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In this post we will explore the NLP Presupposition of "The Law of Requisite Variety" and its application in life and during therapies.



This picture quote by Thomas Edison—the inventor of the light bulb—is much more than just a daily motivation shot. We’ve always been taught to see Dr Edison as an example of never-ending determination and perspiration.



Often when we refer to the word ‘determination’, we formulate an image of pursuing our goals with a horse-eyed vision. We often assign working hard as being the strict and only way to success, overlooking the need to work smart.



Thus, we end up falling into a pattern of consistent behaviours that unknowingly keep us away from achieving our complete potential.







Don’t you ever wonder:




Why you weren’t able to score well in that particular subject in school?



Why that girl never accepted your proposal?



Why you couldn’t persuade your boss to give you that promotion?



Why you haven’t accomplished all of those things in spite of doing all that you had?




The answer to each of the above questions and many more lies in the simple fact that our minds have come to associate determination with a static identity that doesn’t allow us to change our way of doing things but instead lets us settle with whatever result that we get.



In short:We become rigid with our behaviours & flexible about our outcomes or results.



Thus, the aim is to consciously shift the flexibility that we assign to our outcomes, to our path of achieving it i.e. our behaviours.



Side Note: The same quote can also be used to explain another presupposition "There is no failure, only feedback".



What is the NLP law of requisite variety?



The law of requisite variety suggests that, the most flexible element in the system generally controls the system.



Rigidity in behaviour may make us lose control over the outcomes we receive. What good will shooting an email, asking for a raise, to your boss every month does if it hasn’t worked for an entire year?



However, instead, if you purposefully choose to try something new — say increase the business you get to your firm each month — to show your boss that you deserve the raise you’ve been asking for, then there is an increased possibility for you to reach your desired outcome.



If this doesn’t do the trick, you may come up with another way to impress your boss — say, take up a task your boss has been asking you to do but you’ve been reluctant in doing or maybe just changing the format, that you were using in the email, requesting for a raise.



In a nutshell, what is being implied is that if you exhibit flexibility in your ways of acquiring your goals, then you increase the probability of achieving success in comparison to you sticking with the same old ways that are clearly not yielding any results.



Therapists Niche







Law of Requisite variety is an NLP Presupposition that therapists can immensely benefit from.



It is important for therapists to avoid being too rigid about techniques they use with their clients. At times therapists likes a particular approach and they kind of get married to it.



The approach they want to follow becomes more important than the outcome that the client wants to achieve.



No matter who the client is and what problem the client has, they are just interested in following that one approach irrespective of whether a client gets the result or not. A good example of this is past life regression. I know of therapists who only use this process for all the clients.



It is important to remember that a particular approach will work for some clients, but no particular approach really works with all clients. The therapist needs to be flexible to choose different approaches and processes depending upon the client and the problem.



Thus the rigidity should be about helping the client achieve the chosen outcome and flexibility about the therapist’s behavior in terms of

Many counsellors and therapists that we mentor, frequently ask us about the steps in counselling or therapy that we follow with our clients. Most of these practitioners are looking for a framework that can provide them with a structure or step-by-step process that they can follow with their clients.



So in this post, I am sharing the steps that we follow and recommend in counselling sessions. Since we follow an eclectic approach, these steps are also very useful for those exploring eclectic therapy.



It is important to remember, therapy/counselling is very contextual and not everything mentioned can be applied as it is. Kindly use the steps suggested as a framework and make the necessary changes based on the requirements of the case.



Comprehensive framework for counselling and therapy







The key to having a good framework is that it needs to give us a sense of direction and yet be flexible to accommodate the uniqueness of clients experiences. It needs to be eclectic and should include solutions to possible hurdles that a counsellor or a therapist may face while working with a client.



Recommended Steps in Counselling




Building Rapport:

The basics: Dressing, Clinic Space, Cleanliness...



Initial chit chat



Getting and maintaining the state of Empathy (good to have this state anchored)



Pacing & Leading (body language, tonality and choice of words)



Client information sheet





Defining the problemS from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model*

Behaviour



Emotions



Triggers In case the client is not able to define the problem clearly, one of the steps in counselling will be to use meta model questions or abstract metaphors to assist the client.





Reframing Problem:Use Content or context reframing - (NLP Meta Model)



Identifying the Outcome & Defining Future:O & F from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model

Sensory specific



Behaviours



Emotions or State



Required Skills If the client is not able to describe the outcome, use transformational metaphor process to assist the client.





