What It's Like To Be You Josh Lavine

“I simply drove to this person’s house right away when I was feeling this rejection and said, listen I’m sitting outside in the car if you want to come out and talk. You know, but I didn’t go to the door and knock. I didn’t want to intrude. I want to respect his freedom. But at the same time I want to say “Hey let’s move on and see what’s happening, and if things need to shift and if I have missed some things, please.”

Bob Fecas [SO/SP 2w1 279] is a spiritual advisor, mentor, and teacher of philosophy and theology in the Atlanta area for over 25 years.

Bob’s Website https://www.bobfecas.com/

The Enneagram School https://theenneagramschool.com/

Get Officially Typed by Enneagrammer https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typed

Timestamps

0:00 Intro

1:54 Losing Friends & having a "special place" others' life

5:22 Relational disappointment on 70th birthday

7:36 Response when others become “removed"; driving to their house

12:32 Hand on student's shoulder

15:05 Positive Outlook: Expecting relational patch ups

16:53 Helping to help or to feel appreciated?

19:12 Faith — human disappointments couched by a higher love

24:53 Grief & exploring the insincerity of 2

30:36 Being inspired by the Saints; goodness, giving

35:14 Being a teacher — students over content

38:30 Bob's 2-ish compliment to Josh

39:37 Bob's joi d'vivre; physical contact with all

42:15 Gift of making personal contact, even in “discipline"

44:54 Teaching philosophy, relationship with student central

47:59 Relationship as reason to live; as teacher, engaging the unengaged

54:22 The 4 types of teachers 56:38 Another compliment from Bob

57:11 Excellent 2 superego example

58:32 2s being "hypocrites," insincere; 2 image vs identity

1:00:35 Bob's humanness relative to inspiring saints

1:04:00 Owning vs avoiding negative emotions; real vs fake positivity

1:10:42 How do you know when you're spiritually bypassing

1:16:05 What's the most unhealthy you've been psychologically?

1:20:58 Parsing Crises of Meaning vs "going down the levels"

1:25:00 Emptiness underneath the image

1:29:14 Thanks & Salutations

1:31:16 Plugs

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#enneagram #enneagram2 #enneagramtypes

"I've often heard people talk about The Work of Byron Katie as the "how"... there's the "what" of spiritual development... you know freedom, what it looks like... it's described so well in terms of Essence in the Enneagram. There are many ways to talk about it in many traditions. And there are many ways in terms of the how. But Byron Katie's is such a simple and accessible how. Like, take this step, follow this step, go through these little points... and there's often some evolution happening in just 20-30 minutes."

Todd Smith is a facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie -- one of the most powerful methods of inner work I've encountered. We discuss what it is, demo it, and debrief. Enjoy.

Todd's Links 

https://theworkasmeditation.com/ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wiggle-room/id1612348594

The Enneagram School https://theenneagramschool.com/

Timestamps

0:00 Intro

2:21 Overview of The Work

6:22 Starting The Work -- Josh's stressful dinner

14:21 Unpacking the stressful moment - emotional interpretation, finding the right words

17:25 Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet Line 1 (there are 6 lines total)

20:49 Line 2

22:33 Line 3

28:27 Line 4

31:32 Line 5

33:35 Line 6

37:42 The 4 Questions - "Be in that moment" as you answer

39:21 Question 1

42:44 Question 3

44:37 Catching myself "performing"

55:19 The Turnarounds

56:47 Turnaround 1

1:02:14 Turnaround 2

1:11:06 Heart Center "Image" in the work

1:14:12 Turnaround 3

1:15:36 Summary of The Work

1:20:01 The Work is top practice but resisted; attachment to suffering

1:27:02 Todd's reflection on enneagram & the work

1:31:20 The 3 Centers & The Work

1:39:07 The Work & Gendlin's Focusing (finding the right words)

1:48:34 The power of allowing the tantrum

1:47:09 The practice vs "image" of having an open mind

1:51:13 Diagnosis not same as cure

1:56:23 The Work & Adult Ego Development

2:02:44 We approach inner work in the style of our type

2:09:45 Salutations

2:12:55 Plugs 

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Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/

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#enneagram #enneagramtypes #thework #byronkatie #mindfulness #presence #innerwork

Sandy Jahmi Burg is a facilitator of Gendlin's Focusing -- the most powerful method of tapping into body intelligence that I've encountered. In this interview, we define it, demo it, and debrief. Enjoy.

