Healing Cassandra Margot Alexis

Thank you so much for your effort. I wish you knew how much of a difference you made in my life.
I am finally made the decision to exit my neurodiverse relationship. I am now seeing clearly and know that things will never changer for the better.
Yes, my soon to be ex has alexythymia but… BUT… it still feels like abuse.
I communicate d to her that certain behaviors are harmful but once I reveal a soft spot, she memorizes it and weaponizes it against me.
It feels as if my existence is inconvenient to her and it all came to the lowest low when she told me that she wished she had let me die after a certain “non life threatening emergency”.

I have tried and failed to meet her needs standards, all ever-moving targets, until I came to the realization that it’s not me, it’s her.

She has not held a job since we got married and little by little, she stopped doing chores, and now she is doing nothing other than plotting revenge and hating me.

She has a hard time completing any task . I’d say that the only think she has finished, is depleting my savings account.

She has made herself completely dependent in me, and as embarrassing as this is, I accepted it. So she has been living this parasitic lifestyle and she feels entitled to it. I have tried to empower her but I failed miserably. She abandons almost every project except for one. Playing the stock market without my knowledge and wrecking is financially.

She shows little remorse and I’m not even sure her feelings are authentic.

The only things is reliable with her is that she is reliably unreliable.

I understand that this is a neurological condition but that many of the actions she is taking , against me she understands that they are deleterious and harmful.

I have tried to keep this marriage afloat through any and all means but there is no improvement, but on the contrary.

I have completely run out of compassion, love, and patience. I felt so lonely, unseen, and unheard. I went to therapy. I even got accepted in a postgraduate program for therapy with focus on autism.

I have been alone in this relationship and even though I am scared to going back in the single pool again (because the devil you know…) but at this point I no longer feel even physically safe in my own spaces . She made this comment that “It would have been so easy to kill you last night.”

I am a veteran and I have PTSD and TBI and I have completely neglected my own self in every way one can think of. I think it had this hero complex and I poured myself into saving her to atone for the guilt and shame that I have after my Afghanistan experience. There is no saving her, it’s time I show some self compassion and save myself.

There are positive outcomes from this extremely challenging journey: I finally managed to control my own emotions and fears. I know that despite the overwhelming guilt that I have for my role in the war was, I deserve better.

I know my wife has an astonishing amount of childhood trauma and that she suffered immensely but that does not give her the right to take out the frustration on me.

I am at peace and I know there is no stone that I left unturned in seeking mending of this relationship and that there is no solution to this other the dissolution of this “union”.

Yesterday it dawned on me that I spent 3 years working so hard to provide her with emotional, mental, psychological, and material support and all I got in return is anger, rage, and rejection.

I realized that I she can hate me all the same or even more without putting any effort.

I have been trying for that long to save this “relationship” and with the support of this podcast I have finally managed to come to the conclusion and that this is the end.

Thank you so very much.

This podcast is part of my self-care must have program. I’m so grateful for the insights shared and guidance offered to those of us in ASP/NT diverse relationships. I no longer feel alone.