222 episodes

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

    • Video Games

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 2 - Bao-Dur's Gait

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 2 - Bao-Dur's Gait

    We get a bunch of annoying cold calls from corporate folks and faith healers, Jim once again fails to get dark or light side points, we got a lot of phone calls, teach a droid to lie, Revanites versus Revanchists, and Matt starts his feud with Skimbleshanks!

    This Week: We fly out of Telos back in the ol' Ebon Hawk!
    Next Week: We leave Nar Shaddaa for Goto's Sexy Pleasure Yacht

    • 2 hr 8 min
    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 1 - With Apologies to Dominic Monaghan

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 1 - With Apologies to Dominic Monaghan

    This episode requires an extended list of apologies: apologies to Beaumont Kin fans, Dominic Monaghan, fans of Outer Wilds, Baby Yoda, Obsidian, BioWare, Bacta afficianados, Timothy Omundson and so many more.

    This Week: We fly out of Peragus II in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords!
    Next Week: We fly out of Telos back in the ol' Ebon Hawk!

    • 2 hr 17 min
    Yakuza Part 5 - What's the Omi Alliance Again?

    Yakuza Part 5 - What's the Omi Alliance Again?

    On this action-packed Yakuza finale we: celebrate Matthew's return from dangerous lands unknown; enjoy Square Roots's first Triple Jump In Front Of Bullets; question whether or not Johnny has actually seen the new Star Wars; see how many people can die in front of Haruka; organize our mobs politely and SO MUCH MORE!

    This Week: We finish Yakuza!
    Next Week: We fly out of Peragus II in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords!

    • 1 hr 39 min
    Best of the Decade Listener Lists

    Best of the Decade Listener Lists

    We're taking the week off, but figured we'd check out your favorite games of the decade and comment and critique! If you want to hear our personal lists, check out https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast and pledge $3 or more for all our bonus episodes!

    • 59 min
    Yakuza Part 4 - Here's the Church

    Yakuza Part 4 - Here's the Church

    We debate what is the scheme, who is being rescued, and what exactly is the Shape of Love in this explosive episode. First of all, Vanessa's audio track eats itself for half the show so she disappears for a while. Meanwhile, we ask WHAT ABOUT WILLY BEAMISH?! Also: Haruka gets kidnapped again, the game turns into Virtua Cop, Kiryu heroically uses a human shield, and we get flashbacks to stabbings and torture. Plus Vanessa and Johnny learn about Jim's playground games.

    • 1 hr 35 min
    Yakuza Part 3 - I Saw Mommy Cucking Santa Claus

    Yakuza Part 3 - I Saw Mommy Cucking Santa Claus

    CW: Child abuse, transphobia

    With Matthew still on dangerous assignment, Jim, Vanessa and Johnny get through some family-oriented business in this chunker of Sega's Yakuza (and Yakuza Kiwami)! On this episode we delve into whether or not Santa was supposed to be the dad in I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, Vanessa fails to explain cup-sizes in the legendary Yakuza SubStory The Price of an F-Cup, we go gambling with a literal child, Vanessa questions the veracity of a first-time sworker, and so much more!

    • 1 hr 46 min

Customer Reviews

RustCohle1986 ,

Squarely for this podcast.

Vanessa is bae.

Cake_ninja ,

This podcast is fun

If you like RPGs, or even if you don’t (probably) this podcast is super fun. The hosts are great the story recaps are fun and the music they find for the games is always good. So you should give it a listen. Because not listening is like receiving a old yellering in the wasteland.

Aceeven ,

Wonderful RPG podcast

I love RPGs and hearing people talk about them that are passionate and entertaining. If that’s your jam, then listen to this podcast. I’m a patron and it’s worth every dollar. Well done.

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