Stronger Marriage Connection KSL Podcasts

In this episode of the "Stronger Marriage Connection" podcast, hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale are joined by certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. They delve into common sexual issues faced by couples, focusing on sexual desire discrepancies and strategies for maintaining a strong marital connection. Jessa provides invaluable insights into reactive and proactive desires, the sexual avoidance cycle, and the impacts of pressure and expectations on sexual intimacy.

About Jessa Zimmerman:

Jessa Zimmerman is a licensed couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Sheworks in private practice in Seattle, WA. Over the course of her therapy career, she has focused almost exclusively on helping couples with their emotional and sexual intimacy. In her years of clinical experience, Zimmerman has treated hundreds of couples who have struggled to feel sexual desire and fulfillment. Her clients describe having a good relationship in other ways, but their sex life has become difficult to the point that they start to avoid sex. These are people who love each other but are struggling to have a sex life they both enjoy. She specializes in helping these couples who find that sex has become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. She educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 4 pillar experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life, guiding them to become easily intimate.

Zimmerman received her Master’s in Psychology from LIOS college of Saybrook University andSex Therapist certification from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors,and Therapists (AASECT). She has done extensive training in couples’ therapy, with a focus onCrucible® Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch. She is the author of Sex Without Stress; A Couple’s Guide to Overcoming Disappointment, Avoidance & Pressure. She is the host of the Better Sex Podcast and has appeared on numerous other podcasts as an expert guest. She is the creator of the Intimacy With Ease Method and founder of The Desire Spa, an online course for women with little to no libido. She is a regularly featured expert in the media, including Refinery29, Marriage.com, Business Insider, and Mind Body Green. She lives in Seattle with her partner.

Insights:


Jessa: One cannot fail in sex if they shift their mindset to view it simply as a source of pleasure and connection, without attaching to specific outcomes. By embracing this approach, sexual experiences can become easy and enjoyable, even if they differ from previous expectations or desires. The key lies in accepting and adapting to these differences, which opens limitless possibilities for enjoyment and satisfaction.
Dave: Moods for sexual activity evolve over time, there is a contrast between the constant readiness (proactive mood) in early stages of relationships with the need to actively engage or transition into feeling ready (reactive mood) as time progresses. If couples only engaged in sex when both partners were spontaneously in the mood, they might seldom have sex. Love the concepts of reactive and proactive desire, and engaging physically can lead to a physiological response where the body releases dopamine and serotonin, aligning physical readiness with emotional desire.
Liz: Sex is like going to a playground, we don't know how long we're going to stay. We're not sure what we're going to enjoy once we get there. But we are going to enjoy it. It's not about the outcome or the goal.

Jessa Zimmerman Links:

https://intimacywithease.com

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/grou

Today hosts Liz Hale and Dave Schramm talk with Arlene Pellicane, an author and speaker specializing in marriage and parenting. As the national spokesperson for National Marriage Week, Arlene shares insightful tips for nurturing a strong marital connection. The discussion emphasizes daily connections, weekly date nights, and the significance of prioritizing marriage in today's world.

About Arlene Pellicane

Arlene Pellicane is the National Spokesperson for National Marriage Week. She's a topmarriage and parenting author and speaker, and has appeared on several media outletslike the Today Show, Wall Street Journal, Focus on the Family, Fox & Friends, TLC’sHome Made Simple, FamilyLife Today, and The 700 Club. She’s also the host of theHappy Home podcast and the author of several books including 31 Days to a HappyHusband, and 31 Days to Becoming a Happier Wife. She is married to James, herhusband of more than 25 years, and they have three children - Ethan, Noelle and Lucy.

