The Zachary Stockill Podcast

Zachary Stockill
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The Zachary Stockill Podcast

Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, author, YouTuber, and podcaster. His work has been featured by BBC News, BBC Radio 4, HuffPost, The Art of Charm, and many other popular podcasts and publications. Zachary has been acknowledged as a leading authority on dealing with jealousy in relationships. In 2013, he published the guidebook Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace, and founded RetroactiveJealousy.com, the most visited site on the internet concerning retroactive jealousy. He is also the creator and host of "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" and "The Overcoming Jealousy Blueprint," online video courses in personal development available via RetroactiveJealousy.com. He is also the creator and host of Humans in Love: A Podcast for Curious People, available worldwide via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. Follow Zachary on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @zfstockill. To learn more about Zachary's online courses, books, and one-on-one coaching, please visit RetroactiveJealousy.com.

  1. Breaking Up Because Of Your Partner's Past? Consider THIS

    1 DAY AGO

    Breaking Up Because Of Your Partner's Past? Consider THIS

    In today’s video, I discuss breaking up because of your partner’s past Read or watch below if you’re considering breaking up because of your partner’s past. Zachary Stockill: If you are struggling with intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past or have questions about their values based on past decisions, it’s likely you’ve wondered if it’s time to break up. In today’s video, I’m going to share four thoughts or questions for anyone considering breaking up with their partner because of retroactive jealousy. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or want more information about my work, please visit this link. For those here for the first time, the term ‘retroactive jealousy’ refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and sometimes what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history. Some viewers seem to think that I believe retroactive jealousy is always 100% irrational, meaning that the past is nothing that the sufferer should actually be concerned about. But, as I often say on this channel and elsewhere, that’s not true. Sometimes, retroactive jealousy can be considered rational. In other words, if you can’t stop thinking about your partner’s past, it might indicate that something deeply troubling is going on. There could be serious issues with your partner’s character, significant incompatibilities in the relationship, or a lack of shared values. These are all distinct possibilities. This isn’t always the case, and it doesn’t describe the majority of situations I encounter in one-on-one coaching. However, sometimes retroactive jealousy is rational, and breaking up might be the right thing to do. But, as you might have guessed, it isn’t always the best choice for someone suffering from retroactive jealousy. If you are struggling with retroactive jealousy and considering breaking up with your partner because of it or because of events in their past, here are four questions I would pose to you. My first suggestion is to try something I call ‘best friend exercise.’ What is the best friend exercise? First, think about your best friend. Hopefully, most people watching this have a best friend who comes to mind immediately. If you don’t have a best friend, think of someone you are very close to, someone who shares many of your values and interests. Now, with that person in mind, imagine that they are going through the exact same experience you are facing.

    12 min
  2. "Should I Know My Girlfriend's Number?" My Thoughts

    DEC 10

    "Should I Know My Girlfriend's Number?" My Thoughts

    In today’s article, I respond to a reader question: “Should I know my girlfriend’s ‘number’?” “Should I know my girlfriend’s number?” This is a common concern for many men in relationships, and it’s important to approach it thoughtfully. Zachary Stockill: In today’s video, we are delving into a very spicy topic and entering controversial waters. I want to address a common question: “Should I know my girlfriend’s number?” My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I have helped thousands of men and women worldwide overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like more information about my work, please visit this link. For those here for the first time, ‘retroactive jealousy’ refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I like to call “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships. Many retroactive jealousy sufferers, particularly men, often want to know their girlfriend’s or wife’s ‘number’ of past sexual partners. Having done this work for a long time and conducted thousands of coaching calls, I am frequently asked this question directly. “Zach, should I know my girlfriend’s number? How important is this really?” Opinions on this topic and responses to this question vary widely. Like many other topics, the extremes on both sides are generally wrong. On one extreme, some guys believe you should know every single intricate detail about your girlfriend’s or wife’s past. On the opposite extreme are those who say you shouldn’t know anything about your girlfriend’s or wife’s past. I believe both extremes are wrong. As I often do on this channel, I aim to present a more nuanced view. If you’re asking me whether or not you should know your girlfriend’s or wife’s number, there’s a good chance the answer is yes. However, I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. For some people, it might not be important or an issue at all. But if it’s a deep, burning desire for you, and you have a specific number in mind where, if your girlfriend’s or wife’s number is higher, you would consider leaving them, then perhaps you should know. If it’s a genuine, pressing question for you, and you need to know the answer, then yes, maybe you should find out your girlfriend’s or wife’s number. But here’s the problem with that. Let’s say the number in your head is five, and you feel like you can’t be with a woman who has been with more than five other guys in the past. Here’s the problem. Okay, let’s say your girlfriend’s number is six. Is there a significant difference between six and five? I would argue probably not. Is there a significant difference between four and five? Again, probably not. Now, is there a significant difference between fifty and...

