The Open Bedroom Podcast Jennifer Kaylo

Shana James is a coach, author, and podcaster who has been working with men for the past 20 years. 

Shana shares her experiences and insights on creating safe spaces for men to have vulnerable conversations, feel their feelings, and work through their problems. 

She discusses her shift in perspective on men and emphasizes the importance of looking “underneath the surface” and assuming the best in men. 

Want more from your man? Shana also provides practical advice on how women can create safe spaces for men to open up and explores the importance of open communication in relationships

The underbelly of men [00:00:52]

Shana shares her experiences of working with men and seeing their vulnerability and desire for connection.

Seeing men differently [00:01:58]

Shana discusses why she sees men differently and how her perspective allows her to have positive experiences with men.

Experiencing vulnerability in men [00:04:47]

Shana talks about an exercise where men express their emotions and she witnesses their deep longing for love and connection.

The importance of holding space for men [00:09:00]

Women often aren't taught how to hold space for men, and men are taught not to express. Creating safe spaces for vulnerable conversations.

Building safety and intimacy in relationships [00:10:59]

When women feel empowered and don't need a man to be a certain way for them to feel good about themselves, relationships become stronger and more loving.

Advice on holding space for men [00:12:09]

A practice for women to hold space for their partners by asking open-ended questions and creating a safe environment for vulnerability and emotional expression.

The importance of vulnerable conversations [00:19:06]

Discussion on the significance of having open and honest conversations about desires and fears in a relationship.

Creating a safe space for communication [00:20:00]

Exploration of the need for non-judgmental and compassionate communication to foster a safe environment for sharing.

Venting and making requests [00:21:22]

Advice on the importance of conscious venting and transitioning into making requests to empower oneself and improve the relationship dynamic.

The importance of conscious connection in relationships [00:29:30]

Discussion on how most people struggle with vulnerability and checking in with their partner's needs.

The power of presence in a relationship [00:30:14]

Sharing a personal experience of feeling more connected and present with a partner during a dinner date.

Encouraging appreciation and support in relationships [00:31:27]

Exploring how expressing gratitude and appreciation can encourage more positive behavior in a partner.

Follow Shana James:

https://shanajamescoaching.com/about-shana-james/

https://www.instagram.com/shanajames/ 

https://linktr.ee/shanajamescoaching

Follow Jen:

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Show sponsor: The Open Bedroom Patreon: 7 Day Free Trial!

https://www.patreon.com/JenniferKayloRuscinPodcast


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I'm thrilled to share with you the 100th episode of our podcast!

It's been an incredible journey, and I couldn't have done it without your support. To celebrate this milestone, I invited back two of our favorite guests & my friends, Tony and Cristina, for a deep dive into their lives beyond the usual topics.



Here's a sneak peek into what we discussed:



Previous Tony & Cristina Episodes of The Open Bedroom:

⁠Episode 42: Open Relationships 101:⁠ Discussion about the basics of open relationships and terminology.

⁠Episode 48: Open Relationships Part Two:⁠ Exploration of how to ask for an open relationship and the next steps if the partner says yes or no.

⁠Episode 56: Sexcapades:⁠ Sharing of favorite sex stories, including both enjoyable and awkward experiences in the lifestyle.

Growing the non-monogamous tribe [00:12:57] Discussion on the challenges of finding like-minded people in a small town and the potential for building a community through education and events.

Building a community through vacations [00:13:31] Exploring the idea of planning vacations to connect with other non-monogamous individuals and couples in different locations.

Exploring tantra, plant medicine, and holding space for couples [00:15:19] Tony and Christina discuss their journey of exploring tantra, sacred sexuality, plant medicine, and holding therapeutic space for couples using MDMA in Mexico.

The challenges of open relationships in Mexico [00:25:00] Discussion on the barriers and challenges faced by adults in open relationships and the importance of reintroducing play and fun into relationships.

Creating a ceremonial space for MDMA therapy [00:25:50] Explanation of the process of creating a ceremonial setting for MDMA therapy, including sage, incense, and setting intentions.

Moving to a new country and culture [00:36:09] Tony discusses how moving out of his hometown was a catalyst for stepping into his power and shedding old versions of himself.

Feeling at home in Mexico [00:41:06] Christina talks about how going back to Mexico allowed her to connect with her roots and feel a sense of ease and belonging.

Building a home in Toto Santos [00:42:28] Tony and Christina share their plans to buy land and build a forever home in Toto Santos, while also traveling and growing their businesses and community.

