Become A Calm Mama

Darlynn Childress
  • 5.0 (28)
  • PARENTING
  • UPDATED WEEKLY
Become A Calm Mama

Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be. Darlynn is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior and create a peaceful home. Darlynn is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what it’s really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century. Over the past 15 years, Darlynn has dedicated her life to becoming the mom she wanted to be for my kids. In that process, she created a parenting model called “The Calm Mama Process” that helped her navigate every tricky parenting moment that’s been thrown her way. From hitting to bullying, from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans, from missing assignments to college admissions, from getting kids to bed to getting kids out of bed, from kids not wanting to get out of the bath to middle schoolers that don’t want to take a shower, from kids fighting in the car to kids who drive their own car, she’s seen it all. Darlynn has taught her model to hundreds of moms since 2015 and when they apply the Calm Mama Process to their tricky parenting moments they have calm and peace in their homes. Their kids' behavior improves, their relationship with their children gets so much better, and they enjoy motherhood (most of the time!). Darlynn teaches her process inside her coaching program, The Emotionally Healthy Kids course, where you learn how to master your reactivity, teach kids how to manage their big feelings, and set limits that work. Each week she brings practical and simple strategies to the podcast so you can stop yelling and create a peaceful home.

  1. 2 DAYS AGO

    Radical Self Love

    Today’s episode is the start of the How To Heal series here on the podcast. We’re starting with the foundation of it all - radical self love. A person who experiences self love and demonstrates self compassion has less depression, less anxiety, less stress, and less shame. Isn’t that what we all want? You’ll Learn: A mantra to help you practice radical self loveHow insecurity shows up for me and how I return to my core self4 tools to deepen your self love Radical self love is the foundation of healing. It is vital. It is a gift that you give to yourself. You are entitled to loving yourself and feeling good about yourself, and I want that for you so much.  ------------------------------------------ This is such an important topic that I’ve had a lot of feelings come up as I get ready to share this with you - tenderness, insecurity, and impostor syndrome (just to name a few).  But the truth is, I’m not trying to solve all of the world’s emotional pain problems. I’m creating this series to share with you my own journey of healing from trauma, uncertainty, and difficult experiences and the things that have been fundamental to me on that journey.  Over the course of this series, I’ll help you to: Become kinder to yourselfMake friends with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviorsNotice the patterns or strategies that don’t work for you anymoreMake small changes that influence those patterns This isn’t about making a huge overhaul of your life. It’s about picking one or two patterns in your life that you want to get curious about and explore…and loving yourself all along the way.   Radical Self LoveRadical self love is the foundation of healing. It is vital. It is a gift that you give to yourself. You are entitled to loving yourself and feeling good about yourself, and I want that for you so much.  Repeat after me: I unconditionally love and accept all the parts of me, no matter how I think, feel, or act. Write this statement down, put it somewhere you’ll see it often, and practice saying it to yourself throughout the week. Then, I challenge you to practice self love through connection and compassion (sound familiar?).   Step 1: Recognize the worth of your core selfAt your core - your essence, your soul, the divinity that lives within you - you are good. You are worthy of love. You are lovable, and you are good enough exactly as you are. Think of a newborn baby. Think of how deserving it is of love and care. There are no expectations of the baby. It doesn't have to prove anything. It doesn't owe anybody anything. It's just this love being.  You have that same pure soul inside of you. There is an essence to you that is pure and loving and good. It is worthy of love. It is worthy of being cared for and treated kindly.   Step 2: Connect to your core selfUnfortunately, we don’t always live in connection to our core self. We have subconscious thoughts and behaviors. Our environment influences how we think, feel, and act (e.g. parents, teachers, peers, religion, childhood experiences, etc.).  Sometimes we lose our connection to that core self, and we start using strategies that we think will either help us get better or help protect us. And these strategies aren’t always very loving to ourselves or others. Our thoughts become ruled by our inner critic. Feelings come up that we don’t know what to do with - like anger, hurt, or resentment. We use strategies to soothe, protect, or punish ourselves.  You might recognize these as people pleasing, yelling at your kids, overthinking, drinking too much, overworking, buying new things,...

