The Zachary Stockill Podcast

Zachary Stockill
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The Zachary Stockill Podcast

Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, author, YouTuber, and podcaster. His work has been featured by BBC News, BBC Radio 4, HuffPost, The Art of Charm, and many other popular podcasts and publications. Zachary has been acknowledged as a leading authority on dealing with jealousy in relationships. In 2013, he published the guidebook Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace, and founded RetroactiveJealousy.com, the most visited site on the internet concerning retroactive jealousy. He is also the creator and host of "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" and "The Overcoming Jealousy Blueprint," online video courses in personal development available via RetroactiveJealousy.com. He is also the creator and host of Humans in Love: A Podcast for Curious People, available worldwide via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. Follow Zachary on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @zfstockill. To learn more about Zachary's online courses, books, and one-on-one coaching, please visit RetroactiveJealousy.com.

  1. 3 DAYS AGO

    Dead Bedrooms And Retroactive Jealousy: Here's My Take

    In today’s video, I’m going to talk about dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy. Read or watch below to discover how dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy can impact relationships and discover tips to overcome these challenges. Zachary Stockill: Here’s a comment I regularly receive from viewers of my channel and readers of my blog: “Zach, I’m struggling with retroactive jealousy because my partner had a lot of sexual experiences in their past, and now I’m finding it hard to deal with because we don’t have much of a sex life today…” “What is the connection between dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy?” In today’s video, I’ll try to answer that question. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or learn more about my work, please visit this link. For those of you who are here for the first time, retroactive jealousy refers to having intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history. You might experience all of these symptoms or just one. Generally speaking, we still refer to this as retroactive jealousy. Many people struggling with retroactive jealousy are fixated on the fact that their partner had an active sex life in the past, while things are less exciting now—they’re experiencing a less frequent sex life. The first thing I would say is that, of course, I understand. I can completely understand being in a relationship and feeling hurt, wounded, jealous, or even angry that your partner may have had a very active sex life when they were single or in a past relationship… and now, it feels like their attraction and desire are lacking. Although I haven’t experienced this personally, I can put myself in someone else’s shoes and see how it would be frustrating and hurtful. The main thing I would say is to remember that life is made up of different seasons. I don’t say this to suggest that you should simply accept that this is a season in your partner’s life where you won’t have any sex. I’m not necessarily saying you should do that. But as we all know, desire can rise and fall over time, especially as we move into our later adult years with more and more stress. There are kids, mortgages, and bills that need to be paid. Sometimes, there are physical issues as well. So keep in mind that you might be taking your partner’s lack of desire personally, and maybe, to some extent, it is about you—which we’ll discuss in a moment—but it’s likely not entirely about you. Don’t make it all about yourself, because it almost certainly isn’t. That being said, it can be helpful to reflect on what you’re contributing to create an environment that might boost y...

    9 min

  2. JAN 28

    AVOID This Retroactive Jealousy Blunder

    In today’s video, I discuss how to avoid a common retroactive jealousy blunder. Read or watch below to learn more about how to avoid this common retroactive jealousy blunder . Zachary Stockill: If you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy, it’s likely you’re making some important mistakes. In today’s free video, I’ll share four tips to help you avoid one of the biggest pitfalls of retroactive jealousy. I’m Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of people around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’re interested in working with me or want more information about what I do, please visit this link. For those who are new here, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often involving obsessive curiosity and what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history. One of the most common mistakes many people with retroactive jealousy make is asking countless questions about their partner’s past. This often includes seeking reassurance and wanting to confirm that they’re the best person their partner has ever been with. It can also involve asking for very detailed, sometimes even sexual, information about their partner’s past or specific people they were involved with. This goes far beyond the typical ‘getting to know you’ questions couples usually ask when they first meet, like ‘What was your ex like? What kind of relationships have you been in..?” This often involves digging into the finer details of their partner’s past relationships or sexual history. As I often say on this channel, in my products, and during my coaching calls, asking for more and more details about your partner’s past is not the way to overcome retroactive jealousy. I always say to ask your deal-breaker questions. For example, one might be, ‘Have you ever had kids?’ If that’s a deal breaker for you, you’re entitled to that information because it’s important, and you’re prepared to walk away depending on the answer. That’s a deal-breaker issue, so it’s okay to ask about that. But if you’re trying to overcome retroactive jealousy by asking for every little detail about your partner’s past, that is not the solution. In fact, it will likely make things worse by adding fuel to the fire. You’re giving your subconscious more details to create mental movies, and each question and answer leads to even more questions, creating a never-ending cycle. When you get an answer that makes you feel good, that feeling might last for an hour, a couple of hours, a day, or maybe even a week. But sooner or later, more questions will come up. More thoughts will enter your mind,

    10 min

  3. JAN 21

    My Strangest Retroactive Jealousy Advice Is...