Insights:


Arlene: the importance of having a service-oriented attitude in marriage, one thatasks, "What can I do for you?" rather than "What can you do for me?" By focusing on small acts of kindness, like bringing a glass of water or leaving a loving note, you can demonstrate love and commitment to your spouse. This approach leads to an active and controllable part in the relationship, fostering appreciation and reciprocation from your partner. Arlene underscores the need to consistently prioritize your spouse's needs and to take the initiative in showing care and service. She expresses hope that listeners will recognize the value in their marriages, take active steps to cherish them, and thereby inspire future generations to value the institution of marriage
Dave appreciates Arlene's insights on maintaining an outward mindset and the importance of being intentional in marriage. He reflects on his parents' impressive 58-year marriage, recognizing it as a model for what he strives to achieve in his own family life. With his spouse and their four children, they make a concerted effort to show the importance of their marriage. They prioritize their relationship, with regular date nights, emphasizing to their children that their partnership is a priority. Dave acknowledges the need for planning and intentionality to prevent drifting apart in marriage, valuing daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly connections.
Liz appreciates the concept that individuals can often get caught up in a mindset of expecting more from their partners without recognizing their own contributions. In her marriage therapy sessions, she frequently observes that when a person perceives they're not receiving enough from their partner, it's typically reflective of not giving enough themselves. This realization is a good foundation for addressing marital issues. Liz also highlights the decline in marriage rates from previous generations to millennials, and says that aunts, uncles, and parents bear a significant responsibility to promote the value of marriage. She stresses that it is crucial for them to model strong marriages themselves, to reinforce the positive message about marriage.

Arlene Pellicane Links:

https://www.nationalmarriageweekusa.org/

https://www.facebook.com/nationalmarriageweek

https://twitter.com/ArlenePellicane

https://www.instagram.com/nationalmarriageweekusa

https://arlenepellicane.com/

 

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

Today Dave Schramm and Liz Hale explore the profound insights of doctors John and Julie Gottman's latest book, "The Seven Day Love Prescription". They delve into practical advice taken from extensive research on thousands of couples, focusing on strengthening relationships through simple actions and deeper understanding. They discuss the significance of turning towards your partner, the power of touch, the importance of asking open-ended questions, and the brain's tendency to focus on negativity. This episode provides valuable tips for fostering a deeper connection and revitalizing your marriage by incorporating daily habits that enhance love and affection.

Insights:


Dave: Slowing down and understanding your partner’s world takes humility. I love the word compassion, as we've talked about humility. And let me add gratitude; expressions of appreciation for the little things of being thoughtful. Kindness and gratitude is two sides of the same coin. When someone is kind, hopefully the other person is grateful. And they recognize that and understand each other's worlds. It’s hard to settle on one thing, but kindness could change a marriage. Slow down and be a little more kind, little more gentle, a little more thoughtful.
Liz: You know, what I have loved is how we've talked about how healthy "we" consists of healthy "me" and I'm really the only person in the relationship that can really guarantee how I show up right? I am only in control of me. So I think when I show up paramount with kindness, I think that is the key.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

In this eye-opening episode, hosts Dave Schramm and Liz Hale talk with Dr. Jason Carroll to debunk the soulmate myth. They explore the impact of soulmate thinking on relationships and discuss how lasting connections are forged through intentional effort and growth. Drawing on the report "The Soulmate Trap," the conversation highlights the importance of virtues, responsible behaviors, and shared life goals over predestined destiny beliefs.

About Jason Carroll

Jason S. Carroll is an internationally recognized expert on flourishing marriages and readinessfor marriage among young adults. He currently serves as the Director of the Family Initiative atthe Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University, and he is also a Senior Fellow of theInstitute for Family Studies. He has also been a faculty member in BYU’s School of Family for the last 23 years. In 2014, Dr. Carroll received the Berscheid-Hatfield Award for Distinguished Mid-Career Achievement, a biennial award given for distinguished scientific achievement by the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR). This award was given to himprimarily to acknowledge his significant theoretical contributions to the field of marriagestudies. Dr. Carroll is best known professionally for his development of the “DevelopmentalModel of Marital Competence,” the widely used “Marital Horizon Theory” of young adultreadiness for marriage, and “Sexual Restraint Theory” which has been used to demonstrate thebenefits to couples who wait until they are married to begin their sexual relationship. Mostrecently, Dr. Carroll has received recognition for his new “STRIVE-4 Model of Virtue” thatprovides a comprehensive model to organize and guide a mature science of virtue.

Insights


Jason, "We need to actively mentor the younger generation within our spheres of influence, like in family and in work spaces. Think about how we can collectively restore the confidence and the sense of agency and choice. By sharing the realities of a genuine relationship—its challenges and its rewards—we can help restore the younger generation's confidence in and aspiration for enduring, loving marriage."
Dave, "Mature love in healthy relationships is characterized by outward focus and contribution, whereas immature love fixates inwardly on personal needs and disappointments. With mature love and immature love, there is always a choice."
Liz, "The focus is not so much on happiness, but on meaningfulness. All parts of our relationships, the highs and the lows, that’s why we're here. That's what gives us meaning. And I love the idea of the growth belief versus the destiny belief."