    35 min

  2. FEB 13

    A Love Letter from Your Coach

    As we approach Valentine's Day and my upcoming series on radical self-love, you are getting a love letter from two life coaches that I recently recorded on accident. What you’ll hear today is a conversation between me and my coach and friend, Kristin Lafontaine, as we talked about what it means to heal yourself from pain, how to regulate your emotions and process hard things.  We are two life coaches, two mamas who have been through the ringer…and two people who love you. ❤️ Even if I don't know you, I care about you. I think about you. You are important to me. I want to be a voice of hope and support for you on your journey towards deeper well-being. The upcoming “radical self-love” series is meant to help you: Be kinder to yourselfMake friends with your thoughts and feelingsNotice patterns and strategies that are no longer serving youMake small decisions to change those patterns Get a sneak peek in today’s episode, and come back next week as the series kicks off.   You’ll Learn:How loving yourself and deciding to change can happen at the same timeA new way to think about “past you”Why trusting all stages of yourself is so importantThe 3 words I love to add onto difficult feelings or circumstances Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet! In this free guide you’ll discover: ✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.) ✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!) ✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.) ✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!) Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here Connect With Darlynn: Book a complimentary session with DarlynnLearn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.comFollow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

    39 min

  3. FEB 6

    Saying "I'm Sorry" (Repair pt. 2)

    In last week’s episode, I talked about how to forgive yourself when you yell, shame, hurt, or otherwise show up in a way you don’t love as a parent. Today, we’re talking about what comes next - saying “I’m sorry” and having a repair conversation with your child.  You’ll Learn: Why saying “I’m sorry” is so important (and why it’s only one piece of repair)4-step formula for a repair conversation (with examples)What you need to do before you have this conversation with your kidHow to repair after a longer period of time when you weren’t showing up as the parent you want to be It’s normal to lose it with your kid. What’s important is how you choose to handle it afterward.  ---------------------------------------------- You know what this looks like… Your kid keeps complaining about what you’re serving for dinner.  Or they keep asking for something over and over, even though you already said no.  Or they start hitting their sibling while you’re trying to make an appointment on your phone.  You lose your compassion and patience and get angry, overwhelmed, irritated, or frustrated. You get dysregulated, short-tempered, and disrespectful toward your child.  What It Feels Like For Your KidChildren are very self centered. That's their natural way of viewing the world. They're pretty sure the world revolves around them.  So when they notice that you’re mad, they will automatically think that they are the reason. And further, they’ll think that something is wrong with who they are. They don’t know how to separate their core self from their behavior yet. They internalize our anger, and it's very easy for them to go into shame.  This means that when you yell or get upset, you have to go back and give your child some understanding of why you behaved the way you did. We call this repair.  You explain to them that you were in a big feeling cycle, and you didn’t use your tools of taking a pause or deep breathing or moving your body or whatever you typically use to calm yourself.  The conversation is about repairing your relationship with your child, as well as their self-esteem and internal self-talk (basically your kid’s relationship with themself).    When To RepairHere are some signs that your child might need a repair conversation with you. You might notice that they: Seem deflatedWithdraw from youLook confused by your face or your behaviorCryRun awayGet more aggressive When you act out your big feelings on your kid, it activates their stress response. They go into fight, flight, freeze, faint, or fawn.  Anytime you notice that you’ve created a rupture, go make a repair.  If you’re at the beginning of your Calm Mama journey, you’ll probably have to do this a lot. You haven’t developed the skills yet, and that’s okay. You are still learning.  Another thing to note is that the repair conversation should happen separately from parenting, limit setting, or correction. You might feel tempted to say something to your kid like, “I’m sorry I yelled, but I wouldn’t yell at you if you would just put your pajamas on.” Discussion about your child’s behavior is a whole different conversation.  You are responsible for how you respond to misbehavior. Repair is the time for you to fix your mistake and reconnect.   How To Have a Repair Conversation: Saying “I’m Sorry”Repair is the act of returning to a moment of disconnection, taking responsibility for your behavior, and acknowledging its impact on your child. You caused a problem with your...

    28 min
  4. Shopping Ban [Confessions]

    FEB 5 · BONUS

    Shopping Ban [Confessions]

    A shopping ban?? What!? Yep, this year I'm committed to buying only essentials and not buying stuff online. I'm especially avoiding Amazon! On this episode of Confessions, Danielle Walsmith dive deep into the REASON I'm doing this and all the 'rules' I've created for the shopping ban.

    50 min
  5. Thanksgiving Fight [Confessions]

    FEB 5 · BONUS

    Thanksgiving Fight [Confessions]

    Darlynn shares the story of a big ol' fight she had with Kevin on Thanksgiving. Who knew how bad things could get just by asking "What do you want for thanksgiving dinner?"

