small steps. Savouring long hot soaks in calming aroma scented water, that didn’t care if I added a few salty tears of my own.
Time gazing at the expansive ocean, watching clouds filter past my views and ocean breeze through my mind. Immersed daily in the musky scent of deep nettled carpeted forest trails. Tuning into restful and calm audio books with an overtone of birdsongs high overhead.
But it was the day of Willis’s celebration of Life, that I fully embraced the power of self care to create the experience I desired.
I had a deep need to speak without melting down into a puddle of tears. And I didn’t know if I was up to it. It was still so painful, yet I needed to make the effort. No regrets So, I set aside time for myself before guests arrived, to set myself up for success. And that meant focussing on my outcome, for being able to speak clearly, feel confident, calm and in control.
I felt I could accomplish my desire by engaging in 30 minutes of self care.
That meant unapologetically leaving all the family to continue to do the final prep.
Lots was happening.
In a hot dry summer with months without rain, June 5 was torrential.
Tarps were being raised, location for electronics, mics, speaker were being moved, Table flipped up and all the cloths, glass wear, drinks, sandwiches all being manages by twenty or more beautiful souls. All as the heavens opened and deluged us all.
In the flurry of activity, I simply turned away, closed the door to my bathroom and started to pour a hot steamy bath. As the water fell, I began toy focus inward.
I always begin with breath.
So if you would like to join me now; find a comfortable place to sit and relax where you know you will not be disturbed for 10 minutes
And always remeber never listen to these recording when operating a moving vehicle
Begin by drawing your attention towards your breath.
Pushing hearing outward to whatever is pulling your attention outward. What is the farthest thing away you can hear?
Maybe it is people talking, the sound of a car, laughter, a TV in another room, a bird, a dog barking, the fridge turning on, someone else running water at the kitchen sink. Moving your attention inward like a balloon losing air and shrinking smaller, until what you hear is the sound of your breath.
Tuning in further, breath being pulled in through your nose.
Listen to your lungs expand
Wait for the beat of your heart and rush blood pumping outward into arteries, pulsing into capillary and eavesdropping on the oxygen fill cell in your body.
Next, visualize breath: Imagine the oxygen we breath to be filled with bright sparking light. You know the ones, the tiny twinkle lights of the holiday season.
How can Epictetus assist a new born widow's grief? Stoicism offers real world, actionable wisdom to build perserverance, resilience, happiness and self mastery
The Greek Philosopher Epictetus knew suffering. He was brought to Marcus Aurelius’ Rome as a slave, then rose through the ranks to become one of histories greatest teacher, before suffering once more in exile.
We can only imagine the hardship of 50 AD for one who lived in slavery and one, Epictetus, who required a cane, due to a lame leg. But, how on earth, does Epictetus play a role in my life as a new-born widow? Need to chat?
To understand how, let’s peak into stoic philosophy. It could be one common thread that links 21 centuries of human experience.
Stoicism offers us real world, actionable wisdom to build perseverance, resilience, happiness, and self mastery.
Stoicisms’ foundation lies in its’ virtues. Courage, Justice, Temperance and Wisdom
They sound pretty good at first glance, but I wanted to know how they relate to human consciousness today
So, I looked at the map of consciousness in Dr. David R Hawking’s Power Verses Force. David is widely known in the studying human consciousness. After it was discovered that our world and everything in it have definable energy and frequencies, his work was later applied to the law of attraction.
And taking it to a personal level, how does these calibrated energy frequencies affect us personally? If you have read Emotos’ water experiment book: called The Magic of Water? It could shed potential light on that subject.
The general idea is low frequencies relate more to struggle. For example, apathy could be recognized as a very low energy. With thoughts of apathy, we would feel physically bad. tired, sluggish, tuned out. And this becomes our focus, rather than our ability to see, feel and experience joy, we view the world and our life through a lens of apathy.
The bottom line is, the lower we go, the steeper the climb. I believe as do many, that we can control the way we feel by being mindful of where our thoughts are focussed.
Here is a grid 200 and below, as shown within the book, Power Verses Force, representing the map of consciousness.