Sandy's Website https://learnfocusing.org/

The Enneagram School https://www.theenneagramschool.com/

Timestamps

0:00 Intro

3:46 What is Focusing?

6:30 The "felt-sense" implies "life-forward" movement

10:02 The importance of being "in relationship" with the felt sense

12:13 Making an invitation as you enter a Focusing session

13:35 Demo - Lead in & invitation, creating conditions for a felt sense to arrive

18:33 Demo - The first felt sense, "taking our understanding back" to our bodies

20:08 Demo - Making contact & letting it know you hear it, "Getting into relationship"

24:06 Demo - Acknowledging & getting "bigger than"

25:37 Demo - Responding to how it sees you

28:19 Demo - It's "message" for me

32:11 Wordless metabolizing; sitting in the "solution" state, not the problem

35:00 Setting an intention vs inhabiting a way of being

38:26 What the hell just happened? - The "steps" in a Focusing Journey

39:24 The grocery store analogy; Discovering, making contact, coming into relationship, experiencing shift

49:12 The leap of faith -- acknowledging what arises as sentient entities

51:00 Parts Work & the "Self" (capital S); on being merged with a part & getting "bigger than" it

54:58 The "result" of a focusing session: before, merged; after, in relationship

59:50 The facilitator's POV: tracking, giving prompts, helping Focuser get into relationship

1:08:29 On "checking back" with the body; when something feels understood and accepted for how it is now, that's what releases it to shift

1:11:56 when something feels understood and accepted for how it is now, that's what releases it to shift

1:20:15 How to work with Sandy

1:21:59 Plugs

Yamira [SO/SX 5w4 531] is an artist in New York. Watch this interview on YouTube so you can see Yamira's art as she talks about it.

Yamira's links https://www.mossyscabs.com/ @mossyscabs @_brujaja

The Enneagram School https://theenneagramschool.com/

Get Officially Typed by Enneagrammer https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typed

 

Timestamps

0:00 Intro

1:49 Why make art?

7:34 Grief losing whole portfolio of art (!)

10:49 What was the Grief like?

12:09 On delaying "dealing with the grief"

13:55 Facing fear and becoming a more "public" person

15:15 5 themes - cerebralizing emotions; privacy

16:50 Becoming more "public" by working at a restaurant

19:51 Wanting to be known; (re)-introducing myself through art

23:19 High stakes art has my Self in it (vs impersonal, low stakes art)

24:29 Example of "lower stakes" art

28:44 Yamira's burrowing 5 mind; getting to more clarity & precision

30:59 What did you learn about grief? -- and how that changed the art

36:13 Yamira's redemptive post-grief arc

37:35 Tattooing, want my art to help people (Though not the why)

40:16 Beauty inherently helps people

41:45 The intimacy of tattoo art; how collaborative?

46:01 Realizing it can be good to share yourself with others. "Didn't used to care about it"

51:22 Overcoming natural tendency NOT to share; childhood memories of rejection

55:49 Social life as an adult

58:55 Others as "aliens"

1:01:30 From isolation to intimacy; "can't respect everyone" (& inner critic backlash); I want to have

fun together but not be clowns

1:06:42 Merriment! - SO/SX with 1 fix - "We should be enjoying ourselves!"

1:11:06 What's this been like?

1:14:48 Plugs

Kelly Ayadi [SO/SX 5w6 512] is frequenter of online Enneagram forums and a somewhat more "relational" type 5 than might be typical, given her double-people instinctual stacking and 2 fix. In this conversation, we talk about her childhood "doing her own thing" and her relationship with her 9 partner, her kids, and her family. Kelly's framing of certain emotions as "unnecessary" is illuminating, as is her relationship with expressing love in a way that reaches the other person and appreciation for acts of kindness from her partner. I feel this conversation is very helpful in showing how 5s differ from 9s, and more broadly how 5s operate in relationship via rejection in the mental center.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/my3JxeaIHvM

Get Typed: https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typed

The Enneagram School: https://www.theenneagramschool.com/

 

Timestamps

0:00 Intro

2:42 Little Kelly

5:45 Kelly's work at dept of human services

8:19 Conversation anchorpoints

9:13 "Professional student," doing my own path, not having to deal with outside noise & relationships

13:13 People-y stacking "vs" 5 private, uncooperative

15:51 Drone operator as 5 metaphor

17:26 Not wanting to be touched; doing own thing

21:58 What is my "own thing"? People fascination

24:32 Partner as specimen(?)