    32 min
  6. Calm Mama Confessions Trailer

    FEB 4 · BONUS

    Calm Mama Confessions Trailer

    I'm the host of the Become a Calm Mama podcast, which is a podcast that is all about parenting and mama mindset and how to get calm and how to get your kids to listen and how to stop feeling like a piece of crap parent.  I love that podcast! And I'm going to keep teaching you how to parent and show up as the mom that you want to be week after week. As much as I love talking about parenting, I also love talking about so many other things that I'm interested in.  So I decided to start a NEW segment on the Become A Calm Mama podcast called Calm Mama Confessions.  On episodes of Calm Mama Confessions, you’ll hear me share things that have been on my mind that are outside of parenting. Calm Mama Confessions is the place where I’ll dive into different experiences I’ve had, things I’m learning, life-situations I’m working though.  Some examples could be: Marriage: I've been in a long marriage, and so I've learned a lot about being married. I've been married for twenty seven years so there’s A LOT of wisdom to share about that (and a lot of mistakes). The first episode is all about a BIG FIGHT Kevin and I just had over Thanksgiving about mashed potatoes.  Recovering From Childhood Trauma:  I also want to go into my backstory a little bit and share how I’ve recovered from a variety of childhood traumas - things I’ve alluded to on the podcast - but haven’t discussed throughout. Like what it meant to have experienced sexual abuse as a child, to experience abandonment, to grow up with a mother who was clinically depressed but untreated, to be poor, tons of stuff around that.  Empty Nest & Aging: I now have young adult children, and so I'm thinking about what it means to be an empty nester or a roomier nester. I'm going through menopause, and so I'm talking about hormones with my friends and all the physical changes we're experiencing. Disordered Eating/Body Stuff: As most of you know, I’m in recovery from an eating disorder, so I think a lot about diet and my body and body image and how to heal myself from that. I also love talking about homemaking and money and travel and goals and dreams. In an upcoming episode I share all about my No Buy/Low Buy commitment for 2025. I’ve always got a new goal or challenge or situation I’m diving into.  Expect to hear about whatever is going on in my life or whatever experiences I've had or things I've been thinking about that I think might help you feel less alone. There will be a ton of random topics! Also, you won’t just be hearing from me!  I’ve had so many amazing conversations with my friends over the years that have changed me, that have informed me, that have helped me grow or understand something about myself. That’s why I'm inviting some of my dearest friends to be on this new podcast to talk with me about a variety of topics.  This is the podcast for you… If you love storytelling…if you love listening to people's back stories...If you love the journey of how someone became who they are today..If you love self-help…If you love learning from me…If you're outside the parenting stage and you're finding it hard to relate to some of the things I'm sharing about on the regular podcast… New episodes will drop whenever I feel like it. There won't be a regular schedule so be sure to subscribe to the podcast to get notified of new episodes of Com Mama Confessions.  I hope Calm Mama Confessions brings you a smile, a laugh, a big AHA, and is an inspiration to become more and more YOU everyday.

    4 min

  7. JAN 30

    Guilt & Self-Forgiveness (Repair pt. 1)

    None of us is perfect. Not your kids, and not you. We all mess up, lose our cool and act in ways we aren’t proud of. It’s normal to feel guilty after you blow up on your kid, but there is a path back to connection. It starts with learning how to forgive yourself.  You’ll Learn: What to do after you lose it on your kid.The difference between guilt, shame, and remorseWhy you have to forgive yourself before you make amends with your childThe 4 steps to self-forgiveness When moms come to me worried that they’re messing up or traumatizing their kids, it’s often because of a few isolated experiences of them losing themselves in an angry moment and acting in a way that they don't love, like shaming their kid, name calling, being threatening, acting in a way that causes fear and pain for their child. Afterward, they feel this overwhelming regret, guilt, and fear that they have done permanent damage. But these isolated moments don’t define you as a mom. The only thing you need to do now is attune and repair. This idea is so simple, so beautiful, and absolutely true.  ------------------------------------------- Guilt, Remorse, and RepairWhen you have a rupture with your kid and you show up in a way that doesn't feel good, or you end up not connecting with them when they're doing a bid for connection, and they feel hurt and sad, you probably feel really bad. It feels existentially wrong when we cause our children pain. You had a big feeling cycle, you weren’t calm and emotionally regulated, and mama had a meltdown.  After this happens, it’s normal to feel yucky. It’s also important to have a conversation with your child to reconnect and repair the relationship. When you repair, you’re helping your child make sense of what happened when you yelled, shamed or otherwise caused them fear or pain. It helps them to understand that the way you acted wasn’t about them. It was about you. But before you do this, you need to deal with your guilt. If you go into the conversation feeling like a monster or like something must be wrong with you, your kid is going to feel like they have to convince you that you’re not a monster.  You can’t rely on your child’s forgiveness to make you feel better. That’s not their job. It’s your job to deal with your guilt and shift to remorse.  Guilt can be informative. Guilt is when you realize, “I’ve done something wrong.” But when we focus only on guilt, we can feel really alone and ashamed of ourselves. It is a self-centered feeling that keeps you focused on worthlessness and self-loathing. Guilt can keep you stuck in a destructive cycle of, “I’m a bad mom,” “I’m not good at this,” or “Something’s wrong with me.” It will keep you from actually taking action to make things right.  I’m here to tell you that you are not a bad person or a bad mom. You had a moment of overwhelm. You are a human, and you're going to have human reactions. So rather than guilt, let’s shift toward remorse. Remorse takes it a step further to, “I have regret. I did something wrong, and I don’t like that I did it.” From this place, you can process those yucky feelings and start to make amends.    How To Forgive YourselfThe keys to self-forgiveness are to separate the behavior from your core self and to have compassion for yourself and the feelings that led to the behavior.  When you act in a way that you don't love, you are acting that way because of your own emotional needs, because of something that's going on inside of you. The temporary overwhelm, anger, resentment or frustration that you felt and acted out is not YOU. You are not a bad person, you had a bad moment. You are a human who had a human reaction.  One of the...

