Psychology to Live By Dr. Chris Stevens

This is a series of podcasts that explores the many benefits of being Self-Less. In this final podcast of this series, we look at how we might go about practising self-compassion. We explore Kristin Neff’s formulation of self-compassion practice. She defines it as involving three elements -  Mindfulness or present-focused, non-judgemental awareness. Common Humanity - the understanding that one’s experience is similar to others, that we are not alone; and Self-Kindness (using kind gestures, phrases or actions toward oneself). Once again, loving-kindness meditation is suggested as very useful as is the practice of talking kindly to oneself in the third person - a practice known as Illeism.

This Roundtable explores issues arising from the podcast 'Building Self-Compassion' (this is the final of four podcasts in the 'Self-Less Series'). We begin with a brief summary of the podcast, then questions explored in the Roundtable include: Is it possible to develop self-compassion to the point where I no longer get triggered?; The effectiveness of time out or some relaxing breathing to give us the possibility of taking a more self-compassionate perspective; The value of a split-consciousness mode in which we no longer have to cling to negative thoughts but can watch them dissolve.

This Roundtable explores issues arising from the podcast 'Why Self Compassion?' (this is the third of four podcasts in the 'Self-Less Series'). We begin by outlining some of the reasons that people resist self-compassion and then examine the main reasons it is actually a very good idea, summarising the benefits of self-compassion. Questions explored in the Roundtable include: should we set set high standards and goals for ourself and how does this relate to self-criticism and self-esteem when we don't reach them?; 'Anatta' and the third person observational stance and how that can lead to a lightness and freshness of being; and whether self-compassion is age-dependent and can be taught.

This is a series of podcasts that explores the many benefits of being Self-Less. In this third podcast of the series we turn our attention to self-compassion. We look at why self-compassion can be harder for people to cultivate and why it is so very helpful to do so. Many people resist this idea of self-compassion, thinking it implies self-pity, indulgence, self-centeredness, or even selfishness. But, a primary function of self-compassion is to actually reduce the worst of destructive self-criticism and self-concern. It begins by understanding that we are flawed like everyone else. We share a common humanity, and this includes a mistaken tendency to think we are somehow ‘different’ to others. We therefore compassion just like everyone else. A big part of human suffering is that a person may believe that their ‘self’, their core, is not worthy, or needs significant improvement to warrant love and esteem from others - and by implication love from oneself. So self-compassion helps reduce this obsession with self, this pervasive self-concern that can torment us for the entirety of our lives. 

This is a series of podcasts exploring the many benefits of being Self-Less.  In part one we saw that being compassionate does not fatigue us, but in fact it rejuvenates us, even when we are feeling low. In this second episode of this series, we’ll explore a number of ways we can build this capacity for compassion including practising loving-kindness meditation; taking opportunities for prosocial action, especially in every-day interactions with everyone we encounter; recalling and diarising memories of people we have compassionate feelings for; experiencing sympathetic joy - feeling pleasure at others' pleasures; and giving people the '3 Experiences' of being heard, understood and accepted. Encouragement is given that this is a gradual process of building more win-win interactions in life and gradually becoming less self-centred.

This Roundtable explores issues arising from the podcast 'Building Compassion' (this is the second of four podcasts in the 'Self-Less Series'). We summarise why people may resist being deliberately compasionate and then outline a variety of ways it can be developed. The Roundtable explores neuroplasticity - how we become what we do - and also how this leads to a distinction between personality and character and how the latter is developed by practising compassion. We then explore sympathetic joy and the Buddhist practice of 'kirtan' and how this is also experienced in the 'call and respose' experience so common at live music concerts. This reflects our deep yearning for group experiences of 'oneness' and is contrasted with the separatenes of jealousy and of fixed mindsets. Finally, we explore the importance of consciously using our ability to influence others to increase the odds of more positive and convivial relations with others. We discuss giving people the '3 Experiences' of being heard, understood and accepted and how this creates more opportunities for wise, compassionate action.