130 episodes

Divorce Dialogues brings experts together to talk about what works (and what doesn't) to reach a better life on the other side of divorce.

Divorce Dialogues Katherine Miller

    • Kids & Family

Divorce Dialogues brings experts together to talk about what works (and what doesn't) to reach a better life on the other side of divorce.

    Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce with Risa Garon

    Helping Children Build Resilience Through Divorce with Risa Garon

    Though most divorcing couples intend to put the best interests of their children first, their own emotions get in the way. So, how can divorced parents learn to prioritize their children’s needs and create a trusting and constructive coparenting relationship? How can they help their kids build resilience in the aftermath of divorce?

    Risa Garon is the Cofounder and Executive Director of the National Family Resiliency Center (NFRC), an organization that provides counseling and educational programs to help children and adults cope, heal and navigate through divorce and other family transitions. Risa is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Family Life Educator with nearly 30 years of experience helping separating and divorced couples develop parenting plans that focus on the developmental needs of the children involved.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Risa joins Katherine to explain why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first. She walks us through the four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model, discussing how she considers what both parents want—but prioritizes the child’s needs. Listen in for insight on dealing with high-conflict parents and get Risa’s advice on minimizing stress over the holidays after a divorce.

    Topics Covered

    Why it’s challenging for divorcing parents to put the best interests of their children first
    The four components of NFRC’s child-focused decision-making model
    Risa’s insight on how to deal with parents in a high-conflict divorce
    How Risa considers what both parents want but prioritizes their children’s needs
    Training mental health professionals, judicial officers, attorneys and mediators to mitigate conflict
    Risa’s advice for minimizing stress over the holidays post-divorce
    Successful examples of incorporating old holiday traditions with new ones after a divorce
    Why Risa encourages divorced parents to chip in on one gift rather than buying presents separately
    What grieving parents can do on holidays they spend without their kids

    Connect with Risa Garon

    National Family Resiliency Center: https://www.nfrchelp.org/
    Call (410) 740-9553

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    Books by Risa Garon: https://www.amazon.com/Books-Risa-J-Garon/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ARisa+J.+Garon

    • 25 min
    Reduce the Stress of Divorce with Mindfulness with Dr. Crystal Moore

    Reduce the Stress of Divorce with Mindfulness with Dr. Crystal Moore

    Divorce is stressful. But there are things we can do to mitigate that stress and avoid the conflict that comes when our emotions get the best of us. In fact, implementing just one or two simple mindfulness techniques can go a long way in helping us get out of our heads and re-center—without having to master Lotus Pose.

    Dr. Crystal Dea Moore is a Professor of Social Work at Skidmore College and the coauthor of The Divorce Recovery Workbook: How to Heal from Anger, Hurt and Resentment and Build the Life You Want. Dr. Moore also has specialized training in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), serving as both a practitioner and qualified teacher in the practice of using mindfulness strategies to deal with stress, anxiety, pain and other negative emotions.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Moore joins Katherine to define mindfulness and share the techniques we can use in our daily lives to reduce stress. She introduces us to the concept of ambiguous loss, challenging us to lean into our grief and leverage both/and thinking to navigate the trauma of divorce. Listen in for Dr. Moore’s insight on redefining your sense of identity after a divorce and learn how to gradually let go of resentment for your own sake—even if what your ex has done seems unforgivable.

    Topics Covered

    How mindfulness is defined as moment-to-moment awareness of the present
    Developing an awareness of the backstories we create that add to our stress
    How to introduce mindfulness into your daily life (without taking up Buddhism)
    How her own experience with divorce and an ability to be with loss led Dr. Moore to this work
    Allowing ourselves to lean into grief vs. burying the grief reaction
    The concept of ambiguous loss and what we can do to deal with it
    Leveraging both/and thinking to navigate the trauma of ambiguous loss
    Redefining our own sense of identity and reformulating who we are in relation to others after divorce
    How Dr. Moore thinks about forgiveness as a gradual letting go of negative thoughts and feelings toward someone who wronged you
    Dr. Moore’s advice on letting go of resentment in the aftermath of divorce

    Connect with Dr. Crystal Moore

    Dr. Crystal Online: https://www.drcrystalonline.com/

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    The Divorce Recovery Workbook: How to Heal from Anger, Hurt and Resentment and Build the Life You Want by Mark S. Rye, PhD, and Crystal Dea Moore, PhD: https://www.drcrystalonline.com/

    Dr. Pauline Boss on Ambiguous Loss: https://www.ambiguousloss.com/

    • 25 min
    Optimize Your Social Security Benefits After Divorce with James McGlynn

    Optimize Your Social Security Benefits After Divorce with James McGlynn

    It’s hard enough to understand what Social Security benefits you may be entitled to as a married person, but once you’re divorced… Well, it’s complicated. Can you claim spousal benefits on an ex-spouse? What happens if your ex remarries? Or passes away?