Courage 200: Pride 175, Anger 150, Desire 125, Fear 100, Grief 75, Apathy 50, Guilt 30, Shame 20.
Consider each state of mind as a stepping-stone out of the one below. Recognize that apathy is a deeper than grief. But grief is still very low and not a healthy place to live for long!
And if you did read Emoto’s book and relate that to a human body’s “internal wetness” then you can make your own conclusion. Mine was “yikes”! Quick reference: women are 45-60% water, men 50-65%.
What I do understand is that If I am emotionally honest with myself and take full responsibility for thoughts, then I have control over my state of mind and therefore my wellbeing.
When we look at Stoic values and compare then to the map of consciousness, it looks like this.
Courage becomes the tipping point into greater potential of human consciousness, because 200 has been set as the center of the teeter totter between energy that attracts good things into our lives ( >200) verses the lower frequencies ( Justice is our ability to be fair minded, neutral, impartial and emancipate. Justice represents our freedom at 250. Temperance is having a sense of honor, morality, decency. We set our ontology with intention. Meaning who do I want to be as I move through life. This willingness to be the best we can morally be is intentional and energetically vibrates at a conscious code of 310 (Note: In grief we maintain humor) So we witness grace in action, within grief we can rise above our pain instantly, by engaging in humor. Let's connect
Wisdom provides us with clear thinking and good judgement, balance, insight, understanding and common sense, resonating at 400. But how does stoicism help us recover from grief, or any demanding life challenge? Focus on what is within our control, period.
In ways, it reminds me of the simplicity offered by don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements. Be impeccable with your word, take nothing personally, m
A life threatening diagnosis may seem like you have been told to Mount Everest
It is amazing how life can change on a dime. Every part of our life can change and yet we can feel static. Because if we move, we must at some level of our existence accept this unwanted change.
Need to talk?
And so, we may feel at times like life is moving around us, like a raging river moves around a large rock.
Other times we may feel out of control, tumbling like the rocks washed down the river in a flood.
There are still other times, we may want to escape. But where can we run that life would not catch us? And another day simply arises out of the darkness ahead of us, and we can no longer pretend to escape or ignore our life or the passage of time.
Grief often chisels itself onto our face, casting a shadow on the future, and numbing our mind for a period of time.
But there are things we do know about time and Einstein told us long ago... that time was a manmade illusion. But possibly we forget, like so many things, wisdom sometimes gets lost, "in time".
Sages, guru’s, and great teachers over time have repeated the same message. And if we believe, truly believe we are infinite beings of light and energy, then why should this moment, “in time” be such a great barrier between life and death, rather a continuum like the winding river that separates and then rejoins itself once again.
Because if time is an illusion then the separation by space and time may be an illusion that we have somehow accepted..
I once experienced timelessness when I was drowning in a capsized plane. Time ceased to exist. It made no difference to me then. As my consciousness separated from my physical body, I found my perspective shift. I felt no urgency of time. “I” was fine alive and well. And that knowledge in that experience, made everything at that moment, perfectly ok. I had no concern with my dying body.
And yet I found myself highly challenged in my grief.
I noticed that grief may be one of those emotions that blind us to our inner knowing of our infinite nature, slightless to glimpse ahead, nailing our mind to this moment in time, hindering our ability or desire to begin anew.
And I think that is the saddest thing of all as we all move towards an inevitable new beginning.
Possibly we just need to pause, stop to breath, but getting stuck is another compounding challenge all together.
At this, you may think it sounds harsh. But, I believe it becomes a choice. Because the painful nature of grief screams for us to remove our hand from the fire. To come alive again, for our own survival.
Through my grief journey, I have struggled more than any other time in my life, but now I feel stronger.
I know that I have grown stronger because of my grief. Gentler because of my grief. Wiser and more compassionate because of my experience.
Because, when the person we love the most dies, it is unfathomable, it breaks you open more than I could possibly explain. And for those who have travelled this journey, you know what I mean
Recently, I was asked about my journey, and I found it hard to put into words.
So, as I often do, when I need to reflect, I immerce myself in loving nature, and into the thoughts deeply woven through my not so distant memories.
