CPTSD Medicine Podcast Dr. Tanner Wallace

During the final episode of our season on partnership in CPTSD recovery, Tanner summarizes some of the biggest lessons she has learned in partnership. While some of these are universal, all are especially important in the context of complex trauma recovery and partnership. We explore how to support and build up our relationship as we do some of the tougher healing work of recovery. We unpack the valuable practice of building time to talk into your daily schedule and discuss what is often behind relationship issues that keep on arising. Next, we explore what it might look like to create a sacred union and refuse to disrespect it, touching on the reorganizing and disorienting that occurs during CPTSD recovery. Lastly, you’ll hear all about the beautiful balance of having independent pursuits and shared values in your relationship and how important it is to be able to answer the question of who you are outside of it. Thanks for joining us for this season! I will back May 3rd with the first episode of Season 12! 
Key Points From This Episode:
Welcome to the final episode on our season dedicated to partnership in CPTSD recovery. 
Honoring those who have been with us for the whole series.
Plans for Season 12 of CPTSD to be released on the third of May.
What this episode consists of: five lessons Tanner learned in partnership while healing from complex trauma.
The need to build in time to talk into your daily schedule. 
Understanding that some things that keep coming back simply do so because they are unresolved.
Creating the sacred union and refusing to disrespect your partner.
The reorganizing and disorienting that occurs during CPTSD recovery.
Living in the overlap of shared values with your partner. 
Supporting independent pursuits and appropriate levels of autonomy. 
Answering the question of who you are without your partner.
A recap of the five lessons learned. 
 
Quotes:
 
“It can be very reorganizing and disorienting to come to meet the human that emerges during CPTSD recovery.” — Tanner Wallace [18:26]
 
“What we want to do is come into this beautiful middle space where I am dependent on my partner in very healthy, intentional ways, but I’m also supported in my independent pursuits and I am granted a level of autonomy that feels right in my body.” — Tanner Wallace [21:57]
 
“Each partner should be able to answer, at any point in the relationship, who am I without you?” — Tanner Wallace [22:23]
 
“If it’s not resolved, that means it’s going to keep coming back.” — Tanner Wallace [23:28]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Book A New Client Consultation
CPTSD Medicine on Instagram
CPTSD Medicine on Facebook
CPTSD Medicine on YouTube
Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter
CPTSD Medicine Podcast
 

We can learn a lot from other people's questions, especially since they can bring up ideas we may never have thought to explore or put forward ourselves. And if you’re in any kind of group therapy setting, the response from the guide, coach, or mentor, will likely be meant for you as well, not just the person posing the question. In that spirit, we invite you to join today’s conversation as we answer a series of questions submitted by you, our listeners! Tuning in you’ll hear thoughtful and considered responses to each query. We explore prompts that will help you answer the sacred question “How to know when it’s time to say goodbye”, options for establishing a fresh start with a long-term partner who hurt you in the past, what you need to understand about the concept of integration after unburdening, and much more. We hope you’ll join us for this expansive conversation as we explore listener questions and beyond!
 
Key Points From This Episode:
 
Details on the special training program being launched in October and how to get involved.
An overview of the exciting things happening in the CPTSD universe.
Answering your listener questions on CPTSD.
Old hurts in the context of CPTSD recovery, and a long-term relationship.
How to truly start fresh, and build a safe and nourishing relationship with the same partner.
Working internally with the younger wounded parts of ourselves.
Updating those internal parts so that they can see what our current reality is.
Prompts to help you answer the sacred question “How to know it’s time to say goodbye”.
The many steps you can take before concluding that it’s time to say goodbye.
An examination of what to do if your partner has narcissistic characteristics.
Acknowledging the good within them and building bridges with their protective parts.
Explaining the concept of integration after unburdening.
Taking a moment to honor the privilege of answering your listener questions.
 
Quotes:
“There's so much to learn from other people's questions, because sometimes there's questions posed that we would have never thought to ask.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [05:48]
 
“Sometimes older versions of us from our adolescent years will confuse our partner for our parent or will confuse our partner for an ex-lover or an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. And that needs to be cleaned up because that's also a distortion.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [15:21]
 
“There's a very high bar for saying goodbye, in my personal opinion, because there's so much that can be done. To reach that point where you say with authenticity, clarity, transparency, it's time for me to say goodbye.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [25:22]
 
“A human that doesn't see other humans as human has been hurt horrifically. At some deep cellular level, they've been rejected.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [29:34]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Book A New Client Consultation 
CPTSD Medicine on Instagram
CPTSD Medicine on Facebook
CPTSD Medicine on YouTube
Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter
CPTSD Medicine Podcast
 

In this culture of never-ending healing and never-ending personal development, it’s important to remember that one can heal from CPTSD, permanently. But to do so, your relational ecosystem needs to be strong and for that, you need a base of supportive humans. Today’s show is all about navigating complex relationships with extended friends and family in your trauma ecosystem. We discuss the role and importance of good communication, how others may react to your healing journey, the responsibility of safety in adults and children, and everything you need to take into account regarding your partner and your extended trauma ecosystem. We also assess four trauma sets that may negatively impact partnerships, and we are reminded of the importance of the unburdening process and of separating oneself energetically while remaining emotionally invested.  
 