    In today’s video, I’m going to share my strangest retroactive jealousy advice. Read or watch below to learn more about my strangest retroactive jealousy advice… Zachary Stockill: One of the reasons I’ve been working on the topic of retroactive jealousy for over a decade is that the subject never ceases to surprise me. The people I meet through my work also offer new and unexpected insights. My work gives me the chance to learn so much about people, psychology, and human nature. On that note, today, I want to discuss a common mistake people make with retroactive jealousy, which may surprise you. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to learn more about my work or work with me one-on-one, please visit this link. If you’re new to the term, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often driven by obsessive curiosity. I also refer to these as “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships or their sexual and dating history. In many cases, retroactive jealousy can develop into a true obsession. For those dealing with it, their partner’s past can dominate their thoughts, turning into a real fixation. And when I say obsession, I mean it. I can speak from personal experience on this issue. Many years ago, in my early 20s, and even to some extent in my late teens, I struggled with retroactive jealousy in my own life. For me, it truly became an obsession. For several years, my partner’s past was the first thing I thought about when I woke up. It was also the last thing on my mind before I went to sleep. Many nights, I had trouble sleeping because I was dealing with retroactive jealousy. I also found myself asking my partner endless questions, trying to gather every detail about her past. I would search for her exes on social media and spend hours googling, doing what I thought was research, and trying to find more information. My partner’s past consumed me, and unfortunately, retroactive jealousy works the same way for many others who struggle with it. Maybe “most” is an overstatement, but let’s just say that for many retroactive jealousy sufferers, their partner’s past becomes a real obsession. What really surprised me when I started this work was how quickly it gained interest. Just to give you some background, back in 2013, over a decade ago, I published my first book, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy.I launched my blog, retroactivejealousy.com, and started a YouTube channel shortly after. I was an early adopter of YouTube, and I’ve been working on this topic for a long time. Over the years,

    8 min

  4. JAN 14

    How to STOP One Vicious Cycle Of Retroactive Jealousy

    In today’s video, I’m going to talk about one vicious cycle of retroactive jealousy and how it can impact relationships. Read or watch below to learn more about the vicious cycle of retroactive jealousy. Zachary Stockill: One common mistake many people with retroactive jealousy make is asking their partner a lot of questions about their past relationships and experiences. As a regular viewer, you’re likely aware that I believe asking your partner about their past is a mistake. In this video, I’ll share three helpful tips on breaking this habit. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from all over the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like more information about my work or want to work with me one-on-one, please visit this link. For those here for the first time, the term ‘retroactive jealousy‘ refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or dating/sexual history. I am a former sufferer of retroactive jealousy. I’ve been free of it for a very long time now. However, when I was struggling with this bizarre issue, I made one of the worst mistakes you can make for many reasons: I asked my then-girlfriend a million questions about her past. I am still ashamed to admit that today. When I think about how I used to act, the questions I would ask, and the way I behaved, I am not proud of it. Needless to say, it did not help the relationship; it made things much worse. It caused my then-partner a lot of pain and did not solve my retroactive jealousy. I can promise you that. Over the years, I’ve received thousands of emails from retroactive jealousy sufferers around the world. And when I say thousands, I mean thousands. Not one person has ever told me, ‘You know what, Zach, I sat my partner down and asked her four million questions about her past, and that solved my issue.’ That has not happened even once in my entire decade-plus of doing this work. So, all this is to say, if you want to ask your partner eight million questions about their past to solve this problem, stop. It’s not going to work. The solution is far deeper than that. But of course, if you’re asking your partner eight million questions about their past, or even just a lot of questions, you might wonder, how do I stop? I remember it very well because this can be a difficult habit to break. Sometimes, you get an answer that makes you feel good or boosts your ego, and you think, ‘Oh, well, that solved the problem.’ Or maybe you ask them about something relatively important to you, like, ‘Did you do X?’ or ‘Did you do this?’ or whatever. They give you the answer you think you want,

