Redefining Grief with Herdyne Mercier, LCSW Herdyne Mercier, LCSW

Rho Thomas: The Power Of Self Love
Episode Introduction
When was the last time you thought to yourself that you were more important than anybody else, that it was only when you took care of yourself that you could take care of others and be fully functional? If you've been missing out on prioritizing yourself, this episode is for you.
Today, I speak with Rho Thomas, an attorney and financial coach who believes that true wealth is having control of your time. I describe Rho as a woman who is not only self-anchored but truly loves herself.
Rho talks about her naïve shift to motherhood and how she lost herself to parenting and responsibilities. By the time she had her second child, she had understood that she needed to go to therapy. One question from her therapist changed her way of thinking completely- "What do you want to be?". While she was explaining how she was failing as a mother, a wife, and a lawyer, her therapist made her realize that she couldn't be any of the above without making time for herself. Rho started to spend time in the morning by reading the Bible, praying, and just being herself, which made all the difference, especially during the pandemic.
Rho talks about her truth in life. She did not value herself the way that she valued everyone else in her life. It was when things were falling that she realized she had to put herself first.
Rho says that her therapist and her husband were the two most essential connections she had in life. She also discusses the importance of being financially independent. Rho explains that financial freedom to her is in control, staying flexible with her finances and having time in life. Towards the end, she tells how our mindset is everything. She also talks about the financial bondage we put ourselves into due to our entitlement mentality and comparing tendencies with others' lives.
Tune in to the episode to learn Rho's incredible transformative journey in life.
 
About Our Guest 
Rho Thomas is a trademark lawyer and financial coach who helps lawyers regain control of their time, build wealth, and live the lives of freedom and choice they deserve. She is also the host of the Wealthyesque podcast.
 
Episode Quotes
“Telling the truth truly liberates the soul.”- Herdyne [00:58]
 “Our mindset is everything. “- Rho [33:11]
“The story that you tell yourself is optional.” - Rho [33:47]
“Trying to like comparison just never leads to good things.” -  Rho [33:47]
“Your life is unique to you.” - Herdyne [37:50]
“Being able to have that control to take back control of your life is so important.” - Rho [39:20]
 
Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions
What have you learned about yourself? [40:24]
I've learned that I am the most important person in my life, like if I'm not okay, I can't show up for other people to make sure that they're okay. And then the second thing is, I've learned that I can do hard things, like, going through and really facing that debt.
If today was your last day on earth, and you had five words or less, what would they be? [41:17]
Don't forget to live.
During your hard times what song gets you through? [42:59]
Hezekiah walker - Grateful
 
Episode Time-Stamps
[07:58] – Herdyne describes Rho Thomas
[08:13] – Rho’s shift to motherhood 
[12:02] – Herdyne’s wifeidence 
[20:02] – Rho shares her truth
[26: 30] – Rho’s drive 
[33:11] – Our mindset is everything
[34:06] – Financial freedom
 
Reference Links
YouTube link to Rho’s favorite song: 
Hezekiah Walker – Grateful 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE0W-kQyz6A
 
Connect with Rho
Website: https://www.rhothomas.com/
LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamrhothomas/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamrhothomas/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iamrhothomas/
This episode is brought to you by our supportive, informative, and complimentary Grief Crusader Community. Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefCrusader
 
Recommended Resour

Brandi Harvey: Beyond Her
Episode Introduction
Many of us hover over unworthy relationships and habits only because saying a healthy goodbye is hard. We end up going back to places that don't serve us, being around people who don't love us, and spending money on things that deplete us. Today, we learn that there's a lot more to us than we can visualize.
In this episode, Herdyne speaks with Brandi Harvey, Founder of Beyond Her, a network for women at the start of their careers who want to feel less like imposters and more like instigators. Brandi and Herdyne speak their hearts out on topics of life, fitness, and goals. Herdyne also talks about how she was searching for wisdom three years ago and how her life changed when she ultimately found it and enabled her to air her first podcast episode; gave her purpose.
Brandi narrates her life journey to us. She recalls that her first podcast made her life upside down; she got fired, had to commit to going to therapy every year, and expanded her podcast theme to mental and physical health from physical health alone. Her journey with silent meditation taught her to be still. We learn that people find it hard to heal because they confront situations not knowing how to be still. Brandi also discloses her freedom class which mainly focuses on healing your life from the inside out and not on money and fame.
Attaining stillness isn't an easy journey. Brandi shares that she had to confront the silence band after being still, feeling irritated and angry. But she continued to practice the same because she wanted to elevate herself.
Herdyne talks about healthy goodbyes. Brandi remembers how she had to talk about the first chapter – Lose to Win, of her book in a conference and describes how we have a scarcity and poverty mentality that causes us to refrain from healthy goodbyes to things that we might not receive any more than that. Herdyne talks about her struggle with the concept of Lose to Win when she had to manage the household when her husband had to go for a Ph.D. It led her to commit to a strict diet to get fit. Here, Brandi also talks about how commitment is not a feeling but an agreement you make to become better.
Brandi's advice to anyone grieving is to ditch their story and old beliefs. She believes there's power in having somebody else hold you accountable – a physical fitness trainer takes you out of the comfort zone that restrains you from getting fit.
We are destined from the time of Adam, a gardener, to cultivate spirits just like a gardener grows plants. Towards the close of the episode, Brandi reminds us that our word is our wand and that we need to master our emotions to become mentally and physically healthy. Listen in, for there's a lot of wisdom in their words!
 