Jason's Links

https://wheatley.byu.edu/

Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness by Blaine J. Fowers

 

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

In this insightful episode of "Stronger Marriage Connection," hosts Liz Hale and Dave Schramm engage in a powerful discussion with Dr. Carly LeBaron about the complexities of and navigational strategies for couples facing faith crises and faith transitions in their marriage. Dr. LeBaron, an active marriage and family therapist, sheds light on the emotional and relational dynamics of mixed-faith marriages, and faith transitions in marriage, offering valuable advice for couples to maintain harmony and understanding despite differing faith perspectives.

About Carly LeBaron:Dr. Carly LeBaron has a MS and PhD degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy and is a practicing therapist in Logan, Utah. She owns New Beginnings Therapy, a group private practice in Logan, where she specializes in women's mental, emotional, and relational health, faith crisis/faith transition, perfectionism and people-pleasing, eating disorders and body image, couples therapy, and more. She has authored two self-help books, "Shattering the Porcelain: Overcoming Perfectionism and People- Pleasing and Becoming the Real You," and "Some Body to Love: 12 Weeks to a Better Body Image" and offers online courses in mental health through therapyinanutshell.com. In her spare time, she loves to write, read, garden, create, camp, and spend time with friends and family. She is married to her best friend, has three amazing sons, and a Shih Tzu named Bandit who is in training to become a therapy animal.

Insights:


Carly: "Keep in mind that you're suffering in your own way, and your partner’s suffering may be in a different way. So, if you’re able to kind of create a space where it's okay for both of you to be hurting at the same time. It opens up a lot of conversations instead of shutting things down with defensiveness."
Dave: "Even if we have differences, we can still be kind. We can still choose to be kind to each other It's challenging but, be respectful of each other and even negotiate when you're negotiating with kids and practices and things. Kindness, kindness. Above all, through this, through the challenges you can still choose to be kind."
Liz: "I love that whole idea that validation doesn't necessarily mean agreement. It really just means your perspective matters to me, which really means you matter to me."

Dr. Carly LeBaron Links:

https://www.newbeginningstherapy.net/

 

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

Today Sage Allen discusses the stresses and challenges she's encountered with her son who has severe autism and how this affects her marriage. Sage opens up about the raw realities of day-to-day care, and how important it is to make time for both self-care and date nights. Sage shares tips for other parents who find themselves overwhelmed and exhausted, including intentionally finding the good in each day and reaching out for support systems, including online groups.

About Sage AllenSage Erickson Allen has a master's degree in marriage family human development from BYU. ,She taught marriage preparation at BYU and marriage enrichment classes for USU Extension inSt. George, UT for a few years. She stopped teaching when her first child was diagnosed withsevere autism around age two. That child is seven years old now and is completely nonverbalwith low functioning autism and ADHD. In her spare time, Sage likes ballroom dancing andwriting for her casual blog, sagerelationshipadvice.com. She also enjoys advocating for peoplewith disabilities and families that need more help managing the stresses that accompany raising a child with a disability.

Insights:


Sage: "I'd like to tell everyone that you really can have a great fulfilling marriage with a disabled child. At feels impossible. And it kind of feels like you'll never be happy again when you have that big of a trial, but then it really does get better. And you can have a great marriage and a great life.
Dave: "An internal insight is, I can't be, my feelings. I'm going to feel things but I've got to learn to feel it but not follow it, if that makes sense. And not let it spill over and into my parenting or into my marriage or, or how I see the situation or complain about this or that in my life because it can always be poisonous, right? And how that that spills over."
Liz: "I was pretty naive; I still am with autism. Thank you for the reminder of the three stages and that Utah has a way to go. That saddens me and it also gives me great hope with advocates like you and people who are willing to speak out and speak up for their loved ones or children. With that, I hope things do continue to grow and change."

Sage Allen Links:

https://sagerelationshipadvice.com

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.orgpodcast.strongermarriage.orgFacebook: StrongerMarriage.orgInstagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/