    8 min
  3. Is The 'Red Pill' Making Men Bitter? Listen To THIS

    DEC 3

    Is The 'Red Pill' Making Men Bitter? Listen To THIS

    In today’s video, I speak about the ‘Red Pill’ making men bitter,’ and how it is affecting their relationships and outlook on dating. Read or watch below to learn more about the Red Pill making men bitter. Zachary Stockill: These days, many videos on YouTube and social media describe the pitfalls of modern women. In today’s video, I want to address the men who watch these videos and offer a different perspective on this trend, cautioning them against internalizing some of these beliefs. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you would like more information about my work or are interested in working with me one-on-one, please visit this link. Suppose you are a man between the ages of 20 and 40 and are somewhat active on YouTube or social media. In that case, you have probably seen videos featuring men criticizing modern women or addressing issues like a woman’s sense of entitlement or delusional OnlyFans girls. There’s one podcast, I think it’s called ‘Whatever Podcast,’ which is very popular. Another one is ‘Fresh and Fit,’ based in Miami, Florida. First off, I understand the appeal of these videos. There is a certain satisfaction when you see someone being called out on their delusions. For example, let’s be honest: an OnlyFans girl, a woman posting pictures of herself on OnlyFans, who believes she deserves the moon and the stars, and thinks no “real man” would be bothered by her posting such pictures, right? I understand the appeal of these videos, and I admit they can be somewhat entertaining. I see why they are so popular. However, I believe these videos might do a disservice to modern men if they become their primary exposure to the opposite sex. This is why I wanted to address this issue today. First, let’s clear the air a bit. Modern men are not interacting with real women as much as previous generations did. Today’s generation is extremely online and often paranoid about approaching the opposite sex, trying to start a conversation, or attempting to pick someone up for fear of being labeled as creepy or even as a predator. It’s a very challenging time for the sexes to interact. Many modern men, frankly, are scared of women. I can understand that perspective because modern men are bombarded with conflicting ideas about women, sexuality, and what is appropriate. It’s a very confusing time for young men trying to navigate modern romance and dating. All of this is to say that these videos do not represent modern women as a whole. They might reflect a subset of women, let’s call them ‘OnlyFans women’ for lack of a better term. These videos are not representative of all women. If you’re forming your opinions about women and what they really want based on...

    8 min
  4. ESSENTIAL Advice for Beating Retroactive Jealousy: Listen to This

    NOV 26

    ESSENTIAL Advice for Beating Retroactive Jealousy: Listen to This

    In today’s video, I discuss essential advice for beating retroactive jealousy. Read or watch below to learn more about some essential advice for beating retroactive jealousy.  Zachary Stockill: Occasionally, I find it helpful to remind my audience of the basics regarding how to overcome retroactive jealousy, or at least how to begin the process. This advice is useful whether you’ve been struggling with retroactive jealousy for a short time or many years, even decades. I want to share some essential advice for retroactive jealousy sufferers in today’s video. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world beat retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or for more information about my work, please visit this link. For those here for the first time, briefly, the term ‘retroactive jealousy‘ refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history. Many people get caught up in the word ‘jealousy.’ They think, ‘Well, I don’t feel jealous in the way that I understand jealousy.’ But what we’re really discussing here are unwanted intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past. The first and perhaps most important, piece of advice I can offer any retroactive jealousy sufferer is this: Changing your emotional response to intrusive thoughts will eventually lead to a decrease in their frequency. Many retroactive jealousy sufferers reach out to me, asking how to stop thinking about their partner’s past. They want to block the thoughts out of their heads and ‘karate chop’ them as soon as they arise. I understand this desire well, as I am a former retroactive jealousy sufferer myself. Many years ago, I struggled with these thoughts, but I have been free from retroactive jealousy for a long time now. I remember how painful and frustrating it was to constantly think about my partner’s past and want to do anything—short of having a lobotomy—to stop these thoughts. However, framing the problem as ‘I want to stop thinking about this’ can often make it worse. It’s like if I told you right now, as you’re watching this video, ‘Don’t think about a pink elephant.’ Whatever you do, don’t think about a pink elephant. What happens? You probably think about a pink elephant, and then you might get frustrated with yourself for doing so because you were trying not to. This frustration only intensifies your emotional response to the intrusive thought. So, what’s a better way to approach intrusive thoughts? In my view, the best approach is to accept that you can’t always control the thoughts that pop into your head, but you can change how you respond to them emotionally. Simply put,

