Conversations with Dr. Jennifer Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Has your relationship lost its spark?

When we take ourselves too seriously, we can snuff out the playful eros energy that keeps relationships vibrant and alive. 

After all, the happiest marriages thrive, rather than just survive. They are joyful because each person feels free to fully be themselves—without the need to pretend or contort themselves to earn approval. 

Making room for two people to be true to themselves and the relationship is where the real magic happens. 

I recently met with Dr. Jerry and Tammie Duggar of the Simple 7 Lifestyle Podcast to discuss how couples can find more happiness and a deeper sense of freedom in their relationships, and how the quality of our relationships impacts both our mental and physical health.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

Honesty 

Conflict

Self-Trust

Anxiety Tolerance 

Eros Energy and its relationship to relational joy

** Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course!**

It’s very tempting to look to others to tell us how to live–to gauge our success by how well we live up to others’ expectations and to measure our value by the approval of others. 

There is a time for thinking this way; it’s how we all start out—dependent on others to tell us how to live. But, if we want to mature and grow into greater personal responsibility and wisdom, we must be willing to author our own lives. 

It’s what maturity requires.

It means having the courage to take our own ideas and the ideas of others and really evaluate them. To determine for ourselves if ideas are good and truthful, and then to align our choices with what we ourselves genuinely believe is best. 

Forging a deeper internal reference is critical if we want to be at peace with ourselves and if we want to be capable of intimacy, of letting someone truly know who we are.

I recently joined Oliver and Lindsey of the Singled In Podcast for a conversation about the exceptional power of choice and its relationship to self-authoring, especially as it relates to being at peace with our sexuality.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

-Shifting from an external to an internal moral compass

- Psychological maturation

-Self-authoring and self-determination  

-The power of CHOICE   

-How relationships pressure growth  

-Sexual integration for singles 

I am heartbroken to share with you on this Mother’s Day that recently my mom was diagnosed with a serious illness. An illness that will take her from us sooner than any of us had expected.

Sherrae Phelps and I recorded this podcast episode last year, long before my mom’s diagnosis. The plan was always to publish the episode for Mother’s Day, but it feels particularly poignant to be releasing it now, in light of this diagnosis–to be celebrating my mother’s impact on me as I confront the reality of losing her.

I am so grateful for my kind-hearted and generous mother.

When I was young, it seemed to me that my mom had less influence than my dad (he was a professor, a church leader, and had a more dominant voice in our family). But, over time, I have come to see and appreciate just how influential my mom has been—not only in my life but in the lives of countless others. 

My mom has the tremendous gift of being able to see the good in others. She genuinely cares about people and easily celebrates them for who they are, however divergent their backgrounds and beliefs may be. Throughout my childhood, my mom would welcome those who were in need of friendship or support into her life. It wasn’t uncommon for us to have visitors staying at our house or sitting around our dinner table. Caring for others comes easily to my mom—the genuine friendship and acceptance that she offers has blessed the lives of so many.

Because of my mom’s ability to see the good in others, it has always been clear to me and to each of my seven siblings that we are cherished by her. She relates to us as gifts in her life and believes that we are inherently worthy (even when we have been sure she was mistaken). She never tried to turn us into anything different than who we were—she didn’t pressure us to be people who would make her proud. She was already proud of us, just for being hers. Having a parent value me so unequivocally fostered a belief in myself early on. Through the way that she has lived, she has taught me to care for others and to trust in a God who loves and accepts me, even when others may not.

Although an unassuming person, my mom has always been determined to create a meaningful life. Consistent with her focus on the Good, she’s an optimist, one who looks towards possibilities. For example, in her seventies, she started a raw vegan snack food business; at age 89, she signed up for ballroom dance classes–even though doing so terrified her–and she has danced nearly every day since. Lately, she has been focused on improving her German and studies it regularly. She is always trying to expand her life. And even in the face of a devastating diagnosis, Mom has remained hopeful and resolved to live every remaining moment wholeheartedly and without despair.

The truth is, my behind-the-scenes mother has had a tremendous positive impact on the world. She has spread her influence by living wisely and through her honest care for others. This disposition has been supported by her faith which has asked her to love others and to live hopefully.  

At ninety years old, she is a woman full of life and genuine beauty–she exemplifies feminine radiance and intuitive wisdom. Her life has demonstrated that the power of love, humility, and grace can make the world a better place. I am so grateful for her–grateful for her influence on me and on others. Grateful that she is who she is, and that she has shown up in her life the way that she has. She has given me so much. 

Thank you, Mom. I love you so very much.

**Click HERE to subscribe to Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!**

The challenges in your sexual relationship can offer a glimpse into the unhealthy dynamics playing out in your life and marriage.

Understanding and addressing your role in these difficult interactions will help you create an intimate relationship that can be a place of solace for both parties—where each partner feels desired, valued, and cared for. 

In this new podcast episode, I join Melissa of the Family Brand podcast to discuss our ability to find fulfillment in sexual relationships and how couples can overcome common roadblocks that interfere with desire, passion, and connection. 



Listen to the full episode to learn more about: 

    •    Meanings that interfere with desire and sexual connection

    •    Becoming more capable of desire and connection in marriage

    •    Navigating intimacy during every phase of marriage—from newlywed to empty nest

    •    Balancing our need for autonomy with our need for connection (making room for two in marriage)

    •    Self-authoring and its relationship to desire 

    •    Increasing eroticism and connection with our partners

**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course**

Many of us have been taught the misguided idea that to be virtuous we must be desireless.

Not all desires are created equal, and there is an important distinction to be made between our lower and higher desires. Lower desires are driven by our ego—they are self-serving, driven by our need to feel good, and are antithetical to spiritual development. Higher desires, on the other hand, encourage our growth and expansion, these are the desires that promote our development and increase our ability to love those around us.

The pursuit of our higher desires is not only worthwhile, it’s imperative to our psychological, emotional, and spiritual development.

In this episode, I joined Ryan and Jordan, hosts of The Stoic Dad podcast, to discuss the difference between higher and lower desires, the important distinction between wants and desires, productive and unproductive suffering, as well as what defines mature masculinity and the dynamics of attraction.

**Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Room for Two podcast!**




The brief years of young adulthood are a vitally important period of our development. 

These are the years when we learn how to self-define. A time when we take the ideas and beliefs that were offered to us by parents, peers, and society and really sort out what we think about those ideas, and how we want to relate to them as we go forward. 

As most adults will remember, this can be a turbulent process, for both young adults and their parents.  

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Isaac Burton, a bright young college student, to discuss several topics on the minds of many young adults. During the conversation, we discuss dating, career choices, the importance of self-definition, and more.