143 episodes

45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world?

Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen Elise Loehnen and Cadence13

    • Education
    • 4.8 • 678 Ratings

45-minute conversations and investigations with today's leading thinkers, authors, experts, doctors, healers, scientists about life's biggest questions: Why do we do what we do? How can we come to know and love ourselves better? How can we come together to heal and build a better world?

    Five Things I’m Thinking About: The Creative Process, Pricing Your Work, Inspiration vs. Discernment, Insanity, and the Etymology of Should

    Five Things I’m Thinking About: The Creative Process, Pricing Your Work, Inspiration vs. Discernment, Insanity, and the Etymology of Should

    Hi, it’s Elise Loehnen, host of PULLING THE THREAD. Today, it’s just me. I’m sharing five things I’ve been thinking about a lot—from understanding how to quantify and charge for one’s time, what to consider before starting a new creative project, and the art of a gentle no. I’m also answering some of your questions—about judgment, sanity, and the etymology of “should.”

    THINGS I REFERENCE:


    “Your vibration must be higher than what you create, otherwise you cannot manage it.”

    “The Construct of Time”


    The Matter With Things, by Iain McGilchrist


    Practicing the Gentle No

    What is Intuition?


    MORE FROM ME:
    On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good
    My Substack Newsletter
    My Instagram
    Solo Episode 1: What We’re After
    Solo Episode 2: Five Things I’ve Learned This Year

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    • 37 min
    The Basics of Spiral Dynamics (Nicole Churchill)

    The Basics of Spiral Dynamics (Nicole Churchill)

    “Turquoise is looking for how do we bring back the village? How do we live in community again? Why are we living in these separate houses? We're not sharing resources. Everyone on the street has a snowblower, a lawnmower, you know, like the design isn't elegant, it's not an elegant design. And so I think the mind of yellow joins into turquoise and as it has studied systems, it contributes to that and we are looking for more holistic, elegant solutions to give birth to a new culture. It's like we can no longer continue down the path. And at turquoise, we are going to have to sacrifice for the whole.”
    For those of you who follow me on Instagram or read my newsletter on Substack, you’ll know that I’ve been quite obsessed with Spiral Dynamics of late, and see it as one way to explain our current cultural and political dilemmas, along with so much of our internalized anxiety. It was first developed by the late professor Clare Graves, who was a contemporary and colleague of Abraham Maslow, and then advanced by professor Don Beck, who worked on post-Apartheid South Africa with Nelson Mandela and F.W. de Klerk, and then further pushed by integral philosopher Ken Wilber. Spiral Dynamics can be heady stuff, and so I was thrilled when Nicole Churchill, a wonderfully grounded therapist and expert in Spiral Dynamics, offered to talk through the system with me for the podcast. Nicole and her husband John Churchill, who has also been a guest on Pulling the Thread, studied with Ken Wilber, and both apply it in their therapy work with both individuals and organizations.
    If you all end up loving Spiral Dynamics as much as I do, Nicole has offered to come back and explore how she uses it in therapy—please pass this episode on to any friends who you think might enjoy. I’m convinced that there are some keys here that can help us see the world and ourselves more clearly. In the show notes, you’ll find ways to go deeper as well. 

    MORE FROM NICOLE CHURCHILL:
    Nicole’s websites: Samadhi Institute and Karuna Mandela
    John Churchill’s episode on Pulling the Thread: “Our Collective Psychological Development”

    MORE ON SPIRAL DYNAMICS:
    My Substack Newsletter: “Finding Ourselves on the Spiral”
    Spiral Dynamics Integral, by Don Beck
    Integral Psychology: Consciousness, Spirit, Psychology, Therapy, by Ken Wilber
    Spiral Dynamics, by Don Beck and Chris Cowan
    Trump and a Post-Truth World, by Ken Wilber

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    • 1 hr 19 min
    On Being Basic (Kate Kennedy)

    On Being Basic (Kate Kennedy)