27:18 Withdrawing in relationship, won't compromise self

30:35 Our Courtship; defending me online was "unnecessary"

35:16 Rejection-Attachment dynamic in relationship; appreciating "unnecessary" kindness

41:52 Untouchable independence; emotional neutrality

44:19 Unpacking "Unnecessary"

46:54 Fantasy of lower emotionality everywhere

49:43 Not entering other's frame (Avarice); non-reciprocal expectations: "you come to me, I don't go to you"

53:15 First relationship I *want* to make work; becoming more flexible?

59:37 Entering others frame as rejection type

1:02:16 Painful learning I wasn't a "Nurturing" mom

1:05:27 I want to be loving but don't know how

1:10:15 Were you nurtured? Did it matter?

1:13:46 Pain of not being seen as competent; disconnect about "What matters?"

1:20:26 Pain being the black sheep the "off" one

1:22:00 A good moment with her father

1:24:36 Kelly/Josh's responses to her "heartwarming" story

1:29:43 Intellectually framing experience before I can feel it - what's helped?

1:33:05 What's this been like for you?

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#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagramtype5 #enneagram5 #enneagraminterview

I present to you the audio of the infamous Mascara Incident (which we don't talk about). This was recorded in December 2022, about 9 months before Courtney's official video interview. In this conversation, we explore Courtney's experience as an Attachment type in the Mental center, her typing journey (starting at 1, landing on 6), and her 6-ish journey to uncovering original insights about Object Relations and sharing them on the Big Hormone Enneagram podcast. We also touch on Alexander Technique and other grounding practices that helped Courtney discover her Inner Authority and her body's ability to discern Truth. 

Courtney's Website: courtneysmithconsulting.com

The Enneagram School: https://www.theenneagramschool.com/

Courtney on BHE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bhe-36-object-relations-daggers-to-the-heart-part-1/id1493756268?i=1000489894365

Get typed: https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typed

 

Timestamps

0:00 Intro

2:27 Enneagram origin story; conscious leadership group; resisting 6, mistyping as 1 (hopeful identification, similar to 9->4)

8:17 How'd you realize you were a 6?

11:40 Complexity around 6 & "Inner Guidance" --> journey to 6 demonstrating 6's relationship with "authority," attachment & reactivity together, argumentativeness, "pressure-testing"

15:47 What builds trust -- ENGAGEMENT, willingness to engage -- "Are you gonna play that game with me?"; wanting other to be certain, yet also willing to meet me in uncertainty

19:19 Stamina for this kind of "engaging"

20:33 Looking for stability, "up there" in the mental space, where you can't find it

24:25 What's helped you ground? Footwork, balance, improving sensation, Alexander Technique, Letting the breath catch up with the mind

28:12 What is Alexander Technique? Why good for 6?

33:40 "Over-muscling": the body creating a false anchor from the mind being overused

38:02 Working with 6s, coach's pov; kinesthetic modeling; how are *you* showing up as coach?

41:53 Exploring: being settled in your own energy as a coach vs "entering their storm"

45:27 On Courtney claiming her inner authority, making discoveries in Object Relations, sharing on BHE

50:27 6 seeking coherence in the map

55:28 Why so important for things to make sense? Fear of randomness; "Faith" that "the pieces should fit together

58:30 Exploring attachment, Courtney's obsessive journey of discovering her insights; attachment, denial of self, responding to parental failure

1:02:21 Courtney's Object Relations insights applied to herself; energy towards maintaining "good relationships," but "on what terms?"

1:04:28 Examples!: mindful of teacher's perspectives, wary to contradict, assuming my ideas are derivative; how do I say something without saying others are wrong? (which compromises relationship)

1:10:49 Putting relationship at risk by having a different view

1:14:26 Courtney's 5 wing

1:21:50 What's it like now to have "exposed yourself as an authority?" .. Resistance to claiming it 

1:26:26 Why does someone *want* to be an authority?

1:29:35 Tension between my 3 & Courtney's 6 in seeing her as an authority

1:36:29 Texture on words that originally had no juice for Courtney: Attachment, Support, Loyalty, Duty, Responsibility

1:42:44 Heart vs Head Center main preoccupation

1:45:41 Thank you's

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#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram6 #enneagramtype6 #enneagraminterview