Task list or Plan of Action:T from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model.If the client is not able to describe any conscious steps, use the revelation, introspection or transformational metaphor process to assist the client.



Finding the motivation which will drive the client towards the solution:(NLP Core State can be used)



Getting a deeper understanding of the problem

Undesired emotion attached to the problem (Interview)



Any thought pattern or image (strategy) that is stuck in the clients mind. (T.O.T.E, Submodalities)



Identify the root cause if required (Corrective therapy, EET, SVIT™, Void...)



Is there something that the client can learn from the problem (Regression, Meta Model, Perceptual Position, Levels of transformation, Paris Window, Revelation Metaphor….)



Identifying Positive intention or Secondary gain (Unconscious Talk, Meta Model)



Past experiences leading to patterns (Interview, Meta Model, Regression)





Creating Change / Resolving Problem

Inducing a trance



Helping clients let go of –ve emotions (hypnodrama, balloon, regression therapy, EET, metaphor…..)



Alternate behaviours to fulfil positive intention or secondary gain (N-step reframing, parts integration, Cognitive interview, levels of transformation)



Changing unresourceful strategies or patterns (Chain anchors, Fast phobia, submodalities…….)



Developing required skills (Anchoring, Future pacing & real life practice)



Application of skills towards desired behaviour / (s) to apply the learning’s or to achieve secondary gain contextually (Anchoring, Future pacing & real life practice)





Review & Follow upSteps in counselling will be incomplete without review and followup. Review and follow up happens at the start of each session. At the end of each session the client is also given some homework which may include:

Maintaining thought dairy



Certain behavioural experiments



Self Suggestions



Listening to Recording

In this article we look at the NLP technique of Perceptual Position and how it can help us resolve conflicts and negotiate more effectively by understanding other people and situations better.



In one of our previous articles, we have discussed how People function as per their Maps. Since different people can have different maps, the problem arises when people do not understand other's maps.







When an event takes place and is of a very high intensity; it gets etched in our memories. If the event is positive, having a strong recall of the same feels good. But, when it is not a pleasant one, it can create some complications and disturbances.



What makes it worse is that we don't understand the reasons behind the behaviours of others in that particular situation. We are not able to see / understand the situation from their point of view.



This is exactly where NLP process - Perceptual Positions becomes handy.



What is Perceptual Position in NLP?



The NLP Perceptual Position is a simple technique that enables you to see the other person’s point of view; to gain greater understanding of the other person’s perspective of a certain situation.



Understanding the situation from the point of view of other's not only helps in letting go of the negative emotions associated with the situation but also has a potential to provide powerful insights in terms of strategies to handle similar situations in the future more effectively.



Using & Mastering the NLP perceptual positions process:




Improves your understanding of other people.



Enables you to think more flexibly and creatively.



Provides an opportunity to stand back and consider issues dispassionately



Helps you appreciate the influence of your verbal and non-verbal behaviour on others, and the influence of their behaviour on you.



Exploring your performance



Planning



Dealing with conflict



Creating empathy



Stepping back from challenging situations



Being your own coach



Learning new things




NLP Perceptual Position Process:




Pick an event or episode or conversation that went wrong or different from what you would have liked



Close you eyes, observe your breath and allow yourself to relax or center yourself



Recollect that event or episode or conversation



Step into your body and go through the entire episode. (First Position): seeing, hearing and feeling the situation through your own eyes, ears and feelings. Replicate the exact episode as far as possible.



Step out of your body and step into the 2nd person’s body. (Second Position): stepping into the shoes of the other person and experiencing (seeing, hearing and feeling) the situation as if you were them. You think in terms of how this  would appear or be interpreted by the other person.



Float out of your body and observe the conversation standing back from a situation and experiencing it as if you were a detached observer. (Third Position): In your mind, you are able to see and hear yourself and the other person, as if you were a third person. Get an objective understanding of the situation and also the knowledge of how you could have acted differently. (since you cannot change the other persons behaviour)



Float back into your body and make the necessary changes and then perform again



Float out, see it from an outsiders perspective again (repeat previous step till you get the desired outcome).




Note: It is important to carry these steps of NLP Perceptual Positions under a trained professional if you are new to the process. This is to ensure that you get desirable results.



If you are a coach or a trainer and would like to learn to use perceptual positions and other techniques from Hypnosis, NLP and Mindfulness more effective, you would love the Cognitive Hypnotic Coaching™ Program.