    “When I went back and looked at some of these shows that I loved, I noticed that the writer's room was all adult men with the exception of one or two episodes in Saved by the Bell's case. And I just thought, wow, it is so interesting that we talk about diversity and representation, like yes, of course, who's on the screen matters, but who's in the writer's room and who's telling the stories really matters too, because that's where stereotypes abound. Because those men were not writing Jesse Spano as an example of an actual feminist. She was written as a character from an adult male's response to like second wave feminist stereotypes. And they found that type of woman irritating, so they wrote Jessie as an irritating character. And it just was an interesting thing for me to explore the way I internalized themes from pop culture thinking about who was writing this and when did it contribute to a stereotype versus when did it communicate an authentic experience.”
    So says Kate Kennedy, a brilliantly astute historian of millennial culture, which she explores, in depth in One in a Millenial: On Friendship, Feelings, Fangirls, and Fitting in, a bestselling book that’s part memoir, but really a love letter and a critique of the culture so many of us grew up in.
    As part of my book tour I went on Kate’s podcast, Be There in Five, where I was immediately taken by her intelligence and deep, deep knowledge of the programming that shaped our consciousness, from Jessie Spano’s feminism in Saved by the Bell—and the laugh track it inspired—to the way so many women and girls were taught that our interests were dumb, shallow, and silly. Or, to use the parlance of the day: Basic. In One in a Millenial, Kennedy points to this long tradition of the veneration of action figures, Marvel, and football—and the deprecation of pretty much anything that girls and women value, whether it’s romance novels, the Spice Girls, or American Girl Dolls. While her point is not new—and certainly aligned with our summer of the Barbie movie, Taylor Swift, and Beyoncé—her exploration of how it shaped her own mind in childhood, and the way she experiences herself now as a result of it, is revelatory, and something we explore in today’s conversation.

    MORE FROM KATE KENNEDY:
    One in a Millenial: On Friendship, Feelings, Fangirls, and Fitting in
    Be There in Five Podcast
    Kate’s Website
    Instagram: Follow Kate and Be there in Five

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    • 1 hr 1 min
    On Maintaining Desire (Emily Nagoski, PhD)

    On Maintaining Desire (Emily Nagoski, PhD)

    “The deal is your bodies are going to change over time and people can stay attracted to somebody's body over time, even though it is unrecognizable from what it was like when they first met because that body is the home of a human they adore our attraction to a person's body can be just like superficial something like your toenails are gross, or it can be here is the human whose life I have shared in our home for all these years and like their belly and their bum and their varicose veins and their scar from the surgery that saved their life all of it is so fucking hot because this is my person.”
    So says Emily Nagoski, one of the most exceptional minds at work today on the science—and she would add, art—of sexual connection, intimacy, and arousal. Emily is brilliant and she’s also deeply human, using her own experiences in the world as the foundational ground for exploring relationship: This means that she’s not full of heady theory and diagnoses, but focused on what actually works to fuel desire—and bring it to fruition.
    She’s the author of the mega bestselling Come as You Are, as well as a book called Burnout about the stress cycle that she co-authored with her twin sister, and now she brings us Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, which is the natural evolution. While Come as You Are is a primer on how we all function as sexual creatures, Come Together explores what happens when you bring that into relationship—and try to establish and maintain a connection that can endure through seasons of, well, low interest. 
    She is full of ideas, principles, and methods for getting it going—including a core blueprint for determining what rooms are adjacent to your desire. I loved this book, I love Emily, and I loved our conversation.

    MORE FROM THE EMILY NAGOSKI:
    Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections
    Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
    Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
    Watch Emily’s TED Talk
    Emily’s Website
    Follow Emily on Instagram

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    • 59 min
    Why Conflict is Critical (John & Julie Gottman, PhDs)

    Why Conflict is Critical (John & Julie Gottman, PhDs)

