67 episodes

45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world?

Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen Elise Loehnen and Cadence13

    • Education
    • 4.9 • 450 Ratings

45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world?

    Living a Committed Life (Lynne Twist)

    Living a Committed Life (Lynne Twist)

    “But a life devoted to something larger than yourself is a life worth living. It's a life that is in recognition of life is given to us, it's given to us so that we can give it, we're blessed so that we can bless. We're born, I think, I can't prove this, but I've experienced it to make the contribution that's uniquely ours to make. And when you find that dharma, that discovers who you are, this is a match for what's wanted in the world. Oh my God. It's so thrilling that I wanted to do everything I could to make that available to people, because it's not only wonderful for you, the world needs us now. The world always did. But now the crises are so deep, so profound, so intense, so everywhere. So in every part of society, in every economic class, in every country, in every language, in every culture, that it's all hands on deck. And what a thrilling time to be alive when it's an all hands on deck moment.” so says my guest today, Lynne Twist. Lynne is a world-renowned visionary committed to alleviating poverty, ending world hunger, and supporting social justice and sustainability. Her 40-year career has taken her from working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta, to the refugee camps in Ethiopia and the threatened rainforests of the Amazon, to guiding the philanthropic efforts of some of the world’s wealthiest families. Her breadth of experience led her to found the Soul of Money Institute, where she has worked with hundreds of thousands of people all over the world on topics such as fundraising with integrity, practicing conscious philanthropy, and creating a healthy relationship with money. Lynne first translated her compelling stories and life experiences into the bestselling book, The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life and joins us today to discuss her newest book, Living a Committed Life: Finding Freedom and Fulfillment in a Purpose Larger Than Yourself.
    In the book, and our conversation, Lynne reveals the guiding principles that have enabled her to live as a thought leader and activist, teaching us that a committed life is one worth living: That sometimes the commitment to it alone is enough to ensure it happens. The universe is telling us repeatedly that we are in this together, she says, and in a world that sometimes feels chaotic and devoid of meaning, it’s incumbent that we draw together around what it means to be human.

    EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

    Taking a stand vs. taking a position…

    Pain pushes until vision pulls…

    We won’t think our way out of this…

    Replacing charity with solidarity…


    MORE FROM LYNNE TWIST:
    Living a Committed Life: Finding Freedom and Fulfillment in a Purpose Larger Than Yourself
    The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life
    Check out Lynne’s Soul of Money Institute and The Pachamama Alliance
    Follow Lynne on Instagram and Twitter

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    • 58 min
    The Boundaries We Need (Melissa Urban)

    The Boundaries We Need (Melissa Urban)

    “Boundaries don't tell other people what to do. They tell other people what you are willing to do to take responsibility for your own needs and your own feelings and keep yourself safe and healthy. And they actually are, as we've discussed, a gift to your relationship, they make relationships better. And when you turn it around on its head like that, I think number one, that helps people understand all of the benefits to your relationship when each party does take responsibility for how they feel and for their needs. And it also gives you a sense of empowerment. I think people feel like, Oh, I can't set boundaries because what if the other person won't do it or doesn't say yes? And when I tell them, Oh no, no, no, your boundary cannot depend on somebody else. It is only dependent on what you are willing and able to do.”
    So says Melissa Urban, a woman who can do everything. Not only is the founder of Whole30, she’s a six-time New York Times best-selling author. Her latest is the subject of our conversation today: It’s called "The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free,” which is the result of helping her community navigate through their relationships to…pretty much everything as they begin to fix and adjust their relationship to their own bodies and food. She is a fierce proponent of self-efficacy and a commitment to showing up for yourself in all aspects of life.
    In our conversation, we discuss what a boundary even means—and how difficult it is for us to address what’s at the root of establishing them, which is our NEEDS. Melissa guides us through relatable scenarios, like with the in-laws or a boss, where boundaries might be missing. And we talk about the qualities of niceness and how they can get in the way of caring for ourselves: Melissa, who is fierce in her directness, distinguishes between the quality of niceness and the quality of kindness in a very profound way. And it all comes to this: We must first be kind to ourselves before we can show up with kindness in the world.

    EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

    Direct not rude…

    Boundaries don’t tell other people what to do…

    Set limits, set expectations…

    Make the goal showing up for yourself…


    MORE FROM MELISSA URBAN:
    The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free
    Check out Melissa's Website
    Follow Melissa on Instagram and Twitter

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    • 1 hr 5 min
    The Closet of Inauthenticity (Jessi Hempel)

    The Closet of Inauthenticity (Jessi Hempel)