Finding mentors and asking questions [00:46:30] Discussion on finding mentors and seeking advice from people who are already doing what you want to do in life.

Stepping into purpose and power [00:48:27] Exploring the broader aspects of life beyond open relationships, including being a nomad, moving to Mexico, and discovering personal purpose and power.

Sharing more of our story [00:49:19] The importance of sharing more about themselves beyond being open relationship coaches and their plans to build a sex-positive and BDSM community.



This episode is a celebration of not just the podcast, but also the journey of personal growth, exploration, and embracing one's true self. I hope you find it as enlightening and inspiring as I did.



Thank you for being a part of this journey. Here's to the next 100 episodes.



How did you like this episode? Leave me a voice message I can share on our next one!:

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Netflix Show: How to Change Your Mind



Emily (Abbott) Maden Instagram Page (Cris's Feminine Embodiment Mentor):

https://www.instagram.com/maidenmedicine/



MAPS Institute. Non-Profit Organization that has clinically studied MDMA for decades:

https://maps.org/about-maps/



Tony Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/menscoach_ra/



Cris Instagram: 

https://www.instagram.com/nomads.adventure/



Follow Jen:

https://linktr.ee/jenniferkayloruscin



Show sponsor: The Open Bedroom Patreon: 7 Day Free Trial!

https://www.patreon.com/JenniferKayloRuscinPodcast


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Today we have Cashelle Kali, a guest who is in an open relationship and known for breaking rules in various aspects of her life. 

She discusses the outdated thinking around dating and relationships, and Cashelle shares her perspective on the subject. 

She talks about her unconventional lifestyle, her belief in individual sovereignty, and her experiences with dating multiple people.

We also touch on topics such as sleeping in separate bedrooms, the healing benefits of cuddle tribes, and navigating relationships as a mother.

Cashelle emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication in all types of relationships. 

The episode concludes with Cashelle offering advice on communicating needs and desires without blame, and Jen expressing gratitude for her insights and growth.



Reference to Jojo’s Episode #80

https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/ddN6UbGgyCb



Cashelle’s Skincare Line:

https://www.smokeylotus.com/



Follow Cashelle:

https://www.instagram.com/smokeylotus/



Key Timestamps:

The energy of breaking the rules [00:03:02]

Cashelle discusses the idea of breaking societal rules and imposing rules on her own sovereignty in dating and relationships.

Letting go of labels and expectations [00:04:11]

Cashelle talks about the importance of letting go of the need for labels and expectations in relationships and embracing growth and learning.

Intimacy without sex and redefining relationships [00:09:31]

Cashelle explains her relationship with her female partner, which is intimate and seen as a partnership, but without a sexual component. She also discusses the difference between best friends and intimate partners.

The trend of sleeping in different rooms [00:12:07]

Discussion about the trend of younger couples choosing to sleep in separate bedrooms and questioning the happiness and desire to be with their partner.

Meeting touch needs without sex [00:13:13]

Exploration of how the guest discovered a new type of relationship where her touch needs were met without the expectation of sex, leading to increased creativity and income.

Openness about dating and relationships with children [00:14:44]

Conversation about Cashelle approach to discussing dating, multiple partners, and honesty with her teenage daughter, as well as conditioning her to make her own rules in relationships.

The importance of deep connective communication [00:24:03]

Jen discusses the importance of deep connective communication and the need to find friends who can fulfill that role.

Joining a cuddle puddle club without discussing with partners [00:24:42]

Cashelle mentions joining a cuddle puddle club without discussing it with their partners, which may lead to broken agreements.

How to communicate needs and seek help from others [00:26:10]

Cashelle provides a simple statement to communicate unmet communication needs and asks for help from others in meeting those needs.


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This week on the podcast I have SEXperts Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown as we discuss the fascinating concept of vulva mapping and the importance of understanding and embracing one's own body for pleasurable experiences.



Leah’s specialty is in Tantra Yoga, Positive Psychology, and a myriad of somatic therapies.



Dr. Willow specializes in Taoist sexology, acupuncture, and functional medicine.



Understanding Vulva Mapping

A practice that involves understanding the different parts and erogenous zones of the vulva, such as the clitoris and vestibular bulbs. Many people are unaware of these structures, and we encourage listeners to explore and appreciate their own bodies.

