Precious Little Sleep Parenting Podcast Alexis Dubief

Are you crushing the nap schedule or is the nap schedule crushing you? Do you have the right bedtime? Does your child get the sleep they need? Many (and I do mean many) parents are getting hung up on concerns about how their child is sleeping when really the problem is the gap between reality and their expectation for what should be happening. If you don’t know what realistic expectations are, it’s hard to know how well sleep is (or isn’t) going. And answering the “what is realistic” question is harder than you think.







This podcast episode will cover why realistic expectations are so challenging, what science and experience suggests are grounded expectations for the first year, and parameters to know if you and your child are on the right track. Full details are available in the episode with summary show notes are below.







Where Do Sleep Expectations for Kids Come From?







The shorter list is, where don’t they come from. Ask 3 people what normal sleep looks like and you’ll get 3 different answers. Some books suggest that your newborn should be sleeping 12 hours by 12 weeks. Others would tell you that waking to eat 3X a night by their 3rd birthday is a non-issue. Poke around well-intentioned comments in online communities and you’ll find unicorn babies sleeping 16 hours a day along with more challenging babies waking 8X a night and the casual reader has no good cues to understand which is a realistic guidepost for their child.







Why Are Solid Guidepost So Challenging?







Accurate and consistent guidelines for babies and toddlers and sleep are challenging for three key reasons:







* Many expectations for baby sleep are based on old understandings/books on baby sleep. Our understanding of how sleep works and what normal looks like have evolved. * The normal range of sleep for most ages is +/- 3 hours. This is huge! * Certain developmental issues (the maturation of the circadian rhythm, consolidated naps) take time and some babies will achieve them sooner than others.







A few readers have shared feedback on the book,“I wish it had more schedules/charts” but these are the reasons why concrete schedules/charts are a challenge. There is a wide range of normal!







What About The Sleep Through the Night Guidepost







One of the biggest guideposts parents are interest in is, “When will my child sleep through the night?” And to be clear there are a million things that can work against your child sleeping through the night. The lack of independent sleep is clearly the biggie. But if you establish independent sleep and gradually night wean (as outlined in the book), it is realistic for most kids to be reliably sleeping through then night by 6-9 months. And by STTN I mean sleeping solidly until a ~5 am snoozebutton wakeup.







Normal Sleep by Age







0-3 months – total crapshoot







3 – 6 months







* Less chaotic but naps still short/variable* Consistent bedtime* 0-2 feedings per night (sometimes 3)* Night typically 11 hours but can be as short as 9 or as long as 13







6-12 months







* Naps more predictable* Consistent bedtime and morning wake time* Full night weaning (except for an early am snoozebutton) is possible here if you choose to do so* Move towards a more BTC approach happens organically during this time







And know that no matter what you do there will be bad days or even bad weeks. Short naps and mysterious night wakings will plague even the most diligent parent.

This episode of the Precious Little Sleep podcast brought to you by the Precious Little Sleep Audiobook. Regular listeners might have noticed there haven’t been any new episodes for a while and the reason is because I’ve been busy recording my own audiobook. Not on my own of course, because my home recording setup involves string and duct tape which is why I the enlisted professional help of Egan Media. Recording your own podcast is to professional audiobook production as seltzer water is to wine.







You sit here and talk slooowly and trying to enunciate like an adult.







If you’re lucky you find a great guy like Joe who uses all that fancy tech to make your audiobook sound fantastic. Don’t ask me what any of that *waves hand* does. But it works!







Needless to say I didn’t have time for both audiobook and podcast recording so the podcast when on a *ahem* brief hiatus. But now happily the Precious Little Sleep audiobook is finished so I can once more focus on podcasts. This one was particularly fun because I recorded it as a FB live event on the PLS Fb Page answering some great listener questions. As this was a successful experiment, follow me on FB if you want to participate in future FB live events!







Listener Questions







Vocalizing Throughout the Night







4.5months old baby, falls asleep independently (awake, in own bed, no pacifier) like a dream but has many night wakings. Cries for a few minutes (up to 15ish) and falls back asleep. Repeat several times a night. What can I do to help? The day starts at around 7/8, nap for 30 to 45 min, rinse and repeat. Stays up for closer to 3 hours before bedtime at 7/8. We change diaper, say good nights around the house, sing a song while being held, white noise, and put down awake.















