The Save The Marriage Podcast Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

This is a SPECIAL EDITION of the Save The Marriage Podcast!

Why?  Because we are on the cusp of an elevated threat to marriages... and it might include your's.



There are 3 periods in the year that see a spike in divorce filings and inquiries.  We are facing one right now:  the beginning of summer.  In the States, that is marked by Memorial Day (coming up very quickly).  For other countries, it may be another week or two off.  But we are slip-sliding right toward it.



In this audio version of a video training, I tell you why this season is a spike, and what to do so that your marriage is not a casualty (but the time to get started is NOW!).

In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis.  There are also stages to your awareness of the crisis.



This is the point where you are aware of the crisis, the level of the crisis, and the potential threat of the crisis.  And just to let you know:  you are NOT at stage 1.  That would be Asleep.  This is the point when you are not even aware that things are in trouble.  You are blissfully unaware of — or choosing to not notice — the looming marriage crisis that is already underway.



But then you wake up to find yourself in the midst of a troubled relationship, a hurting marriage!



Your spouse may be further along the process, and your marriage may be further along the progression of the crisis.  That is independent of your own awareness of the crisis.



In this episode of the marriage crisis, I discuss the 4 stages of crisis awareness, and the 1 thing you need to do — along with some thoughts on how to/how NOT to do that very thing.



Listen in below.



RELATED RESOURCES

FACT of the Crisis

Can The Marriage Be Saved?

Why It Matters

Happy or Hurting?

Save The Marriage System

There is a better than 80% chance that, at this moment, you are a Chaser.  In doing a little informal research, I noticed that about 90% of the people who read my articles, listen to my podcast, read my b0oks, or use my System, are chasing right now.



Why?  Because right now, their spouse (and likely, your spouse) is being a Spacer.  The Chaser/Spacer pattern can vary over time -- who is doing which, how fast both are moving, and what the distance looks like.  Sometimes, couple switch roles.  Usually, because the Chaser gives up and becomes the Spacer, causing the Spacer to suddenly shift to being the Chaser.



There HAS to be a better way... right?



Right??



Why yes, yes there is.  So glad you asked!



In this podcast, I tell you about the Chaser/Spacer roles, how they come to be, why the are so problematic, and why they don't have to be permanent roles or patterns.  We unwind it.



And I tell you about the better role.



Listen below to discover how to stop being the Chaser or Spacer... and what to do, instead!



 



RELATED RESOURCES:

Why Connection Matters

What Space Means

The Save The Marriage System

Many people tell me of their desperation to find intimacy -- and their sadness over not having it in their marriage.



But is it possible to find that intimacy?  Is there a path to intimacy in your marriage??



There are choices people make... that often lead them away from intimacy -- not toward it!  This isn't on purpose.  They just don't know better.



The path to intimacy may not be something you learned -- or even saw in relationships around you!



But there IS a path. That path has 4 steps to get there.



Unfortunately, many people decide to leave in steps 2 and 3, not realizing just how close they are to intimacy.  True intimacy.



In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, we look at the path.  I'll tell you about each of the 4 steps along the path... and how to make a shift toward intimacy... just when you think you've missed it.



Yes, you can find intimacy. You just need to know the path to take.  Let's get it covered for you!



Listen below.



 



RELATED RESOURCES

Dealing with Conflict

2 Necessary Feelings

Marriage and Self-Expansion

Save The Marriage System

You hit the Pause Button on your marriage.  I get it.  You didn't realize you were doing it, and didn't know it was a problem.  You just thought you were dealing with life -- the kids, a career, activities... life.



But while you didn't know it was a problem, it is.  In fact, it is the big reason that marriages get into trouble.  Yes, there are lots of symptoms of the problem.  The underlying problem, though, is disconnection... from hitting the Pause.



Relationships don't go into suspended animation, just awaiting re-animation.  Nope, they are either growing or receding.  And a paused relationship is receding.



Then, suddenly, you realize there is a problem.  It was brewing for awhile.  But since you were disconnected, you missed the signs.  Until it was a crisis.



And then, you go from Pause Button to Panic Button.



Now, you have to deal with both the paused marriage and the panic problem.  You have to find a way to heal the disconnection AND deal with the crisis.



How do you do it?



We talk about it on this week's episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  You can listen below.



 



RELATED RESOURCES

Why Pause Is A Problem

The 7 Stages of Disconnection

Healing Disconnection

Save The Marriage System

Yes, this is the #1 thing people request in therapy. And no, fixing it will not fix your marriage.



This is part rant, part warning, and part explanation.  Because, communication skills has somehow become a central tenet of hurting marriages.  So, therapists teach them, clients request them, and marriages just don't get better.



When I was in training, this somehow became the default approach, even after all the theory and explanations of problems in a marriage.  Lots of very convoluted, confusing theories were proposed, and then, the treatment?



Teach communication skills!



Which is probably why marriage therapy has such abysmal results.  When you look at the actual research, 50% of marriages that seek therapy still end up divorced.  Pretty much the overall national average for any marriage.  And only 10 to 15% of couples report any improvement.  Let me say that again:  any improvement.



Why?  Well there are multiple issues (I discuss them right here) behind this.  But a big reason is this emphasis on communication skills.  And yet, when I am meeting with a couple, almost always, I understand everything they are saying.  And they seem to understand each other!  That is not the issue.



In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I tell you why this isn't going to save your marriage, and how to make a shift to what can.



Listen below!



 



RELATED RESOURCES:

Podcast:  3 Problems with Therapy

Substack:  The Connection Compass

Program:  The Save The Marriage System