SOBER SEX Sober Sex

Sam Bailey is a sober person who is committed to improving the quality of life and wellbeing of all Trans, Non-Binary and Intersex people.  They work as Care Navigator at the Clare Project, a charity in Sussex, UK, dedicated to affirming and supporting TNBI people .  Sam is also an auricular acupuncturist focusing on serving people in recovery.  I am thrilled to welcome Sam to Sober Sex.  

Tom Krasny is a queer, trans, neuro-divergent Glasgow based artist and organizer who is passionate about non oppressive ways of relating.

Tom’s work sits on the seam between art and activism, and centers consent as a valuable orientation to collectively learn and practice new skills and tools that allow us to explore relationship to self, others and the world around us with humility and curiosity. 



TW: This episode briefly mentions physical self harm (referring to The Banshees of Inisherin) and uses the word 'rape', so if you aren't comfortable with these topics, perhaps it would be wise choose a different episode to listen to .



"Post conversation clarification:

Between minutes 31:42-41:55, Louisa and Tom discuss how to navigate contrasting feelings and perceptions between different sides in a relationship.



Tom wants to make it clear that the way in which we discuss differences in perception, is relevant in relationships that are based on trust and a mutual commitment to continous growth and care for all parties.



It does not apply to:



-abusive situations (where one person manipulates and opresses another)



-situations where there is an extreme cultural or institutional bias that negates minority perceptions, due to sexism, racism, pathologisation, ableism, and a lack of awareness to trauma informed care. This bias can lead to silencing and invalidation of  minority experiences and perspectives.



In the above cases, external and skilled support is recommended and weight should be given to how power structures inform and uphold boundary violations of marginalized individuals.

Street Fever is a versatile, mixed-media performance-artist residing in Boise, Idaho.  

Rooted in an ongoing spiritual awakening, Street Fever has been on a wildly cinematic path to better understand themselves as an artist, spiritual seeker, and human being. After losing all their possessions, being institutionalized multiple times and nearly losing their life in a South East Asian prison, this project has since been reborn and aims to use it as a platform to speak on their own recovery and addiction. Now more than ever they are empowered to share their story in hopes to connect with others who are seeking personal and spiritual growth.  



You can find them at: https://www.instagram.com/streetfever

Laura is a Toronto native who has been based in Amsterdam for 5 years. She started cuddling professionally with a small client base during COVID and launched her business Lekker Cuddles officially in March 2021.

Laura’s aim with Lekker Cuddles is to normalize platonic intimacy and prove to people that physical and emotional vulnerability does not have to be reserved for a romantic partner. As one of the first cuddle therapists in NL, it was a long (and sometimes annoying) road of familiarizing the public with the concept.  After three years, the mainstream in NL are becoming more accepting of the concept and Lekker Cuddles is remains an industry leader in the push to normalize a more vulnerable and intimate culture!

Aarij Abbas (he/they) is a queer, South Asian-American sexual health educator based on the stolen land of the Ojibwe, Odawa and Potowatomi tribes, colonized as Chicago, IL. Aarij creates spaces of trust and community for people to freely explore concepts of sexuality, gender and relationships. Their work is informed by the idea that: A) humans are, by nature, sexual beings, B) Most humans are developmentally repressed when it comes to navigating sexuality and C) bridging this knowledge gap is key to fighting systems of oppression and creating communities of love and care. His approach is one of acceptance and compassion, meeting people wherever they are on their journey to sexual liberation.

You can find out more about Aarij and what they offer at https://www.aarijabbas.com/

Last Episode of 2023!

Marcus Barnes is a man of many talents: an author, journalist, copy writer, mentor and coach dedicated to being a progressive force in the world of writing, especially surrounding music, culture and mental health.  It’s a joy to talk to Marcus today on Sober Sex.  

You can find out more about Marcus on his socials @mgoldenbarnes