    James McGlynn is the CEO at Next Quarter Century, a retirement planning firm out of Fort Worth, Texas. He spent 35 years serving clients as a mutual fund manager before transitioning to retirement planning and developing an expertise in maximizing Social Security benefits. James is both a Chartered Financial Analyst and Retirement Income Certified Professional, and he earned his Bachelor’s in Accounting and Finance at the University of Texas at Austin.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, James joins Katherine to offer an overview of the Social Security program, explaining how the spousal benefit is calculated and how long a married couple has to wait before they can claim it. He describes when a divorced person can collect spousal and survivor benefits (even if their ex remarries) and how to inform the Social Security Administration that you want to claim on an ex-spouse. Listen in for James’ insight on maximizing your Social Security benefits and learn what factors to consider in deciding whether to file as soon as you can—or wait until you turn 70.

    Topics Covered

    An overview of the Social Security program and when Americans qualify to receive benefits
    How the spousal benefit works and how the amount is calculated
    The factors to consider in deciding when to claim your Social Security benefits
    How long a married couple has to wait before claiming the spousal benefit
    How an ex-spouse can claim spousal benefits if they were married for at least 10 years
    What happens if a person has two former spouses and they were married to each for 10+ years
    Informing the Social Security Administration that you want to claim a spousal benefit on an ex
    How Social Security survivor benefits differ between a divorced spouse and a widower
    What happens when your ex-spouse has remarried and you both claim survivor benefits
    How your spousal benefit changes when your ex-spouse passes away
    Why you may want to wait to remarry until after the age of 60
    When and how to switch from collecting on your own benefits to collecting on an ex-spouse

    Connect with James McGlynn

    Next Quarter Century: https://www.nextquartercentury.com/post/divorce-and-social-security
    Email james@nextquartercentury.com
    Call (817) 602-8859

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    James’ Blog on Who Should File for Social Security Early: https://www.nextquartercentury.com/post/who-should-file-for-social-security-early-age-62
    James’ Blog on Social Security and Divorce: https://www.nextquartercentury.com/post/divorce-and-social-security
    Call the Social Security Administration at 1-800-SSA-1213

    • 24 min
    Navigating Financial Infidelity & Gray Divorce with Lisa Decker

    Navigating Financial Infidelity & Gray Divorce with Lisa Decker

    While the overall divorce rate in the US has declined, gray divorce is on the rise. In fact, among adults over 50, the divorce rate has doubled in the last 30 years! Why are older Americans divorcing at such a dramatic rate? And what does it mean for their finances?

    Lisa Decker is a nationally recognized expert in the financial matters of divorce. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Real Estate Collaboration Specialist in Divorce, she offers flat-fee divorce financial planning services to clients across the country via coaching, consulting and full analysis options. Lisa is also the creator of several innovative online resources, including Divorce Money Matters and Divorce Town USA, and she has been featured in Money Magazine, The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times, among many other national media publications.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lisa joins Katherine to explain why the divorce rate is highest among couples over the age of 50 and discuss the consequences of gray divorce. She explores why the financial impact can be greater for older divorcing couples, introducing us to the idea of financial infidelity and sharing real-life examples from her practice. Listen in for Lisa’s insight on the costliest mistakes divorcing couples make (and how to avoid them!) and learn to be a proactive partner when it comes to matters of your health and wealth.

    Topics Covered

    Why the divorce rate is highest among couples over the age of 50
    The harmful health and financial consequences of gray divorce
    What kind of behavior rises to the level of financial infidelity
    The level of secrecy that distinguishes financial infidelity from other tensions around money in a relationship
    Why the financial impact is often greater in the case of gray divorce
    Why second and third marriages are more likely to end in divorce
    Lisa’s insight around costly divorce mistakes (and how to avoid them)
    Lisa’s challenge to be a proactive partner in all matters of your health and wealth
    Why you should start gathering your financial documents before you file for divorce
    Building a team that includes an attorney, divorce financial planner and therapist or coach

    Connect with Lisa Decker

    Divorce Money Matters: https://www.divorcemoneymatters.com/
    Divorce Town USA: https://www.divorcetownusa.com/

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources
    Bowling Green State University’s Research on Gray Divorce: https://www.divorcetownusa.com/
    National Center for Family and Marriage Research: https://aspe.hhs.gov/national-center-family-and-marriage-research-current-opportunities
    Amicable Divorce Network: https://www.divorcetownusa.com/service-providers/amicable-divorce-network

    • 24 min
    To Heal from Divorce, Move Through Your Grief with Whitney Boole

    To Heal from Divorce, Move Through Your Grief with Whitney Boole

    EP: 134

    Whitney Boole
    To Heal from Divorce, Move Through Your Grief

    Do you feel stuck in the pain of divorce? Are you having a hard time moving on? Like any other loss, divorce triggers the grief process. And you have to move through the stages of grief if you want to heal.