I recalled the early days of diagnosis, and that deep realization that things had changed.
It could not be undone. The knowing that there was no going back, only onward into something unknown. A primal fear awakened that I hadn’t known before.
And as the vision unfolded I came to this, receiving a life-threatening diagnosis can be the biggest challenge we may faced so far in life, and we may not feel prepared.
And it may also be a buffer or a stepping-stone to prepare us for death itself.
In this vision, we were at the base camp of Mount Everest.
There were others there, but Willis and I stood alone.
We were about to set out on a journey we never asked for.
That we never desired.
It is at this point we begin the trek, because it is the only option available.
If he is to s
As the clock stikes midnight
New Years is a time to stop and reflect on the past. Hillary Swank in the movie, New Years Eve, reminds us that possibly, we get another chance to do more, love more, let go of what was and embrace what is or what will be.
New Years is often thought of as a celebration.
I could not bear to watch the clock strike midnight, although there is so much about last year that was beautiful and some parts that I would like to leave behind, still others I want desperately to hold onto, even though it haunts me.
I often find myself deep in reflection. Pondering the purpose in life itself. I have found spiritual growth assists me to bridge myself, the past and the future. I have found comfort.
Mother Teresa once said, we suffer because we have forgotten our connection. And I agree, because I have found that a spiritual connection makes me feel more connected to everything, there is a comfort knowing that there is a bigger meaning in life. But that doesn't ease how terribly painful it is at times.
I still hurt. I did managed to put up a tree but cried as I placed each ball. It was a day of deep mourning. I felt like I needed to step into the experience in order to process my loss, and it resulted in a beautiful tree that I enjoyed for the remainder of the year.
Why can it be so hard? My grief can feel like a narrow and challenging passage that wedges against my chest so hard until I squeeze through, it can take much energy and great effort.
I have found some parts of this grief passage to be very steep and I at times, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread, but then, just when it feels to much, there is grace. Grace can appear in many ways, a friend calls, a message within a movie or a book, something that resonates provides even the narrowest of plateaus where I can take a full breath. It feels so good to simply breath.
And so make it a practice to draw my attention towards breath, I engage in meditation, a practice that helps me to ground my energy.
In some ways, I saw my own journey in a documentary I just watched, called "The Dawn Wall". If you are going through something tough, then I encourage you to watch. Because this true life story is inspiring.
We know that resilience rises out of adversity and this true-life story has much to inspire us all.
Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgenson literally scale the face of a 3000-foot granite face of El Captain, in Yosemite National Park. But it was a life-threatening experience that came before that gave Tommy his grit.
There is a point where the journey could end, when Kevin struggles day after day, failing to cling to the face of a lateral vein midway up the face. From 2000-feet he fails and falls through space, dangling by a thread. You just watch it again and again, time after time.
Exhausted, beaten-up, and deflated he reaches a point where he doubts his ability to go on.
But he does... and his "heart" to overcome is inspiring, because at times I feel like I am on a precipice and that I might fall.
And I too need to draw on something deeper within me to rise above my pain.
And I understand that I am not the only one, I hope that by sharing I am healing myself while supporting someone else who hurts.
And there is a powerful truth that that I want to share. This has helped me rise above my grief, and that thing is, finding a connection to something more.
I read so many books: here is great read: The Eye of 1 Dr. David R Hawkings
In the past 6-months I have found building an inner bridge of spirituality to be one key to my wellbeing. Some say spirituality is a psychological evolutionary necessity.
A great example would be AA. Spiritual connection within this 12-step process has helped more people overcome addiction than any other.
The idea of psychological evolution isn't news. If you want to, take a look at Maslow's, I prefer the breakdown in the Barrett Institute, but both lead us upward, into spiritual realms.
The stepping-stones to psychological
You’ll love this podcast!
Perfect for Anyone Who Values Health
Adele's podcast is for anybody who is interested in health and wellness. Adele has done an excellent job producing content to improve our health during the COVID-19 pandemic. I enjoyed her interview with Mike Collins about his love affair with sugar (March 2020). I think you will enjoy her gentle tone and practical advice.