    9 min
  5. Vetting For A Long-Term Relationship? DON'T Do This

    NOV 19

    Vetting For A Long-Term Relationship? DON'T Do This

    In today’s video, I want to discuss one of the main mistakes guys make when vetting for a long-term relationship. Read or watch below to learn more about one mistake to avoid when vetting for a long-term relationship. Zachary Stockill: If you’re new here, to my work, or my channel, you might not be familiar with the term “retroactive jealousy.” It’s a phrase that describes unwanted, intrusive thoughts. These can include obsessive curiosity and what I call “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships or their sexual and dating history.  Over more than a decade of full-time dating and relationship coaching among men and women, there’s one trend I’ve repeatedly noticed that never fails to surprise me. Many people, particularly men, suffer from retroactive jealousy. They find it difficult to come to terms with the idea that their girlfriend or wife had an active sex life before them. They also struggle with the reality that their current relationship might not be as sexually fulfilling as they wish. Men often feel troubled by the thought that their partner has had many sexual experiences in the past but doesn’t show the same interest in sex now. During coaching calls, I talk to these men and ask detailed background questions. We delve deep into the issue, and I inquire whether they ever had a fulfilling sex life with their partner. Many men worry that their partner, who once had an active sex life, is now less interested in sex. During our coaching sessions, I ask them about their past experiences. I’m often surprised to hear that many of them never had a truly satisfying intimate life with their partner. They tell me it’s always been mediocre at best. Some say that from the start of their relationship, their partner expressed that sex wasn’t a priority for them. Others mention that their partner has consistently had excuses for not wanting to be intimate. You get the idea. Frequently, these men are angry and frustrated because their sex life isn’t what they hoped it would be. They often take out their anger on their partners, and sometimes they even become emotionally or verbally abusive. Often, the situation is difficult because the man desires a certain level of intimacy that his partner, his woman, clearly doesn’t feel the same about. The crucial mistake I want to address in this video is committing to someone long-term in the hope that she will change. You might tell yourself that the behavior you currently find objectionable will change over time. Now, I understand that many men and women aren’t always truthful. I know that they can do things like gaslighting and making promises, saying things will change or get better eventually, and so on. Right? This is a fundamental mistake that not only men make, but many women as well. They make a a href="https://www.retroactivejealousy.

    9 min
  6. BIGGEST Mistake With Retroactive Jealousy: Beware

    NOV 12

    BIGGEST Mistake With Retroactive Jealousy: Beware

    In today’s video, I want to talk about the biggest mistake I made when I struggled with retroactive jealousy. Read or watch below to learn more about the biggest mistake with retroactive jealousy.  Zachary Stockill: People who suffer from retroactive jealousy often make many critical mistakes while trying to come to terms with their partner’s past. In today’s video, I will share a personal story from my own experience with retroactive jealousy many years ago. I am going to discuss the biggest mistake I made when I was struggling with retroactive jealousy. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I have been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. Please visit this link for more information about my work or to work with me one-on-one. In my late teens and early twenties, I was a classic sufferer of extreme retroactive jealousy. As I mentioned in my first book, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy, it was truly a living nightmare. It was hell. My then-girlfriend’s past was the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning with my coffee, and the last thing on my mind when I went to bed at night. It was all-consuming. Back then, the internet was a much different place, and I could find very little helpful information on this topic. I once struggled with extreme retroactive jealousy and made many mistakes while trying to work through it. Honestly, one of the mistakes I made was talking to a few clueless counselors who judged me in a hurtful way and offered no valuable advice. I also engaged in social media stalking, spending hours at 3 a.m. trying to find her exes on Facebook, wondering what they looked like, if they commented on her photos, and what it all meant. I made many mistakes, but the biggest one was asking my partner endless questions about her past. When I say ‘asking questions,’ it sounds too delicate for what I was actually doing. It was more like relentless interrogation. I constantly interrogated her, asking for minute details like where they went, what they did, how she felt, and why she did it. I would question her inconsistencies, asking if she was lying. Anyone suffering from retroactive jealousy will likely understand what I’m talking about. The endless questions would lead to more questions, each answer opening up another line of inquiry. We often act like detectives, believing that if we ask enough questions, we’ll finally find the peace and clarity we need. All retroactive jealousy sufferers eventually realize that the satisfaction of getting an answer they like is short-lived. Not all sufferers go through this, and frankly, those who don’t are the lucky ones. If you’ve just discovered my work and are struggling with retroactive jealousy but haven’t bombarded your partner with endless questions about their past,

