69 episodes

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Real, genuine, vulnerable, and honest talk about trauma, abuse, addiction, PSTD, and anxiety, helping people to conquer their traumatic pasts. Through this podcast and one on one coaching

It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan Live Authentically

    • Education
    • 4.8 • 256 Ratings

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Become a Paid Subscriber: https://anchor.fm/joeryan/subscribe

For access to all episodes and bonus content, subscribe at https://joeryan.com/subscribe

Real, genuine, vulnerable, and honest talk about trauma, abuse, addiction, PSTD, and anxiety, helping people to conquer their traumatic pasts. Through this podcast and one on one coaching

Listen on Apple Podcasts
Requires subscription and macOS 11.4 or higher

    EP 0068 - Grieving Loss

    EP 0068 - Grieving Loss

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    Grief…dealing with heartbreak and loss. Most of us have grieved the loss of a loved one… a pet loss, a friend, a parent, or a romantic relationship. The process doesn't have a timeline, and all five stages are not linear, yet they are all intertwined. It’s a big bucket of emotions… grief, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, frustration, fear, resentment, yearning, envy, etc. It's a lot of emotions to sort out, and it all stems from loss. In this episode, Joe covers his own journey that has reached the latter part of this process. Dealing with the recent ending of a year-long romance, Joe painfully shares how the pain process stems from the grief he feels and how he has learned to identify the series of emotions he is experiencing and how you can reconcile those same stages to help you deal with these same emotions.

    In this Episode:


    Opening yourself up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and giving away some of your power
    The George Costanza “do the opposite of your initial thoughts” paradox
    Not letting your desires outweigh logic
    Surviving being “Open and Vulnerable” and the strength you gain
    Dealing with the multiple stages of Grief and when you will know you have reached the last
    stage

    This episode builds off the last episode, Cut and Burn. The aftermath of staying in a relationship longer in order to grow from the experience is the conundrum. Part of the grieving process is to get to the point where you accept your role, you accept how you showed up, you accept the humiliation, and you accept all of the good and all the bad. But when we're in our grief and a breakup, all we can see is the hurt and the negative. If we don't get into our vulnerability, and we keep repeating the same patterns that we always repeat, and we cut and burn at the same point, we will never grow. We are never going to become stronger. We will never be able to work on dousing those fears and getting comfortable with being who we are.



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    • 26 min
    EP 0067 - Cut and Burn in Relationships (Subscription)

    EP 0067 - Cut and Burn in Relationships (Subscription)

    Should I Stay Or Should I Go? The Cut And Burn Relationship Question. Can We Stay Past Our Limits Of Emotional Discomfort To Expose Our Needs, Wants, Desires, And Fears For The Greater Good Of Love?

    EP 0066 - Finding Joy

    EP 0066 - Finding Joy

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    Why is happiness so elusive for some? Why do we always feel like we are “on guard”? This episode covers the process Joe has had to practice to make himself feel comfortable and in search of any sense of joy. How do you get to this place when you have had so much trauma and have lived with your “guard up” most of your life? This episode uncovers some important steps you will need to take to move through the process.



    Learning not to be afraid of feeling joy and how to accomplish this emotion is crucial. Getting over the fears and stop pretending to be someone else, always trying to do only what you are comfortable doing and projecting an image to others that don’t exist is a key component in your quest to find true joy in life!



    in this Episode:


    Scanning the room for safety and feeling comfortable
    Deprogramming & preparing for loss that may never come
    Being happy in a world where there seems to be no happiness
    Tapping into the reservoir of Joy
    Having a relationship with ourselves
    Being alone isn’t a punishment...its finding out how you really are! 
    Struggling with the feeling of Joy



    This episode uncovers the importance of learning how to feed your soul and face your fears to take yourself off the journey of life on auto-pilot. Take time to figure out why you avoid certain situations and how to trust yourself in certain situations when they come up. Don’t paint yourself in a box. Move outside the box and learn to deal with your body's reactions. You have to start somewhere – a place that you may not want to go to first to end up in a place of joy.



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    • 21 min
    EP 0065 - Move Through Fear (Subscription)

    EP 0065 - Move Through Fear (Subscription)

    How do you navigate your way through fear? What can you expect to face when working through all of this? What is the recovery process? This episode dives deep into the feelings of fear- fear of just about anything in your life. Joe talks about previous experiences of going through the process of dealing with his fear and how not to avoid doing the things that fuel it.

    As you get older, your fears get greater…how will you treat them? How will you stop fearing the fear? What can you do to reach a point where you can look back and say, ”how ridiculous was I for fearing that”?

    In this Episode:
    Conquering fear by moving thru fear… Fearing fear compounds the fear and makes it worse!
    Creating Emotional Space
    Preparing yourself each day until you eventually eliminate most fears
    Find people you can lean on…and can lean on you- People You Can Grow With…
    Breaking out of your bubble – stand on your own beliefs and live your best life

    Joe’s insight and deep revelations are sure to inspire changes in your life…changes that start as a mental exercise that eventually becomes second nature once you break through to the other side of your fears. It's all about building yourself up…realizing your worth…your own and value.