    “My childhood was a childhood in the closet. I had some good things. I had some bad things, like living in the closet is, you know, not always terrible. It's simply not the greatest expression of, of who we have the capacity to become, I think. Um, but for my parents, you know, as my father went along in my childhood, he became more and more withdrawn and kept trying to do the right thing, was closeted even to himself. This was a secret he was keeping even from himself for most of my childhood. But it made him kind of a lousy partner. Right. My mother's experience was just a very, very lonely experience. Her life looked on the outside exactly like it was supposed to look, we lived in a nice community. She was married to a lawyer, or, you know, we looked great on a Christmas card, but it felt cavernous, just vacant and left with so much time on her own. Um, she really struggled not to let her memory present her with things to work on. And that led her to be very depressed throughout my childhood.”
    So says Jessi Hempel, a long-time media and technology journalist, an award-winning host of the podcast, Hello Monday, and author of the new memoir, The Family Outing. Her book is a profound telling of family dynamics, offering lessons on accepting one's truest self. Specifically, it’s the story of a family who comes out of the closet to embrace their queer identities. Even Jessi’s mother, who is straight, lives in a type of closet, Jessi explains, as she nearly became the victim of a serial killer as a teenager—this unconfronted trauma affects her entire family’s life. In our conversation, Jessi shares her journey to emphasize the detrimental side-effects of shame and the non-linear path to liberation.
    Our conversation explores the value of authenticity and navigating parts of ourselves we have not yet learned to face. She believes that when we“step into ourselves,” culture has the capacity to shift, allowing us all to live more gracefully. Okay, let’s get to our conversation. 

    MORE FROM JESSI HEMPEL:
    The Family Outing
    Jessi’s podcast, Hello Monday
    Follow Jessi on LinkedIn and Instagram

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    • 48 min
    Recovering Every Part of Ourselves (Richard Schwartz, PhD)

    Recovering Every Part of Ourselves (Richard Schwartz, PhD)

    “I’m trying to map the territory in the center world, just the way I did with families and the distinction that immediately leaped out was between parts that other systems would call inner children, which, you know, they're very, before they're hurt, they're delightful. They give us all kinds of joy and, and imagination and creativity and playfulness and so on. But once they feel, once you have an experience that leaves you feeling worthless or terrified or hurt, they're the ones that take that in the most, because they're the most sensitive parts of you. And then they get stuck with these, what I call burdens of worthlessness or pain or terror. And now we don't wanna be around them because they have the power to overwhelm us and make us feel all that again and bring us back into those scenes that they literally are living in still. And so we try to lock them away in inner basements, thinking we're just moving on from the memories, sensations and, and emotions of the trauma. Not realizing that we're actually leaving in the dust, the parts of us we love the most when they're not hurt, just cuz they got hurt.” So says Dr. Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems, a transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy that de-pathologizes the multipart personality. Dr. Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and academic in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Illinois at Chicago and later at Northwestern University. It was there that he worked with a number of clients who claimed to recognize that they had several components, or parts, to themselves. This discovery led him to develop Internal Family Systems, also known as IFS. Within his model, Dr. Schwartz argues that our consciousness, or personality, can be broken down into multiple parts, each with distinct characteristics that fall under three categories: exiles, managers, and firefighters. Exiles are the parts of us that experience anxiety, fear, or trauma—often when we’re very young. Our other parts begin to protect those exiles from being triggered by events and experiences. Managers do this by dictating how we interact with the external world and firefighters seek to protect us by pushing us toward distraction to numb our pain.
     All of our inner parts contain valuable qualities, Dr. Schwartz tells us, but when they are left unattended, they may lead to damaging impulses, causing us to write them off as damaging in and of themselves. On the other hand, when our parts are acknowledged and their needs are addressed, a confidence and openness emerges—what Dr. Schwartz has come to call the Self. It is in this state of Self, that we can begin to heal all of our parts and become integrated and whole.
    In our conversation today, Dr. Schwartz walks us through the basics of his model and then guides me through an IFS work session. This was very powerful for me. Because the concept sounds heady, I’m glad you can experience the model in action: I hope our work together inspires you to explore the profound awareness made accessible by IFS. 
     
    EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

    It is the nature of the mind to have multiple parts…

    Reconciling with your exiles…

    My IFS session…


    MORE FROM DR. RICHARD SCHWARTZ:
    Books by Dr. Richard Schwartz: 

    No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model

    Introduction to Internal Family Systems

    You Are the One You've Been Waiting for: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships

    Explore the IFS Institute 
    WATCH: Dr. Richard Schwartz Explains Internal Family Systems (IFS)

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    • 1 hr 1 min
    Decolonizing Wellness (Chelsey Luger & Thosh Collins)

    Decolonizing Wellness (Chelsey Luger & Thosh Collins)

    "We have offered a model, the seven circles, that helps people to understand that it's not just food and fitness, which so many wellness practitioners purport. It's not just diet and exercise. It's not just the way that you look on the outside or the $90 yoga pants that you can afford, or the fancy studio class or the 25 ingredient smoothie that costs $25. You know, those are unfortunately the images that we have now when it comes to wellness. And that's why so many people continue to feel excluded and uninterested in wellness. It seems so superficial. And so what I hope is that we have incorporated all these other elements to show people that not only can they be a wellness person who participates or who practices wellness, but they are already. We are all on this journey to some degree already." So says Chelsey Luger. Luger and her husband Thosh Collins are wellness teachers, authors, and the founders of the indigenous wellness initiative, Well for Culture. Launched in 2013, Well For Culture was established to reclaim ancient Native wellness philosophies and practices to promote the wellbeing of the physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional self. From their exploration and practice, the two have developed a holistic model for modern living which they share with us in their first book, The Seven Circles: Indigenous Teachings for Living Well. 
    According to Luger and Collins, these seven circles—food, movement, sleep, community, sacred space, ceremony, and connection to land—are interconnected, working together to keep our lives in balance. In our conversation, we begin to explore these many aspects of health, as Luger and Collins explain how their teachings can be adapted to every life, and how to do so while maintaining respect and reverence for the Indigenous origins of the wisdom and practices they share. We discuss their work to reframe wellness, how to integrate spirituality into movement through intention, and the power of the hollow bone mentality. Healing and wellness is not just a journey of one, they tell us, but rather a journey of family and community: When we take the important steps to heal ourselves, we contribute to the health of all. I was very moved by this conversation, which we’ll turn to now.

    EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

    Creating a true connection to movement…

    Misappropriation…

    Fools Crow and the Hollow Bone Theory…

    Creating agreements with ourselves around technology…


    MORE FROM CHELSEY & THOSH:
    The Seven Circles: Indigenous Teachings for Living Well
    Check out their initiative: Well for Culture
    Native Wellness Institute
    Follow Thosh on Instagram 
    Follow Chelsey on Instagram

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    • 1 hr 10 min
    The Power of Visual Thinkers (Temple Grandin, PhD)

    The Power of Visual Thinkers (Temple Grandin, PhD)

    “The thing is the type of thinking where you can figure out how mechanical things work. It’s a different kind of intelligence. And I think it's hard for verbal thinkers to understand. And they kind of will look at the shop kids as a dumb kids. Now, fortunately, some states are starting to put it back in. We're having more and more infrastructure things falling apart, like this latest disaster with the water works breaking—you see, a visual thinker can see how it works and how to fix it. And you keep deferring maintenance. I mean, we got wires falling off of electric towers in California and starting fires because they deferred maintenance, but we need all of the different kinds of thinkers. And the first step is realizing that they exist and they need to work together as teams.” So says Dr. Temple Grandin, a New York Times bestselling author, celebrated animal welfare advocate, and one of the world’s most prominent speakers on autism. Temple first came into the public consciousness with her memoir, Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism, which provided her unique inside narrative and revolutionized how the world understood autistic individuals. Her latest book, Visual Thinking: The Hidden Gifts of People Who Think in Pictures, Patterns, and Abstractions, works to expand our awareness of the different ways our brains are wired even further as she draws upon cutting edge research to demystify the brains of visual thinkers. 
    Our world is geared for verbal thinkers, she tells us, with rigid academic and social expectations sidelining visual thinkers at school and in the workplace—to the detriment of productivity and innovation everywhere. In our conversation, Temple takes us through the three different types of thinkers, and argues that changing our approach to educating, parenting, and employing visual thinkers has great potential to encourage, rather than stifle, their singular gifts and unique contributions. As the number of children diagnosed with autism continues to rise nationally, her call to foster “differently-abled” brains is more important than ever—as she so eloquently says, we need all kinds of minds to solve today’s most difficult problems.

    EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

    Three kinds of thinkers…

    Neurodiversity is essential for our survival…

    Avoiding label lock…


    MORE FROM TEMPLE GRANDIN:
    Visual Thinking: The Hidden Gifts of People Who Think in Pictures, Patterns, and Abstractions
    Emergence: Labeled Autistic
    The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed
    Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism (Expanded Edition)
    Visit Temple's Website

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    • 1 hr 5 min

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5
450 Ratings

450 Ratings

Faces2014 ,

I new to podcasts

This is probably my 3rd or 4th podcast experience, and the previous ones were comedies.

This podcast was sent to me because I am hurting emotionally from a divorce. It touched on so many boundaries that had not been set or benefited from during those 40 years that I started sending it to everyone I thought could relate, except my EX, the one person I really wish would not only listen, but also discuss. :(

As was said, we are not responsible for others reactions to our boundaries and we cannot expect or dictate to others what they “should” listen to and or read. Yet, I still wish I had been able to share this during our struggles.

This podcast validated what I felt foryears.

I will be listening to this episode again!

Thanks

sullibration ,

Outstanding, my favorite (: (: (:

Pulling the Thread has become my go-to podcast for deep dives on long drives (thank you, west coast life;)). Loehnen books the best guests and comes to each interview throughly prepared; I think she might be one of my favorite interviewers ever because she’s totally ready AND doesn’t interrupt her guests as they answer! She gets the concept of “wait time”. Experts are given the space to throughly explain their thinking and are made to be on their toes as her questions are increasingly rigorous. This show manages to pull off the ostensibly impossible: to foment the warmth of a deeply thoughtful conversation between sharp minds via an inviting & inclusive podcast for all. Huzzah! Five stars, clap clap clap, woot woot!

Jessyhope ,

Great information

I enjoy listening to Elise and am grateful for the guests and books she recommends as the information so far has been eye opening for me. Sometimes I find a bit highbrow and I’m embarrassed to say I get lost, which I’d frustrating since I really do want to keep up. Thank you!

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