Key Points From This Episode:
 
How it’s possible to completely heal from CPTSD.
Why it’s important to know how to navigate relationships within your trauma ecosystem. 
The role of communication. 
How friends and family may react to your healing journey. 
What it looks like as you progress further in your recovery.  
Why safety is an internal experience for adults and an external demand for children. 
What you need to know regarding extended family, friends, and your partner. 
Four trauma sets that influence partnerships. 
Separating energetically but remaining close emotionally. 
 
Quotes:
 
“CPTSD, [a] complex trauma, is a specific relational injury that impacts almost every aspect of your life, internally and externally. And yet, it can be healed. It can be resolved. You can complete active recovery of CPTSD.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [01:50]
 
“The disconnections, the no contact, the estrangements; all of those, as I understand it now, are human attempts to demand external safety when in truth, safety is an internal experience.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [06:00]
 
“Continue to unburden your own system and radiate compassion, forgiveness, and love, and keep showing up in those frequencies and see what happens over time.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [11:43]
 
“Just repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. It’s the same basic things again and again and again that create a successful CPTSD recovery journey.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [34:56]
 
Longer Quotes:
 
“You can’t really have a real, authentic, intimate relationship with somebody [who’s] running [on] survival instinct. You can appreciate them, you can hold space for them, you can be around them, you can laugh with them, you can even have fun with them, but that deep, reciprocal, authentic, genuine intimacy is not possible.” — Dr. Tanner Wallace [09:54]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
 
SUBMIT A QUESTION
CPTSD Medicine on Instagram
CPTSD Medicine on Facebook
CPTSD Medicine on YouTube
Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter
CPTSD Medicine Podcast
 

This episode of the CPTSD Medicine Podcast dives into a complicated, yet necessary topic: sex. Context and history are important here because sex, sexuality, sexual satisfaction, sexual connection, and intimacy during CPTSD recovery can be so wildly nuanced. Join Tanner as she delves into why sex should be something you and your partner talk about (often) and invites you to become truly curious. She unpacks several instances that indicate a conversation is necessary, highlights a critical foundational principle to fuel mutual sexual satisfaction, and shares several pieces of homework for you and your partner to consider, work through, and implement as you continue on your journey toward improved sexual connection in your relationship. Tanner brings it all together by emphasizing the importance of radical responsibility and offers some practical tips to get you started on this beautiful and profound journey!
Key Points From This Episode:
Reasons that sex should not be taken off the table as a topic of conversation.
Why sex (and all it encompasses) is a basic, core, human need.
An invitation to be curious with your partner about sex.
Different indications that conversations about sex need to be had.
A disclaimer to pause the podcast to go and have a conversation.
Power meets power; a critical foundational principle to fuel mutual sexual satisfaction.
Talking to your children about sexual satisfaction and pleasure (solo and in partnership).
The importance of exploring your own pleasure.
What it really means to know your partner’s true sexual preferences.
Reaching mutual fantasy space alignment. 
Things we cannot ask to override or deny in the sexual satisfaction space. 
Bringing it all together: taking radical responsibility for what is yours.
How to get to a place where taking radical responsibility is possible. 
Insights you can use to start this journey for you and your partner. 
Quotes:
“Sex, sexuality, sexual satisfaction, sexual connection, and intimacy are so wildly nuanced.” — Tanner Wallace [0:02:39]
“Our sexuality, sexual connection, [and] sexual expression in the context of a long-term partnership is non-negotiable. Sexual satisfaction, sexual expression, sexual fulfillment is a basic core human need.” — Tanner Wallace [0:06:45]
“Anything but neutral curiosity is an indication that there’s some work to be done here.” — Tanner Wallace [0:09:05]
“Waiting until you are healed to deal with your sexuality [and] sexual issues is avoiding a beautiful, sacred, profound training ground that is only possible in a partnership. There is no other space where this particular thing can be held.” — Tanner Wallace [0:30:44]
Longer Quotes:
“Our sexuality is not just practical. It’s not just transactional. It’s truly about life force activation. It’s about primal, deep, body energy. It’s about creativity, it’s about expression, it’s about release, it’s about satisfaction. It’s about flow states and transcending our human experience. It is truly about — [unlocking] experiences beyond what our human brain can comprehend.” — Tanner Wallace [0:15:17]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
SUBMIT A QUESTION
CPTSD Medicine on Instagram
CPTSD Medicine on Facebook
CPTSD Medicine on YouTube
Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter
CPTSD Medicine Podcast
 

