Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment Beth Hillman | Parent Coach for Parents of Struggling Teens

Going back to old patterns is part of the process. 


In a perfect world, we’d change our behavior and never make the same mistake again. And so would our struggling teens. But perfection doesn’t exist, and there’s no such thing as a magic switch that makes everything work out perfectly all of a sudden. 


I know how hard it is to experience a setback yourself or see your teen go through it. But one thing that Seth and I would like you to walk away with today, is that a setback doesn’t mean failure. 


Whether we’re talking about setbacks in communication, substance abuse, coping skills, healthy behavior, or holding healthy boundaries, when we get sidetracked, we often feel like we have to start from scratch again. We think we have completely failed and beat ourselves up. Sometimes it even leads us to give up entirely.


But you’re not starting over. You still have all the experience and work you’ve done before. And you have the opportunity to learn, to reorient yourself back to the path you want to be on in order to move forward. 


Let’s dive into today’s episode on how to keep going after a setback, and learn more about:
How setbacks are part of the process;How a setback doesn’t mean you’re starting from scratch;The feeling of discouragement and just wanting to give up sometimes;Supporting your teen in getting back on track after a setback;Honouring the process of change;Keeping your boundaries steady while supporting someone in experiencing a setback;And more!

Need support?


🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!


🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!


And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!


And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Are you allowing your child to learn through failure? 


There’s a thin line between offering safety and comfort. Just like safety, offering comfort to your kid is a way of protection. It’s a way to protect your child so they don’t have to experience the hardships and difficulties that you had to go through yourself. But is it really in your child’s best interest to keep them from experiencing unsuccessful events?


“By preventing it, you’re also enabling it” - Seth Gottlieb


Our children don’t learn from an unsuccessful event if we rescue them.
Our teens don’t learn from the lesson if you pick up the pieces for them.
But where’s the line? Let’s discuss it with Seth in today’s episode!


In this episode on safety vs. comfort, we discuss:
What’s the difference between offering safety and comfort?;Is something ever really a failure or is it an unsuccessful event that can lead to success through learning?;How providing comfort can be enabling;Examples of safety versus comfort in daily life;And more!

Need support?


🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!


🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!


And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!


And remember parents, the change begins with us.

When does your help start to hinder your teen’s growth?
As parents, we want to help our kids as much as possible and protect them from discomfort. It seems like our generation has taken this belief to an extreme though. Did you know that the age at which parents allow their kids to go out and explore the world by themselves autonomously (for example by letting them go to the grocery store by themselves to pick up a few items) has almost doubled in just one generation!?


But the world has changed, right? And aren’t things sometimes just too difficult to handle for them? We’re all doing it from a place of love!


What if I told you that our teens need to experience discomfort in order to grow into independent young adults? The more we keep our teens in their comfort zone, the less resilience they’re building. And on top of that, we’re providing them with less opportunity to learn and grow.


“Learning doesn’t come from achieving success or getting what you want all the time.” - Seth Gottlieb


So how can we support our kids to get ready for independence? Let’s dive into this interesting topic together with Seth today. Have a listen!


In this episode on getting our kids ready for independence, we discuss:
Where’s the line between helping our kids and hindering their growth into independence?;Independence has changed drastically in just one generation;How independence teaches our kids what it is to be trusted and communicate healthily;How technology takes away the opportunity for our kids to feel autonomous;Holding on to perceptions of your teen of the past instead of who they are today;How can we get our kids ready for independence?;And more!Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!


🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!


And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!


And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Listening is the key that unlocks understanding and it allows us to be more helpful to our teens (and others!). So how can we become better listeners? Not only to our struggling teens, our children, but to everyone around us?


“The more I let go of what I think my adult children should or shouldn’t do, the more they have taken accountability for their actions in their life” - Beth Hillman


I see it all the time (and believe me, I’ve been there too!): parents who are trying to convince their teen not to do something, and by doing so they trigger them to get defensive. This is the last thing we want, isn’t it? Instead, I’m inviting you to try listening. It might be surprising to you, but the best and most permanent way to change a mind is getting the person to talk in a non-defensive way about their beliefs.


So let’s work together on the simple, yet often difficult skill of listening without judgment, opinion, solving, or criticizing. Let’s develop a relationship with our teens where they know we’re here to listen to them. Are you ready? Let’s dive in!

In this episode on the fine art of listening for parents of struggling teens, we discuss:
How to listen without judgment, opinions, solving or criticizing; What I believe to be THE way to shift our thinking;What it takes to change a mind; Why ‘I feel’ statements don’t always work;Developing the relationship of ‘I’m here to listen to you, kid’;The role of asking questions in active listening;And more!
Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!


🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!


And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!


And remember parents, the change begins with us.


Resources mentioned in this episode:
Article: Tell Me More: The Fine Art of Listening by Brenda UelandBook: How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion by David Mcrany Book: I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships by Michael S. SorensenWant to learn more about the skill of listening? Listen back to episode #47 The Power of Listening to Our Kids’ Feedback With Less Harris!

How can you help your teen become more independent?
This one simple question will help you boost your parenting skills for daily decision-making.


Parenting is an interesting thing… One day our child is completely dependent on us and we’re in charge of everything. Then they grow up and it’s hard to know what we’re still in charge of and what not. How can we best support them to become independent young adults?


I can tell you one thing: We step in way more than we need to. 


“We need to help them turn on their own inner engine, to motivate self-governing, 
and to influence independence” - Beth Hillman


Today’s simple question will help you do a day-to-day check-in with yourself to support independence in your teen and boost your daily teen parenting skills.


Alright parent, let’s dive in.


In this episode on supporting independence in your teen, we discuss:
How to best support your teen to turn on their own inner engine, motivate self-governing, and influence independence?;Is your teen actually asking for your help or not?;Is you trying to help them, actually helpful for your teen?;Is ‘dealing with consequences’ a value you hold in your family?;My personal story of how my son’s showed me they wanted to learn to deal with consequences;And more!Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!


🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!


And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!


And remember parents, the change begins with us.

How can you help your struggling teen take more accountability? 
What can you do to help your teen understand choice, consequence, and accountability? Those are the questions Seth and I will be exploring in today’s episode.


[Struggling to set boundaries & consequences? Check out my free guide to help you create your own Parent Home Plan 🗺️]


Our brain likes going into defense mode. It’s what it does automatically. With conscious work, we can catch ourselves there (and teach our struggling teens to do the same) and learn to recognize that we almost always have a choice in the matter. Even when we feel like we don’t.


“It takes a lot of practice to realize what is a choice and what isn’t a choice” - Seth Gottlieb


Pushing your teen to take accountability isn’t beneficial for you as a parent or your teen. Instead of trying to force accountability, we’ll discuss ways to grow the conscious awareness of choice and action, leading to an understanding of accountability.


In this episode, we discuss:
We all sometimes justify our own behaviors by telling ourselves we didn’t have a choice, even if we did;Probing questions to understand (and help your teen understand) their thought process regarding their choice;Helping your teen understand the relationship between choice, action, consequence, and accountability;The role of black-and-white thinking when it comes to choices, and consequences.Validating feelings;Taking accountability for facts versus story;How to bring the conversation and accountability back to facts when you’re used to being lied to by your teen;And more!Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Ps. Are you getting great value out of this podcast? It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts. This way, you will help me reach and help more parents of struggling teens develop healthy responses and boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. You can leave a review by clicking here, scrolling to the bottom, tapping to leave a star rating and then write your review. Thanks so much!


And if you haven’t already done so, make sure to subscribe to our show so you don’t miss any of my future episodes!


And remember parents, the change begins with us.