On the other hand if you are a psychologist who would like to develop advanced therapeutic skills with the help of these modalities and even more,

Falling in love is the easy part. Sustaining, nurturing, creating and maintaining a relationship in which love cannot just survive but thrive; that's what creating extraordinary relationships is all about.




The first step towards creating happy relationships is to re-look at our understanding of what is relationship.



Relationships are like business transactions, wherein giving and receiving needs to be balanced to sustain harmony. The moment it goes off balance; issues surface.







Honestly, it is impossible to maintain a steady count on your relationship balance 24x7. There will be times where knowingly unknowingly, problems will arise.



For a couple to not have any issues in their relationship is a concept which does not exist; not in the long term at least. After all they are two different individuals with different likes, dislikes, strengths, weakness among other things.



So, it is fair to say that even the most successful and happy relationships go through stormy circumstances and their shares of ups and downs, isn't it?



A simple and short answer to this is. YES!



However, they are still called happy relationships because the partners put efforts, engage in team work, agree to disagree respectfully (when required) which allows them to not only sail through the tough tides relatively comfortably but also create a melodious harmony in relationships which can only happen when the cords are attuned to play in sync.



In order to understand how one can create this harmony, let us take a look at the key ingredients of a happy relationships.



Key ingredients / Tips for Happy Relationships








Goals: For a relationship to succeed it is essential that both the partners understand that they may have different goals. As far as possible they can work with their personal goals in collaboration with one another. If partners live in completely different worlds (which we do most of the times) and refuse to see or understand the other persons world; we are digging our own grave.



Communication: This is to an extent an extension of the previous ingredient. Communicating (actually effectively communicating) our goals, likes, dislikes…serves the purpose of a primary building block to our castle called relationship.To make communication easy, understanding concepts like Suggestibility, Sexuality and 5 Love Languages can be extremely useful. These concepts bring a lot of insight and add to our understanding of ourselves as well as our partners. They act as helpful guidelines  enabling us to enhance the quality of our relationship.

Suggestibility is how one receives and interprets information. This concept helps us understand factors that influence our understanding of a message and how can we deal with it.



Sexuality is our output. All of us behave differently and have varied preferences. Multiple reasons behind certain traits and questions about relationships get answered here.



5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is an incredible contribution to the understanding of relationships! This is a must read for anyone who is interested to get a hang on ways of expressing love and how people generally misunderstand each other. This book talks about how we fail to grasp that the other partner is actually expressing love because they are expressing love using a love language that is different from ours.



Representation system: Visual (V), Auditory (A), Kinaesthetic (K), gustatory (G) and Olfactory (O) are the five primary sensory modalities that we use to experience the world around us. These modalities are also known as representational systems (rep systems) as they are the primary ways we represent, code, store and give meaning or language (linguistic) to our experiences. Most of us prefer receiving information more through some senses as compared to other.Differences in the way we use these representation system during a conversation with our partner can influence the (lack of) effectiveness of communication.

In one of the previous posts we discussed how map is not equal to territory. In this post we would explore how people respond as per their maps and not as per the reality.



Let us begin this post with some imagination. It is okay if you find it difficult to do so, but give it a shot and think about it.



Scene 1:



Person A and Person B meet each other for the first time in a class and end up having a huge fight. People had to literally pull them apart to prevent them from doing bodily harm to each other. For the next few months they have not seen each other after the class.



But then one day they happen to bump into each other after 2-3 months while crossing road. What do you think the reactions would be like?



Even if there is no external reaction, wouldn’t there be an internal sense of discomfort which will unconsciously be reflected in the body language, expressions…. At least for most of us?



Scene 2:



Person A and Person B meet each other for the first time in a class and end up becoming very good friends. But due to busy schedules are not able to catch up with each other for a couple of months.



Then one day while walking on a road, they bump in to each other. What do you think their reactions would be?



It would probably be something like, Hi! How have you been? There would be a sense of excitement, happiness and comfort. They would try to catch up with what each of us have been doing in the last few months, wouldn’t they?



Scene 3:



Person A and Person B have never met before. They have just crossed each other's path on the road. How would they react this time?



Neutral? No reaction per se; or maybe a courteous smile?



Right?







Now in which of the scenario was the response while crossing each other on the road only based on the present?



Only scene 3 where Person A and B did not know each other. In the first & the second scenario, their responses were based on the past experience that they had with each other. The reactions were not based on what was happening in the present.



