Life Changing Principles LeAnn Hunt

Paul Gilbert, a UK Therapist, noticed that when he did CBT as he was trained, that clients were reframing their thoughts, but still adding negative tones or additional comments. When you "do nothing" the brain defaults to calling up old memories and imagining the future. Our brains our tricky like this and produce thoughts and emotions without our consent. So much of our negative self-talk is not our fault. It's just what brains do. It's not our fault, but it is our brain, so it's our responsibility. Gilbert suggests a series of practices that help us get to know our tricky brain and relate to ourselves with compassion We can incorporate practices from Compassion Focused Therapy into our self-coaching skills. Skills include: recognizing the unsettled mind, working with attention, soothing breathing rhythm, creating a safe place, calling up a compassionate image, the compassionate self, and compassion for the critical self.

We know self-compassion can be comforting and nurturing. Self-Compassion can also be fierce. It can lead us to do hard things like set boundaries, meet our needs, and make personal development changes Protecting Self-Compassion breaks call up a time you need to protect your time, energy, or self. Say: This isn't right, I'm not alone in this, I will stand up for myself. Providing Self-Compassion breaks recognize our unmet needs. Say: This is important to me, everyone's needs count including mine, I am committed to meeting my needs as best I can Motivating Self-Compassion breaks encourage us with a vision of what we want rather than negative self-talk. Say: This is what I envision for myself, it's normal to have a learning curve, I'm going to help myself reach my goals.

We use Self-Compassion when we realize we've been unkind to ourselves. There are five surprises when we begin to practice self-compassion 1- We become really honest with ourselves 2- We realize we are human, even average in some ways. 3- We have to admit we are hurting 4- We get strong because compassion isn't just nice, it has a backbone 5- We face the tough stuff rather than turning away from it.

Compassion training affects the brain and body and that's more powerful than we think it is. The brain is neuroplastic, not hardwired. We have mirror neurons & neurons in the heart and gut. Compassion training affects our brain and body in measurable ways. It makes us more resilient, have less inflammation, less reactive amygdala, and less depression. We can train in compassion by imagining extending compassion to people we love, to ourselves, to neutral people, to difficult people, and to everyone. This practice creates changes in the amygdala as well as reducing stress hormones throughout the body.

Sustained compassion is compassion for people who aren't going away any time soon, like our family members. One example is BALM, a recovery program for family members of recovering addicts.  We're going to 28,686 days on average - which means self compassion is in order for when it goes well and when it doesn't. To sustain compassion we need to look at both the short run and the long run. To sustain compassion over the long run, we have to include ourselves in the circle of compassion. Two skills that help are checking in with ourselves and checking in with the situation before we decide what a wise compassionate response would be. As we check in, we can adjust how we respond to people and change up our interactions with our family members.

Are you able to stay calm in the middle of tense situations? Equanimity is the ability to stay calm in the midst of chaos or a difficult situation. Mindfulness can help us stay calm. Simply bringing our attention to the present moment of our breath or our body triggers a cascade of calming responses in the body. We can also stay calm by accepting what is. Practice acceptance by checking in with the inner players that show up in all of us from time to time.  We need both equanimity and compassion. Equanimity keeps compassion from consuming itself and compassion keeps equanimity from turning into indifference.