About Our Guest
Brandi Harvey is the founder of Beyond Her, an active wellness brand for women of color. She believes women should eat well, give a damn and move their bodies daily. Committed to teaching women how to care for their mind, body and spirit, Brandi is recognized as both a national and international speaker. 
 
Episode Quotes
“Life is not perfect, but the requirement of living it is.” - Herdyne [00:43]
“People can't heal because they are afraid to be still and deal with the emotion.” - Herdyne [15:49]
“Commitment is not a feeling. It's an agreement. “- Brandi [35:07]
“Every time the muscle breaks down, when you're working out it is building it back up so that you can see more growth and development in your body. It's the same thing about your own life.” - Brandi [36:46]
“When you have a desire for more, you're willing to get pushed out of your comfort zone.” - Brandi [47:13]
“Be consistent and don't allow the weeds in your life to suffocate you like they do in the garden.” - Herdyne [52:15]
 
Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions
What have you learned about yourself since redefining the grief in your life? [57:33]
I've learned that I'm worthy and that I

Jameson Mercier: Hope Is Not A Plan
Episode Introduction
According to Jameson Mercier, "Hope is not a plan". We need to understand that possessing a practical plan for our goals and then working sincerely to make it work is the starting point of liberation. In this episode, my husband Jameson Mercier sits with me and talks about honesty, sincerity, hope and plans, and how these elements are vital for keeping your relationships content and happy.
Jameson describes his thoughts on why hoping could not amount to planning. "If hope is your plan, then you have a problem." He narrates how he drew inspiration from Obama's mantra about hoping and possessing an effective plan. "And so he did not just have hope, but he also had a plan." To heal, one requires to set a goal and come up with a plan. He considers reverse engineering as the finest possible way to achieve that. "And so that way you figure out what your steps were all along the way."
Jameson's ideas on sincerity and truthfulness in a relationship are unique and unparalleled. He says that being sincere with yourself is key to achieving liberation. Jameson and Herdyne talk about the reason why some individuals prefer to remain in their comfortable world, even if it means living in despair.
Jameson and Herdyne talk about how truthfulness in communication is the most authentic form of intimacy. Jameson understands the seriousness of getting to the root of one's degree of legitimacy. If you speak the truth today only to lie tomorrow, there's nothing you can accomplish in that relationship.
Herdyne narrates an episode when she was handling some issues and did not have the strength to deal with the world. She felt hypocritical even though she was able to move on with the day. She claims she felt content and satisfied and that she decided to face the day no matter what she was dealing with.
We also discuss why acknowledging your sentiments is necessary and why society needs to stop believing that men alone have to save their significant other. Assumptions and expectations out of a relationship could be deceived and would be like setting unrealistic hopes on your significant other.
Listen to the episode today as Jameson also gives expert advice on nurturing relationships and facing challenges together!
 
About Our Guest
Dr. Jameson Mercier specializes in Marriage/ Family Therapy, parenthood and Relationship Systems Consulting. He is a professional relationship counselor who realizes that in order to make a relationship function, you have to put the effort. He believes that hopelessness is usually felt when disputing about money, infidelity, poor communication, or lack of intimacy.
 
Episode Quotes
“If hope is your plan, then you have a problem.”- Jameson[08:00]
“Because we're all blessed, and we are all highly favored. But what are you doing with that favor?”- Jameson[11:22]
“You can be happy, full of joy and heal, even while you're struggling, even in the midst of loss and difficulties.”-Jameson[19:12]
“Simply because you can't operate on emotions alone doesn't mean that you should be totally dismissive of them.” –Jameson [26:10]
“Nobody's really taught to look in the mirror. People are taught to point the finger.”-Herdyne[43:15]
 
Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions
What have you learned from the fourteen years of your life journey? [49:24]
Any two people, if they want to have a successful marriage, and they are committed to achieving that, they will have it. There's nothing that says that it is reserved for soulmates. And so after 14 years of being married, I've essentially learned that if we are going to be together, I have to get out of the fantasy so that we grow to love each other authentically, for who the person is. It's not about being my soulmate; it’s about being my teammate.
 