    11 min

  5. JAN 7

    Retroactive Jealousy With An Oversharing Partner: My Thoughts

    In today’s video, I discuss how to handle retroactive jealousy with an oversharing partner. Read or watch below to learn strategies for dealing with retroactive jealousy with an oversharing partner.  Zachary Stockill: As you know, if you’ve been watching my channel for a while, many retroactive jealousy sufferers ask their partners many, many, many questions about their partner’s past. But this is by no means all retroactive jealousy sufferers. In fact, many, many other retroactive jealousy sufferers don’t want to know anything about their partner’s past. Sometimes, it seems like their partner can’t stop talking about their past. In today’s video, I’ll share some strategies for dealing with retroactive jealousy and what we might call oversharing partners. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I have helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like more information about my work or want to work with me one-on-one, please click here. For those here for the first time, the term ‘retroactive jealousy’ refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I like to call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history. Retroactive jealousy can involve some or all of those symptoms. However, many sufferers don’t have any curiosity about their partner’s past; they don’t want to know about it, talk about it, or hear more details. They don’t want to know about their partner’s past, but thoughts of it still torment them. To make matters worse, their partner is an oversharer who doesn’t filter what they say about themselves or their past. So, how do you deal with retroactive jealousy if you have a partner who talks too much or overshares? First, it’s basic advice, but often overlooked: never neglect the fine art of changing the subject. If your partner or anyone else brings up a topic you’d rather not discuss, steer the conversation differently. Get creative with changing the subject. There are subtle and tactful ways to do this without making it obvious that you don’t want to discuss a certain topic. Simply try changing the subject. You can do this in several ways. One effective strategy is to ask them a question about something else. Everyone loves talking about themselves, so asking good questions can easily shift the conversation. For example, if your partner starts talking about her past, you might say, ‘Oh, that’s interesting. Are there any good movies on this week? I saw a commercial for a movie I really want to see.’ Sometimes, depending on the follow-up question, it might be a bit obvious that you’d rather not discuss her past. This isn’t always a bad thing. If this pattern repeats,

    8 min

  6. 12/17/2024

    Breaking Up Because Of Your Partner's Past? Consider THIS

    In today’s video, I discuss breaking up because of your partner’s past Read or watch below if you’re considering breaking up because of your partner’s past. Zachary Stockill: If you are struggling with intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past or have questions about their values based on past decisions, it’s likely you’ve wondered if it’s time to break up. In today’s video, I’m going to share four thoughts or questions for anyone considering breaking up with their partner because of retroactive jealousy. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or want more information about my work, please visit this link. For those here for the first time, the term ‘retroactive jealousy’ refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and sometimes what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history. Some viewers seem to think that I believe retroactive jealousy is always 100% irrational, meaning that the past is nothing that the sufferer should actually be concerned about. But, as I often say on this channel and elsewhere, that’s not true. Sometimes, retroactive jealousy can be considered rational. In other words, if you can’t stop thinking about your partner’s past, it might indicate that something deeply troubling is going on. There could be serious issues with your partner’s character, significant incompatibilities in the relationship, or a lack of shared values. These are all distinct possibilities. This isn’t always the case, and it doesn’t describe the majority of situations I encounter in one-on-one coaching. However, sometimes retroactive jealousy is rational, and breaking up might be the right thing to do. But, as you might have guessed, it isn’t always the best choice for someone suffering from retroactive jealousy. If you are struggling with retroactive jealousy and considering breaking up with your partner because of it or because of events in their past, here are four questions I would pose to you. My first suggestion is to try something I call ‘best friend exercise.’ What is the best friend exercise? First, think about your best friend. Hopefully, most people watching this have a best friend who comes to mind immediately. If you don’t have a best friend, think of someone you are very close to, someone who shares many of your values and interests. Now, with that person in mind, imagine that they are going through the exact same experience you are facing.

