168 episodes

btr.org - Betrayal Trauma Recovery is an online, daily support group for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. Join a live session today. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s abuse: lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Codependency or labeling a woman as codependent is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are in a relationship, separated, or divorced navigate to recover and heal by establishing safety through boundaries. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced abuse and betrayal trauma first hand. For past podcasts visit our website: btr.org

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Betrayal Trauma Recovery

    • Mental Health
    • 4.7, 493 Ratings

btr.org - Betrayal Trauma Recovery is an online, daily support group for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. Join a live session today. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s abuse: lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Codependency or labeling a woman as codependent is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are in a relationship, separated, or divorced navigate to recover and heal by establishing safety through boundaries. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. Every woman on our team has experienced abuse and betrayal trauma first hand. For past podcasts visit our website: btr.org

    Is Lying Abusive?

    Is Lying Abusive?

    It doesn’t matter the extent of the lie.Anne Blythe, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    Often, women relate that one of the most painful and damaging aspects of emotional abuse are the unrelenting lies, manipulation, and gaslighting.







    Lies told to cover up sexual acting-out, such as infidelity, and pornography use.







    Manipulation to deflect and protect other behaviors that they had promised to stop engaging in, or perhaps have never disclosed to the victim before at all.







    Gaslighting, to keep the victim unsure of her reality and to protect his emotionally abusive and sexually perverse behaviors.







    Lies and Manipulation Make Abuse Difficult to Identify







    Tragically, lies and manipulation make emotional abuse even harder for women to identify.







    The vortex of confusion that surrounds a relationship that is governed by an abuser's manipulation tactics leave victims severely handicapped in their abilities to recognize reality.







    Many women report that they didn't realize that they were being abused for years, even decades.







    In my mind, I had always known abuse to be something that involved physical violence and that was not at play at all in my marriage. I never had any bruises or anything like that, so while I knew things weren't good and it was a very difficult relationship, I thought that’s all it was.Kelly Vogler, Advocate Against Abuse







    Emotional Abuse, Including Lying,  Is Never The Victim’s Fault 







    This was not just us going through a difficult time. I had it in my head that I was overly controlling and so he was feeling pressured and embarrassed and that’s why he would hide things because I was just too controlling or putting too much pressure on him. Kelly Vogler, Advocate Against Abuse







    Tragically, many victims, in attempting to make sense out of a chaotic situation, blame themselves for his lies and other abusive behaviors. The responsibility lies completely with the abuser. He is fully accountable for his decisions to lie and manipulate.







    It is never the victim’s fault. Women deserve support and safety: speak to a professional today. 







    Women will often look to their own personality traits, schedules, perceived faults and flaws, family stresses, including financial or extended family relational issues, a href="https://www.btr.

    • 25 min
    Is Emotional Abuse a Domestic Abuse Issue?

    Is Emotional Abuse a Domestic Abuse Issue?

    "Emotional abuse is a domestic abuse issue. It falls under the umbrella of domestic violence."Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    The long-held and damaging societal belief that it's "just emotional abuse" has caused harm to women all over the world for decades.







    Stevie Croisant, founder of the survivor support network, We are Her, sheds light on the truths about emotional abuse as a domestic abuse issue and shares how victims can begin the journey to healing through sharing their stories, finding community, and becoming educated about abuse.







    Emotional Abuse is Just As Damaging As Physical Abuse







    Because victims of emotional and psychological abuse rarely have visible bruises, the abuse they endure is minimized or often entirely dismissed by family, friends, clergy, and therapists. The secondary trauma that arises from being discredited by those they reach out to for support is devastating.







    While the bruises are not visible, the effects that emotional abuse has on the brain, body, and spirit of a woman are, indeed, tragic and real.







    "My message to domestic abuse victims is to try and help them identify (the emotional and psychological abuse) long before the physical violence starts. To start identifying the the emotional and psychological abuse because that is just as dangerous to your heart and your soul as any physical thing that could happen to you."- Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, emotional abuse is regarded as the serious and degrading abuse that it is. Speak to a professional now.







    Physical Abuse is Always Accompanied By Emotional And Psychological Abuse







    "You can’t separate them out. You’re never ever going to get physical violence without emotional and psychological violence."- Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery







    Tragically, victims of physical abuse also endure emotional and/or psychological abuse at the hands of their abuser. Physical abuse is never a stand-alone issue.







    Physical abuse has been a long-misunderstood concept: while physical battering absolutely qualifies as physical abuse, it is not the only act that falls under definition. Any act that causes bodily harm or that causes fear in the victim of the threat of bodily harm is physical abuse.







    Some examples of physical abuse are:







    * Destroying physical property (punching walls, kicking structures or items within or outside of the home, breaking something that belongs to the victim or her children)* Threatening (or offering a subtle threat) to harm a woman or her childre...