Episode Time-Stamps
[06:55] - Jameson explains how hope is not a plan.
[14:46] - Jameson explains why some people continue to live in despair.
[17:41

Sinika Calloway
Episode Introduction
Do you know that at times of grief, knowing that there are others who have been where you are can greatly help you heal? There is inexplicable power in human connection.  
In this episode of Redefining Grief, I speak with Sinika Calloway about her journey through grief and where it took her in life. Sinika’s life draws a parallel to my life personally and there’s a lot of good things to imbibe from this healing conversation.
Sinika narrates those incidents that led her to a phase of profound grief. She lost her mother to multiple sclerosis when she was eight years old. Two months after her death, her maternal grandfather passed away too. It was when she was getting over this compounded loss that her father passed away due to prostate cancer two years later. Though the death of her mother was anticipated, her grandfather’s was a sudden demise. And her father died in a hospice in another state. 
Losing a loved one brings in pain that’s hard to get over, and when it is sudden and unanticipated, you don’t even have a fair chance to say goodbye. As Sinika shares the painful backstory, she also throws light on something more important. She learned that there are others like her with either the same story as she does, or have experienced the loss and grief that she has in life.
Learn today some healing superpowers that Sinika shares with us. She suggests 4 keys to getting over grief, the number one factor being connection. When you're grieving, you have to connect. The next one is to educate yourself on how to cope and get through the pain. Equally important are self-care and faith. You need a source to get through.
Today, we also talk about Sinika’s professional life and why she started Grief Tees and Things. Listen in to learn the transformational journey of this incredible female entrepreneur!
 
About Our Guest 
Sinika is an author, life coach, and entrepreneur who has fought different battles to reach where she is today. Her success did not come without hard work, faith in God, a support system, and adversity. After both her parents died, she was taken in and raised by her aunt who treated her as her own child. Overcoming poverty, a single-family home, low socioeconomic status, the death of both parents at the age of 8 & 10, and low performing schools, Sinika is an example that faith in God, and determination, along with a strong support system is vital to success. Sinika hopes to be a beacon of hope for others and to inspire people to achieve success in life despite a lack of resources.
Episode Quotes
“How I beat death, is by allowing myself to be present at the moment with them. And being very aware that this can be our last time together.”- Herdyne [07:21]
“I feel like just connecting with other people, knowing that you're not alone has been the biggest lesson for me, like, having dealt with the things I've dealt with as an adult with grief.” - Sinika [09:27]
“We all grieve, but everyone's journey is different. Everyone is unique, and therefore everyone's journey is going to be different.”- Sinika [19:24]
“If you want to be at a place in your life where you can sip tea with joy, you have to be committed to doing the work that's actually actively, actively, actively healing.” - Herdyne [25:55]
“If you do not process or come to a place of completion, with the unresolved grief around moving, it would take you into your new season and flip you upside down and spit you out if you don't deal with it. “- Herdyne [29:27]
 
Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions
What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [26:33]
I am not alone. I'm not alone, that there are others who do have a story like mine. And if their story is not like mine, they also know grief, and they also know loss. 
If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [27:18]
For those who are still alive- to

Marshawn Evans Daniels
Episode Introduction
Do you want to discover the path to your life’s purpose? However hard the course may appear to you, this episode would change your belief altogether. I welcome on the show today Marshawn Evans Daniels, a reinvention strategist and life coach, mentoring women worldwide to live bolder in the areas of faith and business. As a serial entrepreneur, TV personality, creator of the Godfidence movement, and founder of SHE Profits, she helps women turn ideas into income and faith into action!
Learn how you can step into your life’s mission by believing bigger. Marshawn shares the 5 keys that can take you to achieve that. Listen in!
Marshawn shares how it all started and how she was brought to this point in life where she chose to be a coach. It was six days before her wedding that she found out her fiancé was cheating on her. More intimidating was the fact that she had just left her law firm- a successful sports agency managing NFL, NBA players, and WNBA players. It was the fastest-growing woman in sports agency in the country in less than a year. Her first client was the highest-paid defensive in the NFL. Life was all good. But she let it go. And that too, for the wedding. She compromised on her choices to go for something that gave her more happiness and fulfillment. Love, to her, was more substantial than business, and becoming a mom to three kids was something that tapped into real significance. 
After that incident, she opened Believe Bigger, with the story of how she found out on a Monday morning before her Saturday wedding while her fiancé is on the plane that he had been cheating all along. She got out of the slumber to create a promising life ahead.
Marshawn shares the 5 stages to believing bigger and living your life’s purpose. Firstly, face it to fix it. The five words that most of us are embarrassed to say out loud is “I don’t know my purpose.” So, discovery is the first step.
Secondly, know what you want to be. Discover your talent. Next up, break out of your comfort zone. God didn’t put us here for the purpose of retirement.
The fourth is knowing your gifts. Find out what you were designed to be in life. Lastly, know your influence. Your life is not your own. You have been brought to this for some reason. Uncover that.
As you listen through this episode, ask yourself what your story, purpose, and voice are? The best is within you and is waiting to manifest through you.
“Have you stopped believing?”
 