    12 min

  7. 12/10/2024

    "Should I Know My Girlfriend's Number?" My Thoughts

    In today’s article, I respond to a reader question: “Should I know my girlfriend’s ‘number’?” “Should I know my girlfriend’s number?” This is a common concern for many men in relationships, and it’s important to approach it thoughtfully. Zachary Stockill: In today’s video, we are delving into a very spicy topic and entering controversial waters. I want to address a common question: “Should I know my girlfriend’s number?” My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I have helped thousands of men and women worldwide overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like more information about my work, please visit this link. For those here for the first time, ‘retroactive jealousy’ refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I like to call “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships. Many retroactive jealousy sufferers, particularly men, often want to know their girlfriend’s or wife’s ‘number’ of past sexual partners. Having done this work for a long time and conducted thousands of coaching calls, I am frequently asked this question directly. “Zach, should I know my girlfriend’s number? How important is this really?” Opinions on this topic and responses to this question vary widely. Like many other topics, the extremes on both sides are generally wrong. On one extreme, some guys believe you should know every single intricate detail about your girlfriend’s or wife’s past. On the opposite extreme are those who say you shouldn’t know anything about your girlfriend’s or wife’s past. I believe both extremes are wrong. As I often do on this channel, I aim to present a more nuanced view. If you’re asking me whether or not you should know your girlfriend’s or wife’s number, there’s a good chance the answer is yes. However, I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. For some people, it might not be important or an issue at all. But if it’s a deep, burning desire for you, and you have a specific number in mind where, if your girlfriend’s or wife’s number is higher, you would consider leaving them, then perhaps you should know. If it’s a genuine, pressing question for you, and you need to know the answer, then yes, maybe you should find out your girlfriend’s or wife’s number. But here’s the problem with that. Let’s say the number in your head is five, and you feel like you can’t be with a woman who has been with more than five other guys in the past. Here’s the problem. Okay, let’s say your girlfriend’s number is six. Is there a significant difference between six and five? I would argue probably not. Is there a significant difference between four and five? Again, probably not. Now, is there a significant difference between fifty and...

    8 min

  8. 12/03/2024

    Is The 'Red Pill' Making Men Bitter? Listen To THIS

    In today’s video, I speak about the ‘Red Pill’ making men bitter,’ and how it is affecting their relationships and outlook on dating. Read or watch below to learn more about the Red Pill making men bitter. Zachary Stockill: These days, many videos on YouTube and social media describe the pitfalls of modern women. In today’s video, I want to address the men who watch these videos and offer a different perspective on this trend, cautioning them against internalizing some of these beliefs. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you would like more information about my work or are interested in working with me one-on-one, please visit this link. Suppose you are a man between the ages of 20 and 40 and are somewhat active on YouTube or social media. In that case, you have probably seen videos featuring men criticizing modern women or addressing issues like a woman’s sense of entitlement or delusional OnlyFans girls. There’s one podcast, I think it’s called ‘Whatever Podcast,’ which is very popular. Another one is ‘Fresh and Fit,’ based in Miami, Florida. First off, I understand the appeal of these videos. There is a certain satisfaction when you see someone being called out on their delusions. For example, let’s be honest: an OnlyFans girl, a woman posting pictures of herself on OnlyFans, who believes she deserves the moon and the stars, and thinks no “real man” would be bothered by her posting such pictures, right? I understand the appeal of these videos, and I admit they can be somewhat entertaining. I see why they are so popular. However, I believe these videos might do a disservice to modern men if they become their primary exposure to the opposite sex. This is why I wanted to address this issue today. First, let’s clear the air a bit. Modern men are not interacting with real women as much as previous generations did. Today’s generation is extremely online and often paranoid about approaching the opposite sex, trying to start a conversation, or attempting to pick someone up for fear of being labeled as creepy or even as a predator. It’s a very challenging time for the sexes to interact. Many modern men, frankly, are scared of women. I can understand that perspective because modern men are bombarded with conflicting ideas about women, sexuality, and what is appropriate. It’s a very confusing time for young men trying to navigate modern romance and dating. All of this is to say that these videos do not represent modern women as a whole. They might reflect a subset of women, let’s call them ‘OnlyFans women’ for lack of a better term. These videos are not representative of all women. If you’re forming your opinions about women and what they really want based on...

    8 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4.5
out of 5
13 Ratings

About

Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, author, YouTuber, and podcaster. His work has been featured by BBC News, BBC Radio 4, HuffPost, The Art of Charm, and many other popular podcasts and publications. Zachary has been acknowledged as a leading authority on dealing with jealousy in relationships. In 2013, he published the guidebook Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace, and founded RetroactiveJealousy.com, the most visited site on the internet concerning retroactive jealousy. He is also the creator and host of "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" and "The Overcoming Jealousy Blueprint," online video courses in personal development available via RetroactiveJealousy.com. He is also the creator and host of Humans in Love: A Podcast for Curious People, available worldwide via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. Follow Zachary on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @zfstockill. To learn more about Zachary's online courses, books, and one-on-one coaching, please visit RetroactiveJealousy.com.

Information

  • Creator
    Zachary Stockill
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2025
  • Episodes
    300
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2013-2021 Humans in Love OÜ, RetroactiveJealousy.com. All Rights Reserved.
  • Show Website
    The Zachary Stockill Podcast

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