    Whitney Boole is the licensed marriage and family therapist behind Beach Cities Psychotherapy, a private practice based in Hermosa Beach, California, where she specializes in trauma, codependency, relationship issues, parenting and grief and loss. Whitney is also the author of You Got This: Healing Through Divorce and the creator of Heal Through Divorce, a platform designed to empower people through the divorce process and offer them the therapeutic tools for healing. 

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogue, Whitney joins Katherine to share her own experience of loneliness in divorce, describing the journey of self-discovery that helped her move through the pain and take advantage of the opportunity for transformation. She explains why it’s crucial to lean into self-care during the divorce process and introduces us to breathing techniques for harnessing our fear in challenging circumstances. Listen in for Whitney’s insight on renegotiating relationships with friends and family when a marriage ends and learn how to navigate the stages of grief and heal through divorce.

    Topics Covered

    How Whitney’s experience of loneliness in divorce inspired You Got This

    Whitney’s insight on renegotiating friendships in the aftermath of divorce

    The grief involved when our relationships with our former in-laws change

    The danger in dating before you’ve moved through the pain and grief of divorce

    Who would benefit most from reading You Got This

    Whitney’s advice on leaning into self-care as you begin the divorce process

    Whitney’s guidance around choosing a divorce lawyer carefully

    Using breathing techniques to harness your fear and be less reactive

    The opportunity for healing, transformation and growth that comes from divorce

    Understanding that your ex’s infidelity is not a reflection on your worth

    Connect with Whitney Boole

    Heal Through Divorce

    Whitney’s Website

    You Got This Facebook Group


    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    You Got This: Healing Through Divorce by Whitney Boole: https://www.amazon.com/You-Got-This-Healing-Through/dp/1733849009
    Whitney’s Blog Post: Learn from My $500 Meltdown So You Don’t Have One Too: http://www.whitneyboole.com/new-blog/2020/7/10/divorce-learn-from-my-500-meltdown-so-you-dont-have-one-too
    Whitney’s Conquering Divorce Grief Video Series: https://programs.whitneyboole.com/grief/
    Whitney’s Blog Post: The Secrets Wounds of Infidelity—It’s Not Because You Weren’t Enough: http://www.whitneyboole.com/new-blog/2019/2/14/it-was-not-because-you-werent-enough-the-secret-wounds-of-infidelity
    Whitney’s Mastering ‘The Talk’ Program: https://programs.whitneyboole.com/mastering-the-talk/
    Whitney’s Healing Through Divorce Transformational Coaching Experience: https://programs.whitneyboole.com/thrive/

    • 24 min
    Divorcing an Abusive Spouse with Lisa Angel

    Divorcing an Abusive Spouse with Lisa Angel

    For victims of domestic violence, the actual separation from an abusive spouse is a dangerous time. What resources are available to help survivors plan a safe exit? What can we do to protect ourselves and our kids from further harm? And what legal protections exist to support those of us who are divorcing an abusive spouse?

    Board Certified Family Law Specialist Lisa Angel is the President of Rosen Law Firm, a divorce law practice out of Raleigh, North Carolina. She has served as Chair of North Carolina’s Domestic Violence Commission and been named to Triangle’s list of Top 25 Women in Business. Lisa regularly helps domestic violence victims escape their abusers, and she is also the author of Smart Divorce: The End of a Marriage Isn’t the End of the World and 365 Divorce Meditations: Daily Lessons for the First Year of Your New Life.

    On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Lisa joins Katherine to define domestic violence, discussing the distinctions among physical, emotional and financial abuse. She explains why many men don’t identify abusive behavior as domestic violence and where victims of either gender can go for support in planning a safe way to exit. Listen in for Lisa’s advice for domestic violence survivors around issues of child custody and learn about the legal protections available to victims of abuse who file for divorce.

    Topics Covered

    The distinctions among physical, emotional and financial abuse
    Trusting the victim when they know it’s time to leave their abusive spouse
    Why men don’t report or even identify abusive behavior as domestic violence
    What Lisa does to help judges see patterns of abuse when her client is a man
    Lisa’s take on characterizing her clients as survivors vs. victims
    Where to go for support in planning the safest way to exit an abusive relationship
    Lisa’s advice for domestic violence survivors around child custody
    Lisa’s concerns re: how the pandemic is affecting domestic violence
    The legal protections available to victims of domestic violence filing for divorce

    Connect with Lisa Angel
    Rosen Law Firm: https://www.rosen.com/

    Connect with Katherine Miller

    The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/
    Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/
    Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1
    The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246
    Email: katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com
    Call (914) 738-7765

    Resources

    Smart Divorce: The End of a Marriage Isn’t the End of the World by Lee Rosen and Lisa Angel: https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Divorce-Marriage-Isnt-World-ebook/dp/B00KX7P5XM/

    365 Divorce Meditations: Daily Lessons for the First Year of Your New Life by Lee Rosen and Lisa Angel: https://www.amazon.com/365-Divorce-Meditations-Daily-Lessons/dp/143925625X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394647621&sr=8-1&keywords=Lisa+Angel+divorce

    • 24 min

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