About Our Guest 
Marshawn Evans Daniels is a reinvention strategist, founder of the Godfidence movement, and is a millionaire faith and business mentor to everyday individuals looking to build an extraordinary life and business. She is also a serial entrepreneur, TV personality, and founder of SHE Profits, where she helps women turn ideas into income and faith into action. She has authored 2 books - Believe Bigger and 100 days of believing bigger. 
 
Episode Quotes
“Purpose isn't about what you do. The purpose is a byproduct of who you are, it's the function of your life, it's the essence of who you are, it's actually more personality-based than producing.” - Marshawn [11:34]
“It's important for us to understand there are certain things that we've learned that have been navigating our lives that have gotten us here, but it won't get us to where we're designed to be.” - Marshawn [15:32]
“One of the things I dare you to actually be bold enough to believe about yourself is, that you are an addict. “- Marshawn [18:26]
“Curiosity is the seed of greatness, it is the doorway into your calling, but you can't enter into your calling and have a burning bush moment if you're not curious enough, because it's curiosity that enables us to see the bush that's burning.” - Marshawn [19:46]
“Every life shift first begins with a mind shift. And the Split Rock comes in the disruption, comes in the betrayal, comes into your life to break you up with an outdat

Jazlyn Denise: The Prayer Playbook
Episode Introduction
Things that you have been destined for need not happen to you in challenging ways always. Have you known how mysteriously you could be brought to understanding your life's purpose? Listen in to this episode of Redefining Grief as I introduce to you Jazlyn Denise, a professional prayer coach, real estate expert, fundraising professional, author, and public speaker.
Jazlyn truly believes in living out her life's purpose and has chosen to do so in all areas of her life. She was born and raised in the church and has hence, over the years, seen people's lives transform through the Word of God. There has never been a time in her life where she didn't know who God was- he's always been a constant source of power and wisdom.
Her journey as an adolescent mother has the power to revolutionize society's norms of motherhood and a promising career. Jazlyn had her son when only 19. She did that because life left her with no choice other than to have the baby. But her responsibilities as a mother did not stop her from pursuing her dream career. She graduated as a single mother and did so, along with students who couldn't achieve the feat despite leading an everyday life. She says had it been not for her son, she wouldn't have lived her best life and hustled on her job and responsibilities.
She jokingly says that both herself and her son have had the degrees together because he was on her hip all the time she attended them. This had helped him value education. He knows there are no shortcuts to success and cannot make any excuses for not doing his part well.
Jazlyn shares how she found out she was destined to be a prayer coach. Helping others with the power of prayers has been something she did for the longest time. It ultimately found her life's calling. She wanted that to be in alignment with the Word of God. If your purpose is grounded in love and authority, anything else is not his voice.
Do you find yourselves wrestling in your faith? The faith anchor allows us to examine those feelings and move forward towards healing. Jazlyn Denise's principles of faith, love, inspiration, integrity, and gratitude are all that enriches the very soul of our existence. I am absolutely thrilled to share with you this episode. Join in and make the best out of these few minutes of your life!
About Our GuestJazlyn Denise is a professional prayer coach, real estate expert, fundraising professional, author, and public speaker. She truly believes in living out her purpose and has chosen to do so in all areas of her life. Through her personal experiences of adolescent pregnancy and single motherhood, Jazlyn has not only defied stereotypes she has redefined them. Jazlyn holds a BA in Sociology from CSU Dominguez Hills and an Executive MBA from Loyola Marymount University. Her extensive resume includes expertise in the fields of administration, fundraising, education as well as customer service.
Episode Quotes● “Life and death are in the power of your tongue.” - Jazlyn [10:38]● “Because if he can trust me, then some of the weight or some of the lessons that I need to have learned are going to start to manifest.”- Jazlyn [19:27]● “My community has helped me to really maneuver in this time because I don't, I don't always know.”- Jazlyn [22:41]● “Once you can identify what his voice sounds like, it becomes so much easier because he says, My sheep know My voice and a stranger they will not follow.” - Jazlyn [26:33]● “Wherever it is, create that space for God, because one, it makes when I come here, this is what I'm going to do.” - Jazlyn [30:10]
Redefining Grief Pearls of Wisdom, P.O.W., Questions● What have you learned about yourself since redefining your grief journey? [40:51]
That I have more power through God than I thought I would have
● If today was your last day on earth, and you were granted five words or less? What would it be? [41:52]
I know I did well.
● During yo