4.5 Month Old Wants to Party at 2 am







How to settle, wide awake 4 month old who after feeding at 2 am seems to think his parents should remember their student days and join him bright eyed and bushy tailed at a time even the owl has gone to sleep at. Then he after 2 hours when he finally sleeps he wakes every hour just to see if we still want to party. We do not feed him to sleep before bed . Have a routine that is followed like to military precision and put him down semi awake. He naps three times a day. He is down at 630 and up at 7am







Which SWAP to Use for a Paci Loving 4 Month Old







4 month old, since birth I’ve been nursing to sleep at bedtime and for naps. We stopped swaddling as he started rolling over a week ago. He would not take a pacifier. 4 naps a day, no consistent length usually 30-40 min. We try for a consistent bedtime of 8 pm, but sometimes it shifts up to 9 pm if there is a 5th nap. He sleeps in the crib after I put him down fully asleep. He really depends on sucking and goes from sleepy to screaming in a second if put down awake no matter how much soothing.







My question is which SWAP would you recommend to try first? Is 4-months too early for SLIP?







8 Month Old Eating Every 3 Hours – HELP!

A few months ago I finished my book, a 3.5 year effort of sweat, tears, and loneliness (writing is lonely business). But it was worth all the sweating and crying because now I am an author. When you are an author you get membership to secret underground writer clubs and everybody wants to be your friend because you are an author and are invited to all the best parties.

Ok I’m making that up. But it’s still pretty cool.

Being interviewed on Vermont Public Radio was on my “now I’m a new author” bucket list along with:

* Wear fitted tweet jacket with patches on elbows

* Learn to nod sagely with fingers templed on chin

* Be recognized in public by “hey didn’t you write that book?”

* Dance with Ellen

None of those things have happened (yet) but award-winning journalist and podcaster Jane Lindholm graciously invited me to join her on Vermont Edition. In the interview we talk a little bit about me (seriously who the heck am I and how did we get here?) before delving into reader/listener questions about consistency, nap battles, independent sleep, big kids waking up at night, boundaries, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Jane graciously allowed me to share that interview here with you fine folks.

If you are like me you will avoid air travel with your children until they are old enough to vote. But most of you are far more courageous than I am in which case this podcast is for you! In this episode Elisabeth and Franny share their experiences and insights on navigating the friendly skies with a baby or toddler in tow including the following:



* How many toys do you really need to bring with you?

* Two words: hand sanitizer.

* Have a plan but know that things won’t go according to plan.

* There will be at least one diaper blowout on your flight.

* Travel is parenting in another place.

* Handling time changes when traveling.

* Have a plan for naps on the go.

* How much do you need to invest in specialized travel gear?

* Setting expectations (hint: low, keep expectations low).

* It’ll be OK!



I giggled when Elisabeth admits, “I flew an overnight from Boston to Fairbanks with a 6 month old, optimistically thinking he’ll sleep the whole way.” I flew Boston to Paris overnight with a 2 year old similarly thinking it would be impossible for him not to sleep eventually, right? That the social pressure of a plane full of sleeping people might compel him to sleep. Apparently for both of us, our optimism was misplaced.

The PLS Facebook group is full of people looking for the secret sauce that will guarantee you an easy flight with a baby or toddler but to the points presented in this podcast, there is no guarantee. There is just your best effort, positive thoughts, and the knowledge that good, bad, or otherwise, eventually that flight will be over and that someday, many years from now, you will look back and laugh about it.



Take a listen here or check it out on iTunes!

Got a question for a future Q&A episode? Fire away at podcast@preciouslittlesleep.com.

Podcast Sponsor

Check out the Reverie power bed! After you have kids your bed turns into a home base: the place you sleep, night parent infants, read books with older children, gather for family movie night, etc. The Reverie power bed can make your existing bed more comfortable for sleep. You can raise the head of the bed for easier night feeding/nursing. You can adjust the bed to aid in C-section recovery. Got swollen ankles? Raise your feet while you sleep. There are loads of ways this can help make your bed more comfortable and more functional for your whole family.