Leah and Dr. Willow stressed the importance of feeling secure and connected with one's body and sexuality. They acknowledged that societal pressures and insecurities can hinder this process, but also highlighted the healing potential of embracing and witnessing one's own beauty.

Practical Advice for Vulva Mapping

Setting up a sacred space with candles and music, using a mirror to observe changes in color and shape, and using lubrication for enhanced pleasure are all components of Vulva Mapping. 

We delve into the anatomy of the vulva, discussing the various parts and emphasizing that there is more to it than what people traditionally thought. Leah and Dr. Willow explain that vulva owners have as much erectile tissue as men, and encouraged vulva owners to imagine the same level of arousal and pleasure. They highlighted the importance of allowing blood to flow and noticing changes in color and swelling.

Appreciating the Natural Beauty of the Vulva

Leah suggested taking a private picture of the vulva to appreciate its natural beauty and uniqueness. She addresses the asymmetry of the labia and compares them to the asymmetry of breasts, emphasizing that it is normal and should not be judged.

Vulva Mapping Introduction [00:00:44] *
Leah and Willow discuss the importance of understanding the vulva and its anatomy for pleasurable experiences.

Exploring the Vulva [00:02:11] *
Leah explains that the vulva has erectile tissues and discusses the importance of pleasuring the outer surface layer.

Creating a Sacred Space [00:06:54] *
Willow suggests setting up a sacred space with candles and music, using a mirror to witness the changes in the vulva during arousal.

Vulva Anatomy and Arousal [00:10:16]
Explanation of the erectile tissue in the vulva, the importance of blood flow, and the range of swelling and color changes.

Embracing Asymmetry and Body Judgments [00:12:11]
Discussion on the natural asymmetry of vulvas and the need to stop judging and comparing one's own body.

Exploring the Clitoris and Sensitivity [00:19:08]
Explanation of the clitoral hood, the potential issue of lichen sclerosis, and the invitation to explore sensitivity and access points on the clitoris.

Vulva Mapping and Arousal Expansion [00:21:06]
Leah and Willow discuss the importance of understanding one's own vulva and how to explore and expand arousal through vulva mapping.

Yoni Witnessing and Sacred Space [00:22:53]
They explain the concept of yoni witnessing, which involves creating a sacred space to explore and appreciate the beauty and changes of the vulva.

Rewiring Neural Pathways and Mind-Body Connection [00:27:20]
Leah and Willow talk about rewiring neural pathways to enhance arousal and pleasure, and the importance of the mind-body connection in experiencing heightened sensations.



Leave me a voice message that I can share on future episodes:

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This podcast is sponsored by my Patreon:

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7 day FREE Trial now available!



Shop sex toys ⁠HERE⁠!

$10 OFF ADULT TOYS & LUBE: Use JENK at Checkout.



Follow Jen:

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Follow Leah Piper:

https://linktr.ee/moreloveworks 



Follow Dr. Willow Brown:

https:/

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Danielle from Openly Committed, a TikTok star with over 133K followers and over 2 million likes, where she shares her experiences and insights about non-monogamous relationships.



As a wife and mother, Danielle is just like any other person you might meet. However, her journey from a small town in Texas to England, where she currently resides, and her 13-year-long non-monogamous relationship with her British husband and unique storytelling ability make Danielle fascinating to follow.



The Journey to Non-Monogamy

Danielle and her husband decided to explore non-monogamy early in their dating phase. They began creating content about a year and a half ago to provide examples of healthy non-monogamous relationships, as they found limited resources when they started their journey. Danielle's husband initially appeared in their content but later decided to step back due to the negative comments they received. Despite this, Danielle continues to create content and engage with people who ask genuine questions about non-monogamy.



The Growing Interest in Open Relationships

We attributed the growing interest in open relationships to two main factors. Firstly, the increasing conversations around gender fluidity and the exploration of sexuality, particularly among younger generations like Gen Z. Secondly, the idea of a global consciousness that is becoming more accepting and open-minded. We compared the perception of open relationships to the legalization of gay marriage, which was once viewed as bizarre but is now widely accepted.

Danielle's Personal Journey with Non-Monogamy

Danielle shared her personal journey with non-monogamy, explaining how it evolved over time. After becoming parents, she and her husband realized they had been monogamous for about a year and decided to explore polyamory. Danielle described her experience with polyamory, stating that she’d had multiple boyfriends whom she cared about deeply. Currently, she and her husband are more open to meeting new people and having casual connections.