People respond as per their Maps







The way our mind works is, when we come across something or someone, the mind checks the existing map (information) for past experiences. If there is a past experience it gets triggered. Many a times, the trigger may not be directly in sync with that particular person or situation.



For example, you may hear a person's voice for the first time and feel irritated.



Now, you do not know why this is happening. This may not necessarily be because of what that person is saying but because that individual's voice may have reminded you of someone else whom you probably don’t like.



Thus, this current person's voice becomes a trigger for your irritation. This is completely unconscious, which is why many a times people have no apparent reasons for liking or disliking someone.



Once the past experience is triggered it influences our emotional and physical state, which in turn influences our response i.e. our behavior. In short we respond as per our map (perception) and not as per the reality!



Self Fulfilling Prophecy



Taking it a step forward, our final results are a result of the behaviours that we engage in consistently over a period of time. In most cases our results will either be in sync with our generalizations (beliefs) or we will distort them to bring them in sync with our generalizations.



This is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy



Different People Different Maps Different Responses







Since people respond in accordance to the map of the world they have in their minds and different people have different maps of the same world, we at times find it difficult to understand a person’s behavior in a particular situation.



For example, this was at a friend's birthday party where another friend goes and tells the host (the birthday girl) 'you are so boring; you have called people at 7 pm! Adults start parties post 9 pm'.

Intellectualization is a defense mechanism that many individuals employ to cope with challenging situations.



In this article, we will delve into the concept of intellectualization, its purpose, potential problems associated with over-reliance on this defense mechanism, and how therapists can effectively guide clients through it. We will also explore a real-life case study to illustrate the impact of the defense mechanism of intellectualization on emotional expression.



Intellectualization: Case Study



Doctor: I’m sorry to inform you that you’ve got lung cancer.



Patient: Okay. So what kinds of medications in this case are likely to increase the survival rates?



Doctor: There are a few pills I’ll be putting you on. I understand if this has come to you as a shock and you’re upset…



Patient: Thank you! I would like to know if I will be put on chemotherapy. What are the side effects of this treatment?



Doctor: No, we can’t say if chemotherapy will be required as of yet. However, it does bring about a few physiological changes. If you would like to inform your family and friends…



Patient: Sure. What is the general trend of expenditure in the course of this treatment? It would be only appropriate to have a word with my insurance company.



Do you notice something out of ordinary here?



Isn't this reaction unexpected?



Wouldn't you expect  some element of shock or sadness instead of the patient’s apparent poker face expression to the news of his cancer?



Is it possible that the patient is using 'thinking to avoid feeling? '



In psychology, this behavior pattern is referred to as intellectualization.



What is the defense mechanism of intellectualization?







Intellectualization, as per Freudian psychology, involves immersing oneself deeply in the rational aspects of a situation while consciously disregarding the emotional dimension.



It acts as a shield against overwhelming emotions, allowing individuals to analyze distressing events with a clinical detachment.



Another example would be that of a college going student who loses her father but is extensively involved in the funerary procedures without shedding a drop of tear.



Instead of being shattered by imagining a life without her Daddy, the 17 year-old worries about getting the right venue for her father’s post-funeral gathering.



How Defense mechanism of intellectualization helps?



The conscious analysis of a devastating event helps people to emotionally distance themselves from the anxiety-provoking stimuli.



Coming back to the above story, notice the words being used by the patient... Survival rates, Chemotherapy, Side effects, Expenditure, Insurance.



These individuals deliberately select such intricate words as a strategic choice. The complexity in language serves to advance their objective of adopting a detached and clinical demeanor, effectively mitigating the accumulating stress they might be experiencing.







Rationalization & Intellectualization



People at times incorrectly use the words rationalization and intellectualization interchangeably.



Rationalization is unconscious justification of unrealistic thoughts and consequent actions.



While during intellectualization, the person is consciously aware of the situation but simply become "emotionally away", unconsciously keeping their feelings at bay.



They neither live in denial nor do they try and justify that whatever has happened to them makes sense at some level.



It’s like cutting a piece of cake and saving it separately. At most times the person is not even aware of this chunk lying in the fridge as he / she is focused on the distribution of the rest. 



It is however important for one to eat his/her cake in time or else it might rot.



In other words, it is imperative to deal with the suppressed emotions before they can become too dangerous, interfere with our well-being and cause a breakdown.



What is the purpose of In