Most people use the 9 months of pregnancy as a time to learn how babies work (generally) and stock up on essential baby gear so they’ll be ready when said baby arrives. The fact that you will become a parent, and this is likely the largest, most abrupt, and often challenging transition you will ever undergo in your life is barely considered. And let’s be clear, becoming a parent is a massive, wondrous, and immensely painful transition. It is a physical, mental, and emotional transition on the highest order. Which we give nary a thought until it happens. Then BOOM. There it is.

Recently the transition to parenthood has been discussed in major news outlets (The Goddess Myth by Time and The Birth of the Mother by NYT). The titles somewhat unfairly focus on “mothers” but the reality is the issues apply to all parents (yes Dad’s struggle too!).

In this episode, Melissa and I break down some of the themes of becoming a parent including:



* The identity transition

* How learning from or parents about parenting helps (or hurts)

* Cherishing every moment

* The fantasy of parenthood

* Parental guilt

* What can we do to help ease our way through this transition



Links to Additional Resources

Stay At Home Mom Guilt (Melissa’s blog!)

Confessions of a Domestic Failure

Take a listen here or check it out on iTunes!

Got a question for a future Q&A episode? Fire away at podcast@preciouslittlesleep.com.

Podcast Sponsor

Check out the Reverie power bed! After you have kids your bed turns into a home base: the place you sleep, night parent infants, read books with older children, gather for family movie night, etc. The Reverie power bed can make your existing bed more comfortable for sleep. You can raise the head of the bed for easier night feeding/nursing. You can adjust the bed to aid in C-section recovery. Got swollen ankles? Raise your feet while you sleep. There are loads of ways this can help make your bed more comfortable and more functional for your whole family.

Check them out to learn more or follow them on Twitter or Instagram!

Podcasting is great because we basically get to opine on whatever topic strikes our fancy. But we’ve committed to periodically do reader/listener Q&A episodes to ensure that we’re hitting topics that are also interesting to you. While we get more questions than we can possibly answer, we’ve culled some great ones here that I particularly love because they’re so relatable and, frankly, funny. Sometimes, when you’re in the thick of it, it can feel like everybody else has figured out all this stuff and you’re the only one silently struggling in the middle of the night. But I promise – you aren’t. There are thousands of people listening to this podcast who are exactly where you are, as perplexed as you are, and who will breathe a brief sigh of relief to hear your story and know that they aren’t alone.

In this episode Ashby and I answer questions that deal with some fairly ubiquitous challenges including:



* What to do when you want to stop co-sleeping with your older baby (:44)

* How to break out of a situation where baby will only sleep with an “insane amount of bouncing” (5:45)

* Why your toddler is suddenly fighting sleep at bedtime (11:33)

* Why your 6 month old demands to nurse 10x a night (18:23)

* What to do when you want to stop co-sleeping with your preschooler (23:15)

* How to night parent an independent sleeper without undoing the independent part (29:44)

* How to not get turned into a puddle when your partner is AWOL and sleep is a mess (34:55)



As mentioned in the episode many of these questions relate to a common core issue: sleep associations. Although the questions demonstrate how sleep association issues can manifest in vastly different ways, it is almost always the root issue. And often the answer is this.

Take a listen and let us know what you think! Got a question for a future Q&A episode? Fire away at podcast@preciouslittlesleep.com.

Podcast Sponsor

And we want to give a shoutout to our new podcast sponsor, the Reverie power bed! After you have kids your bed turns into a home base: the place you sleep, night parent infants, read books with older children, gather for family movie night, etc. The Reverie power bed can make your existing bed more comfortable for sleep. You can raise the head of the bed for easier night feeding/nursing. You can adjust the bed to aid in C-section recovery. Got swollen ankles? Raise your feet while you sleep. There are loads of ways this can help make your bed more comfortable and more functional for your whole family.

Check them out to learn more or follow them on Twitter or Instagram!