    As you work through the fear of not living up to what your family thought, what society thinks is successful, it's living your best life, the one that makes you happy, it's stripping yourself down to that. This episode tears down the misnomers that torture people trying to live up to society's expectations and how you can fight that to find your safe zone without living in complete isolation.

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    EP 0064 - Emotional Incest

    EP 0064 - Emotional Incest

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    Do you find yourself watching what everybody else is doing or how they were feeling? What their anger level or resentment level may be? Are they overwhelmed or feeling peaceful? Is this a safe time or is it a fearful time?  Is your inner safety based on the people around you? If so, you may have experienced “Emotional Incest” as a child. These feelings are the outcome of something deeper that you couldn't comprehend back then…even though you may have sensed something wasn’t right in how you were treated by a parent(s).

    The topics in the “Emotional Incest” episode delve into how parents use their children to fill emotional holes in their life that stem from an unfulfilled marriage, and how that ultimately affects their ability to maintain a healthy self-image, and relationships in their adult life. Joe uncovers a number of emotions one feels when experiencing this sort of treatment and the steps necessary to course correct yourself now, and in the future. This episode covers many examples of what may be holding you back from being able to have a loving, caring, mutual “give and take” partnership with that special someone. These issues discussed have impacted many of us on different levels, with the greatest level being the recipient of “Emotional Incest”.

    Topics in this Episode:


    When two parents are not getting their needs met by each other, they will triangulate and try to get their needs met by their children.
    How can you rebound from being the recipient of Emotional Incest?
    Learn how to find your worth and value to give yourself the things that you have given away
    Learned how to set boundaries- learn how to say no, to stand up for yourself, and to say this is where my emotional responsibility for you ends.
    Break the pattern of people pleasing and learn to take care of yourself- start loving yourself!

    Emotional incest victims don't know who they are or what they feel. They know what everybody else feels. Stop giving away your complete self from a place of deficiency. Work towards establishing a balance of give and take and avoid the feeling of fear that if you are constantly not doing enough for other people or they will be quick to leave! The ability to eliminate these fears and to work on your own needs and self-worth are covered in this episode.



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    • 17 min
    EP 0063 - Unstuck Story Follow Up (Subscription)

    EP 0063 - Unstuck Story Follow Up (Subscription)

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    The Unstuck Story Follow-Up picks up where episode #58 left off… what has happened since the time
    Joe made the big move to Manhattan and what type of changes did he force himself to make to start
    the process of becoming more independent and free of fear of trying new things.

    The Unstuck story follow-up focuses on the necessary steps and mindset you need to adapt to unshackle
    yourself from the things that kept you scared and unable to move forward in all aspects of your life.
    Anxiety, fear, suspicions & mistrust, inadequacies, etc are powerful roadblocks in your path to freeing
    yourself. This episode talks about what the risk and reward were for Joe as he began to unshackle his
    thoughts and fears from his actions!

    Topics in this Episode:
    Struggling like an emotional child
    Learn to live on your own…In your own way
    Introducing new things in your Life
    Negotiations in Your Head
    Breaking Fear-Based Living

    This episode provides the simple reminder that you need to be there for yourself before you can be
    there for others! The importance of establishing a baseline and growing from there is covered as well as
    lots of insight into the benefits Joe has experienced now that he has been able to clear the deck and start
    fresh.

    Don’t procrastinate, and don’t wait for someone to tell you it’s ok to do these things you have stopped
    yourself from doing…walk through your fear and don’t miss out on the great rewards that will follow!

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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
256 Ratings

256 Ratings

christinelaniyan ,

Cut & Burn

I literally started to cry when he started to speak about how much we needed as a child but didn’t receive. It struck me because it’s affecting me now and I’m trying to heal. I need to be more confident and open and just find myself again.

FindingMeAfter40 ,

Shocked!

I just finished episode 4 for the first (I say first because I know I will be checking back in to listen again and again) time. At 5:20 I felt like you just handed me the cheat code to my eventual healing. I have never felt so seen. And yes, I have been stuck and confused. This makes so much sense to me. The why and how I got here and a place to begin. My heart is still racing! Thank you so much!! Going to listen to episode 5 right now!

salucy123 ,

Thank you

Thank you for your words. I’m at very low point tonight and some how found the strength to turn on a podcast. Your podcast that I just recently started listening to. It was about trauma. It blew me away. A lot of tears have been shed and your voice spoke truth and healing and hope to me. Thank you for sharing all you have been through. Again Thank you for your words they really helped me tonight.

Thank you for episode 60. You are absolutely amazing and your voice and words hit my soul and I am so grateful. Thank you!

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