Money can be a very difficult topic of discussion and often causes conflict in all kinds of relationships; especially when you, your partner, or both of you are healing from CPTSD. Today on the CPTSD Medicine Podcast we are continuing our conversations about CPTSD recovery in relationships, and delving into money specifically. Tune in to hear about what you’ve missed this season, what you can expect from the rest of the season, things to look forward to, and how to stay up to date with this organization. We discuss some of the natural trauma responses to money, before stressing why you have to honor the existence of those trauma responses. Finally, we’ll share four practical strategies you can use alongside the understanding of your trauma responses to money to help heal CPTSD in partnerships. This is an incredibly important episode that you don’t want to miss out on!
 
Key Points From This Episode:
 
How you can get involved in and stay up to date with this organization. 
What you can expect from the rest of season 11 of the CPTSD Medicine Podcast. 
Why working out problems is a power struggle in relationships where CPTSD is present.
Today’s topic of discussion: money. 
Some of the common trauma responses related to money. 
The importance of honoring the presence of these money-related trauma responses. 
Practical strategies to use in collaboration with understanding trauma responses to money.
One: understanding your individual values in-depth. 
Two: cleaning up all things money. 
Three: dream with your partner. 
Four: practice greater gratitude towards what you already have. 
 
Quotes:
 
“Everything you need to heal is already inside of you, you just need some facilitation, structure, understanding, and practice to know how to access it consistently.” — Tanner Wallace [01:13]
 
“Money is associated with a particular survival mode [for people with CPTSD].” — Tanner Wallace [21:01]
 
“[Use] these money conversations as the healing, not [standing] in the way of the healing.” — Tanner Wallace [29:57]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
 
Monarch Money
SUBMIT A QUESTION
CPTSD Medicine on Instagram
CPTSD Medicine on Facebook
CPTSD Medicine on YouTube
Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter
CPTSD Medicine Podcast
 

For adult humans living with the painful effects of their own upbringing, becoming a parent can introduce a variety of new cognitive, emotional, and practical challenges. In today’s episode, we touch on the areas of your relationship with your children and partner that can be very triggering during CPTSD recovery. Even if you don’t have children, this episode will help you guide and support family members, friends, loved ones, and other CycleBreakers in their parenting journey. It will also help you unearth places in your lived experience of complex trauma where you might want to do some grief work or help you work through the difficult question, “Why didn’t I have children?” Tuning in, you’ll learn about the five often-unconscious activations that children can bring up in our lives when we have unresolved trauma, practical and energetic ways to work through them with your partner, and how to show up from a place of Self Energy with curiosity, courage, creativity, compassion, and calmness.
 
Key Points From This Episode:
 
Important context for this podcast, the work this community does, and how to learn more.
How this episode can be productive for your CPTSD recovery, even if you don’t have kids.
Different configurations within the framework of parenting.
Things that can prevent us from parenting from a grounded place of pure personal power.
Why breaking the cycle of trauma is one of the main goals in our parenting relationships.
The deep importance of doing this work for your children (and for yourself).
Insight into the Motherless Mother frequency that this work requires.
Five activations children can bring up in our lives when we have unresolved trauma.
Examples of how these activations might play out in your environment.
The role of consciousness in helping us lead from a place of Self Energy.
Practical and energetic considerations for cycle-breaking parenting.
How to become a bridge to Healing Power while also healing yourself in the process.
 
Quotes:
 
“When activated, we start to drop into Primitive Survival Instinct, Hurt Parts, Wounded Younger Parts, Aggressive Protective Parts, Collapsed Protective Parts. – We’re no longer leading [or] parenting our child from a grounded, anchored place of pure personal power.” — Tanner Wallace [16:19]
 
“What am I doing for my kids to break the cycle [of trauma] so that their children are trauma-free?” — Tanner Wallace [19:21]
 
“There’s a lot of work planning [and practical considerations] that must go into cycle-breaking parenting.” — Tanner Wallace [31:43]
 
“When in distress, lean in to connect.” — Tanner Wallace [36:17]
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
 
'A Season for Partners of Humans Recovering from CPTSD'
SUBMIT A QUESTION
CPTSD Medicine on Instagram
CPTSD Medicine on Facebook
CPTSD Medicine on YouTube
Opt-In to 'The Calling' Monthly Newsletter
CPTSD Medicine Podcast