    30 min

  8. JAN 23

    Practicing Attunement to Create Emotional Health

    If you feel worried about messing up your kid, today’s episode is for you. I’m teaching you how practicing attunement will help you build a more connected relationship with your child and create emotional health within them.  You’ll Learn: What attunement is and why it’s important for emotional health2 simple steps to practice attunementExamples of what it looks like to be attuned to your childWhat not to say when your kid is strugglingCommon obstacles to attuning to your child (and what to do about them) As moms, we feel really scared that we’re going to mess up our kids. This is a normal fear, and it comes up because you really care a lot. You want to do a good job and raise emotionally healthy kids. Attunement is a big way that we do this. Listen to learn how. -----------------------------------What Is Attunement?Emotional health and feeling secure are rooted in having a strong attachment with your parent. So, the way to trauma-proof your child is through attunement, which is about seeing them and soothing them.  In the Calm Mama Process of Calm, Connect, Limit Set, Correct, attunement the “Connect” step. When we talk about validating emotion, we're talking about attunement.  In this process, you are becoming aware of your child's emotional state. If they're misbehaving, crying, asking for something - whatever you’re seeing on the outside, you are also trying to figure out what might be going on on the inside. You’re understanding that your child has an inner life. They're walking through the world experiencing something. They have their own thoughts, feelings, reactions, and a perspective on life. When you are regularly attuning to your child, they feel safe and secure. And from that secure place, they are willing to trust others, to be vulnerable, to take risks, to grow, to change, to self-reflect, to have self compassion - all these traits that are part of being an emotionally healthy person. Attunement also normalizes emotions, creates a shame-free environment for processing negative emotion, and helps your child become more self-aware (another key for emotional health). Of course, there are no guarantees. There are always factors that are out of our control. But generally speaking, the more secure a child’s attachment is with their parent, the more likely they are to have an emotionally healthy life. As we talk about attunement, the goal is not for you to do a, b, and c to make sure your kid turns out okay. It’s an opportunity to look at yourself and decide how you want to show up as a parent and what kind of strategies you want to use in your family.    Practicing AttunementBeing seen and validated is really, really powerful. And a little bit of attunement goes a long way toward compliance. Not only is it an effective parenting strategy, but it’s also helpful for your kid in the long term.  It models the process of emotional regulation. You help them understand the messy inside feelings. You give them language to communicate it and to cope with it. When you do this over and over again, your child eventually learns how to do that for themselves.  Step 1: See. Attunement starts by just paying attention - looking at your child’s behavior and wondering what could be going on underneath. You’ll see clues like their behavior, body language, or words. Your role as a parent is to try to slip into their narrative, their emotional state. Then, you can respond to that emotional state and try to help them through it. Step 2: Soothe. When your child is in distress or having a negative experience, they need soothing. Sometimes this is as simple as communicating to them, “You are not alone. I see you. I’m here to support...

    36 min
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About

Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be. Darlynn is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior and create a peaceful home. Darlynn is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what it’s really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century. Over the past 15 years, Darlynn has dedicated her life to becoming the mom she wanted to be for my kids. In that process, she created a parenting model called “The Calm Mama Process” that helped her navigate every tricky parenting moment that’s been thrown her way. From hitting to bullying, from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans, from missing assignments to college admissions, from getting kids to bed to getting kids out of bed, from kids not wanting to get out of the bath to middle schoolers that don’t want to take a shower, from kids fighting in the car to kids who drive their own car, she’s seen it all. Darlynn has taught her model to hundreds of moms since 2015 and when they apply the Calm Mama Process to their tricky parenting moments they have calm and peace in their homes. Their kids' behavior improves, their relationship with their children gets so much better, and they enjoy motherhood (most of the time!). Darlynn teaches her process inside her coaching program, The Emotionally Healthy Kids course, where you learn how to master your reactivity, teach kids how to manage their big feelings, and set limits that work. Each week she brings practical and simple strategies to the podcast so you can stop yelling and create a peaceful home.

Information

  • Creator
    Darlynn Childress
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2025
  • Episodes
    165
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2025 Darlynn Childress
  • Show Website
    Become A Calm Mama

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