    “Every single human being is a pack animal. That's what we are biologically. We would die if we didn't depend on each other. Saying what you need is a form of connecting with your partner and saying, let's be a team. Can you serve me in this way? Can I trust you to have my back? Because I've got yours. And I want to be there for you. The other thing that people don't realize is that when they ask their partner for something they need, what they're doing is saying to the partner, you are my chosen one. You are my confidant. You are the person I trust more than anybody to be there for me. And the other person may feel very honored by that, actually. What that person is saying is you are trustworthy. You are the person that I know has the strength and the resources to be there for me.”
    Doctors John and Julie Gottman are two of the most famous and popular couples therapists in the world—not only because of their ability to impart relationship-saving and relationship-strengthening advice, but because of John Gottman’s decades of reearch in the so called “Love Lab,” where he observed couples over time and could predict—with a dizzying level of success—who was destined to divorce.
    In short, the Gottmans are the world’s leading relationship scientists, having gathered data on thousands of couples—they then use those findings to train clinicians and create simple principles for couples around the world.
    In their latest book, Fight Right, they explore conflict—something we’re all trained to avoid at all costs. Their point though, which their research supports, is that conflict is essential for healthy relationships, clearing out the brush of stagnant resentments and deepening bonds.
    In today’s conversation, we explore everything from fighting styles—there’s avoiders, validators, and volatiles—along with our tendency to start conflict harshly because we feel like we need a lot of ammo to justify the rupture and make our point. And then we move to modes and paths of repair, along with what their latest research can tell us about infidelity and its root cause. I loved this conversation, which we’ll turn to now.

    MORE FROM JOHN & JULIE GOTTMAN:
    Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection
    The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy
    The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
    The Gottman Institute: A Research-Based Approach to Relationships
    Gottman Relationship Quiz: How Well Do You Know Your Partner?
    Find a Gottman Trained Therapist
    Follow the Gottman Institute on Twitter and Instagram

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    • 1 hr 1 min
    Where Does Fatphobia Come From? (Kate Manne)

    Where Does Fatphobia Come From? (Kate Manne)

    “I think there's a lot of assumptions in play here that a good body is a thin one, a thin body is achievable, a thin body is achievable for everyone, and that you will be fully in control of your health and your mortality if you're thin, which is also just of course a myth. There are plenty of fat, healthy, happy people, and there are plenty of sadly unhealthy, thin people who should not be regarded as any more or less worthy than a fat person who suffers from a similar health condition. These people should be receiving, in most cases, just the same treatment. And yet, for the fat person who suffers from the same health condition, the prescription is weight loss, whereas for the thin person, they're given often closer to adequate medical care.”
    So says, moral philosopher and Cornell professor Kate Manne, one of those brilliant and insightful observers of culture working today. She’s the author of two incredible books about misogyny—Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women and Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny—and has coined mainstream terms like “himpathy,” her word for the way we afford our sympathy to the male aggressor rather than the female victim. The example she uses is the trial of Brock Turner, the Stanford swimmer who sexually assaulted Chanel Miller, and the way the judge and the media seemed more concerned about Turner’s sullied future than Miller’s experience and recovery.
    Her newest book is just as essential: It’s called Unshrinking: How to Face Fatphobia and it explores Manne’s own experience of being a fat woman in our unabiding culture. If you read the Gluttony chapter of On Our Best Behavior, some of the material she explores will be familiar—but in Kate Manne style, she drives it all the way home. I love this conversation, which we’ll turn to now.

    MORE FROM KATE MANNE:
    Unshrinking: How to Face Fatphobia
    Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women
    Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny
    Follow Kate Manne on Twitter
    Kate Website
    Kate’s Newsletter

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    • 1 hr 1 min

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
678 Ratings

678 Ratings

NicolePhoto ,

Such great conversations!

I truly enjoy listening to this podcast. Elise has such great guests and the conversations are always thought-provoking and interesting.

Nikki1492 ,

Spiral dynamics

If ten minutes in I still have to guess what the episode is supposed to be about, then you are waisting my time.

He who shall remain nameless ,

Good content but jarring use of ads

The ads really blast out of nowhere. There is no musical or auditory segue into them, not even a moment of silence and they are mixed louder than the level of the conversation. This is very off putting. Maybe it’s good to have the reminder that podcasts about spirituality are consumerist products at their core

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