Dealing with Jealousy

When asked about jealousy, Danielle acknowledged that she experiences it, but believes that the positive emotions and experiences that come with non-monogamy outweigh the negative ones. She emphasized that insecurities and jealousy are personal issues that individuals need to address themselves. Communication with her partner is crucial in navigating jealousy, as they can provide support and understanding.

The Impact of Hate Comments

Danielle also discussed her experience with hate comments and the polarizing nature of viral content. She reflected on her first viral video, acknowledging that it may have come across as fake and insecure. She receives hate comments suggesting that a woman cannot possibly want to share her husband or be in an open relationship for herself. Danielle attributes the polarizing nature of her content to the extreme opposing views on monogamy and non-monogamy.



A Couples Guide to Opening Up

To help couples navigate non-monogamy, Danielle has created a course called "A Couples Guide to Opening Up". The course combines advice from over 20 successful open couples with her own recommendations and stories, providing a one-hour guide for couples looking to navigate non-monogamy.



Leave me a voice message that I can share on future episodes:

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This podcast is sponsored by my Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/JenniferKayloRuscinPodcast

Shop sex toys ⁠HERE⁠!

$10 OFF ADULT TOYS & LUBE: Use JENK at Checkout.

Follow Jen:

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Follow Danielle:

https://www.tiktok.com/@openlycommitted

https://www.opencommitment.com/

https://www.youtube.com/@openlycommitted


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I'm thrilled to introduce you to a dear friend and colleague, Dora Bradford. Dora is a women's healthcare provider and an intimacy coach who has been working as a nurse practitioner for almost three decades. We're going to delve into the topic of monogamy and passion in relationships, a subject that is close to my heart.
The Journey to Intimacy Coaching
Dora and I met during our training as sex and love coaches and quickly formed a strong bond. Dora, a divorced woman with two adult children, was inspired to transition into intimacy coaching after witnessing the struggles of women who were hesitant to discuss their intimacy issues with their partners.
Monogamy and Passion: Can They Coexist?
As someone who has been in two monogamous marriages that lacked passion, I've often wondered if marriage and passion are synonymous. Can they coexist? Dora believes they can. She shares her perspective on creating a sensual and intimate experience with a partner, emphasizing the importance of touch. Not necessarily sexual, but caressing and being slow and methodical in exploring each other's bodies.
Creating a Sensual Experience
Dora mentions a book that suggests using eyelashes to caress a partner's body, creating a fine and sensual touch. I can relate to this, as my therapist once suggested various ways to make love throughout the day, such as doing household chores, picking kids up from school, grabbing the groceries, or giving a massage.
Dora suggests feeding your partner delicious snacks and creating a sensory experience with mood lighting, music, and scents. We both agree that planning and prioritizing intimate moments is crucial to avoid falling into a rut in a relationship.
Finding Time for Intimacy
We also discuss creative ideas for finding time for intimacy in busy schedules. Suggestions include scheduling intimate time, getting a babysitter or asking family members for help with childcare, booking a hotel room, or taking advantage of opportunities when the kids are at school.
The Frequency of Sex in Relationships
The frequency of sex in relationships can vary greatly from person to person. Some women go months without sex, while others have sex multiple times a day.
Communication and Compromise
Dora emphasizes the importance of communication and finding a compromise that satisfies both partners' needs. Even if gourmet sex isn't possible multiple times a week, couples can still engage in spontaneous and unplanned intimate moments.
Reigniting a Sex Life
Finally, we discuss how to reignite a sex life when a couple has fallen into the rut of living like roommates. Dora suggests hugging, holding each other, and engaging in eye gazing to gradually reconnect and create a sense of safety.
I hope you found this conversation as enlightening as I did. Remember, it's crucial to make time for intimacy and prioritize it despite the demands of daily life. 
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, write a review, and share the podcast with your friends. 
Your support through my Patreon account helps keep this podcast going. 
Connect with Dora:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachdorabradford/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dora.bradford
Group Coaching Program:
Website: https://www.dorahelpmyintimacy.com/
Connect with Jen:
https://linktr.ee/jenniferkayloruscin
Leave me a voice message that I can share on future episodes:
⁠https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/theopenbedroompodcast/message⁠
This podcast is sponsored by my Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/JenniferKayloRuscinPodcast
Shop sex toys ⁠HERE⁠!
$10 OFF ADULT TOYS & LUBE: Use JENK at Checkout.
Follow Jen:
https://linktr.ee/jenniferkayloruscin

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