    • 30 min
    A Covert Emotional And Psychological Abuser Can Be Dangerous

    A Covert Emotional And Psychological Abuser Can Be Dangerous

    Being emotionally and psychologically abused is harmful enough, but is it more dangerous when the abuser doesn't yell at his victim? Sarah shares her story.

    • 41 min
    Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Can Support You Where You Are

    Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Can Support You Where You Are

    “BTR Group is the place you go to when you need to feel heard, you need to feel safe, you need to be able to reach out, or you need to feel loved because this group, for me anyway, has provided that. Get in contact. Try and join the group because, if you want to feel loved, this is where it’s at.” -Nikki, BTR Group member

    • 27 min
    Why Emotional And Psychological Abuse Can Be Difficult To Spot

    Why Emotional And Psychological Abuse Can Be Difficult To Spot

    Emotional and psychological abuse is hard to spot, especially when the abuser never yells, screams or says "mean" things. Marni Bown talks about her experience with this type of abuse.

    • 36 min
    Guided Meditation Can Empower Victims Of Emotional And Psychological Abuse

    Guided Meditation Can Empower Victims Of Emotional And Psychological Abuse

    “It is not selfish. I just want to reiterate that this empowerment, this is part of how you take care of yourself so you can go out and be the mother that you want to be, or the wife, or the friend, or whatever. This is how you invest in a way that will bring back huge dividends.” -Peggy, BTR coach

    • 22 min

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5
493 Ratings

493 Ratings

olliemopania ,

Amazing resource for both partners of addicts and for addicts with spouses

This podcast has been one of the best things for my wife on this journey. By far the best resource out there and is only getting better. Not only has it been beneficial for my wife but it has been beneficial for me! It has given me great insight into what my wife is experiencing and how my actions and abuse affect her. For anyone looking to learn more about sex and porn addiction, how it affects the family, the spouse, and the addict this podcast is for you.

alittlebitconcerned ,

Some very problematic things

To be fair, there are some nuggets of truth in this podcast, but there are still a disproportionate number of problematic things going on with it.

First of all, there seems to be a clear agenda with this podcast. It has lots of religious overtones and a strong anti-porn sentiment. It comes across as the host using the podcast to validate her own experiences and values, which centers herself and not the guests. This is not what effective advocacy looks like. The podcast is really about promoting a specific perspective and worldview.

Second of all, the host is not using definitions of abuse that are universally accepted by professionals in the field, which is very problematic. Not all dysfunction and harm is abuse. Harm is still harm and it’s not okay, but abuse is about one partner systematically using tactics to try and gain and maintain power and control over the other partner. It’s not about isolated incidents of harm, or even ongoing issues of betrayal. Not all porn use is abuse and it is dangerous to conflate the two. That is not to say that porn can’t be used to abuse, or that it’s never harmful. But being betrayed is not necessarily a systematic attempt to dominate the other partner.

Thirdly, there are many instances through the podcast where it is suggested that victims should try and make it work or give their spouse a chance to chance before calling it quits. I understand that sentiment, but if it is truly an abusive relationship then encouraging a victim to stay is DANGEROUS. All attempts should be made to help that victim find their own strength, take back their power and leave the abusive relationship .

Lastly, while domestic violence does disproportionately affect women, anyone can be an abuser and anyone can be a victim. It can happen in non-heterosexual relationships, with queer folks and non-cis gendered folks too.

If you have found a home in this community,
more power to you. But as a trained domestic violence advocate and community educator, I felt the need to point out some of the problematic things about this podcast.

BRED13088 ,

You are home

Anne and the amazing BTR coaches, you are THE pioneers in the field of domestic abuse and betrayal trauma. After trying marriage and family counseling, two well-known CSATS, 12 step programs, and reading everything I could get my hands on, I was done. I couldn’t feel better. Why? Because I wasn’t the problem. I was being abused. BTR saved my life and my children.
That is what you are doing. You are saving lives. Thank you.
To women considering this podcast: if you feel confused, numb, foggy, isolated, if you are lying to protect your husband or make him sound better than he is to family and friends.... YOU ARE HOME. It is heart wrenching to begin to accept that it’s been abuse this whole time but your BTR coach will stay with you through the whole process as your eyes open and you begin to understand that you were never the problem. You are home, my friend. Don’t let anyone tell you that you deserve to feel this isolation and fog and pain.
Soon it will all make sense. And you will be able to make boundaries that protect you and your kids before the abuse ever happens. You’ll go to bed without that tight feeling around your heart. You’ll wake up excited to be alive. I promise.
Thank you, BTR, for walking with me through this valley. The podcast has been with me through the darkest days.

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