    8 min
  7. Retroactive Jealousy and Questions About Values: Listen to This

    NOV 5

    Retroactive Jealousy and Questions About Values: Listen to This

    In today’s video, I will discuss retroactive jealousy and explore questions about values in relationships. Read or watch below to learn about retroactive jealousy and questions about values. Zachary Stockill: Retroactive jealousy often forces us to confront some of our deeply held beliefs about sex, dating, and relationships. In today’s video, I will present some food for thought for any retroactive jealousy sufferer who is questioning their values and seeking help to think through their relationship and feelings about sex. For those here for the first time, the term ‘retroactive jealousy’ refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history. For many of us struggling with retroactive jealousy, it prompts us to think about questions like: What is sex? What is appropriate or not? What is an acceptable number of past partners, and what is not? What kind of past sexual interactions are acceptable for my partner, and what are not? Retroactive jealousy can often raise questions about our true values regarding dating and sex. As I often say on this channel, we make sense of the world, we understand our place in the world by telling ourselves stories. When I say ‘story,’ I mean it literally, not pejoratively. For example, we tell ourselves, ‘This is good, this is bad, this is bad because of X, Y, and Z. She’s good or bad because of X, Y, and Z.’ You get the idea. We constantly write stories. That’s how we all navigate life. But these stories are just that—stories. They may be true or untrue, but nothing is inherently a fact. Depending on which school of philosophy you follow, there is no capital ‘T’ truth; it’s all a matter of perspective. Suppose you are struggling with retroactive jealousy and starting to question your attitudes about sex, sexuality, men, and women. In that case, the first and perhaps most important suggestion I can offer is to start thinking about your earliest ideas about sex, dating, men, and women. Many retroactive jealousy sufferers, not most but a substantial portion, grow up in conservative or religious environments. When they are very young, this kind of upbringing can influence their thinking well into adulthood. Such early environments can shape your values and inform your thinking throughout life. It’s important to note that I’m not saying this is always the case… I’m not saying you should necessarily reject the values you formed about sex, dating, and relationships when you were very young. However, I think you should at least be conscious of them and aware of where they might have come from. This is particularly important if you click on a video like this because it suggests you’re starting to question some of your values around sex, dating, sexuality, men, and women. So, what were some of your earliest ideas about sex, dating, men, and women? Were they influenced by your church?

    10 min
  8. How To Cope When Your Partner's Past Intrudes: 4 Tips

    OCT 29

    How To Cope When Your Partner's Past Intrudes: 4 Tips

    In today’s video, I’m going to talk about how to cope when your partner’s past intrudes on daily life. Read or watch below to learn more about how to conquer retroactive jealousy.  Zachary Stockill: Today, I will try to keep this message relatively short and snappy. I have an important message for anyone struggling with retroactive jealousy. I will share four ways to cope when your partner’s past intrudes on your daily life. My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I have been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one, or if you’d like more information about my other products and services, please visit this link. For the people here for the first time, the term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past. Today, I want to share four ways to cope when your partner’s past intrudes on your daily life. Number one should be fairly obvious, but it still bears repeating: Stay busy. When I say stay busy, I mean make sure you have a full calendar. I’m not suggesting you work yourself to death or go out and do things. Try to fill your calendar every day with personally meaningful activities. For most people watching this, that will largely be your work, whether you run a business or have a nine-to-five job, whatever the case may be. Some people might say, ‘Well, I don’t find my job fun, meaningful, or fulfilling.’ That’s a whole other issue we can discuss another time if you’re interested, as I do have some thoughts on that. But for now, try to find meaning in your work where you can. In other words, maybe you are helping to make your city or town a better place to live. Perhaps you are improving your street or positively impacting people’s lives through your business. Maybe your job is even helping to keep you physically fit in some way. Maybe your job involves some physical activity, or perhaps it helps pay for your family’s needs and your kids’ education. The point is to think about where you can find meaning in your day-to-day work. Obviously, if you enjoy your work, that’s even better. Try to fully immerse yourself in whatever task you’re performing. For the times when you’re not at work or engaged in something related to your profession or business, fill the rest of your calendar with personally meaningful activities. Of course, each of us will have a slightly different idea of what personally meaningful activities look like. For me, personally meaningful activities could include lifting weights, playing guitar, spending time with my partner, or going to the beach. These activities are far more fulfilling than just zoning out on the couch watching mindless YouTube or Netflix.

    11 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4.5
out of 5
13 Ratings

About

Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, author, YouTuber, and podcaster. His work has been featured by BBC News, BBC Radio 4, HuffPost, The Art of Charm, and many other popular podcasts and publications. Zachary has been acknowledged as a leading authority on dealing with jealousy in relationships. In 2013, he published the guidebook Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: A Guide to Getting Over Your Partner's Past and Finding Peace, and founded RetroactiveJealousy.com, the most visited site on the internet concerning retroactive jealousy. He is also the creator and host of "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" and "The Overcoming Jealousy Blueprint," online video courses in personal development available via RetroactiveJealousy.com. He is also the creator and host of Humans in Love: A Podcast for Curious People, available worldwide via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and more. Follow Zachary on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @zfstockill. To learn more about Zachary's online courses, books, and one-on-one coaching, please visit RetroactiveJealousy.com.

Information

  • Creator
    Zachary Stockill
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2024
  • Episodes
    300
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2013-2021 Humans in Love OÜ, RetroactiveJealousy.com. All Rights Reserved.
  • Show Website
    The Zachary Stockill Podcast

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